A Promise of Hope

by Amy Clipston

  “I’m fine.” Sarah took Mamm’s hands in hers. “I promise you I am. Let’s go see our guests, ya?”

  Sarah and Mamm met Norman and his family in the kitchen, where they ate dessert and talked late into the evening. While the children played games in the living room, Sarah and Norman retreated to the porch and sank onto the swing.

  Wrapped in a blanket, Sarah breathed in the chilly air and stared toward her dark house, wondering where Luke was. Was he working late? Had he not made it home safely? Was he still angry with her? Did he feel the same ache in his heart for her as she did for him?

  Against her will, Sarah heaved a heavy sigh that carried the weight of her regret for snapping at him.

  “Sarah?” Norman asked with a chuckle. “I’m boring you to tears, no?”

  “Ack, I’m so sorry.” Sarah sat up and smoothed the blanket. “You’re not boring me at all. I’m just tired. It was a long day.”

  “Mei freind,” Norman said, squeezing her hand. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know this is all overwhelming for you. You lost Peter not even a year ago. Please don’t make excuses for yourself. You’re permitted to be a bundle of emotions.”

  Sarah forced a smile. Norman continued his conversation about his extended family that had visited today from Gordonville, and Sarah tried to concentrate on it.

  The clip-clop of a horse and crunch of tires rolling up the lane stole Sarah’s attention from Norman’s voice. Her heart flip-flopped in her chest when the buggy stopped in front of Dat’s barn and Luke emerged from the driver’s seat.

  While Luke unhitched Molly, Sarah clasped her hands together and sucked in a deep breath. He stowed the buggy and Molly and then emerged from the barn.

  Part of Sarah hoped Luke would just disappear down the lane to the house without so much as a greeting for her, while another part prayed he would stop by and say hello.

  His tall, slender silhouette sauntered toward the porch, and Sarah’s pulse quickened. When the light of the lamp kissed his chiseled countenance, her breath caught in her throat.

  “Wie geht’s,” Norman said. “It’s good to see you, Luke.”

  “You too.” Luke nodded at Norman. He then turned to Sarah, and his brown eyes sizzled with hot emotion. Was it anger? Or was it passion?

  Sarah cleared her throat.

  “Sarah Rose,” Luke said, his voice cool.

  She nodded in response, her voice still lost in her throat.

  He tapped the railing. “I’ll leave you to visit. Have a nice evening.” He then turned and started down the gravel toward her former house.

  “You too,” Norman called after him. “Gut nacht.” After a few beats, he rubbed Sarah’s arm. “He’s a gut guy.”

  Sarah nodded and cleared her throat, hoping to stop the tears that threatened. She couldn’t stop the foreboding feeling that Luke was walking out of her life.

  Luke threw his bag on the bed and tossed his shirts into it. His heart pounded in his chest while anger, resentment, and regret rioted in his gut. Seeing Sarah sitting on the porch with Norman’s arm around her had sent his blood pressure soaring. To make matters worse, she never spoke to him, never even acknowledged him beyond a slight nod. It was as though he meant nothing to her now that she had her future husband, Norman.

  Timothy’s words stung his ears—it made sense for her to marry Norman since he was a widower and had children to raise. Perhaps Timothy was right. However, he couldn’t shake one question: did Sarah even love Norman? If so, she’d never expressed it to Luke.

  Sarah had made her choice, proving Luke didn’t belong here. The Lord was telling him he was wrong to covet his brother’s widow, and it was time he faced up to that fact. By going home, he could find a way to heal his heart and move on without any reminder of what Peter had left behind.

  He packed up his clothes and then moved to the master bedroom where the pile of Peter’s shirts still sat patiently waiting for a new home. Tears stung Luke’s eyes as he sifted through the clothing.

  Memories of his brother crashed down on him—holidays with their parents before their mamm died, playing volleyball in the back pasture with friends, walking to school together, and sitting in the loft of the barn late at night and talking about everything from girls to their deep faith in God.

  He allowed the memories to carry him back to a less complicated time, and the mourning he’d held at bay since he learned of his brother’s death assaulted his emotions. The release was cleansing, but it left Luke feeling like a cold, empty shell of who he’d once been.

  After choosing four shirts, Luke tossed them into his bag. His thoughts then turned to the twins. His heart ached at the realization of leaving them, but he couldn’t bear to watch their mother, the woman he loved, marry someone else.

  The pain was too much for him. He felt as if he was breaking a promise to Peter by leaving, but it was the best choice for Luke. He would visit the children and keep in touch with them. They would know their uncle Luke; he’d make certain of it.

  Needing to exit the house in an attempt to clear his head and quell his emotions, Luke grabbed his coat and stalked out the front door. The cold air kissed his face and filled his lungs with the heavy aroma of wood fireplaces.

  He lowered himself onto the porch steps and reflected on the events of his four-month stay in Bird-in-Hand. The reality of leaving filled him with regret. He’d enjoyed being a surrogate member of the Kauffman clan, and he would miss their closeness. Yet he had good friends in Mel and Sally. It wasn’t as if he would be alone back in Ohio. He also had a few cousins, aunts, and uncles.

  He had to get out of Lancaster County while he still had some of his heart and soul intact. Tomorrow would be the day. He needed to be on that first train.

  Something flashed in his peripheral vision, and Luke turned toward Eli’s home. A Coleman lamp held by a tall figure floated near the large barn. Judging from the height of the silhouette, Luke deduced it to be Eli—just the man he needed to arrange for a ride to the station.

  Luke hopped up and jogged toward the barn, reaching it just as Eli finished locking the large doors. “Eli,” he called. “Do you have a moment?”

  “Luke.” The older man gave a surprised expression. “What are you doing out this late?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.” Luke jammed his hands into the pockets of his coat. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Of course.” He nodded toward the porch. “Would you like to have a seat?”

  Luke hesitated. Scanning the property, he found Norman’s buggy was gone; however, he feared Sarah might be awake. Luke didn’t want her to overhear his conversation with Eli and find out he was leaving.

  “Something wrong?” Eli asked.

  “How about we walk along the fence?” Luke asked. “It’s a beautiful night.”

  Eli eyed him with suspicion. “It’s a bit cold for a leisurely walk. Let’s go back into my woodshop. We’ll have privacy there.”

  “Danki,” Luke said, wondering if his apprehension was more transparent than he feared.

  He followed Eli around the back of the barn and into a shed converted into a carpentry shop, complete with several workbenches, stools, and a sea of tools. An unfinished bookshelf and an end table sat in the corner awaiting stain. The scent of wood and paint filled Luke’s nostrils as he hopped up onto a stool.

  Eli set the lantern down, leaned against the bench, and studied Luke. “What’s bothering you, son? You seem preoccupied, like you’re wrestling with the meaning of life.”

  Luke hugged his arms to his chest; however, the cold seeping into his bones seemed to be more than the temperature in the shed. “I was wondering if you’d arrange for me to get a ride to the train station early tomorrow morning.”

  A frown clouded Eli’s face, and he fingered his beard, deep in thought. “I guess my suggestion for you to wait before making a decision didn’t help, no?”

  “I appreciate all you and your family have done for me, but I feel like the
Lord is telling me that it’s time to go home.” Luke leaned back against the workbench and ran his fingers over the grain of the wooden top. “I’ll be back to visit the zwillingbopplin.”

  Eli was silent for a moment, still rubbing his beard and studying Luke. His expression softened. “This is about Sarah Rose, isn’t it?”

  “No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “I just feel it’s time to go home. That’s all.”

  “Don’t deny it.” Eli gave a knowing smile, folding his arms across his muscular frame. “You love my Sarah Rose.”

  “No, I don’t,” Luke said with a shrug, hoping he appeared nonchalant.

  Eli rested a foot on the rung of a stool. “Why are you retreating to Ohio when your heart will remain here?”

  Luke blew out a sigh and glanced around the shop in an attempt to avoid Eli’s knowing expression. The question left Luke’s lips before he could squelch it: “How do you know where you truly belong?” He glanced down at his lap and then met Eli’s warm gaze.

  “You know in here.” Eli pointed to his heart. “God fills our heart with clues for what He wants us to have in life. If something seems to fit, then we know it’s what God wants for us.”

  “But I feel like I should go home.” Luke crossed his arms and shivered. “I don’t feel like I belong here.”

  “Are you sure?” Eli raised his eyebrows in anticipation. “Is that really what your heart is telling you? Is that what you came to tell Sarah Rose the other night when you found out she was still angry with you?”

  Luke blanched. “How did you know—”

  “Elizabeth told me. She overheard some of the conversation.” Eli’s eyes probed Luke’s. “Are you sure you want to leave?”

  “Ya. I think it’s best.” Luke nodded with emphasis.

  “Then you best give me your contact information. I’d like to keep in touch.” Eli fetched a notepad and pencil from the bench behind him and passed it to Luke.

  “I’ll be in touch and visit. I want the zwillingbopplin to know me. I’m their only connection to Peter.” Luke recorded his address and the phone number to the shop where he worked. He then handed the notepad back to Eli, who slipped it into his coat pocket.

  “You don’t have to run.” Eli touched Luke’s shoulder.

  “I’m not running. I’m doing what’s best for me and also for Sarah. She’s my brother’s widow.” He shook his head. “It’s just not right for me to even think of her that way, and I would guess she knows it. I’m sure my being here brings back memories she needs to forget.”

  Luke sighed. “I messed things up for her by telling her the truth about Peter’s past and who I was. I did nothing but hurt her. The best thing I can do for her now is to leave and let her live a new life. She deserves happiness, not bad memories and lies Peter selfishly left for her to sort through.”

  “There’s a verse I read during our devotion time the other night that reminds me of this situation. It was 1 John 4:18.” Eli squeezed his shoulder. “‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.’ Don’t fear your love for Sarah Rose. See where it takes you.”

  Luke shook his head despite the warmth the verse gave his soul. “No. I need to go before I cause her more pain. Will you help me get a ride to the train station tomorrow?”

  Dropping his hand to his side, Eli frowned and blew out a defeated sigh. “If that’s what you want, then yes. But think about what I said.”

  “Danki.” Luke walked back to the porch with Eli.

  The door opened revealing Sarah standing in a white robe tied tightly over a white nightgown. Her golden hair hung in waves touching her waist. He’d never seen her with her hair down before, and thought she resembled an angel. Her flawless beauty was so striking that his heart pounded in his chest. He’d give anything to hold her in his arms, kiss her, and tell her that he loved her.

  But she was marrying another man who would hold her in his arms and love her.

  He frowned, and his stomach twisted at the thought of Norman touching her.

  All the more reason to go home to Ohio.

  Sarah shivered as she ambled onto the porch. She looked at her father standing at the bottom of the porch stairs with Luke, and her throat dried.

  “Dat?” she asked, ignoring Luke’s stare. “What are you doing out here so late?”

  Dat turned to her, his eyes wide. “Sarah Rose! Get inside before you catch pneumonia!”

  “Are you coming in?” Sarah asked. “You don’t need to be out here either.”

  Dat trotted up the stairs and opened the door. Turning back to Luke, his expression softened. “Think about what I said. Don’t make any hasty decisions.”

  Luke nodded and started down the gravel drive to her former home.

  “Sarah Rose?” Dat asked, holding the door open. “Are you coming inside?”

  Her eyes darted toward Luke. She couldn’t squelch the urge to talk to him, even though she didn’t know what she wanted to say.

  Dat pulled off his coat and handed it to her. “Here. You’ll need this if you stay out here and chat.” He then placed the lantern on the small table next to the swing.

  “Danki.” She put on the coat and then stepped to the edge of the porch as the door shut behind her. She spotted Luke’s tall, slim silhouette stalking through the dark to her former home. “Luke!” she called. “Luke! Wait!”

  Luke stopped and faced her, and she wished she could read his expression through the dark. For a moment he hesitated, and she was certain he was going to go back to the house without talking to her.

  Holding her breath, she prayed he’d come back and talk to her. However, considering the way she’d treated him the last two times she’d seen him, she couldn’t blame him if he decided to continue back to the house.

  When he started back toward the porch, her heart turned over in her chest. He came to the bottom step of the porch. His dark eyes shimmered in the low light of the kerosene lamp as they studied hers.

  “Ya?” he asked, his voice soft but intense.

  She cleared her throat and wracked her brain, trying to think of something to say. She’d called him back to her, but now she was dumbstruck, unsure of how to open a conversation with him. The sight of his chiseled features rendered her speechless.

  He folded his arms. “What is it, Sarah Rose?”

  “What were you discussing with my dat?” she asked, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. She realized she was clad in her father’s coat over her robe and nightgown, and she suddenly felt exposed. Only a woman’s husband should see her hair, and she wished for her prayer kapp or a shawl to cover her head. Yet there she stood exposed in the late February night with her brother-in-law’s intense eyes probing her.

  He frowned. “It was nothing you need to worry about. Gut nacht, Sarah Rose.” He started for the house again.

  “Wait!” She hurried down the porch stairs, holding onto the banister for balance. She couldn’t let him go, but she had no idea why she was so panicked at the thought of his leaving.

  He stopped. Facing her, he sighed with frustration. “It’s late, and it’s cold. Your pop’s right, and you should go inside before you catch pneumonia. There’s nothing left for us to discuss. Gut nacht.” He gestured toward the door. “Go in where it’s warm.”

  “Don’t dismiss me like some child!” She frowned with her hands on her hips. “I wasn’t finished talking to you.”

  “What on earth could you possibly have to say to me? You already told me our friendship is over and I’m a liar like my brother.” His eyes flashed with anger. “I know where I stand in your life.”

  “Do you?” She held her breath in anticipation of his answer.

  “Ya. I’m somewhere around that annoying gum that gets stuck on the bottom of your shoe.”

  She gasped at his biting tone. “How could you say that?”

  “How could I say that?” He gave a sarcastic laugh.
“You didn’t even have the decency to speak to me earlier tonight when I saw you on the porch with Norman. That told me how important I was to you. I’m not worth your breath. Our friendship means nothing to you anymore.”

  “Luke, that’s not true.” Her voice quavered, betraying her attempt to appear cool and collected.

  He shook his head and grimaced. “Don’t worry, Sarah Rose. I won’t butt into your business anymore.”

  “What do you mean?” She wiped at the tears that had appeared without her knowledge.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow.” He jammed his hands into the pockets of his coat. “I’m going home to Ohio. That’s where I belong.”

  “What?” She stepped toward him, feeling as if she’d been punched in the stomach. “You’re leaving?”

  “I am. I’ll be in touch.” His expression softened. “I’ll want to see the zwillingbopplin.”

  “If you cared so much about them you’d stay.” She glared at him.

  He shook his head. “You just don’t get it, do you?”

  “What don’t I get?” She sniffed. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

  “Forget it, Sarah Rose.” He nodded toward the house. “Go inside before you get sick.”

  “Fine.” She slapped her hands to her sides. “Just walk out of my life. Walk out of the zwillingbopplin’s life. That’s what you Troyers do best, right? Peter walked away from his son, and you’re walking away from Peter’s kinner.”

  His eyes flashed with fury. “Don’t compare me to my brother,” he said, seething. “I never would’ve lied to you, and I never would’ve walked away from you. But you wouldn’t give me the chance.”

  She gasped as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

  “Good-bye, Sarah Rose. May God bless you and your zwillingbopplin.” He turned and stomped toward the house.

  Hugging her arms to her chest, she sobbed while he left her standing in the bitter cold.

  19

  Luke sank back in the seat and closed his eyes in an attempt to shut off his brain and sleep to the monotonous click-clack of the train. He’d spent a restless night tossing and turning in bed and then pacing around the room.