Between Takes

by Morgana Bevan

  I shook my head and covered my face. “Then he should have told me. He should have been honest in the beginning and I…”

  “You’d never have let your guard down.” It wasn’t a question. Isla knew – I knew – it was true. I would have blocked him out and never started this sham of a relationship.

  “He shouldn’t have lied to me.”

  “Maybe he genuinely didn’t believe it would happen.”

  “Can you stop playing devil’s advocate? He’s leaving. It’s good for him. I’ve got it,” I snapped, springing to my feet. I paced the small living room, circling the coffee table and wearing a path in her plush cream carpet.

  I frowned at the stupid fabric. I’d never understood why she bought a cream carpet. How was it practical when your drink of choice was red?

  “He should have told me. He shouldn’t have pursued me after I quit. He should have given me something to defend myself.” My chest hurt, and I pressed my hand hard to it, trying to rub out the ache. I turned to Isla with tears in my eyes. “He shouldn’t have made me love him if he was going to leave me.”

  Isla’s face crumbled as she considered me. How awful must I look? Swollen red-rimmed eyes, blotchy skin and wild hair. I hadn’t even bothered showering this morning, so my pink locks probably stood on end.

  Isla placed her wineglass on the table and rose. She pulled me into her arms and held me tight. Not resisting, I sank into her, burying my face in her blouse. Then I let the sobs wrack my body and trusted her to keep me together.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  For the rest of the evening and most of Saturday, we lazed on the sofa with chick flicks, wine and sugary snacks that would come back to bite me. I’d worry about it another day. Isla ordered fajitas from my favourite Mexican restaurant in Glasgow and mocked the stream of bad decisions unfolding on her TV screen.

  When we switched over to a broadcast channel to search for more options, Shaun’s face appeared. It was the shock I needed to get me out of the house – or more, seeing him brought it all back to the surface and undid my efforts to bury him.

  I almost ran out the door in pyjamas, but Isla caught on before I could leave. She dragged me into the bathroom and laid down her orders. Looking like I was in mourning for my broken heart wouldn’t help me get over my broken heart. Shower. Change your clothes. Wash your hair.

  I didn’t fully understand it, but I did feel much better with clean hair.

  An hour later, my foot tapped restlessly against the concrete landing while I waited for her to lock up the flat. If she needed three locks on her door, she should probably move.

  As if I could talk.

  I skipped out the ground-floor door without looking and slammed into a hard chest. Isla grunted as she caught me, saving me from hitting the floor. I apologised without looking and stepped out of the doorway.

  I started down the street, expecting Isla to follow or tell me I was going the wrong way. She did neither. In fact, the tell-tale sound of her heeled boots clicking against the cobbles didn’t follow me at all. Muttering, I turned back and wished I hadn’t.

  My sister stood in the doorway staring at the man I’d almost run down. Her arms were folded and her body rigid, hostile.

  I stomped back to them, working up the heat of anger and burying the delight that fluttered in my chest.

  “What are you doing here?” I channelled the Badass Mona who’d taken him to task in front of the crew. That was the only Mona he would see from now on.

  “You wouldn’t answer your phone,” Shaun said, the words quiet and almost lost to the traffic. His pleading eyes scanned my face as he stepped towards me.

  I crossed my arms, hopelessly trying to ward him off. “That usually means someone doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “You’re not taking Sherry’s calls either,” he muttered, a relieved note to his words, but little did he know, Sherry got her updates elsewhere.

  I still didn’t understand why she’d called, but I’d caught Isla on the phone to her early this morning. Turns out we were a threesome with Hollywood-shaped baggage. She’d offered to speak to the production team to get me more time off. I refused. Avoiding work wasn’t going to help me. I needed distraction – even if the distraction shared a set with Shaun. I could avoid him.

  Now, out in the street, it was getting kind of awkward. None of us spoke. Isla continued to glare, while I just watched Shaun with expectation.

  He’s come to say something. So bloody say it and leave.

  But he was too busy drinking me in, his eyes studying me with a regretful light, missing nothing.

  With a huff, I turned around and retraced my steps. If he wanted to stand about there, he could do it without me.

  I heard the whack of shoes on cobbles before I heard his shout for me to stop. But I didn’t listen. Instead, I kept power walking like a woman on a mission – a mission to escape a charming actor who, if given half the chance, would make her forget all her issues with him.

  His hand caught my shoulder and spun me around. Off-balance, I fell into him. Our chests touched for mere seconds before I shoved him away, but that was enough to open the cabinet of memories.

  My voice shook when I spoke. “What do you want, Shaun? You’re leaving permanently. You didn’t see fit to share that with me. I obviously didn’t rank high on your list of priorities, which is fine. It was new and fast, and you don’t owe me anything.” The words tumbled from my mouth, tripping over each other while my voice rose. “I’ll be back on Tuesday. I’ll finish the show as contracted. I can be professional.”

  Shaun blinked at me. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but confusion was not it. Then something sparked in his expression, and his big hands landed on my shoulders. He shook me hard, his fingers biting through my thin t-shirt.

  “I don’t want you to be fucking professional. I should have told you. I would have told you if you’d given me a chance to process any of it. Instead, you ran away.” He growled my name and pulled me into him. This time, I didn’t push him away. I was too shocked by the frustrated expression contorting his beautiful face.

  “You’re accusing me of leaving you, Mona, but you did the same. I didn’t think it would happen. Yes, that was an incredibly pessimistic outlook, but four months ago I was the angry broken-hearted drunk trashing expensive cars. I didn’t think the studios would ever touch me again.”

  “You said the studios aren’t smart,” I repeated his words from a couple of months ago, my voice small compared to the angry boom of his.

  “They aren’t.” His bruising grip eased a little. “My reputation was in tatters. Nothing should’ve happened. They shouldn’t look at me like I’m their solution to adding more Golden Globes to their coffers.” The anger in his gaze softened as he considered me. “But they are, and I owe that all to you.”

  I frowned. “Me?”

  “You were right, Sparky. If I fuck up Mystery Lines, my career is over. I’ll be relegated to bit parts in B-movies, or worse. I was fucking it up before you crashed into my life and stomped your foot.”

  “I did not stomp my foot.”

  Shaun chuckled. “You wanted to.” His fingers crept up my neck, and my heart pounded.

  I should stop him, step back, shake him off. Something. But I let him continue.

  “Without you in my life, I might as well let it all go up in flames tomorrow. It means nothing.” His expression turned serious. “Yes, I want to go to LA and the thought of what it could do for my career is exciting. But I’d be lost without you.”

  Frowning was becoming my resting expression, and if I didn’t cut it out soon, I’d need to buy stock in an anti-ageing moisturiser. I’m sure I was meant to take something from that other than he’d be lost without me. He was still leaving, though, so it didn’t exactly matter in the grand scheme of things.

  “I don’t understand.”

  Shaun shook his head, smiling. “Of course you don’t. I’m not explaining this well.” His hands dropped from
my shoulders and face, and grasped my hands. “Come to LA with me.”

  “W-what?” I couldn’t have heard him right.

  “Come to LA. You can work in production there. Or be my assistant again if you want, but I love you and I’m not hiding it anymore. If the world wants to judge me for dating my assistant, they can get over it.”

  I hadn’t heard him wrong. He’d asked me to move to Los Angeles. That was an awfully long way to go for someone to manipulate you.

  Wait, he didn’t manipulate me, and despite my reservations, I believed that he would have told me.

  But LA?

  “Somehow I thought that would sell better,” Shaun muttered, eying me like a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. “What do I need to do to convince you?”

  “I—”

  “Name it, Mona, and I’ll do it!”

  Silence followed his demand. I stared into his desperate eyes, searching for the answer. There was nothing he could do. The problem wasn’t his to fix, though. It was mine.

  “I need time.”

  Shaun’s shoulders slumped, and he nodded.

  “I’m not saying no. I just need time to think, to stop being mad at you.”

  Some hope returned to his expression as he studied me. He pulled me into his chest, engulfing me in the heat of his body. Playing dirty.

  “I’m staying at the Clarice all weekend, room 420. Come find me when you figure it out.” He rubbed his stubbly chin against my hair and tightened his hold.

  “Okay, but she can’t come back to you if you don’t let her go,” Isla said, stepping in and pulling me from his arms.

  His fingers slipped from my body slowly. They brushed against the fabric of my t-shirt and down my arms until I shivered. My heart begged me not to let him go, and I shushed it. It wasn’t the problem, my brain was.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “Explain it to me again,” Isla said, her brow furrowed as she perched on the edge of her sofa. Wine swirled around her glass in her tell-tale sign of agitation. It mesmerised me.

  It was only 2PM, but we’d cracked open another bottle of red because when making life decisions, alcohol was needed. (Said no one ever. Don’t follow my lead.)

  “Can you believe he wants me to move to LA with him and be his very public girlfriend?”

  It seemed so simple when I laid it out like that. Yet my brain was in a tizzy over it.

  “Yeah, I still don’t understand the problem.” Isla shuffled back into the sofa, tucking her feet beneath her and continuing to frown at me. “Why do I feel like that shit has his claws in this?”

  ‘That shit’ being my ex. It had been a while since she’d been able to say his name without looking like she was sucking on a very bitter lemon.

  I kept pacing her living room. I couldn’t stop, couldn’t sit still without feeling this horrible itch telling me to move. My step count was going to be through the roof, at least.

  “Oh, he does. What if I move all the way to LA and it turns out Shaun was manipulating me the entire time and it all just repeats?”

  The look on Isla’s face stopped me in my tracks. It was concerning but also incredulous. What does that mean?

  “I’ve been in that man’s presence for less than five minutes. I’ve not had a conversation with him, but I can tell you with certainty that the shit never looked at you like that,” she spat with fire in her voice.

  “Like what?” I whispered, the words nothing more than a reluctant puff of breath.

  “Like his entire world was going to grind to a halt if you didn’t go home with him.”

  Did Shaun really look at me like that and I’d missed it?

  “Mona, he listens to you.” My eyes jumped to Isla. “You’re the reason he got his shit together and clued into his career again. Sherry’s been bugging me for thank you gift ideas for weeks.” Isla chuckled at my surprised expression. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had calls from Sherry on a fact-finding mission because Shaun Martin wanted to make sure you settled in okay? Lay that one bare, Mona. We both knew he was interested in you, and he risked us outing him just so he could find out if you’d like to try aerial silks.”

  With one elegant eyebrow quirked, she waited for me to jump in. When I bared my teeth instead, she sighed. “That sounds like a man who appreciates the person he’s got, not one that wants to change.”

  My wrist screamed as my fingers continued to pinch at the tight skin there. It was red raw, but I couldn’t stop. She was right. I’d been so locked in my head and my past that I tarred him with a shadow that didn’t fit.

  “I know you as well as I know myself, and I’m sure the first thing you did when you read that email was figure out the reasons you could go with him.” Isla grinned at me across her wineglass when I didn’t reply. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  “Yes,” I growled.

  “So, when you list it all out, you’ve got nothing standing in your way. You’re using something that you got over a while ago to protect yourself. You’re scared.” Isla placed her glass on the table and stood. Coming to stand before me, she rested her hands on my shoulders and regarded me with sympathy. “I get it. Making huge life-changing decisions is terrifying, but I think you’ve picked the right one.”

  She was right. I was focusing on the wrong thing and hiding from my reality. It didn’t help take away the pain because at the end of the day, I’d wanted to leave my dickhead ex; I didn’t want to leave Shaun. He listened to me when I wasn’t comfortable, and although he made himself a constant presence, he would have waited for the production to end.

  And I was glad he’d kept trying. If he hadn’t and we’d waited, I’d have nothing. No relationship. No memories. Nothing to prove that not all men were arseholes looking for ways to tear me down.

  I was terrified of getting hurt, but most of all, I was petrified of losing him.

  My family were scattered all over the UK now. I didn’t have a home. Now was the ideal time to uproot my life. Would I rather it be after I’d been in a relationship for a couple years? Yes. But this was the hand life dealt me, and I was not going to miss out on it.

  “When you’re sunning yourself in California, think of your poor sister stuck in rainy Scotland.” Isla smirked, patting me on the shoulder.

  It had the desired effect: I chuckled. I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. She rocked me like she used to when we were kids, like she’d learnt from our mother, and I felt a pang for leaving her. But it wasn’t strong enough to keep me either.

  “Go get your man.”

  Nervous energy propelled me through the lobby, into the elevator and up to Shaun’s floor. It carried me as far as it could before abandoning me right when I needed it. I stood outside room 420 with my hands clasped together. I needed to knock, but I couldn’t release my grip. My heart pounded, and I was sure I’d collapse soon if it didn’t chill out.

  But then the door flew open, startling and confusing me. I didn’t knock, so…?

  I barely registered Shaun’s surprised face, too distracted by the expanse of skin on display. Of course he was shirtless. I didn’t need to concentrate to get words out at all.

  “You’re here.” The sound of his voice jump-started my brain and my anxiety returned full force. But no matter how much I’d have loved to have chased the distraction, I kept my gaze fixed on his.

  He stepped back, gesturing me inside. I rushed into the room before I could change my mind and chicken out. All I had to do was admit I was wrong. Why was that freaking me out?

  I was struck dumb by the space. Considering the size of his net worth, I’d expected him to be in a penthouse. Instead, he had taken a relatively small room on the fourth floor. It was nice and the double bed looked comfortable, but it was just pokey with limited walking space.

  “I’m sure you didn’t come just to gape at the size of my room.” Shaun took a seat on the edge of the bed, amusement sparkling in his gaze.

  The dark crescents beneath his eyes had darkene
d, and I felt a twinge of guilt. He’d clearly not been sleeping. I probably looked just as bad, but his life was stressful enough without all this. The least I could do was give him some relief.

  I swallowed, trying to find the words. Why hadn’t I had Isla help me write some kind of speech? I should have prepared!

  “Okay, now I’m nervous,” Shaun joked. “I wanted you speechless, but not like this.” He stood and placed his strong hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently. As he stared into my eyes, his expression serious but earnest, I found my confidence.

  “I want to come to LA with you,” I said, the words tripping off my tongue before I could think about how maybe that wasn’t the best place to start.

  “You’re sure?” His eyes searched my face, and the start of a smile pulled at his lips. I nodded, and he lit up before pulling me into a tight hug. He lifted me from my feet in his excitement, spinning me around.

  “You won’t regret this, Mona. Once we get some job options, I’ll get a studio to sponsor you for a visa. You don’t have to worry about anything.” He allowed me to stand again but didn’t release me.

  Part of me was relieved it was over, that I would get to be with him. I should take that and run. But the other half, that part was concerned that it had been too easy. Why wasn’t he demanding explanations?

  “You’re frowning. Why are you frowning?”

  Was I overthinking it?

  “Should we talk about it?” I whispered.

  “Talk about what?” Shaun’s hands slipped to find mine, pulling me to the bed. Retaining a firm grip, he forced me to sit while I puzzled out my thoughts.

  “The fact you hadn’t thought about what would happen if you got the green card? The fact I ran rather than gave you a chance to process it?”

  Shaun’s features smoothed as he relaxed. “You chose to trust me, and I didn’t fully understand the significance of what you’d given me. Everything was so new I didn’t consider how it would look to you if LA happened. That was my mistake, not yours. I would have left me too.”