Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  I lean over to turn off the lamp just as the previews are finishing and the comedy we chose starts playing. Several minutes into the movie, I grab the blanket that is folded and thrown over the back of the couch. “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a little chilled.” I drape the blanket over me and pull it up to my neck. I’m not sure if it’s the coolness in the air or the intense heat radiating from him, but I’m thankful the room is dark. In the light, he would see my nipples poking through my tank top.

  He looks over at me and with a flirty tone, asks, “So, are you going to hog that blanket all for yourself or are you going to share it with me?”

  Am I really hearing him? Did he just imply that he wants to get under the blanket together? Of course, I’m sure that his not wearing a shirt probably has something to do with him asking me to share.

  I slide over beside him, and I immediately feel the heat coming from his shirtless body. He places his arm behind my neck as I cuddle into his chest and pull the blanket up around both of us. I’ve been out with other guys and spent time with them alone, but the feeling I’m getting from Brian is something completely different. I want to explore and get to know him, but I’m still hesitant about this stranger I met only days ago. There is certainly an attraction between us, and I know it’s not just the alcohol talking.

  As the movie plays on, I lose complete focus on it and honestly can’t tell you what it’s about. I am so lost in this moment, right here with his arm draped over me. Nothing feels more special than this. All of a sudden, I feel Brian lift his arm, and he is moving his fingers around. I figure his arm must be falling asleep, so I lift my head.

  “Mind if I lay my head down?” I ask as soon as he gets settled again.

  “Go right ahead. Make yourself comfortable.” He tells me.

  Readjusting myself on the couch, I place my head in his lap, and he throws the blanket back over us. Once again, I make an attempt to focus on the movie. I feel the effects of the alcohol take over my body because suddenly, I’m very sleepy.

  We both must have drifted off to sleep because when I open my eyes again, the room is completely dark. Brian must have switched the television off sometime after the movie ended. He feels my slight movement, and he too starts to shift.

  “Come on, let me help you get into bed.” He leans forward as I make an attempt to stand up from the couch. I’m still a little uneasy on my feet, thanks to the alcohol, so I reach out to grab his hand. He guides me down the hallway to my bedroom.

  As I reach out to pull back the covers, Brian steadies me and whispers in my ear. “Go ahead and climb in. I’ll make sure you get covered up.”

  “Where are you going?” I ask, suddenly afraid he’s about to leave.

  “Baby, I’m putting you to bed. Then, I’m going to head on out.” He tells me the words I really don’t want to hear.

  “No, please stay. Please stay tonight with me.” I beg him, as though I’m not sure I will see him again.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.” I feel the genuine concern in his voice.

  I pull the covers back slightly and tap my hand to the pillow. “Here, crawl in here with me.” As I am saying this, the thought crosses my mind again how very little I know about this guy. Quickly pushing it from my head, I tell myself maybe he was put into my life for a reason.

  Brian climbs in next to me, and I roll over on my side. He snuggles up behind me and wraps his arm around my waist. I have never shared this kind of moment with anyone before; Brian will actually be the first guy to spend the night with me.

  I suddenly feel his fingers as they slowly trail up and down my arm. He’s being ever so gentle with his touch, and I am loving every moment with him. Unable to control myself any longer, I push my butt up against him, as close as I can possibly get. He moves his hand down to the side of my hip, and I can feel that he, too, pushes himself closer against me. All of a sudden, I feel him becoming erect as it touches my backside through my pajama bottoms. I am instantly turned on, not frightened at all by his reaction. I don’t actually know how to handle myself, or the situation, so I start to grind against him more, careful not to appear too desperate, too fast.

  “Mmm, you feel nice.” He whispers in my ear. I feel goose bumps immediately spread over my body. The light feel of his lips near my ear ignites my desire even more. I am beyond any kind of self-control.

  He lightly kisses the area behind my ear, down my neck, and I am losing myself with this man. It’s as though he knows just the right area to touch me. I push myself back into him even more, and he moves his hand from my hip up to my arm. Slowly, he places his hand on top of my left breast and awaits my response before gently massaging my breast through my tank top. Not sure what to do with myself, I just lay here enjoying this moment. I feel his fingers make contact with my nipple, and he rolls his fingers gently, tugging it through my tank top. He kisses me gently on the back of my neck once more, and I start to wonder exactly where I want this to go.

  When I can take no more of this torture, I roll over to face him. I’m not really feeling the effects of the alcohol anymore; at least I don’t think so. Everything is now real; my focus is completely on him.

  My face draws closer to his, and together, we share a light, tender kiss. Not sure where to put my hand, I place it on his back, allowing me to pull him close to me. Our kiss becomes a little deeper, more passionate, and we are wrapped tightly around each other in no time at all.

  I hear a slight moan from him, and it turns me on even more when I hear it. I know for a fact that my panties are now damp. Wanting to feel every bit of his hardness, I run my hands down his back and stop just outside of his underwear. I rub my hand up and down his erection, teasing him slightly. I am exploring new territory, and hope I’m doing everything correctly, in a way that is pleasing to him. I don’t want to reveal my innocence to him. He takes my hand and guides it inside his underwear. His manhood completely fills my hand, and I feel the slightest hint of moisture at his tip. I am so turned on by him; I can’t believe this is actually happening.

  As we rub and grind into each other, Brian slips his fingers inside my panties. “Damn, baby, you are soaking wet.” His words are simply magic to my ears, causing my body to produce even more juices. He continues to touch me down below, and the moisture makes it easy for him to slide his fingers in and out. I feel my body temperature rise to new heights. The in and out motion is sending an incredible sensation throughout my entire body.

  I kick the covers back slightly, and he asks, “You getting a little warm?”

  “Umm hmm.” I mumble between kisses.

  I feel myself sliding up and down against his fingers, needing to feel more. At this moment, I am still not sure where I want this to go. He’s not pushing me; we are simply reacting to the feelings and emotions that are overtaking both of us.

  “Yeah, it’s getting a little warm in here.” I let the words drip from my lips down to his ear. “Maybe we need to remove some of these clothes so we will feel more comfortable.” Am I, Jennifer, really saying these things?

  We both remove our hands from each other’s undergarments long enough for me to wiggle out of my panties and for him to slide his boxers down and toss them somewhere across the room. Even though my room is mostly dark, I can see the outline of his face as I pull his body up close to mine once again, and together, we fall back into the bed. Immediately picking up where we left off, we both get lost in the moment.

  Brian climbs on top of me, and I place my hands on his upper back. I feel the muscles tighten in his shoulders just beneath my fingertips. His back becomes moist with sweat and it allows me to slide my hands easily up and down. There is an electrical current traveling between us at this moment. I close my eyes and get lost in this feeling I’ve never experienced before. The sensation I feel radiating from his body is amazing.

  “I’m…...I’m not sure if we are ready for this.” He whispers. “But I’m damn sure enjoying t
his moment.”

  I sort of choke up and have to take a moment to form my words. “I’ve never felt this before. Ever.” I share with him.

  Suddenly, I use my hand to guide him towards my exposed entrance. I hold my breath, wondering if what everyone says is true about the first time. Is it going to hurt? Will he know I’ve never been with anyone before? As these questions run through my head, I take the initiative and push my hips up towards him. He responds to my movements and slowly pushes into me. Thank goodness I am completely wet with my desire for him. He slowly enters me, and teases me with short, careful thrusts. It’s as though he suddenly realizes it’s my first time. Each motion allows him inside me a little deeper. I am completely soaked by now, so he is able to move inside me with some ease. Suddenly, he pulls almost completely out, then pushes back inside, deeper this time. I won’t lie, there is a slight pain, but it’s nothing like I feared. I tell myself to stay calm and enjoy this moment.

  Together, we move to the same rhythm. I can tell his breathing has increased, and, as I move my hands from his shoulders down to his hips and back up again, I notice his entire body is covered in sweat.

  “You feel incredible.” I let slip from my tongue. “I am so turned on.”

  “Shhh. Just enjoy the moment.” He places a finger to my lips, and I am inclined to place a soft, delicate kiss to the tip of it. “Just let it take you away.”

  I am in heaven.

  Suddenly, I feel a different sensation overtake my body, and I am immediately unable to breathe. This moment is incredible, intense. He knows at this moment I am about to peak, so he thrusts deeper and deeper, until I hear a moan escape from my mouth. Together we rock back and forth, the feeling beyond just pleasure. And, almost as fast as the moment began, it comes to an end, and we both lay there, silently, with me in his arms. Everything in the world is peaceful and has never been better than this very moment.

  I’m not sure what to say or do so I remain still. He rolls over on his back, and we both lay together in the silence of my bedroom. He reaches over and takes my hand in his, letting his fingers entwine with mine. The apartment is quiet; it’s just him and me.

  What the hell? I am suddenly wide awake, and I sit straight up in bed. For a brief moment, I am not sure of where I am. Then, it hits me. I am lying in bed next to this woman I barely even know. I am in a bed, a real bed. Other than the few hours I spent at the hotel, it’s been over two weeks since I have actually slept in a bed and not the front seat of my car. How did this happen?

  Looking over at Jennifer, she is sleeping face down, on her stomach, covers pulled up to her neck, and there’s a slight smile on her lips that I can barely make out from the predawn light coming in through the window. She looks happy, peaceful.

  Hours ago I took something from this woman that she will never be able to have again. Innocence. How was I supposed to know this woman, full of spirit and life, was still pure in that sense? And the worst part is, neither of us said one thing about using protection. I know nothing about her personal protection. Is she on birth control? Is she able to get pregnant?

  For a brief moment, I am in shock. Yes, I have had my fair share of experience, just like any other twenty-one year old man. In fact, before we went our separate ways, Macy and I were extremely sexually active, but she made it clear to me up front about her being on birth control. There were times when she and I would both be so drunk, wearing a condom was the last thing on my mind when the heat between us became so intense.

  I slowly move towards the side of the bed, being ever so careful not to wake Jennifer. Would this, too, be the first thing she thinks about once she is fully awake and realizes what has happened? There is a slight chill in the air that attacks my naked body. As she continues sleeping, I glance around the bedroom, hoping to spot my clothes. I see her panties thrown over near the wall. Damn, how did we not even question our behavior?

  Not wanting to risk waking her, I go into the bathroom, feeling my way around. I find a bath cloth from underneath the sink. Anxious to hurry up, I don’t wait for the water to heat in the sink. I wipe myself off quickly, the cold water sending chills through my body. I throw on my clothes, head to the kitchen and retrieve my duffel bag that’s now full of my clean laundry. I slip on my shoes, not bothering to tie them, then head to the front door. I suddenly stop and ask myself is this really what I want to do? Do I want to walk out of this girl’s life, this girl I had such a great day with yesterday, laughing and having a blast?

  Without giving it a second thought, I shut the front door behind me and walk down the breezeway to my car. I toss my bag in the back seat and quickly back out of the parking lot. I don’t glance in my rearview mirror until I am driving down the freeway, my destination unknown, once again.

  I drive around, taking in the beautiful sunrise. The morning shows the making of another gorgeous day, a day I probably would have enjoyed spending with Jennifer, before I freaked out. I run my fingers through my hair several times, not knowing if walking out on her was the best option, but too darn stubborn to turn back around.

  Thoughts of the previous night continue to fill my head. I pull into the McDonald’s and order breakfast in the drive thru. Not sure where I am going to eat my breakfast, I continue down the freeway again. By now the sun is in full blaze, the sunrise simply spectacular.

  I pull into the parking lot of a nearby shopping mall and park as far away from the stores as I can, close to the service road that appears to circle around. Since it is Sunday, there are very few cars here, but I know later in the morning, the lot will fill quickly with employees and shoppers.

  I sit here thinking of Jennifer. Why am I drawn to this girl? Why did I just suddenly leave without telling her goodbye? While I’m not ashamed of what we did, I simply couldn’t stand to see her pretty face and not know the full reason behind our hook up.

  By now, my breakfast is cold, and I’ve lost my appetite. I toss the bag down to the floor, disgusted with myself.

  I’m suddenly jolted awake from the sound of car doors being slammed. Realizing I must have dozed off, I wipe my eyes and take a sip of my watered down Coke. I drive my car up closer to the mall and decide to spend the evening browsing the stores. After all, I have nowhere else to be and no plans until I go back to my new job in the morning.

  By the time I am done walking in and out of the stores, I can see through the solar sun panels of the roof that the sun is starting to set. I hate that I missed a gorgeous afternoon that I could have spent with Jennifer. I wonder what she ended up doing today. Did she think about me? I don’t have a cell phone, so she has no way to contact me. I obviously have no permanent residence, so she has no idea where to find me even if she wanted to. I hope my sudden disappearance didn’t hurt her too much.

  Thankfully, the next few days go by quickly, but there’s not a day that passes that I don’t think of Jennifer. With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up next week, the oil lube shop seems extra busy with people getting their cars serviced before heading out on the road to be with friends and family, so I also stay busy cleaning the cars. Clint, the other guy who helps with the washing, and I are able to make some pretty good tips. People always do seem to be more generous during the holidays. I just hope I can somehow manage to find a permanent place to stay. I don’t know how much longer I can continue sleeping in parking lots. Also, I know the weather will be changing soon, getting cooler, and my car won’t be able to keep me warm throughout the night.

  Every evening this week, as soon as Jared cut me loose from work, I would ride through the parking lot of the university, looking for Jennifer’s car and hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I am lucky on two of the evenings, and see her in the distance. I don’t know what her class schedule is; I just know she has a couple of daytime and evening classes. Desperately wanting to see her, I park in the next lot over and wait. Luckily for me, the parking lots are well lit, so I’m able to see her very clearly as she leaves one of the buildings. Thankfully, she’s walking
alone. Even though I’m not the jealous type, we never discussed whether there was anyone else in her life. With a small bag thrown over her shoulders, she’s wearing a simple outfit of jeans, tennis shoes, and a light hooded sweatshirt, typical college attire. And, if I had to guess, I would say she looks rather sad today with her head hanging low. I never see her look up until she is almost at her car. I’m bothered knowing that I could be the reason for the sullenness that she carries.

  The second night I see her, a steady rain is falling. I park a little closer to her car since the rain pounding on the window makes it harder to pick her out once she leaves the building. She has no umbrella and walks quickly to her car while getting soaked. I’d give anything to walk her to the car with an umbrella. But, I chose to stay away. I just don’t know how she would react to seeing me again. Sitting in her car longer than I feel necessary, I start to wonder if everything is okay. Finally, I see her turn on her headlights, and she pulls out of the lot turning in the direction of her apartment.

  I can’t help but wonder if she misses me.

  Please don’t think I am stalking her, I just want to catch a glimpse of her, to know she doing okay, to know that maybe I, too, cross her mind.

  On Friday evening, since I know she has to work, I stop off at the drugstore, excited about an idea that has suddenly occurred to me.

  I look down at my watch and realize if I am going to make this happen tonight, I need to hurry. I pick out the prettiest card I can find and check out. I ask the cashier if she has a pen I can use, then head to my car. I don’t bother returning the pen.

  As I turn into the hotel parking lot, I pull up front to the covered walkway where the guests checking in are unloading their vehicles. I walk into the front room, and Rebecca looks up from the counter. I know she recognizes me from the shock that shows all over her face.

  Not giving me any time to speak, she blurts out quickly. “If you are looking for Jennifer, she doesn’t come in for another hour. But, if I were you, I would stay away from her.”