A Monster's Paradise (Away From Whipplethorn Book Three)

by A W Hartoin

  “Where’s the meat?” he said, swinging his biting stick around.

  Marie set a platter down. Horc sniffed and his eyes got all dreamy. “Meat.”

  “Do you have your third set of teeth yet?” asked Mrs. Marfisi.

  Mr. Marfisi elbowed her. “She means that we’ve heard spriggan get three sets.”

  “Yes. That’s what I mean. I’ve never really met a spriggan before.”

  Yeah, right. If the Marfisis hadn’t met a spriggan before I was a brown-speckled troll. Lucrece thought so, too. She eyed them in that I-might-consider-eating-you way, but said nothing. Maybe that was why Mrs. Marfisi wanted to pretend not to know any spriggans. We had the two most normal ones. The rest of the species was disreputable thieves, but still meeting a spriggan in France couldn’t be that unusual.

  Lucrece gave me a flask and ordered me to drink.

  “What is it?” I asked, trying not to sound too suspicious.

  “Reishi tea,” she said. “My own recipe for the immune system, stress, and fatigue.”

  “She has been working on it for weeks,” said Horc.

  “And you made it for me?” I asked.

  “You need help with your immune system, stress, and fatigue, don’t you?”

  “I guess so. Thanks.” I took a swig and it wasn’t half bad.

  Mom landed at that moment, wearing her favorite red dress and a pair of heels, and interrupted the awkward silence. “I see we’re all here.” She bowed to the Marfisis without being told that’s what they do and directed everyone to their places.

  Before long we were eating and talking like we’d all known each other forever. Mrs. Marfisi loved food. She told us all about the great cheeses, bread, and pastries. She didn’t seem to notice our ratty blanket or our clothes that were so different from her own. Somehow the two of them looked in place, like it wouldn’t have mattered who sat down to dinner, they could’ve made conversation with anyone. We talked about everything except the revolution. They were careful to avoid that topic and that was the one we most needed to know about. Not that I didn’t like the whole cheese discussion, but we’d seen more dead bodies in one day in France than I’d seen in three significant battles at the antique mall. Every time I tried to bring it up, Dad cut me off or Mom gave me the stink eye. I steamed and listened to the merits of Beaujolais noveau or plain old Beaujolais. Didn’t anyone notice that we had real live French fairies? They were obviously winged, well-off and in hiding. I couldn’t see Mrs. Marfisi sticking a red cap on her head. They might know about the vermillion or the king or something important.

  Mom cleared the dishes and Mr. Marfisi produced a bottle of Merlot, which started a rousing discussion on pairing wine with cheese. Utterly useless.

  “I’m going to the Louvre,” I blurted out.

  Everyone stopped and stared at me. Mom turned red again. Oh, yeah. I’d broken another rule, unsaid though it was: don’t talk about anything useful.

  I ignored Mom’s glare and continued, “I want to see the Mona Lisa. Grandma Vi talked about it, so I want to go tomorrow.” Total lie of course, but I had to say something.

  “Tomorrow isn’t a good day,” said Mom, pouring Dad some more Merlot.

  “Tomorrow’s the perfect day.” I turned to Mrs. Marfisi. “What should we see? You must’ve been there a million times.”

  Mrs. Marfisi wasn’t looking at me. She stared down into her wine glass. A tendril of blond hair slipped out of her elaborate hairstyle and landed on her delicate hand. I felt a bit guilty. I knew she was afraid and in hiding, but little details couldn’t stop me. I just pictured Miss Penrose’s legs, swollen and purple, and I was willing to do whatever I had to do.

  “I heard the king’s apartments are pretty cool,” I said.

  Mrs. Marfisi gasped and her eyes met mine. I’d rarely seen so much fear, except in my mother’s eyes, and she was afraid of practically everything. Mrs. Marfisi was different. Her fear wasn’t imagined. It was quite real.

  “You can’t go there,” she said.

  Mr. Marfisi stood up and offered his hand to his wife. “I think it’s time we retire for the night. Thank you for a lovely dinner.”

  Mrs. Marfisi followed her husband’s lead, thanked us for dinner and they left. As soon as they’d flown under the archway, Mom was shaking her finger at me again. “Look what you’ve done. You made them uncomfortable.”

  “I had to do something. You weren’t going to do it.”

  “Do what? Insult our guests? Put them on the spot?”

  “What’s wrong?” yelled Iris.

  Before Mom could cry again, Dad took her hand. “Now everyone calm down.”

  Mom wrenched her hand away. “Don’t tell me to calm down. Nobody’s going to the Louvre tomorrow and that’s final. We’ll take a few days to let the situation calm down.”

  For once I kept my big mouth shut and Dad didn’t even have to tell me to do it. There was no point. Mom, like the Marfisis, was scared to death. I should’ve been, too, I suppose, but being scared wasn’t my thing. Hiding wasn’t my thing either. Saving Miss Penrose was another matter. That I could do. That I had to do. Miss Penrose was dying, not in a month or two, now, right now. I almost told Mom right then, but she would completely freak. I’d handle it on my own. It was better that way.

  “I’m going to bed,” I said.

  “Good,” said Mom. “Stay there. We’ll discuss this in the morning.”

  I flipped my hair over my shoulder and grabbed Iris’s hand. “Bed!”

  “Bed?” she yelled.

  I nodded and we flew up. Tess and Judd were clearing the human portion of the table, while trying to keep track of what we were doing, while not being obvious to their parents. Tess shrugged at me and Judd winked. I could count on them. Marie came out of the kitchen and hurried them up. “You have to get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow.” She winked at me.

  I winked back, not having any idea what she was up to. Nothing Mom would like, that was for sure.

  Iris and I flew under the archway and down the hall to Tess’s room. We found Mrs. Marfisi hovering next to Tess’s dresser, concealed from my patients, lying on their pallets. I put my finger to my lips and motioned for Iris to go to the window. She darted away and I went to the dresser.

  “I’m sorry if I upset you,” I said.

  “Are you?” Mrs. Marfisi asked.

  I thought about it. “No. Not really.”

  “You’re going to the Louvre, aren’t you?”

  Mom and Dad would’ve said to lie, to conceal as much as possible about us. Lucrece would’ve lied too, but only because she considered lying to be a noble art form. I didn’t lie. I didn’t sense any malice. There was fear, but it was for me, not of me.

  “Yes,” I said. “I’m going. Alone, if I have to.”

  “That’s what I thought.” She glanced in the direction of the window. “You were at Notre Dame today?”

  “You know about that?”

  “We heard you come in. How bad was it? Did many die?”

  “Quite a few. I didn’t count.”

  “Will your friends survive?”

  “I think so.”

  “Even after that, you’re going to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa?” She raised a thin eyebrow and I smiled.

  “Some things must be seen in person.”

  “I’d bypass the Napoleon apartments. There’s nothing to see.”

  Ah, Napoleon’s apartment is the king’s apartment. Yes!

  “Maybe there is for me.”

  “Some things aren’t worth it. I have to get back. Roberto will miss me.” She handed me a large tote she had slung over her shoulder. “Don’t let anyone know that you’ve been seen and if you absolutely must go, wear these.”

  The bag contained the most beautiful pair of boots I’d ever seen, soft brown leather, pounded thin, and knee high.

  “They’re beautiful,” I said. “But why?”

  “You were at Notre Dame and in the thick of it, unless I miss my
guess, your leg will identify you. Hide it.”

  “Thank you, but I’m not sure it was all that noticeable during the battle. It was crazy.”

  Mrs. Marfisi kissed me on both cheeks. “When you’re going out there, every detail counts.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “IS IT POSSIBLE to die from lack of sleep?” Rebecca hunched over not only one but two cups of coffee. Evan sat next to her, draped over his chair with arms and legs going every which way.

  “Yes,” he said. “This is what death looks like.”

  He did look bad. They both did with bloodshot eyes and a weird pallor that bordered on gray. I walked past Evan’s hand and cut a chunk out of his brioche. He’d never miss it. I, on the other hand, was full to bursting. I’d had a sample of every pastry Marie had shown up with that morning. She’d made coffee for Rebecca and Evan and planted herself in the living room with Judd, planning our trip to the Louvre. I stuffed myself and let her plan, but she wasn’t going and neither was Judd. I’d been up half the night thinking it over, and I couldn’t risk it. If they were identified as seers, they’d likely be attacked. Tess and Judd were kids, and Marie, no matter how amazing, was seriously old. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t put them in that position. I’d have to go by myself, since Lrag and Bentha were out. Bentha would’ve tried to go if I’d told him what I was up to, but I didn’t. His third heart had just started beating again. I didn’t know what would happen if he pushed too hard and neither did he.

  So I was leaving him behind. Iris, too. Her hearing was coming back, but I didn’t have to tiptoe around to get past her. I grabbed the bag Mrs. Marfisi gave me and picked up the sea serpent sword. It seemed like a bad idea to try and pose as a tourist while carrying a sword. But if I couldn’t use my fire, I would be defenseless. I wrapped the sword in one of my dresses and put it in the bag with the boots. Iris rolled over and walked right past her sleeping head.

  “We have to call someone,” said Evan. “I can’t take this.”

  “And say what? We have a phantom stink at night?” said Rebecca.

  “It was worse last night, right?”

  “Oh my god, yes.”

  Judd stumbled in, yawning. “Hey, Dad. All the poison’s gone.”

  “What do you mean, gone?” asked Evan.

  “I mean it’s gone. Every bit of it.”

  “Which holes did you check?”

  “All of them.”

  Evan lurched out of his chair and tossed back the remains of his coffee. “You just didn’t see it.”

  “Look for yourself.”

  Evan dropped to his knees and peered into the kitchen’s rat hole. “Get me a flashlight, will you?”

  Judd handed him a fluorescent yellow flashlight and he looked again. “Maybe we forgot this one.”

  “We didn’t. It’s gone.”

  Rebecca perked up. “Do you think the rats ate it and died already?”

  “Well…”

  The dogs ran in snuffling along the wall, leaving their snot trails in big swoops.

  Rebecca jumped up and smacked at them with a tea towel. “Stop that!” She chased them out of the room, swearing like Marie.

  “I don’t think they’re dead,” said Judd.

  “They have to be dead. Nothing could eat all that poison and live,” said Evan.

  “Maybe we could get a better poison and traps.”

  Evan rubbed his hands together. “That’s it. We’ll upgrade. Get your jacket. Let’s go.”

  I flew behind them into the living room and hovered behind a potted plant until Judd turned his back. Then I darted into the foyer to the table where I’d hidden the tote. I flew around the fat porcelain vase, brushing the finely painted flowers with my wingtip. I’d get my bag and wait for Evan and Judd to leave and then slip out behind them. Mom and Dad weren’t even up yet. They wouldn’t know, until it was too late.

  I dipped low to snatch up the tote as I came around the turn, but had to jerk away at the last second. I knocked into the vase, went left, and careened into a decorative box. I slid to a halt on the polished tabletop and spun around. “What are you doing here?”

  Horc sat on my bag wearing the special suit Lucrece had made him out of an old envelope she found in the trash.

  “Nice landing,” he said.

  “You surprised me. Again, what are you doing here?”

  “I am going with you to the Louvre.”

  “I’m not going to the Louvre.”

  “Really?” He picked his spiky teeth with an old biting stick and examined the splintered end for bits of meat.

  “I think it’s time for your nap,” I said.

  “No nap. I am helping you.”

  “I don’t need your help.”

  “You most certainly do and as I said I am travel-size for your convenience.”

  “There’s nothing convenient about you. You weigh like eight thousand pounds. I’d get a hernia carrying you around.”

  “You have done it before and you will do it again. Or…” He paused for effect. “I will raise the alarm and you will not be going anywhere.”

  “You wouldn’t.” I crossed my arms. Blackmailed by a baby. My life was not improving.

  “I would. I ask you, is there anything I am not capable of?”

  A grim reminder indeed. Spriggans were capable of anything. Horc had long decided to be a wood fairy, but he pulled out the sprigganness whenever he wanted something I wasn’t willing to give.

  “Come on, Horc. You want to save Miss Penrose, don’t you?”

  “That is why I am going. Your success depends on hearing. I have it, you do not.”

  “Mom’ll kill me.”

  “Judd and Evan are coming. You will miss your chance.”

  “I can’t.”

  Horc leaned forward, his moist dark eyes fixed on me. “You can. You, like me, are capable of anything.”

  Evan walked past the table and opened the door. “Come on, Judd.”

  Judd ran into the foyer. “I was looking for something.”

  “Did you get it?”

  Judd’s eyes roamed around the small area and we ducked behind the vase.

  I think he said no. It’s hard for me to make out even booming human voices, if they’re blocked by something. Evan walked through the door.

  “Mom wants to wait a few days. Does Miss Penrose have a few days?” asked Horc.

  Judd walked through, and I gulped.

  “How long will it take to convince her you know what you’re doing?”

  I grabbed Horc and the bag, dashing through the crack before the door snapped closed behind me. I flew behind Judd’s back and kept pace, so he wouldn’t see us. Mom would kill me. I left a note for Lucrece, giving instructions and saying where I was going. I didn’t mention Horc. Mom would freak out. She freaked out on a regular basis, but this time there was a good reason. I was capable of anything. She’d never trust me again.

  We got into the elevator and I barely made it behind Judd’s back before the doors closed. We could go back—it wasn’t too late. Horc wrapped his arms around my neck and planted a slobbery kiss on my cheek. Gag. If you’ve never had a spriggan kiss, you’re not missing anything. Trust me.

  I hung with Judd and Evan until we were out of the building. Then they went toward the shopping street with the boulangerie and I went left to the metro stop on the corner. I landed next to the metal signage to put on Mrs. Marfisi’s boots.

  “Correct decision. We wood fairies know how to find things,” said Horc.

  “So now you’re a wood fairy again?” I asked.

  “I am many things. All of them awesome.”

  I tugged the boots on. It was a tight fit over my bandages, but I managed. “Well, I wish some of the things you are were light.”

  “Good things come in heavy packages.”

  “Smelly ones, too.”

  Horc sniffed. “I smell like daisies, I’ll have you know. Mother said so.”

  So Mom lies. I’ll have to remember that.
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  I drank some of Lucrece’s new reishi tea out of my traveling flask and heaved Horc onto my hip. “I hope your ears are worth it.”

  “I am always worth it. So what is the plan?”

  “We’re tourists going to see the Mona Lisa and we got separated from our parents.”

  “Not bad.”

  “I’m glad you approve.” I flew down into the metro, found the right train, and we were off.

  I wasn’t sure about the whole glass pyramid thing, until I saw it. Nestled in the courtyard of the Louvre, three glass pyramids added some symmetrical rightness to the old palace and made it feel like we were time-traveling to a different age. A long human queue extended from the largest pyramid past the triangular pool with its spurting fountains.

  Horc held out an arm and strained toward the fountain. “I need a bath.”

  “No, you don’t. You smell like daisies, remember?”

  “That was then. This is now.” He leaned farther and unbalanced me. I swerved to the left and bonked into a woman’s forehead. She swatted at me and caught my wing. We spiraled down, buffeted between fanny packs and fannies. I snapped my wings closed and we plummeted. My wings snapped back open and we pulled up just before impact.

  Horc’s eyes rolled in his head. “That was intense. Do it again.”

  “Next time I’m jettisoning the excess baggage.” I flew back up, narrowly avoiding a pair of hideous snake-skin cowboy boots.

  “As long as you catch me, I am good.” Horc pointed at the fountain. “To the pool.”

  “You’re lucky I don’t just drop you in. We have a job to do.”

  “Later?”

  I groaned and flew up over the human’s heads, traveling much slower than I would’ve liked. It didn’t help that in addition to Horc’s heftiness, he had a bunch of biting sticks in his pocket and, I suspected, meat from the gross smell.

  Horc tapped me on the cheek. “I am already useful.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Mom is here.”

  That startled me and we dropped three feet, landing on the bill of a baseball cap. Horc bounced out of my arms and rolled down the slope, rapidly picking up speed. I dashed across the bill, but Horc rolled right off the edge. I shrieked and dove after him. Before I made it over the edge, there was Dad. He had Horc and I’d only seen his expression previously on people who wanted to kill me.