She

by HC Warner

  ‘Do what?’ Ben replied.

  ‘Follow you everywhere you go.’

  Ben laughed. ‘No! ’Course not. I think she genuinely did just want some air.’

  As if! I thought. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t saying anything he shouldn’t.

  ‘She’s an absolute stunner, mate,’ Matt said, loud enough for me to hear. I knew he fancied me. ‘You have definitely lucked out there.’

  By now I was at the gate, waiting for them to reach me. Ben looked up and met my eye. ‘Yup,’ he said with a smile. ‘I certainly did.’

  Poor Ben. He had no idea.

  Chapter Twenty

  I had thought that one evening with his friends would be enough to stop Ben going on about us ‘spending more time with Matt and Freya’ but I was wrong. It became obvious that he and Charlotte had got into the habit of seeing them most weeks for an impromptu dinner or drinks and he made it clear that he was keen for us to carry on where they left off.

  I had no intention of spending any more time than was absolutely necessary with them, so I would ignore the phone whenever I saw their number flash up on the caller display. I knew Matt called Ben all the time on his mobile but I also hoped that he had learned by now not to make any arrangements without me giving the go-ahead, so I felt safe in the knowledge that I wouldn’t have to see them again for a while. But one Friday morning, as we were eating breakfast in the kitchen, Ben casually said, ‘Oh, by the way, Matt and Freya are coming round tonight. I thought we could get a takeaway.’

  He was scrolling on his iPad at the time and wasn’t looking up at me.

  I felt an immediate, visceral rage rising up inside me. ‘No, they’re not. It’s not convenient.’

  Ben looked up and frowned in puzzlement. ‘But … I’ve already invited them. And they’ve accepted.’

  I couldn’t believe his insolence. ‘Well, you shouldn’t have. Not without clearing it with me first.’

  Ben took a deep breath and drew himself up to his full height, making him look ridiculous. ‘I’m sorry, darling. You’re right. But I’ve asked them now so they’re coming. I’ll know better next time.’

  I fixed him with my hardest stare, before I stood up and threw my napkin on the table. The urge to slap his stupid face was overwhelming. I pulled my robe around me and marched out of the kitchen before I could actually inflict any physical damage.

  I was so angry that I was shaking and I could feel tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. I slammed the bathroom door and switched on the shower to its hottest setting, wanting to feel some kind of sting to match my mood.

  As the water hit my skin, I furiously lathered soap all over my body, thinking murderously of how I could make him pay. One thing I knew for absolute certain was that I wouldn’t be joining them for their impromptu dinner tonight, so he would live to regret not consulting with me first.

  I made sure I took as long as possible in the bathroom, so that Ben would be late for work and wouldn’t have time for a discussion of any kind. I took particular care with my make-up and chose a dress that still looked sexy, despite my growing bump. Then I left the flat without saying goodbye, slamming the door as hard as possible for good measure.

  Marcus was already in the office when I arrived. Since my marriage and pregnancy, he had cooled in his flirtations towards me, which hadn’t bothered me and actually made things a bit easier. But today, I decided that maybe we could enjoy one last hurrah. My own little way of getting back at Ben.

  ‘Morning, Marcus,’ I said, placing a cup of his favourite coffee that I had bought on the way in, on his desk.

  He looked up in surprise. ‘Hey, Bella … thank you. Surely I should be buying you coffee, not the other way round?’

  I flashed him my sexiest smile. ‘I just remembered how much you always enjoyed it and thought it wouldn’t do any harm to revisit our old habits, every once in a while …’

  Marcus picked up the double meaning behind my words immediately. ‘Well … what a nice thought that is. Revisiting old habits …’ He grinned mischievously. ‘I’m all in favour of that.’

  With that, the mood was set and for the rest of the day we traded increasingly suggestive remarks. At 6 p.m., as I was getting ready to leave, he came and perched on my desk. One thing I had always loved about Marcus was that he was incredibly straightforward and didn’t waste time with small talk when there was the promise of uncomplicated sex in the offing.

  ‘So, am I right in thinking that we’ll be spending this evening together?’ he began easily.

  I smiled. ‘If you’d like to …’ I locked eyes with him. ‘Would you like to?’

  Marcus pulled a wry face. ‘’Course I’d bloody well like to! Shall I book the usual place?’

  ‘Sounds good. I’ll just powder my nose and then we can go.’

  ‘The usual’ was a rather cheap and soulless hotel on the south side of the river. Marcus drove us there in his sleek Aston Martin, which he was able to drive in and park underneath the building. Unlike Peter, Marcus had always been paranoid about being caught playing away, so he made sure to go somewhere we were unlikely to run into anyone he knew.

  We made our way up to the room and spent the evening having perfectly pleasant but not exactly earth-shattering sex. I felt self-conscious of my bump at first but Marcus didn’t even seem to notice and it certainly didn’t affect his performance. Finally, at around midnight, I decided that Matt and Freya should have gone by now and asked Marcus if he would drive me home.

  He was pulling on his trousers and looked at me in horror. ‘Drive you home? Don’t you think your husband might have a few questions about that?’

  I shook my head. ‘I’ve already come up with a watertight cover story. You’ll be fine, I promise.’

  He shrugged. ‘Well, as long as you’re sure …’

  After he dropped me off, I hastily squeezed in some eye-drops and rubbed hard at my eyes, causing my eye make-up to smear beneath my fingers. Then I unlocked the door to the flat and walked in.

  I listened out for the sound of any movement but couldn’t hear anything. I decided he must have gone to bed, so I dropped my bag in the hallway and walked through to the bedroom. I peered into the gloom but to my surprise, the bed was empty. I frowned, wondering if he might have actually gone out looking for me. It was just the sort of thing Ben might do if he was worried.

  I walked around to my side of the bed and sat down, exhausted after all the exertions of the day. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and Ben marched into the room, making me jump in fright. ‘Where the bloody hell have you been?’ he hissed, sounding furious. I had my story all planned out but I hadn’t reckoned on him being so angry. I had thought he would just be worried sick and would be so glad that I was OK, he would just make a huge fuss of me.

  I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and shook my head.

  ‘Well?’ he shouted. ‘Answer me! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?’

  I turned towards him and watched with satisfaction as he visibly recoiled. My trick with the eye-drops had clearly worked wonders. ‘I’ve been at the hospital,’ I whispered, summoning up genuine tears as I threw myself into my story. ‘I thought I was losing the baby.’ I put my head in my hands and was pleased to see that my face was wet.

  ‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you call me?’ Immediately, Ben’s tone switched from angry to distraught and he dashed over to my side of the bed. He knelt in front of me and put his arms around my shoulders, stroking my hair.

  I looked up at him with an apologetic expression. ‘I’m sorry, there wasn’t time … I just wanted to get there.’ I paused to let Ben take in the enormity of the situation before delivering the killer blow. ‘Marcus took me.’

  Immediately, I felt Ben bristle. He knew that I had had an affair with Marcus in the past and he had always been a little bit wary of him because of it. He had even once tentatively suggested that it wasn’t really appropriate for me to continue working with him, until I set him stra
ight in no uncertain terms. ‘Right,’ he said, looking annoyed.

  ‘He was so lovely.’ I was enjoying twisting the knife. ‘He waited while they checked me over and then insisted on bringing me home.’

  ‘That was very nice of him,’ Ben said through gritted teeth. ‘But of course, if you’d rung me, or not had your phone switched off, I would have come straight away.’

  I nodded and wiped my eyes, further smudging my mascara, this time with genuine tears. ‘I know – but I didn’t want to spoil your evening with Matt and Freya …’ I let my words hang in the air, making sure there was no doubt about tonight being his fault entirely. Without me actually saying so, I wanted him to feel guilty as hell that he had put a night of drinking with his mates above looking after his pregnant wife, with potentially tragic results. I was so outraged, I almost believed my own story.

  Ben looked duly ashamed. ‘So what happened? What made you think you were losing the baby … and is it OK?’

  I shook my head and made a swatting motion with my hand. ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ I said, trying to sound stoic. The last thing I needed was him asking too many questions, as I actually didn’t have a clue what happened if you really did have a miscarriage. ‘But the main thing is that everything is OK and the baby’s fine.’

  ‘Oh, thank God!’ Tears flashed into Ben’s eyes and I felt a tiny bit guilty for lying about something so serious. I briefly hoped I wasn’t tempting fate. ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, darling.’ He kissed the top of my head and pulled me towards him.

  I gave him a brave smile. ‘It’s OK. Luckily Marcus was there, so he took care of me. Don’t feel bad.’

  My words landed and Ben swallowed hard. ‘Well, let me look after you now,’ he said, bending down to take off my shoes. ‘From now on, I’m not leaving your side.’

  I allowed him to help me lay down gently on the bed and smiled up at him. ‘Thank you,’ I whispered, confident that he wouldn’t be inviting Matt and Freya round again in a hurry.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I tried to persuade Ben that we shouldn’t spend Christmas with his parents but he was infuriatingly intransigent on the matter. ‘I promised Mum ages ago that we’d be there and I can’t let them down now.’

  ‘Well, you shouldn’t have promised anything without checking it with me first.’ I couldn’t believe he hadn’t learned his lesson from the last incident with Matt and Freya.

  ‘You were there!’ Ben protested, a flicker of annoyance passing over his face. ‘I didn’t think I needed to check with you again.’

  I hesitated, wracking my brains to remember any such conversation. It must have been back in the summer when I was still trying to be on my best behaviour. It was also before my body swelled up like a balloon, and. I really didn’t want Peter seeing me looking like this but I could hardly tell Ben that. ‘Fine!’ I snapped, resigning myself to spending Christmas with them, but vowing to make it as uncomfortable as possible. It would be fun watching Peter having to bite his tongue all the time.

  So on Christmas Day, Ben drove us out to Suffolk. He kept throwing nervous glances in my direction, which only served to make me feel even more bad-tempered.

  Jo threw open the door as we pulled up. ‘Hello, you two! Happy Christmas!’ she trilled in her irritating, squawky voice. I was disappointed to see her looking glamorous, pretty and, worst of all, slim.

  Ben kissed her as we joined her on the doorstep. ‘Hi, Mum, happy Christmas.’

  ‘And look at you!’ Jo beamed, as she kissed me on both cheeks, before motioning towards my rounded stomach. ‘You’re cooking nicely.’

  I wanted to slap her. ‘You make me sound like a bloody turkey!’

  ‘Oh! Well, you’re certainly the most beautiful turkey I’ve ever seen.’ Jo looked flustered and there was an awkward pause as both she and Ben watched me nervously, waiting to see what I would do next.

  ‘Right,’ I said eventually. ‘Are we standing out here all day or are we allowed in?’

  Jo almost gasped with shock, before gathering herself. ‘Of course! Come on through. Peter’s in the kitchen.’

  I smiled inwardly as I followed Ben and Jo into the hallway. I was suddenly looking forward to seeing Peter again.

  Ben took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack before turning to me and reaching out to take my coat. ‘Leave it!’ I snapped. ‘I’m cold.’ I wasn’t cold at all – if anything, the bump was like a permanent hot water bottle, which meant I was always very warm. But I wanted to be as difficult as possible.

  ‘Look who’s here!’ Jo trilled, as we reached the kitchen. Peter had his back to us, stirring a pan on the Aga. I figured it was the mulled wine Ben had warned me about, which apparently he made every year, even though everyone hated it, but he had done it for so long that no one had the heart to tell him it was disgusting. I was glad I wouldn’t have to drink it, as I was such a respectable teetotaller these days.

  Peter seemed to be steeling himself to face us, as he took an overly long time to wipe his hands on a tea towel, before turning around. ‘Hello, you two. Happy Christmas!’

  I wished my heart didn’t still flip at the sight of him but I was powerless to stop it. I moved into his reluctant embrace and gazed up at him with a massive fake smile. ‘Happy Christmas, Peter! That mulled wine smells divine … almost makes me wish I could drink it.’

  Peter flushed immediately and threw Jo a panicked look, before clearing his throat. ‘Well, you’ll be pleased to hear that you can … I made it non-alcoholic this year, knowing you didn’t drink.’

  ‘Did you? You didn’t say.’ For the first time ever, I thought Jo sounded annoyed, which pleased me enormously.

  Peter reached for a glass and poured a generous serving, which he handed to me with the air of someone who was giving a dog a treat, whilst half-expecting it to bite their hand.

  I took it from him, making sure to brush his hand with mine as I did so. I gazed deliberately at him over the rim of the heavy pewter goblet as I drank. It was possibly the most horrible concoction I had ever tasted – a cross between clove mouthwash and corked wine. ‘How wonderful,’ I managed, trying not to gag as I swallowed each mouthful. Peter’s face was almost puce by now, as he tried to maintain his neutral expression.

  ‘Well,’ Jo cried, clapping her hands like a hyperactive 4-year-old child. ‘Let’s go through and make ourselves comfortable, shall we? Bella, are you sure you won’t take off your coat?’

  ‘No.’ I adopted a pained look. ‘I’d rather keep it on as I’m feeling a bit chilled.’ I glanced up at Peter with an overly apologetic smile.

  ‘Oh dear, I do hope you’re not sickening for something?’ Peter’s words were loaded with sarcasm but somehow I didn’t think anyone else would have picked up on it.

  ‘Pregnancy’s not an illness, is it, Bella?’ Jo said sharply, confirming my theory.

  ‘Um, no, I guess not,’ I said, in what I hoped was a hurt tone, giving a little shudder for good measure.

  After a stilted silence, during which Ben looked at his mum with a satisfyingly accusatory stare, the four of us made our way into the sitting room. I sat down gingerly, wincing slightly as I did so, even though there was actually nothing to wince at.

  ‘Are you OK, darling?’ Ben’s face was full of concern.

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I told him with a brave smile.

  ‘What time is Emma getting here?’ Ben asked Peter. I’d almost forgotten she would be here, too and I had to make a real effort to stop my lip curling.

  Peter looked at his watch. ‘Any time now, I should imagine. I told her she should have hitched a lift with you two. Seems a bit crazy to bring two cars to do the same journey.’

  I shot Ben a warning look. He didn’t need to mention that I had said it was bad enough that we were going to his parents for Christmas, there was absolutely no way I was travelling down with his sister, too.

  I could feel Jo staring at me and when I turned towards her, she quickly tr
ied to rearrange her expression, but not before I had caught the look of pure dislike in her eyes. The feeling’s entirely mutual, I felt like yelling. She frowned, before getting up and leaving the room.

  Ben and Peter didn’t seem to notice Jo leaving and Ben continued chatting to his dad, completely oblivious to the undertones crackling around them. I now saw that Peter didn’t look great. His colour was high and he had acquired quite a few more lines on his face, even in the couple of months since I had last seen him. He was still handsome but there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked diminished, somehow. The sexy swagger that he had used to seduce me had long gone.

  I guessed that it was caused by stress but I couldn’t feel any sympathy for him. He didn’t worry about the stress I was under, when he vanished like a ghost and thought he could drop me without a backward glance.

  I watched him now, trying to concentrate on what Ben was saying, but his eyes kept flickering nervously in my direction. I wondered if he had even the slightest trace of love remaining for me. When we were together, although I always knew that I felt more for him than he did for me, I was certain that his feelings ran deeper than just lust. I got enough back from him to make me believe that one day he would leave his wife and make a life with me and our baby.

  How naïve and dumb that seemed now, bearing in mind what he did to me.

  Just then, Jo came bursting back into the room. She seemed to be borderline hysterical. ‘Emma’s had an accident. We need to go and get her!’

  Peter and Ben both immediately leaped out of their seats. ‘Shit! Is she OK?’ Ben looked genuinely distressed, which was a bit of an over-the-top reaction. I was fairly sure Emma couldn’t have been badly hurt or she wouldn’t be calling her mum and dad to go and pick her up. She would have been on her way to hospital in an ambulance.

  ‘She’s very shaken and upset and I think she’s bumped her head but she was talking coherently, so hopefully she’s fine. Come on, Peter, we need to hurry.’ Jo gestured towards the door expectantly, chivvying him as if he was a naughty child.