At Peace (The War Trilogy #3)

by Andria Large

  Lizette tries a different tactic and sits down on the bed next to me. “Denny, you stink. At least get up and take a shower,” she murmurs and brushes her fingers through my hair. “And you really need to eat. I brought pizza. Please, please take a shower and come eat…for me.”

  Dammit! She knows I can’t say no to her and her pregnant belly!

  “Fine,” I mumble.

  She leans down and kisses my temple. “Good, thank you.”

  So I drag my sorry ass out of bed and make my way to the bathroom on my crutches. I broke my ankle in a car accident a few weeks ago. I cannot wait to be rid of this goddamn cast. Hopefully I only have one more week before it’s gone. After my shower, I get dressed and head for the living room.

  I spot Duke in the kitchen, grabbing bottles of water for the three of us. I give him a death glare. He gives me a non-apologetic shrug as he walks into the living room with the water. He sets them down on the coffee table then goes back into the kitchen. I sit on the couch just as Lizette walks over and hands me a paper plate with a slice of pizza on it. She sits down next to me and Duke sits on the love seat with his pizza.

  “I talked to Tucker this morning. He’s alive. He’s supposed to talk to his dad today then try and talk to his brother before he comes back,” Duke says.

  I ignore him, really not wanting to think about Tucker right now. I take a bite of my pizza. Ugh, this tastes like shit. I doubt it’s actually the pizza but more me. Nothing I’ve been able to get down in the past couple of days has really tasted all that good.

  “Dennis, he is coming back. He didn’t break up with you,” Duke states firmly, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

  “I begged him not to go, Duke, and he left anyway without so much as a promise of returning. That to me is clearly a break up,” I rasp.

  Fuck this pizza. I can’t stomach this right now. I toss the plate with the remaining three-quarters of the slice onto the coffee table and slump back against the couch. I feel so empty and hollow. I thought losing Zara was tough. I don’t know how I’m going to pull myself out of this one. All I want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out.

  “You’re impossible. Be miserable then,” Duke huffs.

  A ringing that I haven’t heard in two long ass fucking days sounds from the kitchen. Tucker’s ring tone is going off on my phone. He’s calling me! Two very different emotions appear and fight for dominance, elation and anger. I’m ecstatic that he’s calling me. But I’m so fucking pissed off and hurt right now that I’m not sure if I even want to answer.

  Duke goes and gets the phone. He hands it to me, a guarded expression on his face. He doesn’t want me to know what he’s thinking right now, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

  “Answer it. Talk to him,” Duke urges.

  I grit my teeth and give him a sharp nod. I swipe my finger across the screen to answer the call. I have to swallow past the lump in my throat as I bring it up to my ear.

  “Hello?”

  A silent moment, then, “Hey, Denny.”

  Tucker’s hesitant voice has me squeezing my eyes shut and pressing a fist to my mouth to stop the sob that wants out. Fuck, it’s so good to hear his voice. Then the devastation over what he did to me slams into me again. I pull in a shaky breath and fight back the burning tears that are threatening to choke me.

  “Fuck, Dennis. I am so sorry for leaving like I did. I fucked up. I never wanted to hurt you like that,” Tucker says, his voice cracking.

  “But you did,” I croak.

  “I know and I’m going to make it up to you, I swear…” Tucker starts.

  “How? You think you’re gonna come back here and everything is going to go back to the way it was? Cause it’s not. You broke me,” I snap, cutting him off.

  I have no idea where that came from but my anger must have won out.

  “I…no, I didn’t expect things to go back to the way things were right away, but I love you, and I hope we can get back to where we were eventually,” Tucker murmurs quietly.

  “So does this mean you’re choosing me over your family?” I scoff bitterly.

  “It was always you, Dennis. I just needed some time alone to clarify that with myself,” he replies.

  “Did you talk to your dad?” I ask, ignoring his previous statement because I’m not really sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m glad that he still wants to be with me, but then on the other hand, I’m fucking pissed that he even had to think about it in the first place, that it was even a choice.

  “Yes.”

  “And?” I ask, impatiently.

  “He’s fine with it,” Tucker says softly.

  “Oh good, great to know that we have his approval,” I say, my lip curled up in disgust. “So, did you decide that it was always me before or after you spoke to your dad?”

  “Dennis.” Tucker sighs heavily.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting me to fall at your feet? Jump for joy because you chose me, like I’m a fucking puppy in a shelter getting to go to a good home? Dammit, Tucker! You have no idea what I’ve been through these past couple of days. What you did, I don’t know if I can forgive you for it.”

  I hang up before he can say anything. I really don’t want to talk to him anymore right now. I’m getting too revved up and that will only lead me to say things I don’t really mean.

  I glance at Duke, to find him watching me carefully. He gives me a nod, letting me know that he’s got my back. I know he’s beyond pissed at Tucker, too. I heard his conversation this morning with him. I heard all of the names that he called him. It actually made me smile for the first time in two days.

  “Dennis, can you please try to eat the rest of your pizza?” Lizette asks softly.

  “No, I’m fucking done,” I grunt, really not in the mood for company anymore.

  I grab my crutches and shove to my feet. As I start for my bedroom, Lizette calls after me, but I hear Duke tell her to let me go. Good, because I need to be alone right now. I’m on the verge of a breakdown that I’d rather not have in front of my sister.

  I close myself in my room and go to my bed. I let the crutches fall to the floor as I climb up onto the bed. I clutch a pillow to my chest and bury my face in it as the sob that I’ve been holding back breaks free. I feel like I’m being torn in two. There are so many emotions going on inside of me that I don’t know what to do with. Tucker has seriously destroyed me with what he did and I’m not sure if I can get past it, or how we’re ever going to be the same again.

  ~ Chapter Two ~

  ~ Tucker ~

  I ring the doorbell to my brother’s house. I’m still reeling from my conversation with Dennis yesterday. I really screwed up. I hurt him so badly. He said that he wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive me. Fuck, that hurt to hear. Not that I blame him since I’m the one who put him in this position.

  The door opens, revealing Selene. She gives me a soft smile and opens her arms to me. I return her smile and step into her to give her a hug.

  “Hey,” I murmur.

  “Hi, Tuck. Just a heads up, Rhys is not going to be happy that you’re here. He and your dad have been fighting all morning about you.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say as we separate.

  She shakes her head. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m happy that you found someone. Doesn’t matter to me that it’s a guy.”

  “Thank you.”

  She shuts the door behind me and follows me into the living room. My little buddy, Max, is sitting on the floor playing with some toys. When he sees me, his face lights up with a big smile and he clambers to his feet. He toddles over to me, his arms out. I lift him up and give him a big hug.

  “Hey, buddy,” I murmur, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Get away from my son, you pervert,” Rhys growls.

  I glance up to see him in the doorway to the kitchen, looking furious. My dad is standing behind him looking defeated. Shit, this isn’t going to go well. If my dad ca
n’t get him to see reason then I sure as hell can’t.

  “Rhys!” Selene cries, appalled by her husband’s words.

  I hand Max to Selene just in case Rhys decides to get physical again.

  “Rhys, come on, you’re being ridiculous.” I sigh.

  “I’m being ridiculous?!” he snaps. “What’s ridiculous is that my once strong, Marine brother has turned into a faggity, take-it-up-the-ass pussy, all because of whatever Dennis did to brainwash you.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? You do know Dennis used to be married to a woman, right? No one brainwashed anyone. This was something, that as adults, we both decided that we wanted. We love each other, Rhys,” I tell him, hoping that he’ll see reason, but I can tell that everything I say is going in one ear and out the other.

  “I find that hard to believe,” he sneers.

  “That’s because you’re not listening or even trying to understand,” I bark at him.

  “Oh, I understand all right. I understand that my once straight brother is now getting fucked in the ass by another dude!”

  Fury rises when Max starts crying because Rhys has raised his voice. I don’t know what I was thinking, trying to talk sense into a closed-minded bigot.

  “Yeah, you know what? I fucking like it, too; it feels fan-fucking-tastic. He also sucks my dick better than any woman ever could,” I snap.

  My dad groans. “TMI, Tucker,” he grumbles from behind Rhys.

  I ignore him, my eyes only for Rhys. I catch the flicker in his eyes right before he launches himself at me. He catches me around the waist and we both go crashing to the floor. Selene screams and I see her run with Max to the steps to get out of the way. Good, I don’t have to worry about them now.

  I grapple on the floor with Rhys for a minute. He’s got no chance against my training and I easily wrap him up so he can’t move. He struggles against me but it’s useless. I’ve got him on top of me, his back to my front. I’ve got him in a full Nelson with my legs wrapped around his.

  “I’m still you’re brother, Rhys, no matter who I’m sleeping with. Why can’t you see that?” I say.

  He’s panting hard on top of me, but my heart rate barely raised with the little scrap.

  “You’re not my brother anymore,” he rasps.

  “What is your problem with being gay? Where the hell is all of this rage coming from?” I grunt, trying to understand why he’s so angry.

  “It’s doesn’t fucking matter!” Rhys barks and tries again in vain to get away from me.

  “I’m not letting you go until you tell me.”

  After a couple of minutes of silence, and a little more struggling, Rhys finally gives in and speaks. “When I was in college, I was trying to get into this one popular fraternity with a bunch of my friends. We made it to the last night of hazing. That’s when some of the seniors wanted us to bottom for them. Me and two of my other friends refused, so we didn’t get into the fraternity. But two of my other friends did it and got in. Those two guys are now gay all because of what those seniors made them do to get into the house.”

  My dad sighs heavily. “Rhys, those two kids were probably already gay before they even did that.”

  Rhys shakes his head fervently. “No, they had been with girls before that.”

  “So? Maybe they were trying to hide who they really were and the fraternity gave them the out they needed,” I say.

  “What about you?” Rhys spits venomously, “Were you always gay?”

  I sigh heavily and let him go, rolling him off of me. “No. I’ve never had any urge to be with a man before Dennis. But our friendship and need for one another is what brought us together. This isn’t just about sex, Rhys. We are deeply in love with each other. Just how you are in love with Selene. It’s the same thing.”

  Rhys sits next to me, watching me, his expression wary and unsure. He shakes his head as he climbs to his feet. “I’m done talking about this,” he mutters as he starts up the stairs.

  I scrub my face hard and make an aggravated noise. He’s so thick-headed. My dad stops in front of me and offers me a hand. I take it, letting him help me up. He pulls me right into a hug.

  “You did what you could. Now all we can do is hope he comes around,” he says quietly.

  I nod and let him go. “I’m gonna go. I have to go home and try to fix things with Dennis. Hopefully I didn’t screw things up too horribly.”

  “Okay, call me if you need me,” my dad says, giving me a clap on the shoulder.

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I say goodbye to Selene and Max then head out to car I rented. Time to go home and face the music.

  ~ Dennis ~

  Duke is slamming around shit in the kitchen, loud enough that I can hear it from my bedroom. I make an aggravated noise, push up into a sitting position, and start rubbing the sleep from my eyes. That’s when I hear another voice talking. A voice that’s not Duke’s. A male voice.

  My heart leaps into my throat. Could it be Tucker? I can only assume with the way Duke is behaving that it is. Oh god. What do I do when I see him? What do I say? I can’t stand this emotional rollercoaster that I’m on. All of the ups and downs, the uncertainty, it’s killing me. I grab my crutches and make my way to the door. I crack it open just enough so I can hear what they are saying to each other.

  “…Fuck your fucking brother, he’s a douche,” Duke snaps, slamming a cabinet.

  Tucker sighs heavily. “Yeah, I know.”

  “I can’t believe he tried to fight you,” Duke scoffs. “Did he really think he had a chance?”

  “I don’t know. He was so fucking angry, I guess he didn’t care,” Tucker replies.

  I guess his little meeting with his brother didn’t go well. I wasn’t expecting it to. My stomach is in knots as I open the door more and slip out into the hall. I don’t know what to expect. What is he going to say when he sees me? What am I going to see in his eyes? Am I still going to see the love he once had for me, or something else?

  Duke sees me first. His eyes widen slightly and he freezes in the middle of bringing a coffee mug to his lips. Tucker turns when I’m halfway into the living room. It looks like he stops breathing just as his bright blue eyes lock onto mine. The sight of him overwhelms me. Instinct takes over and before I know it, the crutches get tossed aside and I’m slamming into him, crushing my lips to his. Fuck, I missed him. The kiss is fierce and needy and the feel of Tucker’s arms around me has me moaning.

  No! Wait! I’m fucking furious at him! I shove him back and let my fist connect with his eye. Tucker ends up sprawled out on the floor, on his back, his hand over his eye, groaning.

  I look over at Duke who is glancing between the two of us. When he sees that I’m looking at him, he cocks an eyebrow at me. “Uh, what the fuck was that?” he asks, dryly.

  “I don’t fucking know!” I huff, shaking out my hand.

  I turn away from them and grab my crutches. I’m really not supposed to be walking on the cast, especially if I want it to come off in a few days. When I turn back, Tucker is sitting up and Duke is handing him a bag of peas from the freezer. Tucker takes it and tenderly sets it over his already swelling eye. He stares at me with his good eye.

  “You hit me.” He blinks his good eye rapidly as if he's confused and shocked.

  “You fucking deserved it,” I snap.

  He sighs, closing his good eye, and nods dejectedly.

  “And don’t think because I kissed you that it changes anything. That was just a gut reaction to seeing you after thinking you were never coming back. We are not okay,” I tell him, putting a hard edge to my tone. He needs to know that I’m serious; we are not okay right now.

  He purses his lips and nods again. I scrub a rough hand over my face before turning and heading back toward the bedroom. It’s hard to get away when you’re living in a condo where the living room and kitchen is one big room. The only place to hide is the bedroom. I don’t go to Tucker’s room - which was considered “our” room.
Instead, I head to my old bedroom and shut the door. I sit down on the end of the bed and run a shaky hand through my hair. Shit. I can’t believe I hit Tucker in the face. It wasn’t something I planned on doing, it just happened. And now he’s got a black eye for when he goes back to work. I blow out a heavy breath and drop my face into my hands.

  There is a light knock on the door.

  “Who is it?” Because if it's Tucker, I don't want to see him right now.

  “Duke. Can I come in?”

  “Yeah.”

  I don’t bother lifting my head as the door opens and closes. The bed dips next to me as he sits down. He puts his arm around me and gives my shoulder a squeeze.

  “You okay?”

  I shake my head. “No, I'm not okay. I have no idea how to feel right now. I’m fucking furious, I’m hurt, but I’m also glad and relieved as fucking hell that he’s here. Confusion doesn’t even cover what the hell is going on in my head right now.”

  “Why don’t you call your therapist? See if you can get an extra appointment this week? Because, honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m too close to you guys to look at this situation objectively.”

  I nod. “Yeah, okay. I’ll call.”

  “Good, now I’m gonna go back out there and check on Tucker. He said he was actually feeling a little dizzy. You clocked him good." A small smile tugging at his lips

  “Dammit. I wasn’t trying to give him a concussion.”

  “He’s fine. Don’t worry about it. He’s had worse. Will you be okay if I leave you two alone tonight? Or are you going to beat on him some more?” Duke teases, using his arm around my shoulders to shake me a little bit.

  I huff out a little laugh. “No, I’m not going to beat on him. I’m gonna stay in here tonight.”

  “Okay. Because I got shit to do in my apartment; the place is practically still empty,” he says with a roll of his eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” I frown.

  “Hey, don’t do that. I was here with you by choice, because you’re my friend and you needed me.”