Deviant

by Jaimie Roberts

  “Are you okay, Tyler?” Dean asked, his fury now replaced with concern.

  I nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Really, I am.”

  When he was satisfied I wasn’t going to faint, Dean turned his attention back to Tim. “Now, if I ever see you around here again, I won’t be so lenient. You got that? Tyler is my girl and nobody fucking touches her.”

  Holding his bloody nose, Tim nodded furiously.

  “Now, get the fuck out of here before I change my mind.”

  Tim didn’t waste any time. He was off, and as soon as he was out of sight, Dean turned to me and placed an arm around my shoulder. “That fucker didn’t hurt you, did he? I don’t mind going after him again if you want me to.” He smiled cheekily and I nudged him.

  “Dean, I think you’ve done enough, but thank you for coming to rescue me.”

  Turning, he grabbed hold of my chin and gently rubbed his thumb under my bottom lip. “I would go to the ends of the earth to protect you, Tyler. No one gets to hurt my girl. No one.”

  *****

  Four weeks came and went quicker than ever. Things were going well with my column, Jeremy was getting a little bit better with each treatment of chemo, and my stranger still visited me occasionally. I still asked him to kiss me, asked him for more, but he never would give me anything. I wanted more and I craved after him so much, it was simply quite frightening. How could I fall in love with a man I didn’t know? It just seemed impossible. It was just that he had everything I called out for. He felt familiar and right. He felt dangerous, but fucking tantalising. He was dangerously tantalising, in fact.

  In the four weeks, I prepared Jeremy’s room by ordering another bed and moving my desk into my room. I set up everything he would need, including a little stand filled with books for him to read. He was intelligent and the more I could try and stretch the intelligence, the better. I knew he could be great at something once he settled into school and set his mind on whatever it was he wanted to be. He actually hinted one day that he wanted to be a doctor because doctors have been helping him his whole life. He felt he needed to give something back.

  The other thing I’d been secretly doing was looking for Jeremy’s Julie. As often as I could, I visited that same spot outside McDonalds, looking and hoping to find a girl with the same description. I really wanted to be the one who helped him tick off all the items on his list. Not because it would mean he had fulfilled everything before dying, but simply because it could give him momentum for life. To give him that boost he so sorely needed to get better and get himself out of that hospital. I knew it was driving him crazy and, quite frankly, it was driving me crazy having him in there. I wanted him with me so he could start his new life. I wanted him to go back to school and start learning all about being a doctor, if that was what he truly wanted.

  It was Friday evening and I was just getting ready to go out and celebrate. If all went well, Jeremy should be leaving the hospital in a few days. I had Ian and Louisa coming around for dinner, then we were going to hit a nightclub. It was Spaghetti Bolognaise night, after all, and Louisa had yet to try my culinary skills.

  Deciding to keep it simple, I dressed in a fitted, knee-length white dress, my red high heels topping off the outfit nicely. I was ready to go out and I was sure ready to get laid tonight. He hadn’t visited me in a couple of days and I was feeling a little off. It seemed like once he visited and gave me a head-thrumming orgasm, I could think clearly. When he wasn’t with me, I constantly craved him.

  Closing my eyes, I pictured my stranger holding me. He did it with enough tenderness to show me he somehow cared, but not enough for me to feel completely content. I let him mark me but, for some reason, I think I believed that if I let him, I was somehow close to him and he was somehow a part of me. The only connection I had when he was gone was the seed he left inside of me, and the marks I now bore on my neck. I even had marks around my wrists because he tied me up on his last visit. I wanted it. I asked for it. I even pulled and yanked on my restraints because it heightened my excitement. I craved his dominance and aggression. It was almost like a part of me screamed to be taken at all costs.

  Shit, what was wrong with me? Was it bad that I got off on being tied up by some person I didn’t even know, then ravished within an inch of my life? Was I sick to even try and rationalise that this behaviour was perfectly normal? That letting a stranger come into my home and fuck me like I’d never been fucked in my life was definitely okay? Of course it wasn’t. But why did it all feel so right then? Why, when he came to me, did I feel so alive, more alive than I have ever felt in my life? I couldn’t justify it, I couldn’t comprehend it, but above all else, I couldn’t fucking deny it. I couldn’t deny him. He was everywhere. In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my fantasies.

  In my heart.

  I was lost to him. Completely and utterly drawn to his sexual magnetism. It was almost like it hummed whenever he entered the room. I had gotten so used to him that I would wake before he even entered the room. I was never scared, never frightened, never intimidated. Instead, I was alight with a thousand volts coursing through my veins. I felt on edge with desire, so full of thirst for a man whose real name I didn’t even know. For a faceless man, a tyrannical man…a deviant.

  My deviant.

  It never wavered, never tapered, never weakened. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Despite what he could give me, I wanted more. I wanted so much more. But I knew that could never be true. I knew what we had could never move on from this. How could it? How could a good, long-term relationship ever grow from our situation? He followed me for years, broke into my apartment, ate my cookies, and took from me. He’d taken everything from me and I willingly let him.

  But now, with Jeremy coming to live with me I knew it would have to stop. There was no way we could carry on forever. There would come a time when it had to stop, and having Jeremy with me might just be the end of it. A part of me broke with the thought, but another part of me knew this was the best solution.

  The problem was it may already be too late. My heart already ached at the thought of not seeing him again, of not feeling his touch, of not ever hearing his raspy voice again. I felt conflicted about that because the only boy I ever loved with all my heart was Dean. I still dreamt about him, too. I still called out to him in my sleep. I still wondered what he was doing, if he was married, had kids. It hurt to think about it all. In a sense, I would feel completely betrayed by that. He always promised he would come back for me. Not anyone else. Me. I still couldn’t understand it and it was probably that which made it hard to let go.

  My doorbell ringing pulled me from my deep thoughts. It was funny how you could sometimes stand there in a daze and the minutes just pass you by without you thinking about it.

  I walked out of my bedroom to open my front door. Ian was standing there with his normal bottles of red and white wine. He stood there, his hair cropped, his blue shirt buttoned up to his chest, sporting the cheekiest smile he could muster. He inhaled deeply, just like he always did, and gave me that satisfactory smile when he knew the Bolognaise was on.

  “You look gorgeous, Tyler,” he purred, giving me the once over. “Practically perfect in every way.”

  I laughed. “Hey, I’m no Mary Poppins, Ian.” I gestured for him to walk in and he followed me into the kitchen. I had to keep my eye on him just in case he stole some of my sauce when I wasn’t looking.

  “Oh, I think you are. Still on for when we turn thirty? You could stay at home and make me Bolognaise every night.” He stood there for a moment, scrutinising me. “There’s something different about you. What is it?”

  I shook my head, getting a little panicked that he could see right through me. As a nervous gesture, I tucked my hair behind my ear and fidgeted a little. He watched, then gasped a little when he saw my wrists and neck.

  Rushing over, he grabbed my wrists to inspect them. “What the fuck is this, Tyler? Has someone hurt you?” I tried to let go of his grip, but he was pulling my h
air out of the way so he could inspect my neck. “Shit. What the hell have you gotten yourself into, girl?”

  Pulling away, I smiled nervously and started stirring the sauce. “It’s nothing, Ian. Just a little bit of playing, that’s all.” I couldn’t meet his eyes because I felt somehow ashamed to admit I was like this. Ian didn’t know I was sleeping with anyone, let alone playing these types of games with him.

  Suddenly, Ian was intimately right beside me and I had no choice but to look up. His smile was wide as he suddenly pushed himself into me. “You kinky fucking bitch, Tyler. I never knew.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” I said, throwing a small piece of spaghetti at him.

  “I never knew you were like this, Tyler. I don’t quite know how to feel about it all.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, judging by your sudden third leg, I would suggest maybe the thought turned you on.”

  Ian growled a little in my ear, then moved away with a smile. “If you ever want to play games with me, you know where I am.”

  Turning my head to him, I scowled. “Of course, Ian. You’re always so ready for action. Speaking of which, have you gotten any lately?”

  Ian sat down and huffed. “Not as much as you, it would seem. Why are you changing the subject anyway? I never knew you were seeing anyone. You never said anything.”

  I looked down at the sauce. “That’s because there’s been nothing to tell, really. I’ve met someone. I don’t know his name, but we have an arrangement.”

  Getting up from his seat, Ian grabbed two glasses and poured us each a glass of wine. “Fucking hell, that’s hot. I never knew you were like that, babes.” Ian cocked his eyebrow and was about to say something else when the doorbell rang again. “I’ll get it!” he shouted as he ran for the door. I heard him greeting Louisa as her chirpy voice radiated into the kitchen.

  “Something smells absolutely fucking divine in here!” Louisa shouted.

  “I told you she did a mean Spaghetti Bolognaise. The best in London.”

  Shaking my head, I grabbed another glass for Louisa and poured her some wine. “I wouldn’t go that far, Ian.”

  They sat down and it was then I noticed what she was wearing. “Fuck, Louisa. What have you got on? It’s hot!”

  Louisa got up, twirled around to show me her little black number, and sat back down again. “Do you like it? It’s Donna Karan. I saved for ages to buy this.”

  “It looks stunning.” I smiled.

  Looking me over, Louisa said, “And so do you. I love those shoes. Very sexy.”

  Ian rolled his eyes. “Too much fucking estrogen in here. What is it about women that the moment they see each other, they have to compliment what each other is wearing, then talk about it for the next half-hour? When blokes get together, all they’re worried about is where their first beer is coming from.”

  Louisa sipped her wine and smiled at him. “See, that’s where men are lacking. They can’t see past their own noses.”

  Stirring my spaghetti, I watched in awe as the two started their war of the sexes with one another. It made me think a little about my ongoing battles with my stranger. No matter how many times he wanted me to call him Lotus, I still always reverted back to calling him “my stranger”. It somehow felt more real and darker in a sense. Even a bit sexy, if I were being honest.

  “Tyler,” Ian’s voiced called out.

  Jumping, I snapped my head to them. I didn’t even realise I was daydreaming.

  “She’s off in tie me up world,” he said to Louisa.

  She looked at me knowingly and smiled. “Has Brad been back over then?”

  I had completely forgotten about Brad. Within an instant, Louisa got up and started inspecting my neck.

  “Who’s Brad?” Ian asked as Louisa kept on looking.

  “Oh, honey, what are you letting him do to you?” Louisa winked, but I saw a level of concern on her face. She didn’t need to be. Lotus never hurt me. Not yet, anyway. And I didn’t mean in a physical sense. I knew he would hurt me, but it would never be my body. It would end up being my heart.

  “He never does anything I don’t want him to do.”

  Ian gestured towards Louisa. “See, I told you she was a kinky bitch.”

  I frowned, knowing I had completely missed something. “When did you tell her that?”

  Louisa laughed and Ian shook his head. “Shit, you were just off in the land of tying up, weren’t you?”

  I sighed and Louisa got up to rub my shoulder. “Oh, leave her alone, Ian. Tyler can’t help it if she craves a bit of a rough and tumble.” She winked towards Ian and he bellowed out his laughter.

  “Oh, yes, very funny. Let’s all laugh at Tyler’s expense, shall we?” This was one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell anyone about it.

  “I’m sorry, babes,” Ian pouted. “We’ll promise to behave. Who’s Brad, anyway?”

  “He’s a hot police officer she met at a bar a few weeks back.”

  I thought Ian would make another joke, but he surprised me when he raised his wine glass. “Well, as long as he treats you right, I have no complaints.” He frowned a little, then looked at me. “Hold up a sec. I thought you said you didn’t know his name?”

  Louisa looked up, frowning. Oh shit. I should have realised Louisa would somehow get involved in the conversation, and I should have realised she would immediately think of Brad. I had been so caught up in the world of my stranger, and now Jeremy, that Brad was the furthest person from my mind.

  “Is it Brad you’re seeing, or someone else? I didn’t believe Brad could do something like that.”

  “Like what?” Ian asked, confused.

  “When we stayed at the mansion, somebody who we thought was Brad snuck into her room, gave her the best two orgasms of her life, then bit her neck.”

  “Louisa!” I shouted, unable to believe she was telling Ian this.

  Louisa shrugged. “Just telling it like it is, Tyler. You two have known each other longer than I have.”

  I felt a pang of regret. Did Ian hate that Louisa knew more than he did? I secretly hoped not. By the look on his face, he seemed rather calm and collected. I think I was the paranoid one.

  “So if it isn’t Brad, who is it?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know his name.”

  “What does he look like?” Ian asked.

  What does he look like? I had no idea. The thought made me chuckle a little. “He has a body to die for, he works out a lot, he is a black belt in Tai Kwon Do, and he has the most interesting tattoos on his back I have ever seen.”

  That was true enough. I did know that much about him. I knew he was strong, I knew he was powerful and, judging by what I saw at the club—and by what the bouncer had said—I knew he was dangerous.

  “He sounds delish,” Louisa said, wriggling in her seat.

  Ian snorted. “And I thought it was only men who thought with a certain part of their anatomy. You haven’t once mentioned what he looks like, though. You just went straight in for the kill and told us about his rocking body.”

  Louisa perked up in her chair. “And what’s wrong with that? Women do crave sex, you know.”

  Ian laughed. “I know that. I just thought women always went deeper than men. That they always thought deeper than us. I’m not saying that in a bad way. In a sense, I’m actually complimenting your gender.”

  Getting the plates out from the cupboard, I placed them down on the table, together with the cutlery. “Yes. Without us, where would you men be?” I teased.

  “Probably on their way to extinction by now, if they’re not already. The thing about men is they always shoot first and ask questions later. You need us women,” Louisa smiled in Ian’s direction. “We can keep you hot-headed guys a little more level-headed.”

  Ian actually nodded. “I wouldn’t disagree with you there. Plus, the fact that your pussies are amazing helps. They always calm us men down.”

  I shook my head and tut-tutted at him. “Trust you to lower the tone.”
>
  “What?” he asked, looking completely taken aback. “I’m just telling it how it is. Tits… Those are another thing you women have going for you. If we ever get into a fight, just flash us your tits. I can tell you that we’d soon stop throwing punches.”

  Louisa and I both laughed. “See, that just goes to show how narrow-minded you are.”

  Ian sipped his wine and placed it back on the table. “I’m not saying that as a compliment to me. I’m saying it as a compliment to you.” Louisa and I looked at each other and Ian just stared. “Oh, come on, ladies. You’re not that naïve. You’re telling me you have never in your life used your sexuality to get what you want from a man? You all possess this power every man wishes they had.”

  “What? Tits and a pussy?” Louisa asked, laughing.

  “You fucking got that right!” Ian shouted, laughing along with her. “I don’t know how you women manage to get up and go to work every day. If I were you, I’d stay home and play with myself all day long. How do you ladies ever get anything done?”

  Louisa and I laughed. “Oh, yes, because I just can’t get enough of myself.” I rolled my eyes at him and placed some spaghetti and sauce on each plate. “Every time I go to bed naked, I can’t help but have a fondle.” I was teasing, but Ian’s eyes were open wide.

  Louisa laughed, smacking the table a little. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Ian speechless.”

  He shook his head a little, like he was trying to shake himself out of that image. “Fuck. I think I need to use your toilet. Be back in a bit.” Ian rose out of his chair and adjusted himself. That just caused more laughter from Louisa and me.

  Placing the plates on the table, I sat down with Louisa and poured more wine. “You know, in a sense, I think he’s right,” Louisa smiled, taking a sip. “Look at how flustered Ian is. I bet he would be putty in our hands if we ever asked him to do anything for us.”