Prince's Secret Baby

by Riley Rollins

  I slap on a pair of khakis and a button-down shirt, and I slick my hair back like a legit businessman. But when I check myself in the bathroom mirror, I look like a fucking pussy.

  So I roll my sleeves up until my thick, tattooed forearms are on full display. That's more fucking like it. Let the mayor know who he's dealing with. I'll fucking let Tess try to talk things out with him. But if he's really making this personal, it won't be enough. She may not admit it, but she needs my help.

  I'm walking down Main Street toward the courthouse and the city government offices when I pass by a little girl sitting on the curb, crying.

  Fucking hell. I always run into shit like this. Completely out of my element. Why does this shit always happen to me?

  I approach the little girl and kneel down to her level. I figure I'll scare the shit out of her no matter what, but maybe this'll be less severe. "Hey," I say. "What's wrong?"

  She sniffles. "My puppy."

  "Your puppy what?"

  "He's gone."

  Fucking kids can't even explain what's wrong. But seeing a kid crying like this doesn't sit right with me. "Where did he go?"

  "Down."

  "Down where?"

  "Down there."

  I stand up straight and look around. Then I hear a yapping sound coming from the curb storm drain behind the kid's feet, and I realize what happened.

  So I kneel down again. "Just hang tight, kid. I'll get him out in no time."

  I strip my shirt off and hang it on a bench on the sidewalk. Then I bend over, stick my fingers into the holes of the manhole cover next to the storm drain, and haul the heavy-ass piece of iron off. It smells like a nasty motherfucking sewer, but I've seen and smelled much worse back in the Middle East. So whatever.

  Holding my breath, I scrunch in my shoulders and climb down the ladder into the darkness. I don't have to search hard to find the puppy. A wet ball of fur nips at my ankles, so I reach down and grab the little fucker. Then I climb back onto the sidewalk.

  The puppy was originally white, but it's brown and muddy from the sewer, just like my ankles and my chest are now. Great.

  "Zack!" says the little girl, and she leaps up to grab the puppy out of my arms.

  I hand it off to her. "Go home," I say, "Wash your hands and give that thing a bath. And don't touch your face before then."

  Who knows if the little girl understands what I'm telling her, but the look on her face is worth getting my business casual clothes covered in shit. She cradles the puppy in her arms like a baby and starts to skip down the sidewalk.

  Jesus Christ. Me, that girl, and the puppy are all probably going to test positive for E. Coli this time tomorrow morning.

  I pull my watch out of my pocket and glance at the time. Shit. It's already 11:55. I'm supposed to meet Tess in five minutes, but I can't fucking show up to the mayor's office covered in literal human excrement. Even if that also happens to be what he's made of. Even I have limits that I won't exceed. I grab my shirt off the bench and try to wipe off my hands. This is fucking disgusting.

  After replacing the manhole cover, I head back to Tess's apartment to shower and change clothes. Hopefully she doesn't fucking slaughter me for this.

  Tess sits on the couch, her fists balled up on her knees. She swallows hard, on the verge of tears.

  "Talk to me," I say, ruffing my now-clean hair with a towel. "Sorry I didn't make. I—"

  "It's done, Hunter, it's done, and it's all wrong, and the paperwork is wrong, and—"

  "Slow down," I say, shaking my head. "Start from the beginning."

  She gulps down her tears before they can fall. "I went to the meeting."

  "Right."

  "He said there can't be another health inspection until next Monday."

  "A whole week?" I say. "Motherfucker. That's such bullshit. What are there, 20 restaurants in the whole damn town?"

  "There's more."

  I wait for her to compose herself and continue.

  "He said there's an investigation into the zoning permits. There might have been a mistake, and if there was, my business license could be revoked."

  "Fucking hell," I say. "Zoning, my ass. That strip mall's been there since we were kids."

  "I know," she says. A tear breaks through her facade and streaks down the side of her face. She wipes it off on her sleeve.

  "It's complete bullshit. First Oscar, now you. Does this guy just fucking live to cause people problems?"

  Tess starts to openly sob, and my spine zips up. This fucking day just doesn't get any better. "You weren't there for me," she says. "You weren't there for me again, when I needed you."

  I bend down at put my hands on her shoulders. Just touching her sends an electric current through my arms, and all through my body, and I fight to keep my composure. Even when this girl is at her worst, she still affects me more than anyone else ever has. "Tess, I was rescuing a—"

  "It's just like eight years ago. When I need you to be there for me, you're not," she says, her face red and her eyes watery. "And I'm such a stupid girl that I'm falling in love with you anyway. Again."

  Her words take me by surprise, as if I've just walked face-first into a brick wall. I knew feelings were getting involved, but the L-word is way more than I bargained for. Way more. The girl drives me crazy, but it's not in the cards, and I'm not looking for a second chance.

  "Dammit Tess. Why would you say that?" I know I sound like an asshole, but I don't know what else to say.

  She looks up at me with her moist eyes. "Because I mean it. Whatever happens with the restaurant, happens. But I want to know where we stand. I need to know."

  "Goddamnit, Tess," I say. "I knew this was a bad fucking idea."

  She sniffs and looks like she's about to break into tears again. "What do you mean?"

  "This whole thing, the fake marriage, the benefits, helping you with the shop I wasn't fucking trying to give you false hope for a relationship."

  "You're… serious?" she sniffs.

  "It's just not in the cards for me right now, Tess. And you don't look ready for it either."

  "So nothing that happened meant anything?"

  I clench my jaw. The truth is, it did. She means something to me. Something real. But I can't tell her that. Not now. I'm still leaving. And it'll only hurt her more to hear the truth.

  "I'm sorry," I say.

  "You're awful," she says. Tears streak down her face. She stands up from the couch and beelines for the apartment door.

  "Where are you going?" I call after her.

  "To be by myself," she says. She leaves, slamming the door behind her.

  Fuck. In one day, she went from having a booming business and living her dream, to facing the loss of that dream. And of course I just piled more shit on top, like I seem to be best at.

  I pace around the apartment, hands on my sides.

  Fuck it. I'm doing more harm than good by being here. She'll eventually get shit figured out with the shop, even if it takes lawyers. And Jason knows how to keep the place going.

  All my stuff is still packed and ready to go for Alaska, save the sleeping bag and a few clothes in the hamper. I gather up all my stuff and finish packing my bags. I toss my apartment key on the table and I write a note.

  I, Hunter Thorne, consent to the annulment of my marriage to Tess Cassidy. Please send all forms requiring notarization to the following address.

  Underneath the note, I write the address of Eddie's restaurant. He'll get me whatever I need.

  I'm out. For good this time. It's going to fucking hurt me, and I know it's going to hurt Tess, but it's for the best.

  On my way out, I flip off the lights in her apartment. For the last time.

  17

  Tess

  "Meg, my life is such a dumpster fire right now," I say. We sit at the bar counter in her beautiful kitchen. A big, fat vanilla cake sits on the counter between the two of us, and we pick at either side of it with our forks. There's no better way to get over ba
d news than to drown your sorrows in a whole entire cake from Wal-Mart.

  "Tess," she says, shaking my arm, "This is just a roadblock. Things happen. You have to pave your own road on the way to greatness. If the road was already paved, everyone would be able to travel on it."

  I shovel another bite into my mouth, straight from the edge of the cake, and this one is almost all frosting. My stomach churns with anxiety and sugar is about the only thing I think I can keep down right now. "But what about Hunter?"

  "What about him?"

  "It's not just the café that's on the rocks. He is, too."

  "I thought this was a fake marriage?"

  "You know what happened between us in high school. It was stupid of me to think I could get involved without getting hurt again."

  Meg reaches over to the stroller sitting behind her, and she checks on her baby. I'm still getting used to that. I remember how things were when we were both single at Springville Tech. Things change, that's for sure.

  "Doll, from what you've told me, it sounds like the guy really cares about you. But he's dealing with his own shit, you know?"

  "If by 'dealing with his own shit' you mean abandoning me again."

  "Listen, Tess. You need to sit down and have a real conversation with him. Guys are absolutely horrible at understanding their own feelings. Sit down with him, tell him how you feel, and tell him what you won't compromise on. Take it one step at a time. That's all you can do."

  "I guess you're right," I say. Sometimes I wish I hadn't ever met Hunter at all. He's caused me so much pain and consternation throughout my life.

  But on the other hand, if I hadn't met him, maybe I still wouldn't know what true love really is. I guess you can't know true love if you aren't willing to put your own heart on the line.

  "I know I'm right," she says with a wink. "But I totally saw this coming."

  "What do you mean, us breaking up again?"

  She looks surprised. "No, silly. You two getting together again. It was so obvious that you two were still into each other. A fake marriage, sure." She laughs. "I believed that for about two seconds."

  I stab at the cake again. I'm feeling particularly stabby right now. "We're just good at pretending. And hiding our true feelings, apparently."

  "I don't buy it," she says. "Do what I told you. Have a talk with that man. He needs you as much as you need him. You know me. I can tell these things."

  Meg always was good at reading people.

  When I step into my apartment, it's dark inside. I feel around for the light switch and flip it on. "Hunter?" I call out.

  No response.

  I look around the room. There's no sign of Hunter's stuff. All the sheets are gone from the floor. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. Then I see a piece of paper on the kitchen table. I cross the room and pick it up.

  I read it and my stomach drops.

  The next couple days pass in a blur. I keep calling and texting Hunter, but he doesn't reply. I contact a lawyer about my restaurant situation, and the news he gives me isn't good. Yes, I can eventually beat the city in court, but it'll be expensive and time-consuming. And in the meantime, there's no way to get the doors open again.

  A week passes without any communication from Hunter. And the lawyer fails to come up with any faster and cheaper method of getting the shop open. I request another meeting with the mayor, but his secretary screens all my calls. I can't believe this is happening.

  I never thought a mayor of a small town could be so indifferent—no, downright cruel—to the people he's supposed to represent. At the next town hall meeting, I'm going to make my case in front of the whole town. We shouldn't have to put up with a leader like Mayor Wilkinson. But who knows if the shop will be able to recover.

  Since there's no prospect of opening the café any time soon, I head down one morning with a couple huge rolls of brown paper and a roll of duct tape. I cover the windows over and climb up on a ladder to cover the neon sign with a tarp. The brand-new neon sign that I paid $8,000 for and was so in love with.

  Eddie and Oscar come out of their shops while I'm out front, just finishing up covering the windows. "Hey guys," I say. All the excitement is gone from my voice. I feel like an idiot for getting my hopes up about Hunter and about the shop. I can't help wondering if these two knew that I was just a piece of ass, a conquest, to Hunter.

  "What's going on?" asks Oscar.

  I fill him in on the situation. I leave out the fake marriage part.

  "That's fucked up," he says. "Closed, for good?"

  "I don't know what to do," I say. "For now at least. I can't afford to fight the city in court. And now I'm going to be stuck with all these business loans."

  "Go to the media," says Eddie. "Get Hunter to help you. Where is he, anyway?"

  I shake my head. "You really don't know?"

  Both men look at me blankly.

  "He left."

  "Why would he do that?" says Eddie. "When's he coming back?"

  I study his face hard. "You didn't know anything about that?"

  "About what?"

  Well, I guess it feels good to know I wasn't the butt of some group joke. I'm honestly surprised that Hunter didn't tell his best friends the true story about what was going on.

  "We're… getting a divorce," I say. That's the truth, right?

  "What the hell?" says Eddie. "Fucking marriage ruins everything!"

  "You serious?" says Oscar. The men exchange glances.

  I take a deep breath. I'm done crying over this. I'm done crying over Hunter. I've done enough of that over the years and I refuse to do it one more time, much less in front of Eddie and Oscar.

  "I wouldn't joke about this."

  "Damn, man," says Oscar, giving Eddie a bewildered look. "Didn't see this coming."

  "You alright?" says Eddie. "That's uh, real rough. Especially after your last marriage."

  They must think I'm a real idiot for getting into another "marriage" so soon, that ended so quickly. "I'm fine."

  Eddie shakes his head. "I'm gonna beat that motherfucker senseless the next time I see him."

  "Who knows when that'll be," I say. "He's gone completely radio silent."

  "Sorry," says Oscar.

  After I finish covering up the shop, I call Jason. I fill him in, thank him for all the work he did for us, and I let him go. He takes it well, but he's bummed out. Apparently he dated that girl Crystal for a while, but they're not talking now.

  I don't call Hunter back again, even though every time my cell phone buzzes, I hope it's him. I keep hoping he'll call, say he changed his mind, and that he wants to stay here in Maple Ridge with me. I want to kiss him again, want to let him inside me, because it feels so good and so right. But it doesn't happen. He's gone for good.

  News spreads fast about the café shutting down. A sour mood pervades the town, and I hear more griping about the mayor than I have in the last five years combined. Both Eddie and Oscar were getting extra business thanks to their close proximity to the café, and their businesses have been in a slump since my shop shut down. I feel like crap about it. I thought it was a chance to live my dream, and maybe even a chance to breathe life back into the crusty old Maple Ridge economy. A chance to maybe save this town from becoming a washed-up old hick den ten years down the line.

  As for Hunter, I decide to let go. For good this time. This is twice he's broken my heart and I won't let it happen a third time.

  I don't know how I'm going to move on, and I don't know how I'm going to pay off my debts. But I know that if I succeeded once, I can do it again.

  And it starts by getting the hell out of Maple Ridge.

  18

  Hunter

  "So where did you come from? They don't have guys like you around here."

  The blonde bimbo sitting next to me at the hotel bar keeps rattling in my ear. I'm at a shitty Days Inn by the airport in Arkansas, mingling with a crowd I'd rather not be involved with. Soft, cheesy music plays in the background, a
nd a few traveling-businessman types in suits sit around the bar area here by the hotel restaurant. One or two of them have a woman at their table, but most of the women in the bar keep stealing glances at me.

  But I didn't come here to get attention from women. The opposite, actually. In a shithole like this, I thought I could get away for a while and not have to deal with anyone's shit. No such luck, though.

  "Where I'm from isn't important, it's where I'm going, and I'm getting the fuck out of here."

  "You ride a bike?" She spots my helmet, sitting at the feet of the barstool. "Got room for another?"

  I side-eye her. "Absolutely not."

  "You don't want a beautiful woman riding bitch with you? What are you, gay?"

  I shake my head. "Yeah. That's it. I'm completely gay." I just put down the rest of my gin and tonic, and completely tune her out.

  I'm not even interested in hooking up with this chick. Or any chick, for that matter. The only chick I can think about right now is Tess. I can't stop thinking about how her body felt pressed against mine, how she felt when I slipped inside her, and what she's doing right now. She blows my fucking mind, but I'm no good for her. I don't have what it takes to be in a committed relationship. She's fucking right. I do let her down when it counts the most. Saving a dumb fucking puppy from a storm drain isn't an excuse to leave her high and dry. I'm just completely dysfunctional.

  The bartender brings me another gin and tonic and I go to work on it. At some point the blonde gets the message and leaves me the fuck alone. Just me by myself. The way I fucking like it, and the way it should have been all along. I should never have stopped by Maple Ridge. No good could have come of it, and it didn't.

  My crappy-ass old flip phone buzzes, and I yank it out of my jeans pocket. The outside screen says it's a text message from Eddie, and I groan. Not because it's Eddie, but because I can't fucking type a reply on this tiny piece of shit to save my life.