My Torin

by K. Webster

  He lets go of the reins and his other palm slides to my hip. I’m coming alive under his touch. My body thrums with need. With surprising strength, he crushes me with a tight embrace. An apology. Unspoken but certainly felt. It moves me to tears. They well in my eyes, blurring the beautiful scenery around me, before streaking down my cheeks. His body relaxes and so does his hold.

  “You scared me,” I admit, my voice a hoarse whisper.

  His palm on my stomach starts to curl into a fist, but I push it back against me flat, covering the back of his hand with my own. “Casey-Casey.”

  “Yes?”

  He breathes out heavily, the air hot against my hair. “Mine.”

  Before I can process his words, he yanks up the reins and then Thunder is charging along the side of the lake, full speed ahead.

  Mine.

  Holy shit.

  Did Torin just claim me?

  Three weeks later…

  “This one?” I ask as I point to a small tree.

  Torin inspects it and his eyes tell me he’s displeased.

  Tyler laughs. “That’d be a no from my brother.” He walks over to the Christmas tree beside it and points. “What about this one?”

  Torin’s severe stare skims over this one, assessing. Once he’s done his visual inspection and gives us a clipped nod, we finally get his approval. Tyler has been trying to teach me about Torin and telling me stories of his brother over the years. It helps me understand him better. I’m trying to pick up on his visual clues. Despite not outwardly showing emotion, sometimes I see it through the way his vein pulses in his neck. Anger and frustration. Or the way his eyes light up when I’m in the room. Interest and desire. He hasn’t come into my room again, nor has he put his mouth on me. But, we do ride Thunder every day and he holds me like I belong to him during those times.

  Between Torin’s feral need for me that thrums below the surface and Tyler’s outwardly affectionate ways, these two brothers complete a part of me that was missing. Little Casey Doe, orphan, has finally found a family.

  In a couple more weeks, I’ll turn eighteen.

  Will they ask me to stay?

  They seem attached to me too.

  My old plans of running off and starting a new life when I become of age are thoughts of the past. Now, I don’t see a future without Tyler and Torin.

  “I’ll go pay for the tree and have them cut it down for us. Want to meet next door in a bit?” Tyler asks, his cheeks rosy from the cold. A snowflake lands on his cheek and for the first time ever, it sparks warmth inside me.

  I reach up and swipe away the snowflake and beam at him. “Thank you.”

  Tyler’s brown eyes glimmer with emotion. “Anything for you.”

  My heart does a little squeeze. Before I can analyze his words, he’s gone. Torin grunts from behind me. I flash him a quick smile, then start out of the nursery selling Christmas trees. Once on the sidewalk outside, I stare down at my feet as I walk. These Uggs Tyler bought are soft and warm and probably expensive. He takes care of me. Makes sure I’m provided for.

  I think he may even love me.

  Not romantically, and I’m not even sure if I want that myself.

  But love definitely pours from him. It overflows and saturates me. He gives it so freely and I’m so eager for it, I take whatever I can get.

  Hooooonnnnnnk!

  I freeze at the blast of a horn, but then I’m yanked back so hard the breath is knocked from me. Strong, protective arms encircle me. Hot murmured words get spouted against my hair as Torin’s hands slide over my stomach in an assessing way. I go from shocked at almost getting ran over by a car to melting in his arms.

  “Casey-Casey,” he whispers, his voice deep and throaty. “Mine.”

  Mine.

  I want to nod and acknowledge his claim. To tell him I’d like to be. To beg him to let me inside his head all the time, not just some of the time. Instead of speaking, since I know he won’t say the words I need to hear back, I twist in his grip to face him. A bold move, even for me. I stare up at him as I hug him back.

  “Thank you.”

  His eyes lock with mine. It’s like I’m a rabbit caught in a trap any time his gaze lingers on me. For someone who doesn’t express his feelings well, sometimes they tumble from him like heat waves. A mirage of Torin. Hot. Intense. Palpable.

  He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. For one moment, we’re a couple. Two lovebirds on a busy street during the holiday season. Normal. Torin who disappears into walls and rattles out bizarre facts. Cocaine Casey. Two of the most abnormal people on Earth. Yet, right now, we fit in. We belong. Together, we make up something beautiful.

  “Mine,” he repeats, his hot breath warming my face. He smells like cinnamon, no doubt having just finished off one of his beloved Fireball candies. “Always mine.”

  Snowflakes land on my exposed flesh, but I don’t shiver because I’m warm in his embrace. More than warm. On fire. Blazing out of control. An unstoppable inferno.

  “My Torin,” I whisper, tilting my head up to offer him my lips.

  Maybe, just maybe, he’ll kiss me.

  Please.

  Please.

  Please.

  Someone bumps me from behind, stealing our moment.

  “There are children watching,” an older woman admonishes when she walks by.

  Torin and I break apart. The snow falls a little harder. This time, I’m not moved by the snow. The icy flakes send zings of discomfort stinging through me each time they land.

  I glance at Torin, but he’s back to business as usual, hands fisted and eyes diverted.

  With a sigh, I follow him.

  Maybe, just maybe, next time he’ll kiss me.

  I blink, but it won’t go away.

  Double.

  Blink. Blink. Blink.

  Still double.

  Fuck.

  My stomach turns and clenches. If I throw up one more fucking time, I’m going to be pissed. As if thinking about it encourages it, bile rises in my throat. I jerk from my bed and stumble. This double vision shit is maddening. Blindly, I reach out in front of me as I head for the bathroom. My shoulder painfully clips the doorframe and I barely get to my knees before vomit is spewing from me. I heave incessantly, expelling all the contents of my stomach.

  I don’t know what time it is, but if I don’t pull my shit together soon, Casey and Torin will wonder where I’m at. Groaning, I attempt to get up from the floor, but I can’t fucking do it.

  He warned me.

  He warned me, goddammit.

  Fury wells up inside me, but it doesn’t give me the strength I need. I’m frustrated and overwhelmed.

  Creeeaaak.

  A strong arm wraps around my torso and lifts me from the ground as though I’m not two hundred pounds of dead weight. Torin. My Torin. My complicated brother is here. He hauls me back into the bedroom and with surprising gentleness helps me into bed. I lie back against the pillow, fighting another wave of nausea, and look up at him. His hood is pulled back and his hair is a mess. In an assessing manner, his eyes dart all over me. I remember this same look when I was seventeen and he was just ten. He’d been having screaming episodes that were driving Dad absolutely insane. We were at a loss on how to help him. Three therapists in one week. Shit was bad.

  Until I got in a car accident.

  Broke my collarbone and got banged up pretty badly, but overall I was fine. My car, on the other hand, was totaled. When Dad and Torin showed up at the hospital, my brother walked straight over to my bed and stared down at me. The same damn look in his eyes. Worry. Love. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to fix me in his mind. Oddly enough, the screaming spells stopped after the accident. It was also the first time Torin truly looked into my eyes.

  “I’m fine,” I offer, my voice shaking and a soft murmur.

  He grunts and starts pacing my bedroom, his fingers spearing through his messy hair. I close my eyes because watching him move bac
k and forth is making me sick to my stomach again. I want to tell him I’ll be fine, but I can’t even form words.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  His footsteps disappear and then he’s gone.

  My stomach churns and my head is seconds from blowing up. The incessant throbbing inside my skull is making me fucking crazy. I ponder how messy it would be if I took a pick and hammer to my head. Just crack it right open and relieve some pressure. Fuck, that is so tempting.

  “Tyler.” A voice so soft. An angel’s voice. The bed depresses next to me as small, soft hands ghost over me.

  Protect her. Protect her. You must protect her.

  I try to smile, but I don’t think it works. The floorboards creak as Torin takes back to pacing beside the bed.

  “Is it your head? Can I call your doctor?” Casey questions, her voice steady and strong.

  With my eyes closed, I absently reach for her and am thankful when she wraps both of her tiny hands around my much bigger one. She squeezes my hand before kissing a knuckle.

  “Torin, we need some ginger ale and some crackers. Can you get me some?”

  The panel in the wall creaks open and then he disappears, the house groaning as he moves within the walls. Casey starts to pull away and panic slices through me, sharp and painful.

  “Don’t leave me,” I plead.

  She leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

  My room goes quiet, which does wonders for the pounding in my head. I fade in and out of a pained sleep until I realize they’re both in the room with me again. Both Torin and Casey are helping me sit up, her whispering commands to him. Commands that he obeys. I want to marvel over their relationship, but I can’t fucking think.

  “Take this one,” she urges. “It’s for pain.”

  I swallow down the pill—a pill I recognize—chasing it down with the ginger ale. She gets me to eat a few crackers and then makes me drink more. After about fifteen minutes, I’m marginally better. My head hurts like a motherfucker, but at least I don’t want to puke anymore. I glance at Casey. She’s dressed in a tiny pair of shorts and tank top. He must have woken her up. I’d seen her in something similar the day I’d found her in my bed. The day I’d unknowingly had my hand up her shirt. I glance at her peaked nipples and disgust ripples through me.

  “You’re cold,” I mutter before closing my eyes and lying back on the pillows.

  Protect her. Protect her. You must protect her.

  Torin grunts and then he tosses something at her. She lets out a surprised gasp. When I peek my eyes open, I see he’s given her his hoodie and she’s putting it on. I flash him a grateful smile. Not only is she warm now, I don’t feel like a fucking perv looking at her half-naked body.

  “Tyler,” Casey says, her words terse. “What are all these medications for? They aren’t all for migraines.”

  I follow to where she’s gesturing on my nightstand. So many prescription bottles. “Those were locked in my desk drawer,” I complain. I know what else was locked in that desk drawer. One day, I suppose, she’ll sift through all of the things I keep hidden away. She deserves answers. I owe her that.

  Protect her. Protect her. You must protect her.

  She laughs. “I work with you in your office every day. I observe things, Ty. I know where you keep the key.”

  A smile touches my lips, but it doesn’t fully form. I want to hug her to me and thank her for being so perceptive. Torin picks up each bottle, reading the labels. Once he’s read them all, he turns his head and utter heartbreak flashes in his eyes. Confusion. Anger.

  Fuck.

  There’s no turning back now.

  “Casey,” I utter. “Can you give me a moment with my brother?”

  She nods, her eyebrows knitted together in a worried fashion, and leaves the bedroom. As soon as she leaves, I extend my hand to my brother. His hands are now in fists as he glares at me. When he doesn’t reach out to touch me, I let my arm fall against the mattress.

  “Torin, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  The room goes silent until I let out a ragged breath.

  And while he knows certain things I’m not ready to divulge, based on his Thanksgiving outburst where he hurt Casey’s feelings, he’s going to lose his shit over this.

  This is bigger.

  This is worse.

  Something is going on. I can see it in Tyler’s eyes. It’s been a week since he had the debilitating migraine where we had to force feed medications into him. When he finally got over it a few hours later, he brushed me off when I started asking questions. It was a cold reminder that I’m not a part of their family.

  I’m just Casey.

  An outsider who gets to play house with them.

  She plays house, but it’s not for real.

  Pretend.

  Taptaptaptaptaptaptap.

  “Nervous?” Tyler asks from the driver’s side of his car.

  I stop tapping my diamond-less ring to the window and look at him. Torin, who’s in the backseat, is quiet. “Nope,” I lie.

  My phone buzzes and I look down.

  Torin: You are. You tap when you’re nervous. Why did you lie?

  Pursing my lips, I type out a response.

  Me: I don’t want to talk about it.

  Torin: Talk about what?

  Me: It.

  Torin: What is it?

  Me: Nothing.

  Torin: Goddamn you, woman. You make no sense.

  A giggle escapes me and I can’t help but look back at him. His features are bland, but fire dances in his eyes. He’s pissed at me and it’s kind of funny. My phone buzzes again. Tyler grins at me.

  Torin: I love your laugh.

  My heart rate skitters.

  Me: I haven’t ever heard yours.

  Torin: I don’t laugh.

  Me: Is that a challenge?

  Torin: I. Don’t. Laugh. I can’t. It’s not physically possible.

  Me: Who’s the big fat liar now?

  Torin: I’m not fat.

  Me: But you are a liar. Ha!

  He grunts from the backseat and I laugh again.

  Me: I’m going to make you laugh one day.

  Torin: Good luck with that.

  Me: Let’s bet.

  Torin: The odds are stacked against you…

  Me: I’ll take my chances.

  Torin: Thunder.

  Me: You’ll give me your horse if I can make you laugh???

  Torin: Thunder will always remain mine because I don’t laugh.

  Me: Challenge accepted, big boy.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Lola tells me, tears swimming in her eyes. As much as I like her as a person, there’d be no way she could have put up with me living under her roof the past few years. I’m difficult and annoying.

  Guy’s irritated scowl confirms as much as I pluck threads from his sofa.

  “Thanks,” I utter. “Is that it? Are we done?”

  “The paperwork is done and ready on my end. In a couple of days, you’re officially a free woman. I have the address of the home you’ll be staying at. It’s wonderful that your employer has offered to let you stay at their home until you get on your feet. Just know that if you ever get into a sticky situation or you aren’t comfortable, you call me. I can set you up somewhere. Someplace safe.” She takes my hand and squeezes it before standing. “Okay, thank you, Guy. I’ll be out of your hair now.”

  I hurry and follow after her. “I’ll walk you out.”

  He glares at me, but I ignore him. I’ll be damned if he traps me in his house again and tries to get money from Tyler. Lola beams at my politeness, completely unaware at the silent war going between Guy and me.

  As we step out on the front porch, my eyes seek out Tyler’s Audi. It’s parked on the street next door. I walk with her to her car and then wave as she drives away. Guy hollers for me, but I ignore him as I run back to my boys.

  My boys.

  I look over my shoulder to see Guy stal
king across the yard to a car parked across the street. Good riddance, asshole. I’m so glad I won’t ever have to see that dick again.

  When I turn eighteen, does it make all this magically real? Will we stop pretending and be a real family?

  I try not to hope.

  Hope is a sketchy bitch.

  It’s snowing.

  But since there are no windows, I don’t have to look at it.

  That’s the best birthday present a girl could ever ask for. To not be reminded of how eighteen years back, her mother left her to fend for herself. I close the weather app on my phone and toss it on my bed. I’m just pulling off my hoodie to get ready to shower when I sense him.

  A creak reaches my ears and then my skin heats as I can almost feel Torin’s eyes boring into me. I know he watches me in my room. I like to pretend I don’t notice him. So, I go about my business in my room as if he’s not there. I undress in my room, keeping my eyes diverted from the sliver in the wall I know he’s standing behind. The air is chilly despite the fireplace going and I shiver. I’ll throw some logs on it and stoke it after my shower. Suddenly feeling embarrassed, I hurry into the bathroom. Once under the hot, steamy spray, I take my time. Tonight, Tyler has planned a nice dinner here at the house. We already exchanged gifts earlier. Tyler gifted me a laptop. He said it was from both of them. I could hardly hide my disappointment that Torin hadn’t gotten me anything. With the money Tyler has been paying me to work with him, I bought them each a present I thought they’d like. Tyler got a nice watch that looked like him. Torin got a hoodie that said: This is my happy face.

  After my shower, I decide to put on the dress I’d ordered online. I want to feel like a woman tonight. It’s black, knee-length, and form-fitting. Completely unlike anything I normally wear. As soon as I put it on, I begin to second-guess myself. It’s pretty and I look feminine and delicate, but I don’t know if they’ll laugh at me or not.

  Lifting my chin, I decide it doesn’t matter if they like it. I love it. Carefully, I put on my makeup. I dry my hair and then smooth it into straight, silky tresses with the straightener. With my lashes darkened and my lips a dramatic red, I resemble a movie star. Sexy. Older. Seductive.