Look Behind You

by Iris Johansen

  “So you did it on purpose?”

  “Why, of course.”

  “Liar.”

  He grinned. “Also, of course.” He glanced at the sign on the freeway. “But I did make the time go by at lightning speed, didn’t I? We’re halfway to your studio. You have just enough time to tell me why you were being curt to Suber. You practically stomped out of there.”

  “No, I didn’t. I just … left. I was late.”

  “And you think all those brilliant, eager detectives are full of shit.”

  “No.”

  “But you do think they’re wrong.”

  “Maybe not.” She looked straight ahead. “It just seemed … too easy. Zachary is brilliant. It shouldn’t be that easy. And then there were all those guns … But I could be wrong. Those other wonderfully convenient clues back there seemed to be panning out.” She shrugged. “I just didn’t want to spend my time being the one to explore those clues or question Hagstrom right now. If the team comes up with something that’s absolutely irrefutable proof, or they get a confession from Hagstrom that he’s Zachary, then I’ll congratulate them and be the first one to join the party.”

  “But you don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  “I don’t know,” she said in exasperation. “That’s what Metcalf asked me. He wanted to know if I was thinking in the same vein as Huston … Zachary is a wild card, he could go in any direction. Did I get the impression that something wasn’t quite right with Hagstrom? Yes. But it might not have had anything to do with Zachary. We’ll have to wait and see.” Her lips tightened. “And I didn’t want to get involved in endless discussions about Hagstrom or Zachary with those detectives today. Zachary always seems to be hovering over my shoulder every minute of the day. I wanted to send him packing for a few hours.”

  “And you headed in the direction of little Ryan Walker,” he said. “I can see why you’d want to throw a dash of hope into the mix after dealing with Zachary.” His brows rose. “There is hope for Ryan, right?”

  “Oh, I have plenty of hope. You never let go of hope no matter how many times you get knocked down and have to pick yourself up. But it’s not as if it will be a slam dunk. He’s been very close to catatonic. It might be a process of years before I’m able to help him.” She shrugged. “I think I might have found a way to stage a breakthrough, but it could still go either way.”

  “But you’ll keep searching and fighting,” he said quietly. “He’s lucky to have you on his side.” He pulled into the studio parking lot. “And someday he’ll realize it.”

  “Maybe. If he doesn’t, I will. That’s what’s important.” She got out of the car. “I’m on time. You may now say I told you so.”

  “Not for such a tiny victory. I save that for more stellar triumphs. How long is his session? Do I only have time for coffee, or a couple drinks at the bar down the street while I watch the hockey game?”

  “Neither. I can call a Vroom car to take me home.”

  “A couple drinks and the game,” he answered himself. “Call me instead. We’ve already discussed this. The studio is your home turf and he knows it.” He was pulling out of the parking lot. “Good luck with Ryan. See you…”

  She watched him drive away and then turned to unlock the door. She should have argued with him, but it was always exhausting to argue with Lynch. She was going to need all her strength and stamina to deal with Ryan this afternoon.

  The studio is your home turf and he knows it.

  She felt her shoulders and neck stiffen as Lynch’s words came back to her. Stupid. She almost felt as if she could feel Zachary watching her. Her imagination was working overtime.

  Forget him as she had fully intended to do today.

  Forget about death and only remember she had a chance to save a young boy, she thought, as she shut the door.

  She started down the hall and then stopped and turned around and came back.

  She quickly locked the door again.

  CHAPTER

  12

  “THERE’S BEEN NO CHANGE,” Janice Walker said as she looked through the glass windows of the observation room at Ryan huddled in his wheelchair in Kendra’s studio. “I know you warned me that tiny response might have been a fluke, but I hoped you were wrong.” She moistened her lips. “Oh, how I hoped you were wrong. I wanted it so badly, Kendra.”

  “I know you did,” Kendra said gently. “And that’s why I warned you. I couldn’t have you breaking down. You’re too important to us.”

  “Not to Ryan.” Janice’s eyes were glittering with tears. “He hardly knows I’m with him anymore.”

  “He knows you’re there. The pain is just too great for him to break through to you. We have to find a way to do that for him. Did you bring what I asked you?”

  “Yes.” She reached into her bag and pulled out an SD memory card and handed it to her. “It’s about two and a half minutes in.”

  “Good. Thanks. I know it must not have been easy for you.”

  “What do I care about that? Nothing’s easy for Ryan these days. Do you think I don’t watch him hurting from the minute he wakes up in the morning?” She paused. “But you failed last time.”

  “And I might fail this time. Another warning, Janice. But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. We just go on until we find the magic formula.”

  “Should I go in with you this time?”

  “Stay here. It’s better if you leave it to me.” She looked down at the SD card. “No, if you leave it to us.” She grabbed her guitar and headed for the door leading to the studio.

  The next moment she was crossing the studio to stand before Janice’s son. “Hello, Ryan.” She smiled, ignoring his lack of response. “It’s good to see you. I’ve been thinking about you.” She went around the room making adjustments. “I feel like singing today. How about you?”

  No answer.

  “Or we could just start playing first and then make up our minds as we go along.” She sat down on her regular stool in front of his chair. “I know your mom would like to hear you sing. She says she misses it.” She started plucking the strings. “I’ve always liked ‘Forever Young,’ don’t you? I remember Rod Stewart singing it with that cute, red-haired boy.” She started softly playing the melody.

  No sign of response.

  She went on to play “I Hope You Dance” and then crooned “What a Wonderful World.” A slight sign of alertness during that last song …

  Time to go for it.

  “I told your mom that sometimes when everything looks dark, you have to keep trying until you find the magic formula to make the darkness go away.” She started strumming softly, beginning to integrate the melody. “Because there is magic in the world, isn’t there, Ryan? You know it, you’ve seen it.” She let the melody grow. “You’ve been shown the magic.” She started to sing softly, “Puff, the magic dragon…”

  Ryan’s eyes were suddenly riveted on her face, watching her lips move as she sang the tale of magic and love.

  Yes.

  “You used to sing that song with your daddy,” she murmured as she continued to play the melody. “Remember? Your mom said that you loved it. It’s a wonderful song about a dragon and a little boy, and love and friendship and memories. You loved that song, but you were always sad that the little boy left Puff in the end, because he grew up. Your daddy knew that, didn’t he?” The melody drifted through the studio. “And one night he told you that he’d looked up the poem on which the song was based. He’d found there had been another verse written that had never been put in the song. It told how Puff helped other little boys with the magic after his friend grew up. That way the love would go on and on … But that verse somehow disappeared, and maybe that was also magic. Because you and your daddy knew how the song really ended. And your mom said you knowing your daddy had gone out and found it for you made you very, very happy.” She smiled and coaxed, “Would you like to sing it now?”

  He didn’t answer.

  But he was list
ening, she thought. He was hearing her.

  “Maybe a little later.” She looked down at the guitar and pressed a button as she continued to play softly. “Because someone else loved Puff, too. He believed in the magic. He wouldn’t want you to forget it.”

  Suddenly, as she continued to strum the guitar, a man’s soft, tenor voice came out of nowhere. “Puff, the magic dragon…” Then he continued to sing the entire song as Kendra accompanied the recording on her guitar.

  Ryan was sitting bolt upright in his chair. His eyes were wide with shock as he stared at Kendra.

  “I told you there was magic,” she said. “You just didn’t remember. I had to remind you. I believe in magic. Because I know blind people can see again. I know kindness can create miracles. I know if you hold on tight to faith and memories, they’ll always be with you.” She pressed another remote button as she started playing again: “Always.”

  Two monitors in the studio flickered and an old home video suddenly appeared of Ryan’s father playing his guitar and singing to Ryan. Kendra felt her throat tighten. So much love. She could almost feel the strength of the bond between the father and son. “You sang with him then, Ryan.”

  Tears were running down Ryan’s face as he stared at his father’s face.

  “A song about magic and love and friendship that would never really go away, even if you grew up and had trouble believing, or even if your father had to leave you,” Kendra said. “You both believed it then, didn’t you? I think your father probably loved to have you sing with him. I know your mother loved to hear the two of you together.”

  Ryan didn’t look away from the image on the screen. He whispered, “Daddy?”

  Silence.

  Then, softly, only a wisp of sound …

  “Puff … the magic … dragon…” Ryan’s voice was so low and broken Kendra could scarcely hear it as he started to sing. His voice broke again. “Puff—the magic—” He had to stop as sobs shook his body. “Daddy?”

  “Always, Ryan,” Kendra whispered. She gestured to Janice to come in. “As long as you and your mom remember him and believe in the magic, he’ll always be here.”

  Then Janice was beside Ryan, holding him tightly in her arms. He was still. Then he slowly reached out and suddenly his head was pressed to her breast as he grabbed her even closer. “Mom … she said there’s magic if we both…”

  “Maybe there is,” Janice said as the tears ran down her cheeks. “I think maybe she’s right. I’m willing to believe in it if you are. How about it?”

  He didn’t answer, but he held her closer as she rocked him back and forth.

  Kendra moved quietly across the room. They didn’t need her now. There might be questions later, but what they were sharing now should only be between the two of them. She’d come back later.

  But it was somehow filling her with contentment that she was still hearing the strains of “Puff (The Magic Dragon)” as she left the room.

  * * *

  KENDRA SMILED AS SHE watched Janice settle Ryan into her minivan. “Remember, he should see his primary physician as soon as possible. Maybe not today; you two have a great deal to talk about. But first thing tomorrow.”

  Janice nodded. “I’ll call on the way home. But I’m not worried about waiting a little while to tell him what happened today. He’ll think it’s the same miracle I do.” Her face was radiant as she turned and hugged Kendra. “Thank you. Thank you. I can’t tell you—” Her eyes were misting. “Look at me. I can’t stop crying. But at least they’re happy tears now. We’re halfway there, aren’t we?”

  “We’re on our way,” Kendra said gently. “But your specialist has to answer those questions. That’s why you have to consult with him. Ryan was in bad shape, and we have to make certain his body will heal with his heart and mind.”

  “It will. He’s already using his arms and he—” She stopped. “I’ll do whatever you say. What should I do when I get him home?”

  “Whatever comes naturally. Play all kinds of music you know he likes. Some that you know your husband also liked, but also music you like. Or get down the photo albums and look at photos of the three of you through the years. This isn’t only about his father, it’s about you and Ryan and the family as a whole.” She smiled and took a step back. “And what the two of you are going to do to work out what comes next. Call me if you need to talk to someone besides Ryan. Somehow I don’t believe you will.” She leaned closer to the van and said to Ryan, “See you next session. Maybe we’ll try a few guitar lessons.”

  He stared gravely at her. “More songs about magic?”

  “I know a few.” She smiled. “Maybe you and your mother will be able to find more.” She waved at him and stepped back. “Get out of here, Janice. You’re both exhausted. You may not be feeling it right now, but it’s going to hit soon.”

  “I know.” Janice was getting into the driver’s seat. “I’m just … flying so high.” She looked around the parking lot. “Where’s your car? Do you need a lift?”

  “No, I called my ride. He’ll be here soon.”

  “Do you want me to wait?”

  Kendra chuckled. “No, but I can tell your maternal instincts are also flying sky high. I don’t need you to hover. It’s broad daylight, and my ride will be here any minute. Lynch is very punctual.”

  “Whatever you say.” Janice lifted her hand. “Thanks, again. I’ll call you.”

  Kendra watched her back out of the parking spot and then head for the exit. She couldn’t keep from smiling. She wanted to reach out and hug the entire world. She was feeling as if she was riding as high as Janice at this moment.

  * * *

  SOFTNESS. VITALITY. RADIANCE.

  Zachary had never seen Kendra Michaels with that expression of exuberant happiness. She was standing there in the parking lot surrounded by sunlight and that glowing look of triumph and supreme satisfaction.

  What a magnificent time it would be to take her life now when she at the height of realizing how much she valued every moment of living.

  Pity, he thought regretfully. His plans didn’t call for her death yet. She was to be the last and best. He’d been very careful about choosing the victims to precede her. Each one to make a statement or cause her pain to accelerate. He mustn’t be impatient because this particular moment was close to perfect.

  But why not, he thought recklessly. He could change those plans. He was the one in charge. He’d have to move fast, but he was brilliant enough to change his plans and still obtain the extreme pleasure that this opportunity offered.

  He reached out to start his car.

  He muttered a curse.

  Too late.

  Lynch was driving into the parking lot in his damn Ferrari and pulling up in front of Kendra.

  A bolt of searing rage tore through him. He hadn’t realized how much the idea of taking Kendra Michaels today had begun to grip him. Okay. Adjust. Think about it. He refused to give up the idea entirely. How to destroy her in this perfect moment of happiness …

  * * *

  “YOU LOOK … EXTRAORDINARY,” Lynch said as Kendra got into the car. He tilted his head. “It reminds me of that phase one that you told me about earlier. You’re practically glowing. Everything went well?”

  “Everything went splendidly.” She still couldn’t stop smiling. “Not perfect. We’re a long way from perfect. But we’re on our way. His mother was over the moon.”

  “And so are you.” His gaze was on her face as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “I was able to reach him. I made a difference. That doesn’t happen every day. It’s wonderful. Zachary has surrounded me with sadness and horror for too long. But not today, not right now.”

  “No, not today.” He smiled. “Want to go out to dinner to celebrate? What do you feel like? I know a great Mexican restaurant.”

  “Why not?” She leaned back in the seat. “I don’t care where we go. Surprise me.”

  “You are feel
ing good. That’s very tempting,” he said. “Okay, lean back and tell me all about your day. I won’t mention the fact that my hockey team lost.”

  “You just did.”

  “Only to make your day seem even brighter in contrast. Tell me.”

  “It was that old Peter, Paul and Mary hit.” She leaned back, remembering that moment with Ryan. “‘Puff (The Magic Dragon)’…”

  She had almost finished relating the last few minutes of conversation with Janice when they pulled into a huge restaurant whose entire roof was shaped like a red and yellow sombrero. It had arched windows lit with flashing colored lights and even a good-sized gift store. She laughed. “Good heavens, a little gaudy?”

  “But great food and I thought you might be in the mood for a touch of flamboyance.” He opened the car door for her. “Okay, now it sounds as if you were understating your session today. I didn’t hear one thing that was less than spectacular…” He glanced up at the sombrero on the roof. “And flamboyant from the moment I left you. Right?”

  “I’ve got to admit that—”

  The studio is your home turf and he knows it.

  “What’s wrong?” Lynch’s gaze was on her face.

  “Nothing. I just remembered something you said right before you left.”

  “You’re saying I managed to spoil something for you?”

  “No, it was just— You didn’t spoil anything. My imagination was working overtime. You said something about Zachary knowing the studio was my home turf. It freaked me out. I felt as if he was there staring at me. I forgot about it right away.”

  After she had gone back and locked the door.

  His eyes were narrowed on her face. “What else, Kendra?”

  “Nothing.” She smiled with an effort. “Not your fault. You were right to remind me.”

  “Yes, I was right. I’d do it again. But I didn’t mean to freak you out.” He paused. “I don’t like that I was able to do that. You’re still freaked out talking about it now. Why?”

  She shrugged. “I told you, imagination. Zachary has me strung out and I—” She stopped as she realized where this was going. “You’re saying you don’t think it was imagination? You’re saying that you think he might really have been there?”