by Rose Pearson
“I am sorry to have to be the one to bring such suffering to you,” Major Ridding said, softly, his fingers touching her chin gently so that she had no other choice but to raise her eyes to his. “Let me remind you, however, that there are plenty of other, more worthy, gentlemen out amongst society. Gentlemen who might understand you better, might be able to fulfil your dreams in a way Lord Warwick could not.”
Jessica swallowed hard and stepped back, forcing his hand to drop from her face. She did not want Major Ridding to ever consider himself in that role, nor was she about to give him any hope in that regard. Did he not see that she could not simply divest herself of the love she had for Lord Warwick – for that was what she felt for him – simply to give it to another? Her heart was not so fickle as that.
“I had better return inside to my sisters,” she said, dropping a quick curtsy. “Good evening, Major Ridding. Thank you again for being so honest with me.”
He caught her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, forcing her to remain for one moment longer. Gritting her teeth, Jessica tried not to jerk her hand away, waiting impatiently until he dropped it and allowed her to leave. Without even waiting for him to fall into step with her, Jessica hurried back towards the back door of the ballroom, suddenly desperate to get herself as far away from Major Ridding as possible.
Chapter Fifteen
George knew he was late but had deliberately ensured he would be well behind even the last of Major Ridding’s guests. He did not want to see Lady Jessica the moment he arrived, for he still was a little unsure exactly what he was going to say. After all, he had only learned from Major Ridding that she had not wished him to be here, but had never spoken to him directly about it – and that had cut him deeply. He had thought that the growing intimacy between them meant that she would have been able to speak to him about almost anything, but evidently, he had been quite wrong on that count.
Putting himself into a shadowy corner, George let his eyes travel over the crowd, wondering where Lady Jessica might be. Was she talking to her sisters or to one of their many acquaintances? She was not speaking with Lady Northfell, nor Lady Harmonia, who were both deep in conversation with a gentleman George did not recognize. Lady Jacintha was dancing, for he could hear her delighted laugh echo across the ballroom. Frowning, George bit his lip as he narrowed his gaze, intent on finding her.
The waltz began to come to an end, the music fading away and, just as he was about to turn his gaze away from the dancing couples, George saw none other than Lady Jessica on Major Ridding’s arm. They had been waltzing together.
His stomach dropped like a stone.
Hardly able to watch, he saw Major Ridding catch Lady Jessica’s arm and speak to her privately, his head lowered. Her eyes widened in surprise but she soon nodded and began to follow after him. Closing his eyes briefly, George tried to calm his frantic nerves, finally seeing where Major Ridding was taking her – out of the back door of the village hall where the small enclosed gardens lay.
“You need not spy on her,” he told himself, trying to convince himself that he was better than that. “She will return in a moment.”
It was no good. His legs were already carrying him past the other guests, making his own way towards the open door. A cool night breeze drifted towards him as he clung the sides of the hall, hoping that no-one would stop him.
Once outside, George forced himself to pause, waiting for his eyes to adjust before he continued. The gardens were small and George walked slowly, aware of how the lantern lit path wound around a few small trees and what appeared to be a rose trellis.
His breath caught as he saw two figures standing facing one another, their faces hidden by the darkness of the night. He did not need to ask who they were, far too aware that it was none other than Lady Jessica and Major Ridding. With horror, he saw her lean into him, his arms going around her waist. A loud buzzing rose in his ears, drowning out whatever conversation he might have heard. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. All he could see was the two of them together.
As she stepped back, Major Ridding murmured something and tipped up her chin, holding it tenderly as though he might drop a kiss on her lips. George’s heart screamed aloud in pain as he hurried away, no longer able to watch a moment longer.
His vision blurred as he pushed his way through the crowd, not heeding the indignant cries of the ladies as he strode through them. He had to get out of the hall, he had to leave this place before she saw him. His life was being torn apart all over again.
His coachmen sprang into action the moment he stepped out into the street, although they were clearly very surprised to see him back so soon. Shutting himself into the private confines of his carriage, he shouted for them to return home, growing colder and colder with every moment that passed.
It was a relief to be out on the road, knowing that he had escaped without either Lady Jessica or Major Ridding seeing him. He did not know what he would have said, had either of them confronted him. Not only had Lady Jessica shared her affections with another, proving her words to be completely untrue, but Major Ridding, whom he had considered his dear and trusted friend, had set his sights on Lady Jessica knowing exactly what George felt for her.
He had been completely and utterly betrayed by them both.
Much to his shame, George felt hot tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He was quite alone and so, being without any company whatsoever, allowed them to trickle down his cheeks. He could not remember when he had last felt so deceived, so clearly taken in.
George sat forward and put his head in his hands, hating that the love he felt for Lady Jessica still burned within him. Even though she had so clearly rejected him, turning her regard towards another, he could not let go of her so easily. How he wished he could, for then his pain and suffering might lessen! The things he had shared with her, the hopes he had talked with her about, they all seemed like foolishness now. Why had she appeared so welcoming, so friendly and open to his advances, if she had no intention of allowing their attachment to move forward?
“She is more fickle than I realised,” George whispered, his heart refusing to accept the words he spoke. “Who knows? Mayhap she was engaged to another all the time. After all, I simply took her word for it.”
The hour that it took him to return to his estate seemed to last an age. The estate held no welcome for him now. Instead, it appeared dull and dark, a reminder of just how alone and how unwelcome he truly was. It should be his brother living here, doing all the duties that he had been trained for, but instead, George had been forced to take his place. Had he been an adventurer, like Major Ridding, had his conscience been able to ignore the responsibilities of his title, then mayhap Lady Jessica might have seen him in a more favorable light! Instead, he was the dull, uninteresting fool who offered her a life of stagnation and boredom. A life she had evidently rejected.
Wandering into his large estate, George made for his bedchamber, changing without the help of his valet and immediately ringing the bell for a tray of something, as well as some whisky. His valet picked up his clothes without a word whilst the butler immediately saw to his other request and, once the tray of food and decanter of whisky was by George’s side, he sent everyone away, telling them all to retire for the night.
The darkness wrapped around him, filling both his room and his soul. There was nothing for him now. Not here. Yes, he had responsibilities, but he could not bear to be so close to Lady Jessica, not when she had chosen to give her affections to Major Ridding instead of to him, as she had said. With relief, George recalled that she had said her sisters were staying for a short holiday which meant that, if he left for London come the morrow, by the time he returned, she would already be gone. Their paths would never have to cross again and, in time, he hoped he would forget about her entirely.
But what of his duties here? He had only just begun to get a hold of them, had only just started preparing improvements for his tenants and had not even finished going ov
er the accounts! Could he really simply turn his back on all of that and leave for London? His lips twisted, the agony of his decision weighing heavily on his mind. He could enclose himself within his estate, he supposed. He could refuse to see any visitors, especially not Major Ridding, and throw himself into his work, fixing his mind on his duties and on nothing else. Shaking his head, George sat forward with a groan, knowing that it could not be as simple as all that. If he remained here, could he really convince himself to focus on all that he was called to do, whilst Lady Jessica remained nearby? Could he stop himself from going in search of her, wanting to both fall at her feet and rail at her in equal measure?
Filling his glass with a large measure of whisky, George threw it back in one hearty swallow, letting it warm his chest and bring a little life back to his cold limbs. Perhaps his hopes of love and affection within matrimony were something he needed to forget about entirely. After all, most titled gentlemen took brides that brought them something – whether that be a handsome dowry or the best title they could have. Good breeding counted for a great deal, especially since he was the only one of his family remaining and would have to, therefore, produce an heir. Would it be best for him to simply pick a lady based on her breeding and status alone? It would mean that he would never have to experience this kind of pain again, which alone brought him a great deal of relief.
Ringing the bell, George waited impatiently for his butler to reappear.
“Yes, my lord?”
George cleared his throat, hoping he didn’t look as haggard as he felt. “Remind me, does my brother – I mean, do I have a property in London?”
The butler folded his hands in front of him. “Yes, my lord. A townhouse, near Grosvenor Square.”
Nodding, George poured himself another dash of whisky. “Very good. And do I keep staff there?”
Again, the butler inclined his head. “Yes, my lord, although it is a skeleton staff. Your brother would hire extra servants during the season.”
“Which has passed, has it not?” George murmured, wondering if his plan to go to London was about to come to a rather miserable end.
“I believe there are still a few smaller events on, my lord, for the ‘little season’ will begin in a month or so,” the butler said, quietly. “Do you intend to travel to London, then?”
Looking up at the patient butler, George made a quick decision. “Yes. I am. I fully intend to leave tomorrow. Send someone to prepare the house, if you can. I know it is late but even if it is at first light, so they have a few hours to prepare.”
The butler showed no sign of surprise, simply nodded and asked there was anything else he required.
Shaking his head, George dismissed him, threw back his whisky and proceeded to pour yet another. He would get Lady Jessica out of his mind in any way he could, even if it meant drinking himself into an oblivion.
Chapter Sixteen
I can hardly believe your time here is over!”
Amelia clung to Harmonia, as though she might never let her go.
“I know, but we must return to London to see papa,” Harmonia murmured, rubbing Amelia’s back soothingly. “You are a little fraught because of your pregnancy, are you not? You will see us all again very soon.”
Amelia sniffed and dried her eyes, managing to give them a watery smile. “I feel as though I am travelling in uncharted waters, even though women have been having children long before me.” Her countenance grew a little sad. “It is times like this that I truly miss mama.”
Jessica tried not to cry, her heart already pained over the loss of Lord Warwick. She had spent another week with Amelia since Major Ridding’s ball but had not seen Lord Warwick at all. Apparently what Major Ridding had said was true – he had left his estate and gone in search of a bride. A better lady than her.
“Do not cry, Amelia,” Jacintha crooned, shooting a smile at Jessica. “Who knows? In time, you may have one of your sisters living close by.”
Jessica shook her head, warning Jacintha not to say anything more, before reaching for Amelia. The carriage was ready and waiting and Jessica, having kissed Amelia’s cheek, climbed inside.
Waving frantically, she and her sisters watched Lord Northfell and Amelia for as long as they could, until the carriage turned around the corner and they were gone from sight.
“Did you see how he put his arm around her?” Jacintha sighed, her expression a little dreamy. “I hope to find a husband just like that, one day.”
Harmonia smiled, her gaze shifting to Jessica. “We have not seen Lord Warwick for some time,” she said, one eyebrow lifting slightly. “He did not come to say goodbye. Is all well between you, Jessica? I had thought that….”
“As had I,” Jacintha exclaimed, as Harmonia trailed off. “You have been very quiet too, Jessica. Whatever is the matter?”
Try as she might, Jessica found that she could not prevent tears from falling from her eyes. She had been holding back her emotions from her sisters for a full week, not saying a word to any of them as she struggled to come to terms with what Major Ridding had told her. The kindness and compassion of her two sisters broke away the walls she had built around herself and, much to her embarrassment, Jessica began to cry in earnest.
Harmonia exclaimed in surprise, shifting in her seat to come to sit next to Jessica, as the carriage swayed along the road. She put a comforting arm on Jessica’s shoulder whilst Jacintha pressed a handkerchief into her hand, patting it gently.
“Come now, Jessica,” Harmonia said softly, her eyes filled with concern. “Tell us what the matter is. You are worrying us both!”
“Oh, I am sorry,” Jessica sniffed, feeling as though she had broken down a dam and let everything drain out at once. “I have been trying to keep it all to myself but I could not do it any longer. Not when you are both being so kind to me.”
Jacintha patted her hand again before sitting back in her seat, her expression confused. “Is it about Lord Warwick?”
“Yes,” Jessica admitted, sniffing in a most unladylike manner. “I am not quite sure what to make of it all. I had thought everything was going splendidly between us.”
“As did we all,” Harmonia replied, firmly. “I had thought you were close to losing your heart to him, Amelia. Are you telling me now that it this is not the case?
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Jessica drew in a few breaths and tried to regain her composure. Haltingly, she told them what Major Ridding had said, seeing the astonishment on their faces.
“And so it seems that Lord Warwick is determined to find a wife from within society,” she finished, wretchedness overwhelming her. “I cannot say why I am not good enough but it appears that he does not consider me good enough to be his bride.”
Jacintha frowned, shaking her head. “No, that cannot be so,” she exclaimed, firmly. “Goodness me, Jessica, you are the daughter of a duke! You have a good dowry and an understanding of how to run a household, so why would he not consider you?”
Jessica opened her mouth to refute her sister’s words, only to find that she could not. There was nothing about her that, in society’s eyes, made her an undesirable match, and she had thought both she and Lord Warwick shared a great many of the same ideals.
“We talked so often about travelling and about seeing more of the world,” she said, brokenly. “We seemed so alike, so similar, so I never once considered that he would reject me so.”
“It does not make any sense,” Harmonia declared, her eyes narrowing just a little as she studied Jessica’s expression. “I know you said Major Ridding told you this, Jessica, but are you quite certain you can believe him?”
“Of course I can,” Jessica replied at once, surprised that Harmonia would even suggest such a thing. “Why should I not? He is very dear friends with Lord Warwick and has been for some years. Nothing can be gained from telling me such a thing, especially when it appears to be quite true.”
Harmonia paused, her eyes darting out of the window as she thought. “Are yo
u quite sure he is gone?”
Lifting one shoulder, Jessica sighed heavily, hoping she would not dissolve into tears again. “Why else would he not come and see me?” she whispered, her voice too broken to speak loudly. “Why would his visits end so abruptly if it were not exactly as Major Ridding had said?”
Shaking her head, Harmonia remained unconvinced. “I must remind you, Jessica, of our own dear sister, Amelia. She was deceived by a man who had other intentions for her beloved. He told her lies in an attempt to separate her from Lord Northfell, don’t you remember? A man is not always as honest as he seems.”
Jessica considered this, taking in Harmonia’s serious nature and recalling with great clarity exactly what Amelia had gone through. At the time, Jessica had thought her sister a little ridiculous to be thrown back and forth in how she thought and felt about a single gentleman, based on what another told her, but now she found herself in a rather similar situation.
“No, it cannot be the same!” she exclaimed, after thinking it over for a few minutes more. “My sister spoke to a man who did not know Lord Northfell particularly well and who was shown to be no friend of Lord Northfell’s either. In this case, I am speaking to a man who I have something of an acquaintance with and who has a deep friendship with Lord Warwick. I cannot see what Major Ridding hopes to gain from this.”
“Unless he wants you for himself,” Jacintha suggested, her eyes widening just a little. “After all, he has paid you a great deal of attention.”
“No more than to you!” Jessica protested, weakly. “He danced with me, yes, but he also danced with you. I believe he only grew close to me so that he might share with me, privately, the truth about Lord Warwick.” She turned her face away from her sisters, looking out of the window and trying not to acknowledge that what Jacintha said could hold a modicum of truth. Major Ridding had seemed to want to press his attentions on her, to the point that she had been forced to make her lack of reciprocation very clear. That had not been something he had liked, given the expression on his face, but Jessica thought that the man was genuine enough not to hold that kind of grudge against her. He would not tell her something untrue about Lord Warwick so that she might fall into his arms in return! That seemed quite impossible.
