Jayden’s eyes watered. Tessa inched closer and placed her arm gently around his shoulders. “There’ll be other camps, Jayden. And your month of being grounded is almost up.”
“But I want to go to this camp.” He shrugged her away and folded his arms. His lips trembled and he was close to tears.
“Oh Jayden, I don’t know what to say, except that your dad’s not going to change his mind, so somehow you’re going to have to accept it.”
Jayden sniffed loudly. “I’m not going to talk to him ever again.”
Tessa let out a slow breath. God, I don’t know what to say to him. Please help him accept this. “I think your dad’s coming to see you soon, so you might need to.”
Jayden pressed his lips together before sinking lower into his pillows and turning to face the wall.
Maybe sleep would be the best thing for him.
For the remainder of the evening she and Ben avoided the topic, but it simmered away under the surface, placing an invisible strain between them.
The following morning, before Jayden was up, Tessa sat beside Ben at the breakfast table. He read the Bible passage for the day, Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” She knew the verse well, but wondered how Ben could read it and not be showing any compassion and kindness towards Jayden.
When Ben closed his Bible, Tessa knew she had to say something. Surely he could see how hypocritical he was being. “Ben, how can you read that verse and not show compassion to Jayden? He so much wants to go to camp, and it’s just putting a bigger wedge between the two of you. Can’t you let him go? Please?” Tessa placed her hand on top of his and looked deep into his eyes.
Ben drew in a slow breath and held her gaze. The determination she’d seen the night before in his eyes had eased, and instead he wore a softer look, giving Tessa hope he might change his mind. He squeezed her hand, but as she waited, his expression altered. “Tessa, it’s not a matter of showing compassion or not. Regardless of how much he wants to go to camp, I can’t go back on what I said. It’s a matter of discipline. He has to learn.” Ben leaned forward in his seat, resting on his elbows on the table and crossing his arms. “I feel sorry for him, Tessa, but that’s the way it is.” He held her gaze. “I’m sorry if you don’t agree.”
Tessa counted to ten. Her heart pounded. Ben was so rigid towards Jayden. Couldn’t he show just a little leniency? She could understand Ben not wanting to back down, but couldn’t he see he was pushing Jayden further away? She inhaled slowly, but adrenalin pumped through her veins, and her body tensed. And then she said it: “Ben, you are the hardest, coldest person I know, and I doubt you care for Jayden at all.”
She pushed her chair back and fled up the stairs, just like Jayden had done the night before and she hadn’t spoken to Ben since.
Now outside the house, Tessa’s heart pounded. She’d been just as guilty as Ben but in a different way. Where was her kindness, humility and gentleness this morning? How could she have said those words to him? She had to apologise,
Apart from her relationship with God, her relationship with Ben was the one of most importance. Yes, she loved Jayden and felt his pain, but it would do Jayden no good to see her and Ben fighting. Especially over him. But could she really put aside her own beliefs on what was right or wrong, let go of her need to make things easier for Jayden, and trust God to work everything out for good as he promised in the Bible?
Tessa rested her arms on the steering wheel and bowed her head. God, I’m sorry for the horrible words I spoke to Ben this morning. Please forgive me, and please give me the words to assure Ben that I truly do love and respect him, and that I’m sorry for the way I keep questioning his handling of Jayden. I so desperately want to be the wife that Ben wants and needs, and I feel so bad that we’re constantly fighting. Please be with me now as I go and face him, and help us to work this out. And be with Jayden. Soften his heart, oh Lord. Thank you Lord God for your everlasting, unconditional love. Amen.
Tessa opened the door and slid out. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she walked along the pathway and entered the house. All was quiet. Jayden must be out. She placed her purse and jacket on the couch without thinking, but then picked them up and carried them to the bedroom, hung her jacket in the closet and deposited her purse on the dresser.
She felt, rather than saw, Ben entering the room behind her. Her heart raced. What was he thinking? Those horrible words she’d said to him rang in her ears. How could she have said them? To Ben of all people? The kindest, most considerate person she knew. Just not with Jayden. Her hands shook as she slowly turned around.
Ben’s eyes were dark with pain, his jawline set rigid. Tessa searched his face and swallowed hard. She stepped toward him, arms extended. “Ben…” Her voice wobbled. “We need to talk.”
He stood still, his eyes fixed on hers.
Tessa gulped as she reached out and took his hand. “I didn’t mean what I said this morning. I said it without thinking, and it’s not what I believe.” She gulped again. “You’re a man who stands by his word, and if you said that Jayden was grounded for a month, and that included camp, it would have gone against your principles if you’d given in and let him go. I can see that now.”
She stepped a little closer. “It was also wrong of me to lose my temper and yell at you. Jayden should never hear us argue.” Tessa searched Ben’s eyes. The darkness was receding, but he remained silent. What was he thinking?
“I never knew it was going to be like this.” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I guess I had this idealistic view that once we were married everything would be okay, and that the three of us would all get on together.” Tears pricked her eyes. “I never dreamed I’d be put in the position of choosing which of you to side with. But Ben…” A sob caught in her throat as she closed the gap between them. “I know it’ll be hard sometimes, but from now on I’ll try my best to support you in front of Jayden and not to argue so much.” She squeezed his hand. “I can’t promise to agree with you on everything, and I’d love it if we could discuss how to handle him and try to come up with a compromise when we disagree, but Ben…” She gazed into his eyes. “I love you more than anything, and I’m truly sorry for what I said.” Her heart raced as she waited for his response.
Their eyes remained locked. After several long seconds, Ben reached out his hand and brushed a finger along her brow.
“We’re both at fault, Tessa. I know I’m hard on Jayden sometimes, but I do really love him, you know that.” His deep voice was soft and caring. “And I love you, Tessa. With all my heart.” His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. “I’m sorry I get grumpy sometimes.” He placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. “I don’t want to be like that with you. Or with Jayden.” He lifted her chin. “We’ll get better at this, Tess. I love you deeply, and I’m sorry.”
Tessa’s heart filled with relief and love as Ben lowered his face and kissed her gently.
“Let’s ask God to show us the way through this, Tess,” Ben whispered into her ear as he placed another kiss on her cheek.
A tear slipped from Tessa’s eye as she nodded.
Ben wiped the tear away with his thumb, and took her hand as they knelt together beside their bed. Ben led in prayer, his deep voice full of conviction and humility. “Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing Tessa into my life. You know how much I love her.” His voice caught in his throat. “I’m so sorry for the times I appear uncaring and cold. Oh Lord, please help me be more compassionate and understanding, and to love Tessa the way you do.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Forgive my hardness of heart, Lord. Please soften me, and do with me as you will.”
Tessa squeezed Ben’s hand as his voice choked again. When he continued, his voice was quiet and subdued. “And God, please show me how to reach Jayden. I’ve failed him so often. Let him know ho
w much I love him, and how special he is to me.”
Tessa placed her arm around Ben’s trembling shoulder and drew in a slow breath, very aware of God’s presence with them. Her spirit, moved by Ben’s brokenness before God, was heavy with conviction and a real desire for God to touch and to heal. “Oh Lord, bless our family. Bless Ben. Such a wonderful, strong, compassionate man who loves you so much. Draw us closer together, dear God, and help us be more loving and kind with each other when things get tough. Help us love each other, despite everything. And help Ben and me to show your love to Jayden. We look forward to the time when he sees for himself how wide and deep your love for him is, and he accepts Jesus as his own personal Saviour. Thank you, Lord God, for times like these when we’re drawn to our knees, totally aware of our dependence on you. I am yours, dear Lord, let me live each day with your love shining through me, especially to Ben and Jayden. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
Tessa wiped a tear from her eye as they remained silent in God’s presence, resting in his peace and allowing him to reach deep into their hearts. Tessa began to hum one of her favourite worship songs, “Be still and know that I am God; Be still and know that I am God; Be still and know that I am God.” Ben joined in, and together they worshipped, allowing God to renew their hearts and minds.
A short while later, Ben helped Tessa to her feet and pulled her close. “Never doubt my love for you, Tessa.”
“Nor you mine.” She lifted her face and gazed deep into his eyes. Ben traced her hairline with the tips of his fingers. When he lowered his face to kiss her again, Stephanie’s words ran through her mind. Making up almost made the argument worthwhile. Her heart rate increased, but then the front door slammed. Jayden! Tessa’s pulse raced. She reluctantly pushed Ben away and patted her hair down. How could they have forgotten about Jayden?
“That was close,” Ben whispered with a glint in his eye. He kissed her quickly on the cheek. “To be continued.” His eyes flashed with mischief as he stepped into the bathroom and washed his face.
Tessa straightened her slightly crumpled shirt, checked her face in the mirror, and ran downstairs ahead of Ben. Jayden sat in the family room, Bindy and Sparky collapsed at his feet. Sweat dripped from his red face, and his skin glistened.
“Jayden, get off the couch—you’re dripping all over it! You know what your dad will say.” Jayden looked up at her with hardened eyes. Tessa’s heart fell. The peace and confidence she’d felt only moments earlier had fled. Nothing had changed outwardly. Jayden was still angry with them both. But she and Ben were together, and God was with them.
“It’s okay, Jayden.” Ben’s deep voice reverberated down the staircase. Tessa’s head jerked around as Ben came down the stairs and her eyes widened. Had she heard correctly? Ben said it was okay for Jayden to stay on the couch, sweaty and wet? She met his gaze—his softened eyes melted her heart and the smile she sent his way was filled with love and appreciation.
Jayden also looked up, an incredulous stare on his face.
“How was your run? Looks like you wore the dogs out.” Ben bent down and patted first Sparky and then Bindy. Their heads lifted slightly, but their tongues continued to loll, leaving drool on the tiled floor.
“It was good.” Jayden’s voice was tentative, as if he didn’t know how to respond to his father’s out of character behaviour.
“Jayden, I’m sorry for being so tough on you.” Ben sat on the couch beside him. “Maybe I’ve been too tough, I’m not sure.” He ran his hand over his head. “It was only because I love you, and I believed it was for your own good, but maybe I could have been more lenient.” Jayden raised his eyebrows. “I can’t go back on what I said, so no, you can’t go to the science camp.”
Jayden’s eyes darkened again and he pursed his lips.
Tessa stood, unable to move, unable to breathe. Dear God, please give Ben the right words to say, and please soften Jayden’s heart.
“But… if I’m right, tomorrow is the fourth Sunday, and so if you come with us to church again happily, I guess we need to decide where and when we’re going to go camping.”
Jayden looked up, his whole face slowly expanding into a wide grin.
“Really? You’re going to come camping?”
Ben drew in a breath and then let it out slowly. “Yes. Not sure what I’m letting myself in for, but yes, I’ll go camping.”
Warmth spread through Tessa’s body as her eyes blurred with tears. Thank you, thank you God. Catching Ben’s gaze, she beamed at him with all the love in her heart.
Chapter 11
The following day, neither Ben nor Tessa had to rouse Jayden—he was ready before either of them. He still sat in church with a bored look on his face, but Tessa prayed that God would keep knocking on the door of his heart, and that one day Jayden would let him in.
At lunch, sitting outside on their deck, Tessa asked Jayden where he’d like to go for their camping trip. He’d been quiet after church, but he wasn’t being rude or sullen, and Tessa was heartened.
“Would you prefer the beach or the mountains, Jayden?” Tessa passed him the bowl of potato salad.
Jayden took a few moments to reply. “I think I’d like to go to the mountains so we can go hiking and have a camp fire, and sleep in little tents, just like I did in scouts.”
Tessa had never seen him so animated. “Just what I was thinking.” She smiled at him, pleased at his enthusiasm.
Ben’s face paled. Tessa giggled and squeezed his shoulder. “Come on Ben— it’ll be fine!”
Ben shook his head and inhaled deeply. “Can’t we rent an apartment on the Gold Coast instead?” The pained expression on his face made Tessa feel sorry for him, but she couldn’t help laughing.
Jayden rolled his eyes. “Come on Dad, it’ll be fun.”
While Tessa and Jayden continued to make their plans, Ben remained quiet. They agreed to go on the Easter weekend in a month’s time, leaving on the Saturday morning, and they’d head up into the hinterland behind the Gold Coast. Tessa knew lots of great camping and hiking spots, and she was sure her parents would lend them some camping gear.
Over the following weeks, Tessa and Ben became more involved in the activities of the Fellowship Bible Church. Ben joined a men’s prayer group that met twice a month, and Tessa joined a weekly women’s Bible study group that met on a Tuesday evening. Jayden continued going to church on Sundays, but didn’t join any youth activities, and Tessa eventually stopped pressing him about it. God, it’s up to you now. I can’t push him any more. I trust you to bring him to yourself when he’s ready. She prayed for him daily. Her heart went out to him—a boy in turmoil, confused and hurt. If ever she came face to face with Kathryn, she’d have words to say, that was for sure.
The first time Tessa went to the Bible Study she was a few minutes late, and all heads were bowed in prayer when she arrived. She quietly slipped into an empty chair beside an older woman with greying hair.
Tessa settled into her seat, but instead of closing her eyes, she glanced around the group of perhaps twenty-five women. Her heart skipped a beat when she recognised the woman on the far side of the circle. Sabrina Urbane. Tessa hadn’t seen Sabrina since that first Sunday when they’d locked eyes, and she hadn’t really given her a second thought, assuming she must have just been visiting, but now it seemed she and Sabrina were to meet again.
For whatever reason, Sabrina had never been friendly with Tessa, but after Tessa’s decision to break up with Michael, the tension between the two of them intensified. Sabrina blamed Tessa for Michael’s depression and suicidal tendencies, and now, the last words Sabrina had spat at her nearly two years ago came ringing back to Tessa’s mind: “If you truly love him,” she’d said, “you would have stayed with him.”
As the prayer session ended, Tessa slunk down in her chair and pulled her hair over her face in an attempt to become invisible to Yvonne, the group leader whom Tessa had chatted with briefly at church. And to Sabrina. It didn’t work. Yvonne smiled at h
er broadly and welcomed her to the group. As Tessa thanked her, Sabrina stared at her with steely grey eyes.
Tessa lowered her head to avoid making any further eye contact with Sabrina. Lord, why does she have to be here, at this church, in this group? Tessa opened her Bible to the passage in Esther the group was studying, but struggled to keep her mind on the discussion.
Could Sabrina have had a change of heart? Unlikely, given the stony look on her face. Seeing Sabrina made Tessa think about Michael. It wasn’t any of her business now she was married, but part of her wanted to know how he was doing. Was he angry at her like Sabrina? Was he still on drugs? Is he still alive? A twinge of guilt nibbled at Tessa’s conscience. They’d been so close for so long, and yet she hadn’t even cast him a thought since meeting Ben. Did she dare ask Sabrina about him after the group meeting was over? Tessa lifted her eyes but lowered them quickly as she met Sabrina’s cold stare. Not a good idea.
“Okay, ladies, that’s it for this evening. Let’s close in prayer,” Yvonne said at the conclusion of the study, closing her Bible and setting aside her notes.
Instead of joining in with the group prayer, Tessa closed her eyes and asked God to give her wisdom should she and Sabrina speak. And to forgive her for allowing her mind to wander when she should have been concentrating on the Word.
After the prayer time finished, the older woman sitting beside her introduced herself. “I’m Margaret Smith. Good to have you here with us, Tessa. Are you new to the area?” Margaret reminded Tessa of Rose, Pastor Stanek’s wife, with her greying hair, warm smile and overall cheerful demeanour.
“No, not really, I’ve lived in the area for some years, but I’ve recently married, and my husband and I have just moved into a house together and started coming to this church.”
“Well, I hope you enjoyed tonight, and that you decide to come back.” Margaret patted Tessa’s hand. “Come and let me introduce you to some of the others.” Tessa forced a smile. Not to Sabrina, please…
Tested Love: A Christian Romance (The True Love Series Book 2) Page 6
