Love Unexpected

by Anne Leigh

  The second wave of nausea came, a week and a half after our breakup. I was studying for a nursing exam in my apartment. Kieran brought me my favorite Kung Pao Chicken from Good Food Chinese.

  My stomach was growling when he got there. He set the take-out Chinese boxes on the kitchen table. I smelled the food from my bedroom but the smell was a lot stronger in the kitchen. I didn't even make it to the kitchen. I started throwing up in the outside bathroom.

  After I was done throwing up, Kieran was so worried that he drove me to the clinic that day.

  He said, "You're not yourself. You're nauseous and now you're throwing up. You have a bad case of stomach flu or something."

  At the clinic, an older, Caucasian lady with kind eyes introduced herself as Dr. Hayes. She ordered blood work and urine test. We waited for about 2 hours. Kieran waited with me in the waiting room.

  Finally, the nurse called me to see the doctor.

  Dr. Hayes asked me again how I was feeling and what I was going through.

  I told her that I've been stressed a lot lately since I was going through my clinicals, thesis, and exams.

  When I was done telling her about me, she said, "Well, congratulations, Ms. McKenzie, you're going to be a great nurse,” She smiled and followed it up with, “I'm sure you'll be a great mom."

  Mom?! The four walls of the tiny room caved in on me. I felt hot and cold at the same time. My heart was beating rapidly and my hands felt clammy.

  "I'm sorry, Doctor. There must be a mistake. I'm not pregnant. I'm taking birth control pills."

  "Well, your urine test is positive and your blood tests say you’re definitely pregnant," she said.

  I tried to count back to my last period. I was so irregular and I have been so busy that I could not trace back when I had my last period. I asked her if I could look at my phone.

  There it was. My last period was…more two months ago.

  "I'm taking birth control pills." I still couldn't believe it. Looking back, the symptoms that I had been feeling for the past, few weeks were most likely pregnancy symptoms.

  "Well, birth control pills do protect you from pregnancy. But if you're not taking them regularly or they're low dose or it could just be that you're in 0.01 percent who gets pregnant while taking birth control pills."

  The doctor asked me if I had any questions. I wanted to say "Yes, I have a million questions." I stopped myself and thanked her.

  The nurse scheduled me for subsequent visits but I informed her that I was graduating so I would be doing most of my follow-up visits with my own doctor.

  Kieran saw me first when I got out of the clinic door.

  "Hey, Ace, so what did the doctor say? You got an infection or something?"

  I shook my head. I wished it was that easy.

  I was silent until we got into his car and tears started falling out.

  "I'm pregnant." I said it so softly.

  "Pregnant?"

  I nodded my head. He removed his seatbelt and reached out to hug me.

  I cried and cried on his shirt. He reached across the backseat for a box of tissues. He always kept a box of tissues because of my allergies.

  "It's going to be ok, Ace. It's going to be ok," he said, against my hair.

  "Please don't tell him, please don't," I begged him.

  "You have to. That's his child too. Unless you want to get rid of it?" He tried to keep a straight face but his voice was slightly alarmed.

  "No, I'm not even thinking of that. Please give me time. I will tell him."

  One more week passed and I still haven't told Zander. Only Kieran, Nalee, and Tanya knew about my pregnancy. Nalee and Tanya were shocked at first. They couldn't believe that I'd be the one who got pregnant first. They were excited to be aunts though.

  I didn't tell my dad. I wanted to tell him but each time I felt I was ready, I held back.

  He wanted to know when I was coming home. I told him after I get my internships taken care of. I received the replies from the hospitals that I applied to. I was accepted to all of them.

  Having a baby changed things, plans. A lot. Instead of doing internships, I decided to take my board exam early, in a month’s time. It was enough time for the Board of Nursing to receive clearance from CSUF Nursing that I could take the exam.

  Kieran was leaving in a week to train in Omaha for the World Championships; so, we spent a lot of time with each other. He said that if I didn’t tell Zander about the baby before he left, he would be the one to tell him.

  *****

  I was on a deadline.

  As the days got closer to when Kieran had to leave, I was getting more and more nervous about the fact that I had to tell Zander. Kieran told me that Zander would want to know and that he had the right to know.

  I reminded Kieran that Zander and I were broken up.

  It was a weak excuse. I knew Kieran was right. Even though we were broken up, Zander would still want to know about our baby. He would not hesitate to take on his responsibility.

  I heard the bartender turning up the volume of the TV. Majority of the patrons quieted down. At 6 o’clock, the bar was filled for happy hour. Yes, I was pregnant, in a bar, and no, I was not drinking any alcohol. A few days ago, I discovered that my baby liked chicken wings. Just like daddy. It was the one of the few things I could eat without regurgitating it out.

  Kieran's eyes widened. My back was facing the TV. I turned my neck to see what the fuss was all about.

  It was Zander. On live television.

  He was being interviewed by The Sports Channel commentator, Bob Reide. Since Zander was the local sports hero, the bar patrons wanted to watch the interview.

  It was the first time I was seeing him since we broke up. I felt sad, happy, and lonely, all at the same time. He was wearing a light green shirt for the interview. His hair was longer and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in days. His eyes looked tired, dull green. The HDTV highlighted the shadows under his eyes.

  I turned my whole body around to face the TV. The captions were also on so everyone could read what was being said during the interview.

  Bob: Zander, how does it feel to be the number one draft pick?

  Zander: Happy, Bob (he smiled, but only the left side of his mouth turned up). Hard work pays off.

  Bob: Does it bother you when people say you're in this position because of your dad?

  Zander: Nah, it doesn't. My dad has nothing to do with the draft.

  The interview went on for 20 more minutes with all the commercials in between. Bob Reide asked Zander about statistics, football strategies, and coaches. It was a 30-minute special The Sports Channel.

  Bob: Can you confirm this rumor?

  Zander: What rumor?

  Bob: There is a rumor coming from multiple sources that you asked to sign a one-year contract for the Minnesota Fox.

  Zander: Umm, yes that is true (his eyes shifting uneasily).

  Bob: In the NFA, rookies would like to sign long-term contracts rather than short-term. This is quite unusual. I was surprised that Minnesota agreed to this deal.

  Zander: I think you’ll have to talk to my agent and legal team about that. I just want to see where it goes. Hopefully, I can contribute Minnesota and be an asset.

  Bob: Minnesota Fox wanted to sign you for 5 years but you declined.

  Zander: Yes, I asked for a one-year contract to see where I am and how I'm contributing to the team after a year.

  My heart was literally thumping in my chest now.

  Bob: Ok, Zander, thanks for talking to us today. I'm sure you have plenty of fans around who would love you in Minnesota or wherever you want to go.

  Zander: Thanks, Bob.

  Bob: Is there anything else you want to say? Maybe to your parents? To your fans?

  Zander: Thank you to my parents for always being there for me and for my fans, if I have any (he grinned), thank you for your support. He slowly lifted two of fingers to his lips and waved at the screen. Subtle move, enough for my heart to
hear.

  Bob: Ok, well on that note. Folks, that's it for our interview with the number 1 draft pick,

  Zander Zobowski. Thanks for watching.

  My phone started buzzing. Nalee texted me, "Did you watch the interview?"

  Tanya was calling me and Kieran was turning me around.

  Tears were streaming down my face.

  "There's your answer, Ace. He’s only signing for a year. His agent must have pulled out all the stops to be able to do that. Maybe he’s thinking about you. I think the ball’s on your court now.” Kieran and my friends were probably thinking about the fact that Zander only wanted to be signed for a year to keep his options open.

  I just kept nodding at Kieran’s words, not quite hearing most of them. None of them knew what Zander’s gesture for me was. It was between him and me. His simple, quiet gesture called out to me, loudly. He was asking me to come back to him.

  *****

  Kieran drove while I made the airline reservations on my phone. I didn't want to text or call Zander. He deserved more than that from me.

  Nalee helped me pack my bag. I wanted to get out of the airport quickly so I only brought a light carry-on. Kieran arranged for my transportation from the Twin Cities airport to the Minneapolis Standard Hotel where Zander was staying. John was the one who gave Kieran Zander's whereabouts.

  By 11:30 that night, I was on my flight to Minneapolis. The flight was about 4 hours and Minnesota was 3 hours ahead. It would be about six in the morning when I arrived at Minneapolis International Airport.

  I tried to get some sleep in the flight. I had to get some rest for the growing life inside of me. I probably got 2 1/2 hours of sleep when I heard the captain's voice in the intercom,

  "Ladies and gentleman, we are now arriving at Minneapolis International Airport. The weather outside is 65 degrees. Local time is 5:55 AM."

  I retrieved my compact mirror inside my purse and fixed my hair and dabbed some powder on my face.

  Upon getting out of the terminal, I saw a small, elderly man holding up a sign ‘Ms Mckenzie.’ I introduced myself; he took my carry-on, and deposited it in the back of his taxicab.

  I texted Kieran letting him know I've arrived. He replied, "Goodluck, Ace."

  I also texted Nalee and Tanya, knowing they'd be worried about me.

  Nalee: Go get your man.

  Tanya: Talk to me after the make-up sex. I want all the details.

  I replied to them both with, "Thanks."

  When I arrived at the hotel where Zander was staying, I started feeling uneasy. Doubts began forming in my head.

  A tall, blonde receptionist greeted me and asked if she could help me. I shook my head and said, "Thank you. I already have my room key."

  The truth was, I didn't want her calling Zander's room because she would ask tons of questions and I just wanted to see him already.

  The receptionist smiled at me and politely said, "Please let us know if you need anything."

  I smiled at her and thought, "Yeah, I'd probably need a room if Zander boots me out of his."

  I took the elevator to the 8th floor and walked to Room 822.

  With each step, I imagined all the possibilities that could happen, if Zander decided not to forgive me. What if he said we were truly over? What if he said he didn’t want the baby? Would he still want the baby if we were over? Then, I thought of all the times when he looked at me with his gentle eyes; how caring and considerate he was; how he always put me first. I thought of all the good times that we had and how I wanted to create more happy memories for us in the future.

  I knocked on Rm. 822. Zander was a deep sleeper when he was really tired. Normally, he was a light sleeper.

  I was on my third knock, when the door opened.

  His left hand was scratching his left eye when he mumbled, "What is it, John? Too damn early, man."

  His hair was all mussed from sleep. His eyes widened when he saw me at the door.

  "Sedona?" He blinked a few times, unbelieving that I was there.

  I smiled shyly and said, "Can I come in?"

  "Yeah, sure. Come in.” He was awake now, his voice clearer. He ushered me in quickly and closed the door.

  "Sorry, I know it's so early -" Before I could say anything else, his hands were all over me.

  He was kissing my hair, my face, and my lips. He was touching me everywhere.

  I responded willingly. I missed him so much. Next thing I knew, I was being carried to the bed without any clothes on.

  He must have gotten rid of his clothes too because he was naked.

  When he entered me, I was slick with my own juices. My body missed him. My mind longed for him. And my heart ached for him.

  We didn't last long. In less than 5 minutes, we were both panting, out of breath, and his fluids were mixed with mine.

  He held me in his arms for what seemed like forever.

  I was the first one to say something, “I'm sorry.”

  He stayed quiet.

  I lifted my face from the pillow so I could face him and see his expression when I talked.

  "I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Or make you think that you or our relationship didn't mean anything to me. I just wasn't thinking. I guess with our crazy schedules the past months, it totally got out of my head."

  He was just listening to me, looking at me with a somber expression.

  "The truth became clearer to me when we were apart,” I wanted him to understand. Needed him to understand.

  I took a big gulp of air, here's to my leap of faith.

  "The truth is, I love you. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t even want to come to terms with that fact. My dad loved my mom so much. Then, when she was gone, he was never the same. I was scared that I would lose control of myself, of everything.”

  “See, babe, you're my first, in a lot of things.” Tears were streaming down my face. He continued to listen while slowly wiping my tears with his hands, “I’m scared to lose control, babe. I always have been. But you know what trumps my fear of losing control?” I paused and leaned in closer to his face, “Losing you. I am more scared of losing you than anything else. You’ve taught me to enjoy being surprised, to enjoy life, and now I want to enjoy love, with you. I love you, Zander, with all that I have."

  I was not stopping. I wanted him to know that he meant the world to me, "Zander, when you're gone. Everything around me is darker, duller, lonelier. You, you're the spark that lights me up. You bring out the best in me. You make me yearn for more, way more than I have ever had.”

  I looked down and he cupped my chin, bringing back my gaze to his deep blue eyes.

  "Baby, look at me,” he said gently, “You’re IT for me. If you weren't here today or the next week, I would have gone and locked you up in a cabin somewhere until you recognize that fact. You only had until Tuesday next week to be rid of me. I was coming for you, by graduation. Babe, I’m not sure what love is because I’ve never felt this before. I’m pretty sure, though, that whatever it is, it’s what I feel when you’re with me.”

  More tears trickled down my face, now combined with sniffles.

  "These past few weeks have been hell for me. Hundreds, thousands of times, I just wanted to call you and I stopped myself. I want you to be with me because you want to. I want you to think of us, our relationship because you want to. It hasn't been easy for me to stand my ground when all I could think about was you," he admitted.

  His eyes shone with love, "I made plans for us. I wanted, no, I hoped that you made plans for us too. I left because I knew how much you meant to me, I just didn’t know how much I meant to you. I couldn’t accept the idea that you planned everything else in your life but you left, me and us, in your plans.”

  I kissed his lips and said, "Zander, when I think of the future, I see you clearly. I think I left you out of my plans because I was not ready to accept just how much I loved you. When you left, it was the hardest thing. It also made confront the reality of how life s
ucks without you. I don't ever want to be without you ever again."

  He started kissing my tear-filled face. His hands and fingers masterfully roamed across my still-naked state. As he plunged his tongue inside my mouth, I lost my train of thought and the sheets became tangled again.

  When I stirred into consciousness, the drapes were shut and I could only see the outline of the clock against the wall. I squinted my eyes to focus on the time on the clock. It was 4:20.

  I slept that long? I must have been really tired. My hair was all tangled up in between the sheets and the pillows. I slowly got up and walked to the direction of the bathroom.