Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content

by Melody Carlson

  As expected, Shawna was cast as the innocent Laurey Williams, the sweet golden-haired farm girl. Of course, Todd Barker is Curly, the true-blue hero. And I am happy to be playing Ado Annie, a silly sort of girl who chases after anything in pants. But, here’s the amazing thing: My main romantic interest is being played by none other than Justin Clark, and we even get to kiss! Oh, life is good.

  I also think it’s rather ironic that Nate Stein ended up being cast as this Persian peddler, who’s also one of my love interests (rather, Ado’s). It’s ironic, I mean because he’s the one who talked me into auditioning for Ado. We have some kissing scenes too. And while I’m sure that Nate has no idea that I’ve always had a sort-of crush on him, I think it’s pretty interesting that I have love scenes with both him and Justin. Of course, my personal interest is leaning toward Justin now. I mean he is so good-looking. Go figure: Only a few days ago I was whining and complaining about the lack of boys in my life.

  Miss Lynnwood was right on about the “sexual tension”—there really is a lot of romance and kissing going on in this play. At least in the scenes that we’re starting with, which happen to be dance scenes. I guess we’ll work on the rest later.

  Shawna and I borrowed the Oklahoma! movie and watched it a couple times over the weekend. I’ll admit it’s pretty corny but kind of funny too. But what’s even funnier is how many of the kids in the cast seem to be pairing off already. It’s like we’re really getting swept away by this whole romance thing. And, as it turns out, I think Justin is getting into it too. We’ve already rehearsed one dance scene where we kiss, and I must say I think I saw stars (or maybe it was the stage lights). Anyway, it was so awesome that I nearly forgot my lines. But I made a good recovery. Anyway, I’m thinking this is turning out to be all right!

  Of course, I don’t let on to Justin that kissing him is any more than an act for me. I mean how unprofessional would that be? Even so, I suspect that he enjoyed the kissing just as much as I did. Maybe even more.

  We’re doing that same scene again today. And believe me, I’ve already brushed my teeth, applied lip gloss with a teeny hint of fruit in it, and am ready for the fun to begin. Of course, Mr. Roberts has instructed us in how to give fake screen kisses, where you don’t actually touch lips. He’s also made it perfectly clear that there’s no need to really kiss at all, especially during rehearsal, but most of the kids are pretty laid back about the whole thing, like we’d all feel silly refusing to kiss someone. All of us except for Casey Renwick, that is, who wastes no time making it perfectly clear that she won’t be kissing anyone, even though she’s playing old Aunt Eller and wouldn’t be doing any kissing anyway.

  “I’m saving my first kiss until I’m engaged,” she announces to everyone within earshot. Casey makes no secret of the fact that she’s “a strong Christian” and believes that it’s wrong to date. Period. Pretty extreme, if you ask me. I mean people are entitled to believe what they want, and I’m all for freedom of religion, but Casey seems determined to convince the entire planet that her way of thinking is the only way.

  “She’s so weird,” Shawna says to me right after a brief sermon on why Shawna shouldn’t really be kissing Todd during rehearsal. I kind of have to agree with Casey on this, because it does worry me that Shawna is kissing my best friend’s boyfriend—even if they are just acting. I suppose I shouldn’t be so concerned, since Emily has assured me that she’s not the least bit worried. Well, I sure wouldn’t be as relaxed as Emily is, but then again, this isn’t really my problem.

  Right now my biggest concern is Justin! I mean I can tell he’s interested in me, but “we” just don’t seem to be moving along like I’d hoped. It’s like he’s holding back, and I wonder if it’s because he was hurt by his breakup with Katy. Anyway, I plan to ask him about what happened. Like everyone else, I’ve heard a variety of stories, but I’m not sure which one is true. And if it turns out that Katy’s story is true (meaning she was actually the one who jilted him), well, I may have to rethink my approach. I mean it’s not like I want to catch Justin on the broken-hearted rebound or anything. At least I don’t think I do. On the other hand, maybe it’s better than nothing.

  Okay, I’m sounding pretty desperate.

  Right now Justin and I are sitting on this big wooden crate, off in the wings, just waiting for our next cue. I swing my legs back and forth, hoping to look less interested than I feel. Then I take in a slow breath. “So, Justin, do you think you and Katy will ever get back together?”

  He turns and looks at me, kind of curious, like he’s trying to figure out what I’m really getting at here. But he just slowly shakes his head. “I sure hope not.”

  I nod and attempt to look very empathetic, instead of like yelling, WHOOPEE! I act like I know how it feels to get out of a bad relationship, which is what I’m assuming since he doesn’t seem interested in getting back into it. “Still,” I continue. “It’s kind of rough breaking up with someone, isn’t it? I mean especially after you’ve gone together for a while. Weren’t you guys dating for a pretty long time?”

  “Not that long. We only started going out last fall.”

  “Oh.” Now I turn my attention back to the stage, where Shawna and Todd are being taught a tricky step by one of the dance-team members. Shawna is way better on her feet than Todd, but she’s being nice and patient, even though he keeps stepping on her feet. They’re laughing a lot and seem to be having a pretty good time.

  “Are you going with anyone, Zoë?”

  I turn back to Justin and pretend not to be surprised at his question. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  I smile now. “Just waiting for the right guy, I guess.”

  Now he smiles. And, let me tell you, he has the best smile. His dark eyes just seem to light up his whole face when he smiles. It’s funny, he and I could probably pass for brother and sister with our coloring—both brown-eyed brunettes. But trust me, I don’t feel the least bit like his sister.

  Suddenly it’s time for our scene, and he grabs my hand and we jump off the crate and head for the stage. It’s also a dancing scene, or sort of—my character is supposed to be both clumsy and funny—so we both just sort of bumble along. Then finally we get to kiss. And, man, do we kiss! Some of the kids offstage even start to whistle and cheer.

  “All right, all right,” says Mr. Roberts in a loud voice. “You kids are getting far too carried away with your kissing scenes. I think we’ll just nix them altogether from now on. At least during practice.”

  A few kids make some complaining noises, while others just laugh. And I can feel my cheeks getting red. But Mr. Roberts is already calling up the next scene.

  “Come on,” says Justin as he pulls me by the hand off the stage. We go back behind some of the old sets and he puts his arm around me and pulls me close to him. “I think Mr. Roberts is all wrong,” he tells me in a quiet voice. “I think we need to practice that kissing scene one more time.”

  I smile and lean into him and am instantly swept away by a long and passionate kiss. Much better than the one on stage. And so we stay back there a while, practicing a bit more. Until I hear someone yelling for us to come out for the group dance scene.

  I feel kind of flushed and slightly embarrassed as we emerge. I can tell by the looks and sniggers that some of the kids know exactly what we’ve been up to. But then I just hold my head high and figure, who cares what they think?

  After play practice is over, Justin comes over to where I’m standing with Shawna and calls me aside. “You going to the game tomorrow?”

  I kind of shrug, like I’m not really sure, although I do plan on going even if it’s by myself.

  “Well, you want to go with me?”

  I smile. “Sure, Justin. That sounds great.”

  He looks relieved, and I wonder if he actually thought I might turn him down. Yeah, you bet! Then I give him directions to my house and turn around and give Shawna the biggest grin.

  “Cool,” she says in a quiet voic
e, not blowing my attempt to appear nonchalant.

  We begin to giggle as soon as we’re outside. “I can’t believe it!” I tell her. “Justin actually asked me out!”

  “He’s such a hottie too,” she assures me as we get into her car. “I was about ready to go after him myself.”

  I turn and look at her. “Seriously?”

  “No.” She laughs as she starts the engine. “Just jerking your chain, Zoë. Don’t be so gullible.”

  Then I laugh too. Suddenly I almost don’t care if she decides to go after Todd now. I mean I know that sounds totally disloyal to Emily. But then Emily doesn’t seem all that concerned about it anyway. Or else she’s just super-confident. Not anything like me. I mean there is no way I’d want someone as pretty and talented as Shawna going after my guy. Like he’s my guy already. Ha! Well, who knows? It could happen!

  four

  JUSTIN IS SUCH A TOTAL GENTLEMAN. I MEAN HE’S THE KIND OF GUY WHO opens the door for you and treats you like you’re something special. Very cool.

  By the time we get to the game, I feel like a princess. Okay, that’s probably overstating it. But that’s just how he makes me feel. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I wore a great new pair of jeans (after exchanging a pretty lame Christmas present that Aunt Linda got for me) that looked totally awesome on me. Believe me, I took my time getting dressed. My mom says she can’t figure out how it can take me so long to get dressed when all I’m wearing is jeans and a T-shirt and jacket. But she just doesn’t get it.

  I mean the T-shirt has to look just right—not too long, not too short—and it needs to fit just so. And then there’s picking out the perfect belt and deciding which shoes look best. Tonight it was boots. Really, it’s just not as simple as it looks. But, after a couple of hours and a totally ransacked closet, I finally got it together just right. And I could tell that not only Justin but also some of my friends were glancing at me like I was looking good. Huge relief. What if I’d looked like a dog on my very first date with Hamilton High’s coolest guy?

  Even so, I do feel a bit self-conscious as I walk across the gym floor with him. But that is mostly due to the fact that Justin and I are like the latest news. Emily gives me a subtle thumbs-up, since I’d already clued her in to what was going on. But I’d also asked her not to tell anyone, and being a good trustworthy friend, she didn’t. I can tell she didn’t by the expressions of shock. Kirsti Quackenbush even drops a pom-pom she’s so stunned. But then Kirsti is pretty good friends with Katy, and it’s possible that she thinks I shouldn’t be going out with Justin now. Or maybe Kirsti is bummed that she missed her own opportunity.

  I see Shawna sitting up on the bleachers with some of the drama kids and I’m happy that she’s fitting in so well. Todd’s with them, but at least he’s not sitting right next to Shawna. Then I remind myself, hey, it’s not my problem anyway! I’ve warned Emily several times now. But she just acts like she and Todd are so tight, so committed to each other, that no one could possibly break them up. I cannot imagine having that kind of confidence in a guy. Especially someone as hot as Justin, or even Todd. But then I remember that she and Todd have had sex. And I wonder if that’s what makes her so sure of herself.

  Justin finds us a good seat, and we sit down and start visiting with friends as well as each other, and I’m relieved that he’s not one of those guys who brings his girlfriend to a game then just leaves her on her own until it’s over. I’ve seen some guys do that and I think it’s totally rude. So I’m sitting here next to Justin, thinking, all right—now this is the way it’s supposed to be!

  “What’s up with you and Justin?” asks Kirsti as the dance team does their halftime performance.

  “What do you mean?” I act like I’m clueless.

  “I mean”—she glances over her shoulder—“are you like going out?”

  “We came to the game together.” Like duh, what do you think?

  “So are you like a couple then?”

  I just shrug and then wave at Emily and hurry over as if I have something important to tell her.

  “Kirsti is totally baffled,” says Emily. “It’s like she just can’t believe it.”

  I roll my eyes. “Like he’s too good for me?”

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s it.”

  “Or maybe she wishes she’d gotten to him first, since she’s temporarily out of a boyfriend.”

  “Well, knowing Kirsti, that won’t last too long. But tell me, how’s it going? Do you really like him?”

  I nod eagerly. “He is sooo nice, Emily. Right now he’s out there getting me a Coke, and you know how long those lines are during halftime.”

  “Yeah, I’ve always thought Justin was a good guy.” Emily smiles. “I’m so happy for you!”

  Then Justin comes back with my drink and we resume our spots on the bleachers and I am feeling like I’m on top of the world. So cool.

  But the basketball game seems to literally fly by. And I’m having such a good time that I don’t even feel too bad that our team loses, although I do put on the obligatory act. I suppose I am sort of sad, but mostly because the game is over and my date with Justin will soon come to an end.

  But then he invites me to go to Chevy’s with him and, of course, I agree. I mean why would I want this date to ever end? Chevy’s is this new fifties-style restaurant downtown. It’s partly owned by Coach Hampton (the football coach) and last fall he talked a lot of his players into hanging out here pretty often. It’s kind of funky with all its fifties memorabilia, and sometimes you feel like you should be wearing one of those skirts with a poodle on it, but it’s better than nothing. And, believe me, I am totally jazzed to be here tonight.

  “What’s up with you guys?” asks Andrea when I go to use the bathroom.

  “Huh?”

  “You and Justin.”

  “We’re together,” I say. “Hadn’t you noticed?”

  She nods. “Of course I noticed. But when did this happen?”

  “We started hanging together during play rehearsals.” I’m willing to explain, since I really do respect Andrea and actually care what she thinks of me. “We have a lot of scenes together and we just sort of hit it off.”

  “Cool.” Then she pats me on the back.

  “Not cool when Katy finds out,” says Kirsti. She emerges from one of the stalls.

  “But they broke up ages ago,” says Andrea.

  “But Katy still likes him.”

  “Like that matters.” Andrea puts on some lip gloss.

  “Katy told me they were getting back together.”

  “Doesn’t look that way to me,” says Andrea.

  “I don’t really think Justin wants to get back with her,” I add. Then Andrea and I leave before Kirsti has a chance to say anything else.

  “She’s probably just jealous,” says Andrea once we’re out of the bathroom. “Maybe she thought she’d have a chance.”

  Suddenly it occurs to me that hanging on to Justin might not be as easy as I’d hoped. But my insecurity melts away when I sit back down at the table across from Justin and see him looking at me. There are lots of kids around and the room is hot and noisy, but for a few seconds it feels like it’s just the two of us. And somehow I think this might be the real thing. This might be that big romance I’ve been hoping and waiting for.

  “Want to get out of here?” he asks. I nod.

  We go outside and instead of heading for his car, we walk down Main Street, just talking. He is holding my hand and I am so happy that I think I must be dreaming.

  “I didn’t know what it’d be like, being in the play,” he says as we stop to look in the drugstore window. It’s set up with a Valentine’s Day display of two ice-skating bears surrounded by boxes of candy, stuffed toys, and balloons. Kind of silly, but sort of sweet and romantic too.

  “Yeah, I was surprised that so many kids turned out for it,” I tell him. “But it makes it more fun.”

  “I just figured, hey, it’s my senior year, why not do somet
hing totally different? Mix it up a little.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “So am I, Zoë.” He turns and looks at me now. “Just think what I would’ve missed.” Then he leans down and kisses me. And, naturally, I kiss him back. We stand there in the streetlights kissing like we’re starring in some old Hollywood flick. Honestly, I almost expect some old movie star to tap dance down the sidewalk, singing some old funny song. That’s how sweet this is.

  Then we walk back to his car and climb inside, where we kiss some more and I feel like I’m being swept away. I mean I am feeling things I’ve never felt before, and Justin is totally in charge of this thing. And it feels like he knows what he’s doing.

  Then his hand lands in a place that makes me feel uncomfortable and suddenly I am sitting up and sort of pushing him away. He looks startled, then nods as if he understands. “I’m sorry, Zoë.” He straightens himself in the driver’s seat. “I guess I got carried away.”

  I start feeling pretty silly. Like maybe I’m totally lame or just immature or maybe I am a real prude. Still, it’s like whatever was going on—I mean the moment, the magic—well, it’s all kind of lost on me now. “I’m sorry,” I mutter.

  “No, Zoë,” he assures me. “It’s not your fault. I was just moving too fast.” He runs a hand through his dark silky hair. “I mean this is just our first date.”

  I’m feeling like I can breathe again. “Yeah,” I agree. “And it’s been really cool. I’ve had a great time, Justin. My head is spinning.”

  He laughs as he starts his car. “Yeah, mine too.” He turns and smiles at me as he backs out of the parking spot. “But it’s not a bad thing.”

  He puts a good CD in and we both seem to relax as he drives me home. Then he walks me to my door and kisses me one more time, which I find very reassuring, like maybe I haven’t scared him off completely.

  “Thanks for everything,” I tell him as I reach for the doorknob.

  “Thank you,” he says as he slowly runs his forefinger down my cheek, giving me the good kind of shivers. “Maybe this will become a regular thing with us.”