Hustle and Heart

by Alison Mello

“What do you say?” I ask Karen.

  She starts to laugh. “I’m not much of a camper.”

  I chuckle. “Oh we’re not camping out there, just the kids. They’ll have their phones if they need anything, and I’ll lock the fence from both sides.” I lean in to whisper so the boys won’t hear me. “I have it rigged with a monitor so I can see them too.”

  “Okay, sounds like fun.”

  “Yeah!” the boys cheer.

  “Don’t get too excited yet.” They both stop. “You have to include Grace.”

  Gabe gives me a look that screams really. “Dad, you know she’s never going to last. Every time my friends and I do this, she freaks out and goes inside.”

  “Well then, I guess you only have to tolerate her until she asks to come in, but heed my warning, son: You scare your sister to get her out of that tent, and I’ll burn it and you’ll never use it again.”

  “Yes, sir.” He looks defeated, but I know full well he would never do that to his sister. He’s really good to her.

  “What time should we come over, and is there anything you would like us to bring?”

  “Beautiful, you are welcome at my house anytime, and you don’t need to bring a thing. Just yourselves and some clothes.”

  She blushes. “We’ll come over after lunch.”

  “Sounds good.” I give her a quick peck good night, and we each head home with our boys.

  It’s Saturday morning and I just finished feeding Jason and cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast. Now I have to get some stuff done since we’re going to Jesse’s. I have my list, and my goal is to get it all done before we have to leave so I can relax tomorrow. I already managed to get through some of the cleaning, and now all I need to do is tap out an email to all the parents.

  Hello Junior Peewee parents, [13][14][15]

  This Wednesday evening there will be a mandatory parents meeting at the field and each player must have at least one parent there to represent them. We will ask parents to sign in for accountability. There will be important information discussed, so please make it a priority to attend.

  Also, Saturday, August 25th, all players are required to do a formal weigh-in. The weigh-in is mandatory, and players who do not weigh-in will not be allowed to play. Each player must wear shorts and their game jersey. There are a few of you who are cutting it close on your weight, you know who you are, so please see Coach with any concerns. All players will be taken to weigh-in on a bus that the league will be providing. Parents are not allowed on the bus. The buses will be monitored by coaches and team moms. We have all player contact information on file and the team moms will have this information handy in case of emergency. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me or Coach.

  Lastly, following the weigh-in, we will have a kick-off celebration on the practice field. Pizza, snacks, and beverages will be provided. We will also be announcing the raffle winners from the tickets that were turned in at practice this past week. Thank you for helping to support the league. This kick-off event is a lot of fun for the kids and helps them develop good team spirit, so we hope you can all make it.

  I’ll see you all at practice on Tuesday.

  Karen

  AKA Team Mom

  Okay that’s one thing down. “Jason!” I call out to my son who is no doubt playing video games in his room instead of packing.

  “Yeah, Mom.” He comes running into the living room.

  “Have you packed yet?”

  He takes a seat next to me. “No. I was playing Xbox.”

  “It’s time to take a break and get your stuff together. After you are done packing, take a shower and get dressed.”

  “Okay, Mom.” He runs off to his room to do as he’s told, but comes back a minute later.

  “Mom, can I shower and then pack.”

  “Sure, as long as you get it all done.”

  “Okay, cool.”

  I’m busy starting a load of laundry when my phone chirps in my back pocket. I never used to keep my phone on me, but since becoming a single mom it’s a habit I created. I want to be there if Jason ever needs me.

  Jesse: Hey, beautiful. Hope you’re having a good morning.

  Karen: I am. Just getting some things done before we head over.

  Jesse: I’m thinking we should play cards or something with the kids.

  Karen: Sounds good. Do you have something we can all play?

  Jesse: I’ll find something. Mom is heading out to Bingo, so it will be the five of us.

  Karen: Did you kick her out so you could have some time with me?

  Jesse: LOL no, but she did say she was leaving so we could have some time alone together. ;-)

  Karen: Blushing... I gotta get the laundry done. I’ll see you soon.

  I start the wash, but stop and listen when I hear Jason on speaker phone in the bathroom. I feel bad that I’m eavesdropping, but I need to know what Brian says.

  “Hey, Dad.” He sounds super excited.

  “What are you up to?” Brian asks him.

  “I’m about to shower because I’m going to camp in my friend Gabe’s backyard.”

  “Gabe?” he questions.

  “Yeah, he’s on my football team.” I’m surprised but happy he makes no mention of Jesse.

  “Okay, well have fun. I wanted to let you know that I want to pick you up next weekend. Maybe I can get you on Friday night.”

  “Can it be after practice?” Jason sounds so hopeful.

  “Sure. I’ll try to get there early enough to watch.”

  “Cool. Later, Dad.”

  He cuts the call, and I head to my room to pack an overnight bag. I’m a bit nervous. I haven’t been intimate with any man since Brian, and as he so graciously pointed out, he hasn’t had the desire to touch me in over two years. What if I can’t please Jesse? What if I slip into my nightshirt and I’m not the beautiful woman he thinks I am? Damn. All my insecurities are floating to the surface, and I have no idea how I’m going to gain the confidence I need. Maybe I shouldn’t stay the night. Maybe I should just let Jason spend the night and tell Jesse I’m not ready and that I’ll come back in the morning to get Jason.

  My mind is racing but my body is moving, putting clothes in a bag like it disagrees with my head. I want his hands on me. I want to feel sexy and cared for. I miss the touch of a man, but I’m not sure I’m ready either. Brian’s words often wrack my brain.

  “I’m not sure what you’re worried about. It’s not like you’ll ever marry again anyway. I mean, look at you.” His eyes rake over my body with disgust. Brian’s words sting as they run through my head. [16][17]

  I hate that Brian has taken my confidence by spewing his venom. I push these negative thoughts away. When I’m done packing, I leave the bag by the door and grab my laptop. I’m three-quarters of the way through a book and need to finish it for the author. I promised her I’d be done by this weekend. I love that I get to read books before they go live. It’s fun to see the book come to life, but that means I have to make sure I stick to deadlines or it messes up my authors’ schedules, and that can’t happen. It can be tricky sometimes because I read for multiple authors. When they all start throwing books at me at the same time it can be a struggle, but I’ve been lucky so far and haven’t had to turn a book down. With my feet up in the recliner and my laptop on my lap, I dig in.

  When we pull up to Jesse’s house, I suddenly feel nervous again. I decided to have Jason bring his bag in, but I leave mine in the car. My insecurities have been fucking with my mind all morning, and I realized that we never discussed me spending the night. It was Jason who was supposed to sleep over.

  We’re stepping onto the porch when Jesse greets us. “Hey guys.”

  “Hi Jesse,” Jason says.

  “Gabe is upstairs. Go on up.”

  “Thanks.” He heads in to look for his friend.

  He narrows his eyes at me and then pulls me close. “Are you forgetting something?”

  “What do
you mean?” I bite my lower lip knowing exactly what he means.

  “Well, I was sort of hoping you were spending the night too, but you didn’t bring a bag.” He slips his hand into my hair at the nape of my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek. I look down at the floor, but he tilts my chin up. “What is it?”

  I shrug. “I’m a different person than you knew all those years ago. I may look the same on the outside, but Brian has ruined me.” I close my eyes for a moment and then continue. “My insecurities got to me, and my mind started to reel with thoughts.”

  “Ssshhh.” He presses his lips to mine.

  “You don’t have to stay if you’re not ready, but I really would love for you to.”

  I nod slightly. “Be right back.” I run down to my car, open the trunk, and grab my bag. When I head back to the house, Jesse is sporting a huge smile. I shrug. “I packed one just in case.”

  He takes my hand. “I’m so glad you did, beautiful.”

  We walk into the house to find the three kids chasing each other. “Wow, what is going on?” Jesse stops everything.

  “Grace kicked over the Lego tower we were building,” Jason informs us.

  “Grace Anne,” he growls.

  “What?” She crosses her arms at her chest. “They wouldn’t let me help,” she huffs.

  “That doesn’t give you the right to be rude. We’ve already discussed this today. Go to your room and calm down.” She stomps her feet the entire way up the stairs. “Go rebuild your tower, boys.”

  I turn to Karen with a huff. “I’m sorry. Welcome to my world.”

  I chuckle. “Don’t apologize. I only have one, and I struggle. I don’t know how you do it with two.”

  He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do without my mom. She is an amazing support, but Grace is clearly having a hard time with her brother growing up and becoming less and less interested in playing with her.”

  “Yeah, I can see how that would be hard.”

  “I purposely spoke with her this morning. Gabe agreed to play with her before Jason got here and now that she’s not the center of his attention, she’s not happy.” He shrugs. “She needs to learn that life doesn’t revolve around her.”

  “Good luck with that.” I laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” He pulls me into his arms.

  “I’m laughing because I told Brian if he could promise me five boys I would give him five kids, but I didn’t want to raise a little girl. We’re difficult human beings.” I laugh again.

  “Does that mean you’re going to run for the hills?”

  “Daddy!” Grace shouts from the top of the stairs.

  “I might.” I burst into laughter.

  “That’s not funny.” He pulls away. “If you think I’m letting you get away that easy, you’re very, very wrong.” He winks at me and then runs up the stairs to tend to a sniffling Grace.

  I glance around his tidy house and decide to take a seat on his loveseat to wait for him. He comes down a few minutes later carrying Grace in his arms. Her cute little cheeks are tearstained, and her long dark brown hair is falling into her eyes. “Awww, what’s wrong, Grace?”

  “Boys are mean.” She’s still stuck on the boys.

  “You are right. They can be mean, but not all of them are.” He takes a seat next to me with Grace on his lap.

  “Well, duh. Daddy is not mean. Well, not all the time anyway.” She narrows her eyes at him.

  “And my Grace isn’t always as sassy as she’s being today. I suggest she calms down or she’s going to find herself in her room by herself all day.”

  That does it. She instantly changes her approach and turns into the sweet daddy’s girl she is. “No, Daddy.” She hugs him tight.

  “Put a movie on and relax then,” he warns.

  His blue eyes are full of love as he watches her do as she’s asked. “Let’s go sit on the porch.” Taking my hand, he pulls me to my feet. There’s a really cute old style wooden swing hanging from the porch. We take a seat, and he instantly starts to swing the seat gently. “I’m really excited that you’re here.”

  “Me too. I know we’ve spent most of our time talking on the phone and hanging at the field, but it feels right,” I say, staring out at the yard.

  “Karen.” He waits for me to look at him.

  “This is hard to admit, but I never stopped thinking about you. I mean, I cared a great deal for Della, but I later realized that she never meant as much to me as you did. It took all I had to walk away from you and Brian.”

  I run my fingers through his soft blond beard. “Let’s not talk about him anymore. I don’t want to think about my mistakes.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel that way.” He leans forward, and our lips connect. I open to him instantly because I need to taste him. Our tongues collide, and it’s heaven. He lets out a low growl as I run my hand down his muscular chest. I can’t wait to see him with his shirt off. I can tell from the sleeveless shirts he wears to practice that he’s stayed in good shape, and there’s nothing that turns me on more than some pecs and abs.

  We’re so lost in the moment we never notice that some storm clouds have rolled in, and suddenly our moment is interrupted by a rumble of thunder and a strike of lightning. “Well, I guess the boys aren’t sleeping outside tonight,” Jesse says with his forehead pressed to mine.

  “Oh well. It could be worse.”

  The boys come running out the door. “No!” they both shout. “Now we can’t sleep outside.”

  “You two act like Jason is never going to sleep over again.” I give them a look that screams really.

  “I know, Mom, but it was going to be so much fun.”

  “I guess you two will have to figure out how to make sleeping inside fun.”

  Gabe turns around with a huge grin on his face. “Dad, can we build a fort in my room and sleep on the floor?”

  “As long as you clean it in the morning. Don’t go leaving a mess for your grandmother.”

  “We will. Right, Jason?”

  “For sure.”

  “Have at it,” Jesse says. The boys fist bump and run into the house, full of excitement. “That was easy,” he adds.

  “I told you boys were easier.” We both go silent watching the rain fall. It’s so peaceful, and it’s nice to have someone to enjoy it with. It makes me realize how lonely I’ve been over the last couple of years. I grab his hand and rest it on my lap. “I’m really glad we bumped into each other. I’m not sure I would be able to move on with anyone else. I can’t trust anyone,” I admit, hearing the struggle in my voice.

  He picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I won’t hurt you, Karen.”

  “I hope not because I’m trusting you and if you did, I’m not sure I’d recover.”

  “Daddy, I’m hungry,” Grace calls out.

  I can see the disappointment on Jesse’s face. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I am, better than I have been in a while. Let’s start dinner.”

  We walk in to see Grace lying on the floor on her back with a pillow and blanket. She’s seven, but right now she looks like she’s about five. “What do you want for dinner?”

  “Chicken nuggets,” she says, never looking away from the TV.

  Jesse looks at me. “Did you hear something? I thought I heard my daughter speak, but you know, I’m not quite sure.”

  I look at him, confused, until Grace turns her attention to her father and says, “Daddy, can we have chicken nuggets please?”

  “That’s way better. Now I heard you.” I burst into laughter. That was hilarious. “Go ask the boys if that’s what they want too.”

  “Okay.” She pauses her movie and runs to the bottom of the stairs. “Jason! Gabe!” she shouts up the stairs.

  “Grace Anne.”

  She giggles. “Sorry, Daddy.” She runs up the stairs laughing while we go to the kitchen to get things going. I preheat the oven while Jesse takes a cookie sheet out of the cabine
t.

  He turns to me. “I know I told you we were going to BBQ, but it's storming and the kids don’t get to pick their meal all too often, so with Mom out of the house I decided to let them have more of a kid-friendly meal.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jesse asks.

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure I was staying here until I got here and you reassured me that’s what you wanted.”

  He looks into my eyes. “I can’t believe you didn’t think I wanted you to stay.”

  “Think about it. You have two kids who lost their mom, and I only just met them.”

  Grace comes running back into the room. “They said yeah, and Gabe asked for mac and cheese with it.”

  “Okay, do you want some too?”

  “Yes, please.” She skips off to finish her movie.

  “Does Jason eat mac and cheese?”

  “We love it.” I wink. “What kid doesn’t?”

  He grabs a pot. “The nuggets are in the freezer; will you please get them and put them on the cookie sheet?”

  “Of course.” We both start to move around the kitchen like we’ve been together for years. The oven beeps letting me know that it’s preheated. I put the nuggets in, and Jesse continues making the mac and cheese.

  “Where are the dishes? I’ll set the table.”

  “I can help,” Grace says, taking my hand.

  If I’m not mistaken, someone is jealous, but I let her lead me to the dishes. “I’d love your help, Grace.” I follow her to a closet where she gets a step stool and then carries it to a cabinet. “You know, if you told me which cabinet they were in, I could have gotten them for you.”

  “It’s okay. I like using the step stool.”

  I chuckle. “Fair enough.” She hands me plates one at a time, counting how many she needs. “How about I take these to the table and you grab utensils.”

  “Okay.” She climbs down, and I go to the dining room to put the plates on the table. I love that Jesse has a dining room that seats ten because although we don’t always get to eat nice meals, we do sit and eat together.