by Anne Leigh
*****
Over the months that we’ve been together, he has brought me many times to his favorite places in San Francisco, the museums.
I was quite surprised the first time he brought me to a museum. We spent the whole day walking through the artistic works at the San Francisco Museum of Contemporary Art.
“I love this place,” he said, as we walked through the various paintings, sculptures, and architectural works. He spoke with such marvel, wonderment.
I was a science girl through and through. I liked the paintings and admired all the exceptional works of art. However, I was pretty sure Zander was looking at everything through a different lens.
When I asked him why he wanted to be an architect, he smiled and said, “I love creating something out of nothing,” he looked around the room that we were currently standing in, “You see, babe, this space here, used to be just land, nothing. Look at this now, it’s a grand building, with grooves, character, and attitude. I love playing football. It’s my passion. Architecture is my second passion.”
Curiosity got the better of me, Zander was the only son of a computer magnate, and it behooved me that he was not going the path or maybe something similar to what his father did. “It’s really great that you know what you want. How about your parents, your dad, doesn’t he want you to be in business with him?”
His eyes betrayed the tiniest of flicker, “Nothing would make my parents happier than for me to quit football. I know that they’re not comfortable with me getting pinned to the ground by 2-to-300-lb men. My dad wants me to join him. It’s just not me, you know?”
I held his hand; he looked slightly uncomfortable telling me about this.
“They have been very supportive. They might not agree with what I want to do; but, they respect my decision,” a slight smile lit his face, “and for that, I am thankful.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Doubts creep in when insecurity sets in.”
Sedona
Away games were torture.
For the simple fact that he was away.
I never thought I could miss someone's presence as much I did. Just his.
The only upside to Zander's away games was that I could DVR them. It was coincidentally hell-ish that all his games were scheduled on the nights that I had to wake up super early in the morning. As much as I wanted to, my body has been attuned to 6 ½ hours of sleep. Any less than 6 ½, I didn't function. Or barely. I couldn't be barely functioning for clinicals.
Right now, he was in Texas. Then, the team was off to New York. He was gone for almost a week.
As soon as I got home, I turned on the TV in my room, leaving the sound off. I did not like listening to the commentators while watching the game. The game was still on. The app on my phone showed that Zander's team was behind by a field goal, 27-23, with 4 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter. Texas University had possession of the ball. Whew! This was going to be a close game.
I set my homework aside for a few minutes.
I was biting my lip watching the game. Yikes. Texas U was going to score, they were in the red zone. If they did, they would win. I was praying for a sack, a fumble, or an interception and, closed my eyes. I peeked through my right eye nervously and screamed. Texas U just had an interception.
"Sedona, is everything ok?" I heard Nalee's voice outside of my door.
Ohmigosh, she must've heard my scream. I thought she wasn’t home.
I hurriedly got up, not lifting my eyes away from the screen. The San Francisco Mariners’, offensive line, stood up from the sidelines and jogged towards field position.
"Sorry, Nales. I got too excited. Do you want to watch with me?" My eyes were glued on the screen.
Nalee came in and plopped to the side of my bed. I heard her say, "Sure."
My heart was beating so fast. Zander's team needed this win. He had been talking about it for days. With this win, they would clinch the division.
The San Francisco Mariners had possession of the ball at Texas U’s 35-yard line. The defense was in blitz formation. Zander audibled to change the play with hand signals. The clock was ticking, 1:30 minutes left on the game. Zander threw a pass; the intended receiver fell before catching the ball. 1:19 left. Zander threw another pass, he overthrew the receiver. I saw Zander shaking his head. 0:38 remaining. Zander was in shotgun position, stepped back to pass and threw deep into the end zone. His receiver, Domair Harris, caught it. Touchdown, San Francisco!
Nalee and I screamed and jumped like girls on fire. A game was not over til it was over but it would take a Hail Mary for Texas U to win.
As the clock reached 0:00, we were laughing and hugging each other. The camera panned to Zander and the Texas University quarterback shaking each other’s hands. Gemmie Gonzales, college sportscaster, with a microphone on her left hand, pulled Zander aside.
"What do you think of the win tonight, Zander?" She was a pretty, blue-eyed lady, who was probably in her late 20s.
Zander was wiping the sweat off his forehead, as the camera zoomed on him. Gosh, he was so hot!
He had a huge smile on his face, "It was a tough game. Coach kept telling us to push ourselves and tonight, we did. Great job by Dawes on the interception. It gave us a chance to be in the scoring position."
Gemmie asked Zander, "You just clinched the Division tonight, how do you feel about that?"
"Very happy," he said, excitedly, his eyes shone brightly, "We have to take this as a win and move forward."
A couple of Zander's teammates now joined him. Before Gemmie could ask another question, Zander touched two of his fingers to his lips. It was his private gesture to me. He did not make any obvious gesture or comment referring to me on camera because it would be publicized as usual.
I touched my mouth with my fingers. He knew I would be watching or recording the game. Whenever he was on camera, he told me that this was his way of letting me know that I was on his mind.
Nalee stood up, "Our QB did great tonight!"
I smiled, "Yes, he did. His whole time did." I was so proud of him. I texted him right away.
Proud of you, babe. U are such a hottie! Miss u.
The sportscaster was now asking the coach questions about the game. After Nalee left for her room, I caught the game’s highlights on the Sports Channel. Bob Reide, Sports Channel’s leading anchor, discussed the highs and lows of the game with 2 other commentators. Watching them argue about who did what, what went well for the Mariners, and what went wrong for Texas U, I started thinking that the TV cameras showed only the really good and the really bad parts. Everything else was deemed mediocre and unnecessary for coverage.
I wished the TV cameras also showed the important, meaningful parts of the athletes’ lives. The grueling daily workouts that stretched their physical capabilities. The mental toughness that it took to stay focused and function at optimal levels, in each and every game. The hours away from their significant others. The will to accept the outcome, especially, a loss. The injuries that could sideline them for a quarter, a game, a career. I’ve lost count of how many times I have assisted Zander in taping and re-taping compression wraps to immobilize his shoulders, wrists, and knees. Last week, when a 250-lb defenseman collided with him during the 3 quarter of the game, his whole upper body was sore for 3 days. He joked that he could be my guinea pig on sports injuries once I started my PhD in Sports Science. A few minutes later, he commented that I had better not be touching those athletes the way I touched him. As if. I rolled my eyes at him and showed him exactly how I wanted to touch him.
Zander pushed himself constantly to become the best at what he did. He didn’t become the acclaimed star that he was by lying around and having it handed to him. He worked out religiously, practiced hard, and played even harder. His body was a testament of his devotion to the sport. The well-defined pecs, the six-pack abs, the hard, toned biceps, and the sinewy, long limbs? Those didn’t show up overnight. They were honed and developed for years. Physically, he was a si
ght to behold. I was a lucky woman to have all that for myself. But, he was way more than his physical attributes. He was intelligent and wise beyond his years. He thought of how his choices affected other people. He declined the full-ride university scholarship because it meant that another athlete who was counting on it to get through college, would not be able to get it. He wasn’t perfect. He piled on tons of dirty, sweaty laundry and didn’t wash them for 3 weeks. His logic was that he wanted to make sure that he wore all the shirts in his closet before it was time for a wash. To me, that was gross! When I was at his place, I helped him do a load or two, each week. He had a short fuse of temper when his teammates strayed from the game plan. He was moody, especially, when he thought I was making him wait for sex. The fun part was that he would try anything to get me in the mood.
Yes, those were the moments that the TV cameras did not and could not capture. Moments that made you feel the impact of their pain, their triumphs, and their journey. Moments that made them seem less of superhero figures and more human, like the rest of us.
It was almost 11:45, way later than my usual bedtime, by the time I turned off the TV. I had a great excuse; my boyfriend’s team just made division play-offs.
I wasn’t ready for my alarm clock to ring at 5 AM. I took a quick shower, dried my hair, put on my uniform, stopped by Yany’s donuts for a small mocha. By 6:10, I was walking inside the hospital. I took out my phone from my pocket. Weird. No calls or texts from Zander. I had a few minutes to spare before Professor Dawes came in so I checked my emails.
Zander’s email came in at 1:42 AM.
Babe,
Lost my phone. Thought I had it my locker but nope, it wasn’t. Called phone company already to lock it. I know you’re sleeping right now. Just want to say, I miss you. Can’t wait to be back in 3 days. Talk to you later today. I’ll borrow John’s phone or maybe we can video chat on the computer. Miss you.
~Z
Professor Dawes appeared in the hospital lobby before I could send a reply. Cell phones were not allowed in the nursing units so I had to put it on vibrate. My heart swelled from Zander’s email. It felt good to be in my place. My boyfriend was such a thoughtful guy. Those thoughts buoyed me throughout the early morning rotation.
I was having a great day. All three of my patients in the Cardiac Unit were ambulatory. I spent most of my time talking and walking with them. I felt my phone vibrate a few times in my pocket. I did not even glance at the caller or the text because I was with patients.
It wasn’t until lunch time that I had the chance to check my messages.
Tanya’s text, 10:15 AM: I’m sending you this bcoz it’s all over Chatty Pepper. Let him explain though.
Let who explain? I was boggled.
Nalee, 10:28 AM: Don’t buy into the rumors. Give him a chance to talk to you.
What was going on? Obviously, whatever this was, he was Zander.
Kieran called and texted. His text at 10:45: Ace, he likes you. Don’t fall for this crap.
I was really confused. My appetite left me. I went outside the building to get a better signal.
The pictures that Tanya sent were still loading when I got a call from an unknown number. I ignored the call.
Cold, bucketful of water slammed, poured all over me when I saw the first picture. Zander was in his plain white t-shirt and light, flannel pajamas. His hair looked wet, like he just came out the shower. He was hugging a dark-haired woman who appeared to be in jeans and a revealing tank top.
The second picture was of Zander and the woman, still hugging. This time, her hand was on his lower back. I couldn’t see his face.
My heart braced for the onslaught of pain. It didn’t come.
I heard Chastity, my nursing classmate, call me through the cafeteria doors. My senses were slightly off. I heard her but I couldn’t make out her words. She came closer to me and said, “Hey, we got to go back to the floor.”
I was still processing her words. She must have seen the warm blood flowing through my veins, leave my face. “You ok?” she asked.
Her words finally sank in. I was definitely not ok. Years of shutting down my emotions prepared me for this, I nodded at Chastity.
The rest of the afternoon went by fast. My body was on auto-pilot. I passed medications with my instructor and continued with patient care. I even managed to start an I.V. line successfully. My brain was present but my mind was not.
Finally, when my rotation was over at 6:45, I walked to my car and sat inside for a long time.
I looked over at my phone, sitting on the passenger side.
20 missed calls.
From who? I didn’t care.
I hit the “Delete All” function for all the callers. I kept the voicemails but didn’t listen to them.
I needed time to think.
Being a scientific person, I relied on the facts presented to me.
Fact # 1: Zander was in his bed clothes.
Fact # 2: Zander was hugging a woman, who was NOT me, in his bed clothes.
Fact # 3: He would not be hugging some random stranger; it looked like he knew her.
I started my car and headed towards the pier, still in my nursing uniform.
Zander
I heard the loud banging on my door at 8:30. Damn, it was too early for this.
Last night was fun, celebrating the win with my team. Coach let us stay out until 1 AM. We all went to a local bar and had a couple of beers. Everyone behaved and we all had a good time.
John came through the door; “Z, have you talked to Sedona today?” was his first question.
“Sedona?” My sleepiness was suddenly gone, “No. She’s at clinicals today. Remember, I lost my phone. I sent her an e-mail earlier. Why? Did something happen?” Chills were starting to creep up in my body.
He shook his head, “No, nothing happened to her. I think it’s best if you call her and talk to her.” He sounded serious as he handed me his phone.
On the screen were two screenshots of me in my jammies, hugging Holly. We looked pretty cozy in the photos.
Shit.
I asked John if I could use his phone. Sedona’s number and my mom’s cell numbers were the only numbers I memorized.
My call went straight to voicemail so I left a message, “Babe, call me.”
She was at her clinical rotation so she would not be answering her phone. Still, it didn’t calm my rattled nerves. I needed to talk to her.
I called again and left another message, “Babe…please, let me explain. Holly knocked on my door last night. We just had a friendly chat and she left. Nothing happened. Please call me.”
I looked over at John and asked, “Do you have Tanya’s number?”
Thankfully, he did.
Tanya answered on the second ring. I explained to her what happened. She just listened. I was so damn worried. I hadn’t spoken to her last night because my phone was lost. Now, this crap was all over Chatty Pepper. I didn’t need this. Sedona didn’t need this. We didn’t need this.
I must have called 10 times and left messages each time. John finally took the phone away from me.
All day, I was on the edge. My last message was for her to call me through John’s phone.
It was already 7 at night. Our team was now at the airport, waiting for our plane to leave in an hour and a half for New York. She still hasn’t called.
Every time, John received a call, my heart jumped. Maybe it was her. But each time, it wasn’t. I was so nervous that she wouldn’t call back.
Sedona was a no-nonsense girl. If she saw the photos, she would run through the facts. The glaring fact was that I was that I was hugging a girl who was not my girlfriend, pretty intimately. She would ask me what happened, right? Right. How come she hasn’t called?
I was standing at the far end of the airport’s lounge, away from my teammates, looking through the window. The plane that we were about to board was on the tarmac. We were going to be in that floating bus for almost 3 hours. 3 hours of no conta
ct with her. What if she called at that time?
John came up to me, handing me his phone “It’s for you.”
Finally, it was her. Relief rushed through me.
“Babe, I was so worried you wouldn’t call,” I rushed.
She was quiet, I listened to her breathe. Finally, she asked, “Who was she?”
The overhead intercom made the announcement that our plane would start boarding in 15 minutes.
