by Rob J. Hayes
Milly laughs. “Maybe it will finally stop all the fighting. No one will care enough anymore.”
“That’s not funny, Milly. What they’re doing might be legal, but it’s a crime against humanity. It’s a way to control us. All of us. By taking away everything that we are. We’ll all be Drones. Just like him.” Simon points a long finger at me.
It’s not really correct anymore. I feel. I feel more than I want to. A week without a harvest. I have emotions bubbling up inside all the time. I’m ignoring them, driving them from my mind by focusing on something else. Focusing on this. I’m not a Drone anymore. I’m not even sure I want to be. If I was, I wouldn’t care what Me.com are doing. Wouldn’t care what it means for humanity. I wouldn’t care what it means for Summer.
Summer. Even children have PDs. Even children have access to their own Me.com accounts, heavily censored, but they still have their own feeds, their own emotional posts. Something needs to be done. Me.com need to be stopped. I can’t let them do it to Summer.
“What if there is a way to reach everyone at once. And a way to do it without anyone being able to turn away.” I have the attention of the whole room now. “You all have PDs. You must remember when Epicurus was first announced. It was a global event. The advert was broadcasted to every single Me.com PD. It overrode anything else people were doing at the time. For two minutes, every PD in the world showed nothing but the advert for Epicurus.”
Simon nods. “A way to tell the whole world at once. A frequency? One that overrides a PD’s normal functions?”
Milly laughs. “No chance, Simon. Someone would have found it by now. We’d probably be getting spammed every few minutes by Sprint adverts. If this does exist, it’ll be hardware based. It’ll be hidden so deep inside the PD a thousand of me would never find it. No. That sort of thing will be accessible only from Me.com itself. Some things are safer in the physical world.”
“Into the belly of the beast,” Kendall says, shaking her head. “There’s no chance. Corporations like that, they don’t skimp on the security.”
“We broke into Arkotech just fine.” Simon sounds defensive.
“And lost ten good people in the process,” Milly argues. “Ten people we haven’t replaced. Besides, we planned that for a month. We used all our resources getting in and out again. We can’t just assault Me.com headquarters, Simon. It’s right in the shitting centre of New York. We’d have UEA army on us before we got through the front doors.”
“What if we don’t go through the front doors?” I ask. “You have four Darts left. Do they work?”
Simon nods slowly.
Milly stares at us. Shock and a lot of fear. “You’re proposing we shoot ourselves from the Moon, to the Earth. Pin-pointing the Me.com tower. Break in through the roof. Find the PD override, wherever it might be, and hold off security long enough for me to figure out how the damned thing works?”
“And long enough to broadcast our message,” Simon adds, nodding.
“Then what?” Milly throws her hands up in the air. “What’s our exit strategy, Simon?”
“Surrender,” I say. “It’s an all-or-nothing plan.”
“It’s a bad plan,” Kendall throws in.
I nod. “It’s also the only we’ve got.” It all sounds a bit funny when I say it out loud. It probably shouldn’t, but I’m actually considering it as an option.
She barks out a laugh and looks at me like I’m crazy. Maybe I am. “Well good luck with that, Robot. I’m out of here.”
Kendall walks towards the stairs. I get the feeling we’re going to need her along. Four Darts, four people. No one Simon can bring with us will match Kendall’s skills. I start after her.
“Let her go,” Simon says.
“No.” I hear the trapdoor open above us. “I’ll convince her. Somehow. You convince Milly.”
Milly snorts.
“We’ll need the building plans,” I continue. “And you need to figure out what you’re going to say to the world. We won’t have long.”
Simon nods. I rush off after Kendall, leaving the two Sanctitists to sort the rest out between themselves.
By the time I catch up with Kendall, she’s halfway towards the airlock and showing no signs of slowing down. The bald Sanctitists is following her, but he’s not making any move to stop her. He watches me as I jog past him and stop in front of Kendall. She sidesteps me and keep going.
“Kendall, please.” Again I move past her and stop in front of her.
“I came here to watch your back, Robot. Because I owed you a favour. I consider your back watched and that favour repaid. I’m sure as Gaia keeps turning not gonna get involved in your insanity.”
“Someone needs to do something about it and we’re the only ones who know what’s going on. We’re the only ones who can do anything about it. Don’t we owe it to everyone to try?”
“Wonderful, you’ve found a cause. I’m not about to sacrifice my life for it, Robot. You said you could find out who killed Pascal. We have. We know. And there’s not a damned thing we can do about it. Quest over. Time to go home and make sure I never come anywhere near an Epicurus again. That’s how I’m going to foil their dastardly plans.”
“What about Jasmine? The doctor you had me take you to. She cared about you, Kendall. Her and that assistant of hers. What about your brother?”
“I’ll warn them about Epicurus too. Warn everyone I know. Maybe that’s how we’ll beat them. Word of mouth. Old school communication.”
“Just you?” I ask. “You and your circle of friends, those who believe you. You alone will be unaffected, living in a world of Drones.”
“Sounds good.” Kendall walks past me again, heading towards the airlock. The atmo-suits are gone. Cleared away by the Sanctitists. She turns a glare on the bald one and he looks away. “We’ll be the special ones, Robot.”
I just stare at her. She stares back.
“You can’t even convince me,” she says. “How are you gonna convince a whole world?”
I take a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. “I have a daughter. A little girl. Summer. She’s seven, I think. Yes, still seven.”
Kendall’s face doesn’t soften, but she doesn’t interrupt.
“I don’t really see her anymore. Four years ago I shot her. Killed her.” I shake my head, fighting the shame that rises up from deep inside.
I thought Pascal had removed the shame and the guilt. It keeps coming back though. Every time I think of Summer it keeps coming back. “I… Have you ever had a night terror, Kendall? Have you ever thought that fear itself had come to kill you, kill everyone you love? Have you ever snapped awake so suddenly from it, that you still see the dream?”
I have to take another deep breath. I feel something hot and wet on my cheek and rub it away. “I used to sleep with a gun beside my bed. Stupid. Even kept the thing loaded. I snapped out of the dream, reached for my gun and shot the… thing. Only it wasn’t fear. It wasn’t a demon. It was Summer. Standing in my bedroom doorway. She’d heard me crying in my sleep and come to investigate. She’d come to save me from the monsters under my bed. And I shot her.”
Kendall looks away then. Down towards the Lunar soil. I don’t blame her. Here I am bearing my darkest secret. The one only a few people know and no one talks about. I’d probably look away if I were her.
“She died. For one minute and twelve seconds, my little girl was dead, and I killed her.” I turn away as well. I look up towards the bright blue-green globe of Earth. She’s down there somewhere. Probably at school.
“She doesn’t even blame me,” I continue. “She just doesn’t understand why I don’t come home anymore. She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t see me anymore. She calls me all the time to tell me about her day. I never answer. She doesn’t stop.”
“Why are you telling me this, Robot?” Kendall’s voice is softer than normal. Maybe my story is getting to her. “What does this have to do with your suicidal plan?”
“Because she d
oesn’t give up on me. And I’m not going to give up on her. Even if I could somehow keep her away from Me.com and Epicurus… I don’t want her growing up in a world where no one is allowed to feel what they’re feeling. I don’t want her growing up in a world where everyone is like me. Distant. Cold. Heartless.
“Summer doesn’t deserve to live in that world. No one does. We have a chance to stop it from happening. That’s a chance we have to take.”
I turn back to find Kendall shaking her head, her eyes closed. “A wrecking ball, Robot. You are a damned wrecking ball.”
Chapter 27
Love: Joyful. Painful. Unbearable. I used to think love would be a big seller. It’s so hard to cultivate, so difficult to maintain. Turns out people only buy love once. Without a focus, it’s more heartbreaking than anything else.
The buggy trundles along the Lunar landscape, jostling those of us in the back. It’s not a comfortable journey, but Simon assures me it’s necessary. He and Milly were up all night discussing particulars of the thing we’re calling a plan. Kendall calls it suicide, but she doesn’t believe it. If she did she wouldn’t be along for the ride. It’s a long shot that will certainly end in jail or worse whether we succeed or not. The buggy ride is to get us and the Darts into position, something about trajectories. Simon explained it earlier. I stopped listening. I have other things to think about, and so much of our plan depends on trust, that I’ve decided to trust him.
Trust is a strange emotion. True trust, the sort that is unquestioned and unrequited, comes from years of contact. That trust needs to be earned and nurtured. It can be broken in an instant though, no matter how long it’s been intact, and once it’s broken, it’s impossible to fix. Forced trust is easier and harder at the same time. It’s the type of trust I’m putting in Simon and Milly. I don’t have a choice so I am choosing to trust them with my life.
Kendall is different. Follows a code of honour. She’s promised to watch my back, protect me. She’s the type of woman who will put her own life on the line to that end. I trust her, not because I have to, but because I know I can. Like trusting the soldier next to you when the Martian fire is raining down, scorching the ground.
We hit another bump and the buggy bounces. It’s an odd feeling being jostled in low gravity. I quickly remember how important it is to hold on to something.
Kendall is staring at her PD. She’s talking to someone, but I’m purposefully not listening to the conversation. She smiles and the hard lines to her face soften a bit. I’ve seen her smile before, but not like this. Usually it’s a predator’s smile, full of menace, not humour. Not joy. This smile is different. This one isn’t meant for me. I look away.
Milly is still working, tapping away at her PD. It’s a different version to the one she had yesterday, an older version. This one isn’t made by Me.com or its subsidiaries. It’s rare to see such an old model.
“What?” Milly looks up and blows out of the corner of her mouth to get a few errant strands of hair out of her face.
I grab hold of my seat as we hit another bump. Kendall glances up towards us, but then back to her PD. Her conversation looks intense.
“Just wondering what you were doing?” I say. Some people would like to be alone with their thoughts at a time like this. My thoughts keep bringing me back to my feelings. I can feel sweat on my forehead despite the chill in the buggy. I need to distract myself from my withdrawal.
“Putting together an information package.” Milly goes back to tapping on her PD screen. “On the off chance we do actually succeed, we need to get the proof out to everyone. Simon will do what he does best, he’ll convince them with his words. I’ll do what I do best, I’ll convince them with proof. Solid facts. Not everyone will get it or understand it, but hopefully enough will see it’s the truth. The most important, easiest to understand information can be displayed on the screen while Simon is talking. The rest I’ll be sending out as a data packet along with the broadcast.”
I nod. “I should let you get back to it then.”
“You should let me get back to it then.”
Kendall smiles one last time at her PD then presses a button, ending the call. She closes her eyes and draws in a deep breath, sighing it out. When she opens her eyes, she looks hard again. The soft lines replaced by sharp ones. Her PD isn’t Me.com either, it’s a custom build. Everything Kendall has is custom built for her.
“You got someone you want to call, Robot?” she asks, nodding towards me. “Since we destroyed your PD.”
“Even if we hadn’t, I wouldn’t trust using Epicurus anymore.” I think about it. I could call Summer. One last chance to talk to my daughter before they kill me or throw me in jail for the rest of my life. I should talk to her one last time.
“Here.” Kendall slips her PD from her arm and holds it out towards me. “I can see you hesitating, Robot. I’m forcing the issue for you. Whoever it is, call them. Or I’ll shoot you.”
I reach forward and take it. “You wouldn’t.”
Kendall shrugs. “In the leg or something. Nothing fatal.”
I smile at Kendall, she just stares back at me. I can’t decide if she’s joking or not. Maybe it’s from being a Drone for too long, or maybe she’s just unreadable.
I tap Susan’s number into the PD and hover over the connect button. Anxiety. It’s making me hesitate. I haven’t spoken to either of them in almost three years. What if they don’t even recognise me anymore? I don’t think I’ve changed that much, but it’s possible. I wonder how I still know the number. Can’t remember the last time I called them. Muscle memory, my fingers can tap it out without even thinking about it.
Kendall coughs. I look up to see a small pistol in her hand. Her finger isn’t on the trigger, but she shoots me that predator’s grin of hers and nods. I tap the connect button and wait.
The wait is agonising. I don’t know whether I want someone to pick up or not. I think it would be easier if they didn’t. Would I be disappointed? The screen flashes and I see Susan’s face staring at me. She looks different to my memories. Her hair is shorter, a few more wrinkles near her eyes. She looks good.
“Hello?” Susan says and peers towards the screen. “James? Is that you?”
It takes me a moment to find my voice and when I do it sounds small. “Yes.”
She looks annoyed. I suddenly realise I haven’t been keeping track of the time. I have no idea what time of the day it might be for them.
“I can barely see you.”
“Sorry.” I look for the light button on the PD and flick it on. A bright white light shines into my face, making me squint while my eyes adjust.
“You looked better before,” Susan says. She’s frowning now. I remember the frown well. It was the one she used when I’d somehow made her life harder, like buying the wrong type of milk. “Are you Okay? You look tired.”
I try to remember the last time I slept. It was back at the hotel. Days ago, maybe. Too long. I haven’t showered either. I probably look like a vagrant, covered in Lunar dust and shaggy from not shaving.
“I’m fine, Susan. I just…”
“Whose number is this?”
“What? A friend’s. I, um, I broke my PD.”
“Huh. This isn’t a good time, James. It’s never a good time.”
“I’m sorry.” This isn’t going how I wanted it to go. It is scarily close to how I expected though. “But it’s the only time.”
“What?” Susan sounds annoyed. She looks annoyed. Makes an annoyed wave at someone behind the screen and mouths something.
“Is Summer there?”
I don’t want to talk to Susan. Not really. Once I would have. Once there was love between us. Deep love borne from decades of closeness. We’ve known each other since we were children. We were friends before we even knew what lovers were. It’s gone now though. I gave my love away, sold it to someone who wanted to feel what I had once felt, even if only for a moment. There’s no love on Susan’s side either. That eroded away, b
urned to bitter ash in the fires of hurt, disappointment, and anger. All my fault. She might have been able to love me still after the accident, but I ran away. I’ve spent the past four years running away. I’d probably run away now if I could.
Susan stares at the camera for a few moments, biting her lip. I can see she’s deciding whether or not to hang up. I glance up. Milly looks away quickly, starts tapping away at her PD. Kendall just smiles. Sitting there with her arms crossed, watching and listening to what should be a private conversation.
“Fine,” Susan says. “You can have a few minutes.” She looks up, past the screen. “Go get Summer, please.”
“Who is it?” A male voice. I feel a twinge of irritation. Jealousy. Not because of the idea that another man might be with my wife. Ex-wife, at least in sentiment if not name. I think I’d be happy for her if I really thought about it. The jealousy is that another man might be a father to Summer. I push the feeling down. Bury it. I almost think that Epicurus might be a good thing. At least for people like me. People who don’t want to feel.
“It’s her father. Go and get her, please.” Susan brushes her hair back behind her ear and looks into the screen. She sighs. “Summer idolises you, James. She can barely remember what you look like, but… she thinks you’re a hero.”
I shake my head. “I’m not.”
“Oh, we both know that. She refuses to see it. She always wants to know when daddy is coming home and if you’ll be there for her birthday. Did you know she had a father-daughter day at school the other day? She gave you a call about it, left a message when you didn’t answer. Kevin offered to go with her, but she refused. Kept saying you’d turn up.” Susan is getting angrier as she speaks, working herself up. I deleted the message without listening to it. I doubt’ I’d have gone along even if I had heard it. I was a good father once. Not for a long time.
Silence. Only the rumble of the buggy and a beeping coming through the PD. I see Susan wipe at her eyes. I would say sorry, but it wouldn’t have any meaning. We’re long past sorry.
