by Rob J. Hayes
“Look, James, if you’re just…”
“Daddy?” I feel… something. I don’t know what exactly. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. Something I don’t remember feeling ever before, but I know I have. Love? Joy? Happiness? Just the sound of her voice makes my chest go tight and my breath ragged. I see Susan wipe at her eyes again and look up with a smile.
Summer slides down next to her mother and grins into the camera. She’s beautiful, almost like a miniature version of her mother, but with my brown eyes. She even has her hair cut like Susan’s, shorter than I remember, only down to the shoulder. Her ears are pierced now. Two little studs sitting in her lobes. She’s missing a tooth, or has been for a while, the new one is growing through.
“Daddy!” Summer scootches nearer to her mother, trying to get closer to the screen. “I knew you’d call. Mummy didn’t think so. She said you were good for nothing.”
“Summer!” Susan’s cheeks light up red. “I never said that to you.”
“You said it to Kevin. Are you coming home, daddy? Look, I got my ears pierced!”
I sniff. “You did. They look good. You’re… You’re so much bigger than I remember you.”
Summer pulls a face. “I’m one of the smallest in my class, daddy.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. It just bubbles up and escapes out of my lips. Susan doesn’t look impressed. Summer beams.
“I got a new arm too.” She holds her left arm up in front of the screen.
Guilt. A wave of it washing over me. Drowning me. Forcing the breath from my lungs. It’s like being punched, only worse. I know I can recover from a punch. A few bruises and weeks and it will be good as new. This sort of pain I can’t recover from. This is the pain that made me run away. Give away everything just to not feel anything.
Summer’s arm almost looks flesh and blood. Almost. Cybernetics have come a long way in the past few years. The skin tone isn’t quite right and the fingernails look off. No matter how real it might look, I know it isn’t. It’s all pistons, gears, wires, and rubber. Her left arm will never be real again. All because of me. I was supposed to protect her. Instead I killed her. Maimed her.
“You Okay, Robot?” Kendall is giving me a concerned look. Worry. Milly is still trying to pretend she isn’t paying any attention.
I wipe a hand over face and force a smile onto my lips. Summer is looking at me through the PD, her smile slowly-fading into a frown. Susan’s jaw is clenched, I can see her grinding her teeth.
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “It looks good, Sum,” I say in a strangled voice. “Almost real.”
Summer smiles again, grinning at me all the way from Earth. I still feel the guilt, but there’s love there too. It makes the guilt feel worse.
“I have to have a new one every six months because I’m growing and everyone says it looks strange when one arm is shorter than the other.”
Susan puts her arm around Summer and gives her a squeeze. A part of me wishes I was there. Wishes I could hug my daughter like that. Another part of me wishes I could just end the call and find the nearest harvester.
“It’s not about looking strange, Sum. You don’t. It’s about keeping your equilibrium.” Susan gives her another squeeze.
“That means balance,” Summer says to me.
“Does it?” I sniff. “You’re smart. You must get that from your mother.”
Summer nods as if it’s the most sage declaration I’ve ever made. “I won an award for spelling.”
“Did you?” Pride swelling inside my chest. I can’t keep the smile from my face.
“I came second,” Summer continues when she sees me smile. “But everyone agreed I had a really hard word that I spelled right. Effusive. It means showing thanks.” She nods and grins again.
She’s so happy. Maybe from remembering her award. Maybe from seeing me again. I wonder if Susan is planning to upgrade them to Epicurus. Maybe she has already. What if Summer ends the call and then tells all her friends on Me.com how happy she is. They’ll steal that happiness, leaving her blank, desolate. Like me.
“Susan, I have to ask you a favour.” I say it before I can convince myself not to.
“No, James. You don’t get to ask for favours.” Susan sounds angry again. Her prideful smile vanished in an instant. It seems I’m still the best at making her angry. Summer looks down and away. Some children can sense a storm coming a long way off and they know not to get involved.
“It will be the last one. I’m going to be going away for a while after this.”
Susan nods her head and glares at me through the PD screen. “Of course. You’ve been away for more than while, James. For over half Summer’s life in fact.” I see tears run down Summer’s face, but she doesn’t make a sound.
“This is different, Susan. I have…” I trail off, look up at Kendall to see her shaking her head. We don’t know how much of the conversation is being listened to. If I tell them what we’re about to do, Me.com might hear about it too. “I have to do something, and I might be… I might not be coming back from it.”
“What? What are you talking about, James? You haven’t been around for the past four years. Then suddenly you call us, remind Summer that she has a father, and leave again? Are you just trying to remind us all how much of an arsehole you are?”
I see Summer shaking. She opens her mouth and lets out a loud sob. Susan immediately gathers her up into her arms and hugs her. “It’s Okay, baby. It’s not your fault.”
Shame. Burning away at me. I did this. It was a selfish desire to see Summer again, one more time. And now I’ve hurt her again. I need a harvest. Need to get rid of the shame, the disgust. I think I’d keep the love this time though. A steady warmth to get me through the long days in prison to come. All in vain. One way or another, I’ll never sit in a harvester again.
“Just… Just listen to me, Susan.” Summer is sobbing into her mother’s shoulder now. My fault. Always my fault. “Don’t use Epicurus. Please.”
“Robot!” I look up to see Kendall shaking her head at me, a dangerous look in her eyes.
The buggy gives another jump. I grab hold of the seat and hold on. By the time I look into the screen again, it’s dark. The call cut off. I punch the numbers in again. This time it doesn’t connect. It doesn’t even try. A message flashes up on the screen telling me it’s unable to connect.
“Shit.”
“They hang up on you?” Kendall asks.
“I think we were cut off.” I give her a sorry smile.
“Idiot.” This from Milly. “Two days away from the launch of Epicurus’ new harvesting functions and you tell people, over comms, not to use it… Well of course Me.com is listening in. They’ll have all sorts of algorithms in place to pick up on certain words and combinations. It’s how they work. It wouldn’t surprise me if all negative chatter is being blocked.”
Milly lets out a sigh. “Please tell me that PD is off the grid.”
I hand it back to Kendall and she nods. “Custom built. Scatters signals. Untraceable without some triangulation or something. I don’t know. I trust the guy who built it for me.”
“Good.” Milly goes back to typing at her PD. “No more calls. To anyone. We’ll be reaching the launch zone in… thirty minutes, give or take. I hate these things.” She nods upwards. The Darts are being transported on the buggy roof. I can tell fear when I see it and Milly is definitely scared.
“Your wife sounds like a bit of a bitch, Robot.” Kendall slips her PD back onto her arm.
“Ex-wife.” I say. “Sort of.” I push at the ring still on my finger. My cheeks feel damp. I wipe at them with my sleeve and they feel dusty instead. “And she isn’t. Not really. She just has to deal with me occasionally. That’s enough to make anyone sound like a bitch.”
“Oh, I’m quickly figuring that out for myself.” Kendall laughs, but it quickly fades away, leaving the buggy in near silence save the occasionally beep from Milly’s PD and the constant grind of the wheels o
n the Lunar ground.
Kendall taps at her PD as well. I’d probably be using mine, but it’s lying in pieces back in Simon’s workshop. I’m not sure what to do with the down time. I’m so used to being connected, so used to having the world at a touch of my fingertips. Now I don’t. Now I have nothing but the quiet and the feelings that I’ve spent so long running from. I can feel myself sweating.
“What are you doing?” I ask Kendall.
She glances up at me and frowns. “Playing Pinion.”
I shrug.
“It’s a game, Robot. One where everyone in the world plays together to build up their fortresses and slay dragons.” She shrugs. “Get loot. I know. My brother introduced me to it. I’m a bit addicted.”
“Sounds fun.” I’ve heard of those types of games. They’ve been around for a long time. I’ve never played them. Never really played any games.
“Oh, it is. My guild took down Merlin for the first time last night. I missed it.” Kendall frowns at me. “Thought I’d jump on. Congratulate them. It’s probably gonna be the last time.”
I smile. “Wrecking ball?”
Kendall nods. “Wrecking ball.”
Chapter 28
Grief: Tearing. Stabbing. Drowning. Grief can make the world seem a heartless place. It doesn’t sell. It doesn’t fade. Sticks with you for life. Grief has the highest number of one time harvests.
“Get in the pod,” Simon says, slowly pointing a finger. Everything is slow out in the atmosphere of the Moon. Gravity is lower, there’s no air, no warmth. Only our atmo-suits keep us from dying within moments. I’ve seen people take shrapnel out here. It wasn’t the bleeding that killed them, it was the Moon. I remember the frozen terror in their eyes. I hate atmo-suits, but I’m glad they exist and I’m glad I’m in one.
“Tell me how this works.” Kendall looks even less pleased than I am. She stares at the Dart and I see a flicker of uncertainty cross her face.
“A combination of electromagnetic propulsion and directed thruster fire.” Simon approaches Kendall’s pod and points down at the base. “This thing is an E.M. Generator. When it detonates, the Dart is launched upwards. Then a series of timed E.M. Charges will be set off to further increase the velocity of the Dart.
Kendall nods along to Simon as he speaks. I don’t know if she understands it all. Maybe she just wants him to convince her he knows how it works. I have my own doubts, but I keep them silent. No point in telling her that I’m half expecting us all to blow up right here.
“On board thrusters will fire to keep the Dart on course. The computer will do the tracking. All you need to do is stand there and try not to throw up.” Simon turns away and then back again. “Or pass out.”
“What?”
Again Simon points to the Dart. “The rate of acceleration can cause people to pass out. It’s about not getting enough blood to the brain. They call it a whiteout.”
Kendall stares at the Dart, then at Simon. I hear her sigh over the comms. “I don’t like passing out.” She steps up to the Dart and turns around. I see fear on her face as she backs up into the pod.
Simon closes the door on the pod and checks the seal. Then he taps something into the outside key panel and turns to me. “Your turn, Mr Garrick.”
I take one last look up at the glowing blue and green globe above us. It really is beautiful. Probably the last time I’ll see it like this. Then I turn and step backwards into the pod. Simon pauses, his hand on the door.
“Thank you for this, Mr Garrick.”
As Simon closes the door on my pod, I realise just how cramped the things are. Standing there with my hands by my sides, I can barely move. The Darts are nearly twice as tall as I am and three times as wide, but the space for the occupant is small.
I feel my nose begin to itch and let out a sigh. Even if I could get my hand up to scratch it, the atmo-suit’s helmet would stop me. I twitch it, trying to find a way to ease the agony.
“What are you doing, Robot?” Kendall’s voice over the comms.
I glance to the right and see three small video feeds. One is Kendall, her face lit but everything around her dark. She’s staring at me through the video feed and looks far from comfortable. The other two feeds are dark, but I see Milly’s face step into view on one of them. She looks pale, mouthing something repeatedly, but no sound comes from her comms.
“Are you alright, Milly?” I ask. I can’t reach the button to turn off my own comms, Too cramped. They’ll just have to put up with listening to everything I say all the way to Earth.
I see Milly take a deep breath and shake her head. Her face goes a bit darker as Simon closes the door on her pod. “Have you smelled an atmo-suit that’s had someone throw up and piss themselves in it?”
I see Kendall laugh in her feed. I don’t hear it though.
“No,” I say.
“Lucky you.” Milly looks sick to her stomach. “You’re probably about to get the chance. These things don’t really agree with me. Or me with them. We have a complicated relationship and one of us is definitely not happy. You three are gonna have to peel me out of this when we land.”
“About that….” Kendall starts to say.
“It will be rough.” Simon steps into view of the final video feed. His brow is furrowed, but he looks a lot less nervous than the rest of us. “Thruster fire will slow us down until we enter the atmosphere. Then a series of parachutes will open on the approach, but they’re only designed to slow the Darts down. These things are made of ceranium, they’ll survive the re-entry and the landing, but there’s only so much shock absorbers can do. You’ll feel it and it will hurt.”
“This plan sounds worse every time you explain it.” Kendall shakes her head.
“We won’t have long once we land. They’ll know and security won’t be far off. We’ll need to free ourselves from the Darts and make our way down the building as quickly as possible.”
“Server room is our best bet,” Milly says with a sickly smile. “Ten floors down and heavily guarded.”
“Best bet?” Kendall’s face darkens. “This is all on a gamble?”
“An educated one, yes,” Simon says.
“I’ve changed my mind.”
“Too late for that now.” Simon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, followed by another.
I see a small number projected on the door of the pod in front of me. It’s counting down from ten. I struggle to move a little again, but I’m squashed in tight. At least I won’t rattle around in the pod. My nose itches again. The timer hits three.
“Shit.” Milly’s voice crackles over the comms.
The world lurches. I hear a noise like a giant rubber band twanging, and then my vision goes bright and white, disappearing at the edges. My stomach feels like it’s dropped into my legs and I struggle to breathe.
Kendall lets out a groan. I try to look at the video feed, but my vision won’t clear. All I can see is a spot of dark pod, lit by an ethereal red light blinking in and out. In and out. In and out.
Slowly, my vision clears. The whiteness recedes and I see the interior of the pod more clearly. There is a red light blinking somewhere. I move my head as much as I can, searching for it. I can’t see it. I’m too cramped, unable to move.
“Is a blinking red light a bad thing?” I ask.
“Yes.” Simon’s eyes dart down to something only he can see. “Is there a beeping as well?”
I listen. There’s a strange noise, like sandpaper scraping along a window. An electrical hum. A beep. A few seconds later another beep.
“Yes,” I say, a note of panic creeping into my voice. I don’t want to die squashed into a metal coffin out in the void of space. I don’t want to die at all. “I hear it.”
“How regular is it?” Simon asks.
I listen again.
“Every three seconds or so.”
There’s a pause from Simon. I glance down at the video feed and see him frowning. “You’ll be fine.” He doesn’t sound so certain.
“Let me know if it gets any faster.”
“Is there anything you can do from there if it does?”
I see his head shake. “No. I’d just like a warning if you’re about to explode.” The smile he sends into the camera isn’t quite genuine
“There’s a chance these things might explode?” Kendall asks. Her face looks pale across the feed. There’s a grim set to her mouth and her eyes look more tired than dangerous.
“Yes. Navigating any section of space in what amounts to a small metal tube powered by electromagnetics… there are a number of inherent dangers.”
I see Kendall shake her head. “I hate you, Robot.”
Another loud twang and my stomach lurches again. My lungs forget how to breathe for a moment.
“Gaia’s breath,” Kendall’s eyes are wide as the Moon itself. “What was that?”
“The first acceleration charge,” Simon says. “Nothing to worry about.”
“If I make it, I will give you something to worry about.”
“Try to get some sleep,” Simon says. “We’ve got twenty-two hours before we reach Earth. Keep an eye on that beeping, Mr Garrick.”
I close my eyes and marvel at how tired they feel. It’s been so long since I slept, even longer since I had a good night of sleep. I hear another twang and my stomach lurches again. There will be another ten of them yet. Each one as uncomfortable as the last as our velocity is increased again and again. The feeling fades and I let my consciousness fade with it.
I wake to shouting. For a brief moment I can’t tell if it’s my own. I was dreaming, a nightmare about… something. The memory of it fades too fast and I’m left only with a feeling of dread. I blink away the blur in my eyes, wishing I could rub at them.
“Simon! SIMON!” Milly’s voice, high pitched and frantic. “No no no no no no no no no. Simon, wake up. Simon!”
I look at the video feed. Kendall looks scared, but she’s silent, staring down at something. Milly is frantic, writhing about in her pod and crying, tears streaking down her cheeks. Simon is still, slumped over towards the camera in his pod. Bright red blood decorates the inside of his atmo-suit helmet.
