Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  I’m not sure who manages the store, but surely they would not approve of the sales floor being left unattended. I walk around a few minutes more checking out the different shoe styles. While I really was hoping to surprise Brian, it looks like I’m going to have to call him to let him know I’m here.

  I dial his phone and listen for the sound of his ringtone. Sure enough, I hear it start to play from the store’s back room. All of a sudden, the ringing ceases as my call gets declined. You’ve got to be kidding me. I still hear the conversation going on between Brian and the female, but I’m not able to make out what is being said, just occasional words and more laughter. I try his phone once more, this time he doesn’t even bother to decline it. I listen to the phone ring and ring while his conversation continues.

  Now I’m pissed. I come all the way down here to see Brian, and this is the way I get treated? Better yet, ignored. Maybe I’m not being fair, but I seriously doubt the conversation was about business, with all the laughter I was able to hear. Besides, shouldn’t the conversation, if it was that important, be taking place on the floor where customers could be seen and attended to? If Brian is training to be an assistant manager, he’s definitely going to have to work on his management skills or this job is doomed to fail. Again.

  I run out of the mall and out to my car. I don’t bother trying to reach Brian again. If he gets hungry, let him get his own damn food.

  I go back to the apartment and start fixing myself something to eat, making enough that I can carry with me to work tonight and eat later should I get hungry. I don’t care if there’s any left for Brian or not.

  Of all the things to happen, my mind drifts back to the other day when Brian asked me to marry him. And to think, at the moment, I seriously considered it. Now, I’m not so sure he’s ready for that kind of commitment at all. He still needs to grow up and accept responsibility, including his behavior at work. Besides, I think my parents would be disappointed if I decided to go through with it. It’s going to be bad enough once I get the courage to tell them about the baby, much less mention Brian’s proposal. No, there is just no way I can go through with it right now. There are no rules these days that say we have to get married to be parents to this baby. The more I continue to think about it, the more upset about it I get.

  I sit down to eat just as Brian walks in the door. He looks and acts like his normal self, but I find myself giving him the cold shoulder; I just can’t help it.

  “You okay, babe? You seem as though something’s bothering you.” He acts concerned, surely picking up on my mood since I’ve not said anything to him yet.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I answer coldly.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I would say you are upset with me.” He says with a worried tone.

  “You think so, huh?” I spit out. “Let’s just say, I called you today, and you can’t even have the decency to answer your phone. And don’t tell me you didn’t know I called because I heard the phone ringing myself. Just like I know you declined it the first time I called.” I’m pissed now. I stand up, disgusted, and dump my food in the trash.

  “Babe, calm down. What are you talking about? What’s come over you?” He seriously acts like he doesn’t have a clue.

  “I went down to the mall today hoping to surprise you, only I ended up being the one surprised. You never even came out of the back room, Brian. I heard you laughing and carrying on with some girl. Neither of you had any idea what was even happening on the sales floor. I could have walked out the front door with my arms full of shoes and no one would have seen a thing.”

  “I had no idea…” He continues to play dumb.

  I cut him off before he can say more. “Exactly. Had you bothered to answer your damn phone, you would have known I was there.”

  Coincidently, I hear the sound of a phone beep alerting a text message, but I’m not sure if its mine or his. I walk over to where mine is sitting on the coffee table and notice it’s not mine. I look over to Brian and he barely has time to read his text before shutting off the phone and tucking it back into his pocket.

  “Who was it?” I’m curious to know who’s sending him texts that he’s so eager to read since he couldn’t take a moment to even acknowledge mine.

  “Just my boss, letting me know I need to open up in the morning instead of coming in later.”

  “Oh. Since when did bosses resort to texting instead of calling? Look, I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m hurt. I wanted to see you today.” I suddenly give up the fight. It’s not worth the drama.

  Brian walks over to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. He starts kissing me lightly, then, before I know it, we are both engaged in a kiss that leaves us both breathless once we pull apart. How did we get to this point? We were just arguing minutes ago. Why have I suddenly started giving in so easily instead of standing my ground ‘til the end? Could Brian be wearing me down or am I starting to become weaker? I’ve always been strong and straightforward.

  “Jenn, I’ve missed you.” I lean my head towards his strong chest, and I am swallowed by his masculine scent.

  “Mmm. Just hold me.” I beg him, yearning to feel loved.

  He walks me backwards towards the bedroom. Piece by piece, he removes each item of clothing I have on. I tease him by rubbing my hand on the outside of his jeans.

  For the next half hour, Brian makes me forget all about being upset with him earlier. I have no idea how he does it, but I’m a sucker when it comes to him. He knows the right things to say and do to win me over, once again.

  I thought the weekend would never get here. I worked every day this week, putting in over fifty hours in five days. I can’t wait to get my first paycheck next Friday, even though I know I still need to settle up with Rebecca. I’ve made no attempt to contact her, but I do feel somewhat relieved knowing Jennifer is aware of the loan now. I ended up spending the money I kept from the envelope from Jennifer’s parents instead of making a payment to Rebecca like I had originally intended.

  We decide to do as little as possible this weekend. Jennifer’s nausea has returned, but she seems to be handling it better now by munching on crackers and sipping on some carbonated water. She has her first doctor’s appointment next Friday morning, and I’ve already requested the day off to accompany her. I think I’m almost as nervous about it as she is.

  We both fall back into a routine on Monday, Jennifer attending classes once again, only this time in the mornings immediately after she leaves work instead of in the evenings, and I am working daytime hours. I’m usually home in time for supper and we both work together cleaning the kitchen making sure everything gets put away just the way she likes it. Lord knows I shouldn’t upset her again about a dirty kitchen. It’s easier to go ahead and help out.

  On Friday morning, Jennifer rushes in to take a quick shower before heading out to her doctor’s appointment. I tossed and turned all night, eager to find out what the doctor has to say about our baby. I even had the urge to call my mom last night to share the news with her, but I talked myself out of it. No, I’m not homesick at all, but it’s been so long since I’ve heard from anyone in my family. When I left, I didn’t bother to tell anyone the direction I was headed. I just left.

  I grab Jennifer’s coat from the closet and help her put it on. She, too, has a certain level of anxiety about her, and I suspect that’s normal for any new mother going to the doctor for the first time. I open the car door for her, and we both are silent the entire way.

  The waiting room is surprisingly quiet. Jennifer fills out several pages of paperwork, even asking questions about me, and my family’s medical history. A nurse sticks her head around the door and calls her to the back. I stand up to accompany her, but the nurse stops me and explains she will come back for me once Jennifer is through with her examination. Then, we will be able to ask the doctor questions relating to the pregnancy and the baby.

  I fidget with my hands for a while, but then pull my phone out. I attempt to play
a few games, but I’m too nervous to concentrate. I send Jennifer a text telling her how much I love her. I don’t know if she’s with the nurse still or if she is waiting in the examination room alone. I simply just felt like telling her.

  After fifteen minutes, the nurse comes back to get me, and walks me down the hallway. She knocks on the door alerting Jennifer before we both enter. I walk over to a chair that is next to the examination table. As I take a seat, I reach over and hold onto Jennifer’s hand, trying to offer her comfort.

  The doctor walks back in and introduces himself to me. I shake his hand and he instantly says, “Congratulations Mr. Davis.” I look over at Jennifer as she, too, catches the doctor’s mistake of thinking we are married. I don’t bother correcting him with my last name, Collins. I’m sure we are not the only couple to visit his office who are not married.

  He begins by telling us a few things about the pregnancy, different things Jennifer should expect to feel and experience, and finally about the final stages just before the baby makes his or her arrival. Just as the appointment is wrapping up, we are told the baby’s due date is mid-August.

  I look at Jennifer, and her face shows so much emotion. What I hope are happy tears slide over her cheeks, and I reach over to touch one of them before it slips off the side of her jaw. She squeezes my hand firmly. If you had asked me a year ago where I expected to be in my life right now, I never would have guessed I would be months away from being a father. I hope I am ready to take on this new role.

  As we stand to leave, I place my hand on Jennifer’s back guiding her to the door. Her arms are loaded down with information and freebies pertaining to the baby. She finishes up her paperwork with the front desk receptionist, making her appointment for the next visit. We both sit in her car for the next several minutes looking through the tons of information the nurses provided for us, all in a really neat little baby bag. Who knew there was so much to know about having a baby!

  “Well, what would you like to do now?” I look over at her in the front seat. She has this glow to her appearance. She looks over at me like there’s something she wants to say.

  After what seems like an eternity, she finally answers. “Let’s do it.”

  “What?” I ask, a little confused about her response.

  “Let’s do it. Let’s get married.”

  “What? Are you for real?” This time I have a look of shock written all over my face. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “No. I’m not. Let’s go to the courthouse and do it. Let’s do the right thing for our baby.”

  It’s funny how when I first asked Jennifer to marry me, I was the confident one while she had her doubts. Now, I’m the one second-guessing if this is what I really want to do.

  “What?” She asks jokingly, “I see how you are. Now that I’m ready, you’ve had a change of heart.” She drops my hand and turns to look out the window.

  “No, that’s not it at all.”

  “Well, what is it then?”

  “I just didn’t think you were ready for that, especially with me. I know we’ve had our moments, and even though we seem to be back on track and headed in the right direction, I just didn’t expect you to change your mind so suddenly.”

  “If you’re up for it, then so am I.” Jennifer sounds very confident in her decision.

  “Since you put it that way, what are we waiting for?” I feel like it’s now or never. If we don’t do this now, she may never agree to marry me again.

  First, we stop by the mall to pick up my first paycheck. I make formal introductions between Jennifer and Melissa, and, judging by Jennifer’s expression and sudden clinginess, I don’t think she is too happy about my boss being young and attractive. When I first met Jennifer, she came across as being very confident with herself. Now, I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones taking their toll on her or if the past situation with Rebecca has affected her, but I see her struggling with her confidence these days. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when Jennifer acts very confident in herself, then there are other moments that she’s quick to drop a tear if someone looks at her wrong. I’m not sure if Jennifer’s parents held tight reins on her being the baby of the family, or if they were just uncertain about leaving her alone. But, even now, they’ve not given her a chance to grow and blossom on her own, to make mistakes and learn from them, as long as they keep taking care of everything for her. Jennifer’s confidence needs to develop from within, and the only way she is going to make that happen is to make it on her own without her parents’ support.

  I get my check cashed at the bank inside the mall, and we stop for lunch at one of those cafeteria-type restaurants that most malls have. I’m almost scared to bring up getting married for fear that she may just as quickly change her mind again. Before we leave, I pull her towards the jewelry store where I purchased her bracelet.

  “Where are we going?” She asks.

  “I can’t have my bride to be getting married without a ring, can I?” I have no idea how I am going to pull this off, but I hope by some miracle I can find an inexpensive ring that will suffice until I can afford to get her something better. Maybe being a repeat customer will give me some sort of discount.

  “Brian,” she sounds so sincere. “We can hold off on the rings. That’s something we can get later.”

  “No, I want you to have some kind of token of my love.” Her eyes glaze over with happy tears again. Dang. Why can’t she do a better job of controlling her emotions?

  We walk inside the jewelry store, and, lucky for me, the same customer service clerk waits on me again. I explain to her we need just a simple, inexpensive ring, something to get us by for now. She points us to a case and proceeds to pull out rings for Jennifer to try on.

  I don’t expect to purchase a ring for myself at this time, but Jennifer starts talking to the salesperson about finance options and within minutes, she’s filling out the credit application. I include my income, but I know with my job history and lack of stability, the application is better off with just her information. I can’t believe how willingly Jennifer is to consider a credit account with me.

  The sales clerk enters the information and walks back to us with a smile on her face. “Congratulations. We’ve got you approved. Let me show you some bridal sets that I think you both will like.”

  I am completely taken by surprise. I know Jennifer has had her full-time job since she graduated from high school, but I had no idea she had enough credit to establish a jewelry account. Once again, she can probably thank her parents for always making sure she has plenty of money and all of her bills are taken care of in a timely manner. She’s never had to worry about having enough change to buy a gallon of gas to get to work, or if there’s enough money to have something to eat every day. She’s never had to walk a day in my shoes.

  We glance at so many sets of rings that they all start to look alike. I have her pick out something she will be happy with, after all, a ring is just a ring, while I settle for a simple gold band. She completes the transaction and regretfully, we are unable to take the rings with us since they need to be sized. Surprisingly, I’m a little disappointed with this, but there is nothing that can be done about it. I notice the same reaction from her as well.

  I glance at the time on my phone and realize if we are really going to get this done today, we better head down to the courthouse soon. I open the passenger door for her as she climbs into the car. As I walk back behind the car towards the driver’s side, I hesitate for a moment by the trunk. I look up in the sky and take notice of the beautiful, sunny day. Even though the weather is chilly, there’s not a cloud in the sky. It’s a perfect day.

  Once we get to the courthouse, a security officer points us in the direction of the office for the Justice of the Peace. There are a few other couples ahead of us filling out paperwork and handling the fees.

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” I hate to question her again, but this is a very important decision for both o
f us.

  “If you don’t marry me today, Brian Collins, you may never get the chance to again.” I love the little smirk on her face as she teases me.

  Jennifer fills out the necessary paperwork for us, while I’m content answering the questions she has for me. She returns everything back to the lady behind the desk, and we are told it’s going to be a short wait. I grab ahold of her hand and rub my thumb over her soft skin.

  I think back to everything I have experienced over the last few years; I have never been this close to marrying anyone. I had girlfriends, and I liked the idea of marriage, but I never made it far enough into the relationship to take the next step. Funny thing is, Jennifer and I haven’t had much time together yet either, but something tells me we are doing the right thing.

  I’m shocked Jennifer hasn’t mentioned anything about telling her parents. I’m not sure how they will take the news of us getting married and having a baby without their knowledge or blessing.

  I stand up and walk to the water fountain. My hands are sweaty, and I can’t believe how nervous I am. A side door opens and “Collins” is called from the lady holding our paperwork. We both stand up at the same time, and I take her hand in mine.

  I look over to her and she meets my eyes with hers. “Here we go babe. It’s not too late to change your mind.” I tell her, and she pulls me forward.

  Brian takes my face in both of his hands and pulls me into a very deep, passionate kiss. I’m almost embarrassed by this display of affection from him. It’s a side of him I have never seen before, especially not publically.

  I take in a deep breath and relief washes over my body. I take a moment to let the reality of what this means sink in.

  I am Mrs. Brian Collins.

  Jennifer Collins.

  And then it hits me like a lightning bolt. What the hell have I done? I have just eloped. Brian and I have just made a lifelong commitment to each other without either of us notifying any of our family or friends. What are my parents going to say? It’s bad enough I have not taken the opportunity to share with them the news of the baby, but now I’m going to give them the double shock of their lives.