by Louise Bay
“You’re not running from me, Haven, and I won’t have you push me away. You have to talk to me and tell me what you need.”
I nodded.
“You’re my girl and we just need to figure this out. We’ll get there.”
He walked me up the steps to my building and closed the door behind me. I watched through the glass as he climbed back into the cab.
I exhaled. Maybe he was right.
Twenty-Seven
Jake
I stood outside Haven’s building, thinking about our conversation when I dropped her off here the night before. I had been kind of relieved on the way home. I could tell she had been waiting for things to go badly. We’d hit our first road bump and we were safely over the other side.
With previous girlfriends, there’d never been much talking. It hadn’t been all fucking—it had been dinner and fucking. The food had been the warm up to the sex. I’d never really known a woman before I’d asked her out. And although you couldn’t categorize Haven and I as friends, we’d had something before the physical stuff. I liked that. I wanted to talk to her, to hear what she was thinking and feeling. It didn’t matter to me that we might be on a rough road and that she was prickly and pushed people away. I’d known that about her all along, it was part of what attracted me to her. We were all a bit crazy—she just didn’t hide hers.
I pulled my phone from my jeans pocket. There was a missed call from Millie but no voicemail. Why did she keep calling? There was no going back for us. Didn’t she get that?
I leaned against the railing as I saw Haven round the corner. She was smiling to herself, and I couldn’t help but grin. She looked so happy. Her smile widened when she saw me. My heart leapt.
“Hey, gorgeous.” I bent and kissed her.
“Hey,” she replied, grinning as she pushed me away. “No PDAing in front of my neighbors.”
“Then we better get inside because you’re going to be naked in less than five minutes.”
She rolled her eyes at me as she started to punch in the code to her building. I stood behind her, grappling for the pins that kept her hair in place.
“What are you doing?” she asked as she opened the door.
“Trying to get your hair down.”
“What am I going to do with you?” she asked through a grin.
“I can think of a few things that I’m going to do with you.” I grabbed her hand as we headed to the elevators.
“You pervert.”
As soon as the lift doors closed, she turned to me. “So, we’re technically not in public anymore.”
“And I’m a pervert? You wanna get felt up in the elevator?”
She reached up around my neck. “Maybe,” she replied.
I walked her back so she was against the chrome of the elevator wall. I pressed my crotch against her and slid my hand up the back of her uncovered thigh. I’d been hard since I first laid eyes on her. Each time I saw her again she seemed to be slightly more beautiful than before, if that were possible.
“Well, you’ll have to wait. I don’t put out in public places,” I said as the elevator doors opened and I released her from where I had her pinned to the wall.
She rolled her eyes at me again and I swiped her on the bottom. “Are you looking to get spanked?”
“Perhaps,” she said with a gleam in her eye. “So what do you want to order for dinner?” she asked as she unlocked her apartment.
“You,” I said as I stepped in. Last time I’d been here, I’d felt like a stranger to her as we struggled to try to be just colleagues. I glanced around with none of the heavy heart that I’d felt last time. I was excited to get to see her like this.
She laughed.
“I’m serious. I can’t wait any longer.” I followed her, trying to unzip her skirt. I grabbed at her turtleneck and she lifted her arms as I pulled it off.
“Don’t you want to hear about my conversation with Paula from Glass Introductions?” she asked as she walked backward into her bedroom.
“Not really. What? You mean about Romano? What did she say?”
I dipped my head to lick her collarbone. Her skin was so beautiful. Her fingers pressed into my shoulders as she tipped her head back to give me better access.
“What did she say?” I asked again.
“Huh? Oh, right, that he had called to apologize to her, but he hadn’t told her what happened. I didn’t say anything either.”
“So he’s okay with you using him in the article?” I skimmed her skirt down her legs.
“Yeah, she didn’t say anything at all.”
“Good news,” I said as I unbuttoned my jeans and threw off my sweater. “It means we never have to think about that prick again.”
God, she was perfect, standing in front of me in nothing but her underwear. “Take your panties off,” I said as I took a step back to drink her in. She hooked her thumbs into the lace and slid them down.
I took a deep breath. I was going to savor this. “On your back on the bed.”
She complied quickly, and I reached for her ankles, bringing her ass to the edge of the bed. I picked up her panties from the floor where she’d left them. “Give me your wrists.”
She held out her hands.
“Next time we’ll do this properly, but this will do for now.” I tied the panties around her hands, knotting them securely. “Does it hurt?” I asked.
“Almost,” she said.
“Perfect. Now put them above your head and don’t move.”
I watched as she stretched out, her nipples puckered in anticipation. She watched me watching her. Already she was used to me taking a moment to drink her in. She knew I needed that. I wanted to see her whole body before I decided where to start, how I would make her come for the first time.
I pushed her knees apart and plunged my thumb into her and she gasped as I circled. She was so ready for me. “How long have you been like this, Haven? So wet, so ready?”
“Jake,” she whimpered.
I withdrew my thumb and sucked off her wetness. Jesus, she tasted delicious—a mixture of sweetness and sex. I fell to my knees and replaced my thumb with my tongue, delving as deep as I could go. She thrust against me, not holding back for a second.
I pulled away. “Every inch of you is so tempting, I want to do everything to you all at once.”
She writhed off the mattress and I placed my palm on her stomach to hold her in place.
“I want you inside me, Jake,” she panted.
“Not yet baby, you’re not ready.” I wanted her boneless by the time I slid into her.
I pushed two fingers into her and licked a trail up to her clitoris, circling, licking, sucking. I used my free hand to pinch her nipple hard between my thumb and forefinger. Her sounds, breaths and whimpers, told me she was on her way. She liked the mixture of pain and pleasure.
I was harder than ever. I’d be toast if I thought about her lips wrapped around my cock. How she might gag and her eyes might water. Shit. I sucked, hard. I needed her to come so I could be inside her. Her clit was swollen and throbbing against my tongue as I pushed harder and deeper.
Her body went rigid, then shuddered. I pulled out my fingers, licking her clit softly as her orgasm rumbled through her like thunder.
“Did that feel good?” I asked, knowing the answer from the sedated look on her face.
“So. Good.” She pushed out the words as if they were her last breath.
She brought her hands down from over her head as I lay beside her and pulled the knots free. She had marks, brighter than I’d intended, crisscrossing her wrists.
“Does it hurt?” I asked as I trailed my fingers across them.
“I’m not sure,” she answered. “It mixes together with everything and makes it all sharper and more intense.” She looked down at the marks, tracing them with her nails. “I like it.”
“I like it, too.” I bent across her and kissed her, reveling in the feel of her hands in my hair.
I reached ac
ross the bed to grab a condom out of my jeans pocket. She snatched it from me. Did she want to put it on?
“Can we do it without?” she asked. It took me a second to realize what she meant. “Are you healthy?”
“I’ve never had sex without a condom,” I said. I’d never thought about it, never considered it. Now, with her, it was what I wanted.
“Me neither. And I’m on the pill. We don’t have to, though,” she replied as if she was going to have to convince me. “I just want to be closer to you.”
I rolled to my back. “Shit, Haven, just when I think you don’t hold any more surprises.” The fact that she wanted it, that she’d had the courage to ask. I’d never felt so close to her. It was as if we were a unit, a couple. “Other than fuck you all night, there’s nothing I want to do more. But I’m going to last two seconds.”
“We can take it slow.”
“Baby, you don’t need to talk me into it.” I pulled her face toward mine.
Twenty-Eight
Haven
It felt as if I disappeared into Jake when he kissed me. He knew when to be soft, when to be rough. When to bite and when to suck. It was as though he knew my body better than I did. As though he’d always known it.
I reached for his shoulders, tracing the line that separated them from his chest. The hardness of his body pressed against mine was just right—perfect, as if it had always been meant to be like this.
He shifted between my legs and I brought my knees up and opened my thighs wide. He nudged at my entrance and I urged my palms into his skin. The anticipation had the blood throbbing in my ears and my hands were shaky, as if I’d had too much sugar. I wanted to feel him inside me with nothing between us. That was how it was meant to be.
His breaths were short and hot on my neck as he tried to hold himself back. I twisted my hips underneath him and he groaned. This was it. I could tell he wasn’t going to resist much longer. We locked eyes and he pushed into me, but just an inch. I understood in the moment what connection felt like—mind, body and soul. I could have gone my whole life without feeling it. Without knowing Jake, without experiencing great love.
“Jake, more, please.” I couldn’t hold back, I needed him deep inside me. It was so good; he was so hard. I was so ready.
He lifted himself, his hands either side of my head. “I want to watch you,” he said.
“See me driven crazy by the feel of your dick in me?”
“Fuck, Haven, if you talk like that I’m going to blow.”
I grinned. It felt good to surprise him. Then he pushed into me, turning my smile into gasp.
“Baby, it feels so good.”
I nodded, unable to form words.
He pushed again and I was full of him. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. I was his entirely. After a few seconds, he started to move above me, rubbing, pulling, twisting. His muscles under my fingers hardened and his mouth set in a straight line as if he were putting everything he had into the moment. His angle shifted slightly and it set off the first signal of my climax—a deep, intense rumbling from the center of me.
“Jake,” I said as I found the only word I would ever need. “Jake, Jake, Jake.” I was being pulled under, drowning in him. My orgasm flashed across my body and my muscles contracted around him a second before he cried out. He thrust once more, quick and hard, and then collapsed on top of me.
“Stay,” I said as he shifted to his elbows. “Don’t move. Not yet.” He buried his head in my neck and pushed our bodies together.
“So, California, huh?” I asked.
“I’m cancelling and you’re going to call in sick for a week so we can do what we just did all day, every day.”
I laughed. “Neither of those two things are happening.”
“Are you sure? Do I need to remind you of what just went on in here?”
I shook my head and took a mouthful of noodles. When we’d finally come up for air we’d managed to order Chinese food. Jake insisted on ordering a meal for four on the basis we’d need our strength.
“I swear to God, I have no desire to go to Palo Alto anymore. Not when I can stay here and worship your incredible body. Thank goodness, I made my money before I met you, otherwise we’d have nothing. I can never concentrate properly on anything else, ever again.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re crazy beautiful.” He leaned over and kissed me.
“What time’s your flight?” I asked.
“I told you, I’m not going.”
I rolled my eyes. “What time?”
“Tomorrow night. Why don’t you come with me?”
I loved that he wanted me to come with him so badly. It made me feel warm and comfortable. “You know I can’t, and you’re only gone a few days, right?”
He scowled, and I laughed at him.
“Think of it as another little road bump. We’ll be over it by the end of the week,” I said.
How did I get so lucky? I’d thought of him as some spoiled, cocky rich boy when he was anything but. He was kind, hardworking and so good looking it should be illegal. Best of all, he seemed to know me.
Jake
My cell buzzed in my pocket as I hit the fresh air coming out of Haven’s building the next day. I checked my watch. I had a lot to do before my flight. Absentmindedly, I glanced at the screen. Millie again. Ignoring her apparently hadn’t worked, so I took the call.
“Millie,” I answered.
“Finally. I’ve been trying to reach you for a week now.”
“Well, I’m here now. What can I help you with?” I looked up and down the street, working out where I’d parked my car.
“Don’t be so cold, Harry. Aren’t you pleased to hear from me?”
She definitely wanted something.
“I’m heading to the airport. I haven’t got much time and I’m about to start driving, so I can’t talk. Can I call you back?”
“I need to speak to you properly. Can you pop round before your flight?”
“What? No. If you’ve got something to say, you can say it now.” She really did think the world revolved around her. I didn’t want to see her, and I had no time before leaving for the US.
“This isn’t the kind of conversation you have over the phone,” she said. What did that mean? I stayed silent. I wasn’t giving in to her. “I’m pregnant . . . and it’s yours.”
My breath caught in my throat. Had I heard her right?
“Harry?”
“What? We always used a condom. There’s no way it’s mine.”
“There hasn’t been anyone since you, and condoms aren’t always effective. I’m sure I remember that time after that party—you were drunk—you didn’t have a condom but you said you’d pull out.” She was rambling, her voice breathy and panicked. My head started to spin, trying to break down what she was saying. This couldn’t be happening.
“What? That didn’t happen, Millie. I don’t get drunk and I don’t fuck without using something.” Not before last night. Haven had been the first. I was sure of that.
I ran through Millie’s and my times together. No split condoms, no condoms that came off. Nothing unusual. I was OCD careful about expiration dates. This couldn’t be happening.
Millie started to cry. I’d never known her to cry. “I found out last week, Harry, and I’m so alone. I always thought I’d be married. Please come round and talk. We’re going to have a baby.”
Shit.
That road bump had turned into a sinkhole.
I didn’t remember any of my journey home. I had driven, but I’d been on autopilot in the thirty minutes since Millie had called. Pregnant? How did that happen? What should I do?
As I opened my front door, I slung my keys onto the hall table and found my way to the sofa. My brain was fuzzy, and I couldn’t think about anything for more than five seconds before some other consequence overtook me. Could I get a paternity test? Would I have to marry her? What did it all mean for me and Haven? How would Beth react, or wor
se, my father? Fuck. I pushed my hands through my hair.
The only thing I did know was that I couldn’t see Millie, not yet. I couldn’t tell Haven, not until I could formulate a coherent thought. I didn’t want to tell Beth. I just wanted to run away to California and pretend it wasn’t happening.
My cell vibrated against my hip.
Haven: I’ll miss you. Call me when you’re checked in at the airport.
Fear sat on my chest, squeezing and pushing. How could I speak to her? What could I possibly say? She needed me to be strong. She needed me to reassure her, but I had nothing. I was empty.
I dove back into my thoughts, and the next thing I was conscious of was the buzzing of the intercom.
“Hello?” I said, praying it wasn’t Haven or Beth or anyone.
“Mr. Harrison, this is your driver. Do you need a hand with your luggage?” Shit, my car to take me to the airport. I looked at my watch. Where had the last hour gone? I’d not even packed a bag.
“No thanks, I’ll be down shortly.” I looked around the apartment. I needed to pack in a hurry.
Haven
I pressed cancel on my phone and leant forward on the kitchen counter. Rain started to tap against my windows. I pulled the blind down so I didn’t have to see it. I hadn’t left a voicemail. I didn’t really have anything to say, but I’d expected him to be through security by now. Where was he? Anxiety nudged at me. Maybe he’d boarded already and forgotten to call me. If I didn’t speak to him before his flight, I wouldn’t speak to him until tomorrow, or maybe even a few days from now because of time differences and our schedules.
I had little chance of sleep; I rarely slept through a storm and my mind was too full of things that might go wrong while Jake was in California. Why hadn’t he called? That question gave permission for the rest of my doubts to break through. Was I strong enough, good enough, patient enough? I pulled out various liquids and gels, sponges and mops from my cupboard. I needed purpose and distraction. Leading up to my exams at university, I would spend all night cleaning bathrooms, communal kitchens, floors—anything I could find. It gave me a sense of order that controlled my stress levels and gave me space to think. I had crawled half way into my china cupboard to reach the back wall with my cloth when my phone started to ring. I banged my head as I fumbled for the source of the sound in my jeans pocket.
