Hustle and Heart

by Alison Mello

  “Josephine!” I call out.

  “Yes, dear.” I see the pantry door open.

  “Do you need any help?”

  She shakes her head. “No, I’m fine, dear.”

  She is really looking much better today, but I fear if she overdoes it she’ll end never get over this cold. “How can I help you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Why don’t you go relax in the yard? I’ll take care of this.” I try to shoo her away, but she’s not hearing it. She gives me a stubborn glare. “I’m going to start the grill. I’ll take care of the cooking. You relax.” I stand my ground causing her to roll her eyes, unhappy with my demand. We’re two stubborn people. “You know I can make that look just as good. You need to relax or you’re never going to feel better.” She keeps telling us it’s just a cold, but she has quite a cough and we’re both concerned. I mimic her eye roll.

  She grins finally caving. “I always knew you’d be good for my Jesse.”

  I hug her. “Go relax in the yard, enjoy the party. Seriously, we got this.”

  “Okay, I’m going to sit in my favorite yard chair and get some fresh air.”

  “Thank you.” I’m relieved she’s finally agreed.

  I grab the platter, load it with burgers, and head out to the grill. When I step through the door, I’m greeted by Jesse.

  “I just saw Mom.” He chuckles. “She says I’m in good hands because you’re as stubborn as she is.” I laugh.

  The mom squad joins us on the deck. “What can we help with?” Misty asks while Stella tells Jesse to go hang with the guys. They help me gather everything from the house and get it all set up outside while the burgers and dogs are on the grill. Once everything is settled, we gather around the grill while we wait for the last of the food to finish cooking. I inform Jesse the food is ready, and he blows his whistle to get everyone’s attention. The boys instantly stop, and he tells them lunch is ready. The kids race to the food table like they haven’t eaten in ages.

  The mom squad instantly stops them. “Wow, slow down.” We help them get their plates together so they don’t make a mess, then they take their seats at one of the tables to eat. In between taking bites of food, all we can hear is more jabber about today’s game. I’m glad they had fun, but it’s amazing how much they can find to discuss about a game.

  “Do you hear this?” I ask the ladies.

  “Yes, I can’t believe they have nothing else to talk about.” Stella glances over at them with her arms crossed over her chest.

  “What did you expect? This is a big deal for them. They played a great game,” Jesse chimes in as the adults finish making their plates.

  I shrug. “They did and I’m proud of them, but the game ended two hours ago. I just figured they would’ve moved onto something else by now.”

  Trystan shakes his head. “Not gonna happen. It was the same way during baseball season. They talked about the game for hours and hours after. Even at practice they would sometimes talk about a play from the previous week.”

  Jesse says, “Sorry, ladies, but you’re stuck hearing about football for approximately seven more weeks.”

  Misty growls, “Are you freaking kidding me? I’m going to go insane, and let’s not even talk about the fact that my middle one wants to play next year.”

  Trystan laughs. “Good luck with that.”

  “It’s not funny.” Misty throws a wadded up napkin at him.

  “It is for us. We only have DJ to run around.”

  “For now anyway.” Misty winks with her typical sass.

  “What is she talking about?” Lori asks.

  Stella glares at Misty and I ask, “Yeah, what’s with the winking?”

  “Well, we were going to wait a little longer to say anything, but since someone insists on spilling the beans.” Stella glares at Misty with an evil eye.

  Trystan laughs. “Stella’s pregnant.” Everyone congratulates them with clapping and hugs. We all knew it was just a matter of time before they decided to have a baby. They’re getting married next summer in their backyard. A small ceremony with their family and local priest.

  “Y’all listen up.” Stella grabs everyone’s attention. “I want to have a big gender reveal party at our house and everyone is invited.”

  Us ladies start talking about the baby and the gender reveal party. Stella informs us that they already asked Briggs and Misty to be the godparents. “How does DJ feel about it?” Stacey asks.

  “He is thrilled. He told me he hopes it’s a boy so he can teach him how to play sports.”

  “Umm, I hate to break it to him, but girls play sports too,” Lori adds. “I played sports for years. I would still play sports if my husband wasn’t off on so many dang deployments.” She laughs.

  Lori is an Army wife. She was born and raised here, but her hubby travels around. They all traveled together in the beginning, but when it came time for Josh to start school they bought a house here, and her husband comes home as much as he can. “How much time does he have left?” I ask.

  “Eighteen months, and with any luck he’ll be home in three and will spend the last of his time here in West Virginia.” She glances over at Josh. “It will be nice to feel like a family again.”

  “I know how that feels.” Jesse puts his arm around me and kisses me on the head. “I think Jesse would agree we’re already starting to feel like family. Our boys get along so well, they’re already like brothers.”

  “How’s Grace?” Stella asks.

  “She is good for the most part. She has her moments,” Jesse says.

  “Oh don’t worry, they all fight like brothers and sisters,” I say with laughter, and the girls jump in laughing with me.

  The mom squad stays until close to dinner time, but since it’s a Sunday, we wrap it up and get the yard picked up.

  “I need to get Jason home. Are you good?” I ask Jesse.

  “Yeah, I’m just going to get the kids settled.”

  “Okay, I better go say goodbye to Grace or, you know, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  We both go in search of his daughter, who is playing on the floor in her room. “Princess, Karen has to get going.”

  Grace practically jumps into my arms. “Why are you leaving? Don’t you like sleeping here with us?”

  I instantly feel bad. “Of course I do, sweetie, but Jason has school tomorrow just like you and Gabe. Remember, he goes to a different school, and he can’t get picked up here.”

  “He can go to Gabe’s school. They’re the same age.” I love her innocence. This is exactly what I was worried about with the kids. It’s not that easy.

  “Yeah. Why can’t he switch schools?” Gabe and Jason are standing behind us in the hallway.

  “Let’s go sit in the living room.”

  The five of us take a seat. The two boys are on the loveseat and Jesse, Grace, and I are sitting across from them on the couch. “Listen, I know this seems like a simple fix, guys, but it’s not,” Jesse explains.

  “Jesse, is right. We are quite happy that you all get along, but we need to make sure when we make this decision everyone is ready,” I add.

  “You guys act like we’re babies. We know you two are boyfriend and girlfriend, so why can’t we all just live together. I like hanging with Gabe.”

  Jesse and I look at each other, and I can see in his eyes he’s at as much of a loss as I am. It’s not a simple decision to make, and I don’t know how to get them all to see it. “This should be a family decision,” Gabe adds. “Why are we always left out of the decisions?”

  “Because you don’t always understand what effect decisions like this can have on everyone’s life.” Jesse looks at me and then back at Gabe. “For example, what if Karen moved in here. She sells her house and her furniture...” He pauses, letting it sink in. Gabe is sporting a huge smile, liking where this is heading. “Then Karen and I start fighting, something happens and we’re not getting along. Now she has nowhere to live, and it breaks our family
up. That will leave you kids sad that she left.”

  Gabe looks at him with one eyebrow cocked. “Dad, really. What makes you think we wouldn’t be sad if you two stopped dating now?” He looks at Jason. “Jason’s my boy.” I can hear the frustration in his voice, and I can tell from the look on Jesse’s face he can hear it too.

  “Listen, boys. How about Karen and I promise to discuss this. It’s really not a decision that can be made in haste or simply because Jason’s ‘your boy,’” Jesse says, using air quotes.

  Gabe huffs and stands from the couch. He turns to Jason and says, “Later, bro.” He stresses the word bro before he bolts from the room.

  “Grace, go get your stuff ready for school tomorrow, and I’ll be there in a minute,” Jesse instructs.

  Jesse grabs our bags and walks us to the car. “Jason, get in.” I open the door for him. He instantly puts his headphones in and starts his music, which works out good for us.

  “I’m sorry.” Jesse’s voice is laced with concern.

  I shrug. “For what? How did we not see this coming? The boys have grown so close. I can’t say I blame them.”

  “I know. I agree. We should’ve seen this coming, but we didn’t, and we can’t let that make our decision. I love you and I want this more than you know, but I also want you to be ready.”

  “That’s not fair, Jesse. You’re putting this all on me.” I’m on the verge of tears because although I’m sure that’s not how he meant it, it’s definitely how it came out.

  He runs his knuckles across my cheek. “That is not what I meant.” He presses his lips to mine. “Why don’t you get Jason home and settled, then call me and we can talk.”

  I pull away and walk to my side of the car. I climb in and pull out of the driveway. I feel bad that I left it that way, but I need to gain some control of my emotions before this conversation goes any further.

  I lean back in my chair looking at the text messages I’ve sent to Karen with only one response. I need time to think. I’ll see you at the field tomorrow. God, this woman is killing me. I’ve sent her a few more messages since yesterday and still nothing. I’m trying to give her the space she needs, but if she thinks I’m going to let her fears push me away, she’s out of her mind. I lost her once, and I refuse to lose her again.

  I need to focus because I have to get some stuff done before I bring Mom to the doctor today, and we have practice tonight. I turn my attention to my reports on a current home project. My crew is doing an amazing job. The house is not only on schedule, but it’s on budget too. That’s awesome news for me and my crew. For every house we complete without issue, we receive a bonus. You would think this would be an easy task but really, it’s not. A lot of the workers who come in here are not the specialists you think they are. This isn’t something they’ve been training to do for years; it’s random people who have been hired as cheap labor because they’re good with their hands.

  My mind wanders once again to the conversation I had with my mom last night. “She won’t talk to me, Mom, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like we’re in high school all over again, and I’m going to lose her.”

  Mom smiles at me. “You need to give her the space she’s asked for. She’s a good girl, and it’s clear she loves you.”

  “I think that’s what kills me the most. I know she loves me, and yet she’s still pushing me away.”

  “She has scars, and they run deep. Something you’ve said has opened a wound, and she has to figure out how to deal with it.” She shakes her head. “Doesn’t mean she’s stopped loving you or that she’s pushing you away.”

  “I hope you’re right. I’m not sure I can handle anymore hurt.” She bursts into laughter. “What’s so funny?”

  “If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have started dating again.” She leans forward. “Listen to me, hurt is part of life. We all experience it in different ways, but you can’t live with fear over it. You wouldn’t have experienced the love you have with Karen if you had.”

  “But what if I made a mistake? We’ve only been seeing each other about two months now. What if her fears are valid and I bring her into our home, and it doesn’t work?”

  “Jesse, do you really think that’s possible? What does your gut tell you? You’ve always relied on it, and it’s done you good so far.”

  “My gut tells me that we’ll be together forever. That she is the woman for me.”

  “Then make it work. Relationships fail because people give up. If she is truly the woman for you, then worship her, show her that, and make her decision easy.”

  I smile thinking about my mom’s words. I’m going to worship her. I pick up the phone to dial the local florist which is owned by a friend of ours.

  “Beautiful Blossoms. How can I help you?”

  “Hey, Lori, this is Jesse.”

  “Hey, Jesse. How are you?”

  “I’m well, but I need to order some flowers for Karen.”

  She giggles. “Is this a special occasion, or did you screw up?”

  “I wouldn’t say I screwed up, but I need something to show her exactly what she means to me.”

  “Okay, do you want roses? Do you want me to make her a special bouquet?” she asks.

  “Not roses. Brian used to buy her a rose at school. I need something else. Something pretty and that will make her feel special.”

  “Okay, I’ll make her an arrangement. Do you have a budget?”

  “No. Don’t go billing me hundreds of dollars, but no, I’m not worried about the amount.”

  “Got it. Email me what you want the card to say, and I’ll get it out soon.”

  “Will do. I have the shop email right here.”

  I cut the call and think about what to say. I can’t take too much time or she won’t get her flowers today, and I want her to have them before we meet at the field tonight. I open my email and begin to type, but the words I want are not coming as easily as I would have hoped. It takes me three tries to write the message before I send it off.

  I spend the next two hours going through reports and sending them off one by one to my boss. We’re on target for three out of seven of the houses I’m currently working on, and if you ask me that’s pretty shitty odds. I need to get out to the other four sites tomorrow to find out what the hell is happening.

  I’m about to leave for the afternoon when my email pings with a message form Lori. I love the message, flowers are on the way. She attached a picture of the bouquet she made. She did an amazing job. They’re beautiful, and there’s a small heart-shaped balloon poking up from the flowers.

  I hit reply and send a quick message letting her know she did an awesome job and that I’ll see her at the field tonight. [29][SW30]

  I shut down my laptop and stick it in my bag before I sling it over my shoulder. “Hey, Clint. I’m out of here, man. I have to take my mom to the doctor and then if I’m out early enough, I’m heading out to my sites. I’ll be there in the morning as well.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll hit you up on your cell if I need you.”

  I wave and head out to my truck, calling my mom on the way to make sure she’s ready. I hope she’s right and it’s not more than a cold. The same woman who told me to go with my gut is giving my gut a bad feeling. She’s in her early seventies and up until now has been a very healthy woman, but she’s stubborn as an ox. I was furious when she recently admitted that she hasn’t been feeling well for a while now.

  When I pull up to the house, Mama is sitting on the porch swing. She looks exhausted as she sits swinging. It appears she’s staring out into the woods across the street from my house. It breaks my heart to see her looking so lost. Not wanting to scare her, I slowly approach her. “Mom, are you okay?”

  Her head slowly turns, and her eyes meet mine. “I’m just thinking about how old I’m getting. I’ve lived a pretty full life.” A tear runs down her cheek. “I miss your daddy.”

  My chest tightens. I feel for her because I know how much I missed Kare
n after I decided to let her go. “I know, Mom. I can honestly say I understand.”

  “Take care of her.”

  “I will, I promise.” She stands from the porch. “Come on. We’re going to be late.”

  I help her into her car, and we head over to meet the doctor.

  The office is quiet since I’m the only one in. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car pull into the lot. I’m exhausted because I haven’t slept well, and the last thing I want to do is deal with a client. My day has been easy. I had a few minor things to do this morning. The remainder of my day has consisted of answering the phone, a few emails, and beta reading for my authors. It’s now three and almost time for me to go. I watch as the person fumbles around in the back of their car. What the hell could they be doing?

  A smile lights up my face when I see him carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. He comes through the door. “Excuse me, but I’m looking for Karen.”

  “You’ve found her.” My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide at the beautiful arrangement before me. He’s so sweet. He not only sent me flowers, but he was sure to give the business to our friend.

  He puts the flowers down on my desk and hands me his electronic device. “Sign please.”

  I scribble my name on the screen and thank him. I bite my lip and pluck the card from the arrangement.

  Karen,

  I know you’re scared and I understand why, but I need you to trust me when I tell you that I love you with all my heart and would never hurt you. You mean the world to me and my family. I’m sorry if I upset you. That wasn’t my intention. My intention was to let you know that I’m ready when you are and that we will move at your pace. Clearly, I didn’t communicate that well and, for that—I’m sorry. It was hell not hearing your voice yesterday, and it made me realize what a mess I would be without you. Please don’t shut me out. Talk to me, and we will get through this together.

  I love you with all my heart.

  Jesse

  P.S. I’m not beyond begging.

  I laugh. I can’t believe he spilled his heart out in this card. He’s so sweet. I’ve missed him too, and I know it sounds crazy since it’s only been a day, but it’s true. How does one explain it other than being head over heels in love with the man she should’ve been with for years now. I screwed up and damn it, I’m not letting him go a second time.