by King Ellie
Talking to Dr. Harrison made me question my negative thoughts more than before. It made me think back to how they were always there. I questioned things more than I should, and I always seemed to think they would never turn out to be better yet Kash hadn’t left. He was here.
****
After seeing the drawings that Jordan made for me, for the first time since I was diagnosed, I spent the afternoon and evening with her. Kash came to check on us sometimes but other times, he was holed up in his office. Dr. Harrison encouraged me to spend time with Jordan and that I would see slowly that she would always need me. It may not be for every little thing, but she would still always call out to me for help. I was always going to be her mother. Before I could do anything, there was a sudden sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything that I had. The sick feeling washed over me not giving me a chance to really leave the bathroom and then after a couple of heaving fits, I was able to rinse my mouth and get out.
When I exited the bathroom, Jordan was there looking worried as ever.
“Mama, you okay?”
I nodded. I placed a finger over my mouth.
“Shh, don’t tell daddy, okay?”
Jordan gestured with her mouth zipping it. I smiled at her as I instructed her to go back and play. I went into the guest bathroom and brushed my teeth then as I left it, I found myself in our bedroom. I stared at the bed, missing it. I couldn’t think straight as the ghost feeling of Kash’s hands exploring my body took me out of this moment and into a memory of us.
This was the very first time that Kash took me so roughly, so bruisingly amazing and I loved it. I felt like he was being himself more when he took all the rage that he felt out on my body. There was a certain want and need from him that my body craved. No matter where we were or what we were doing, I wanted it.
My moan filled the room as Kash’s tongue fucked me. Everything that Kash did was special and so unique. When he flattened his tongue out, my clit went into overdrive. My fingers slipped into his hair pulling him in, locking my legs around his neck not wanting him to ever stop making me feel like this.
When Kash made me come, I refused to let go. The thing about this night was the first time that Kash was ever truly mad at me. It was the first time he brought up doing something different for when mom was supposed to get out. I had shut down refusing to talk to Kash to the point where he gripped my jaw in his large hand bruising my lips with the force of his kiss. I had whimpered in his mouth letting him gain entry as he left bite marks all over my lips and face.
“Show me how mad you are, Kash…” I had uttered those words like a maniac. “Fuck me up, baby.”
I basically cried out to him.
I should’ve done it earlier.
Kash regained my attention with a slap to my thigh so harsh and severely that my legs loosened around his neck. He took this opportunity to come up for air and his face was so beautifully angry. His telltale sign of clenching that sexy jaw of his. It showed more because he kept his beard trimmed lowly and before I could analyze him some more, he smirked so devilishly as he flipped me to my back.
He slapped my pussy so hard, I almost blacked out but what fucked me up was the fact that he slammed inside me. I moaned for so long and so loud I had prayed that we didn’t scar our child. Dear God, I couldn’t get away from him even if I wanted. His strokes were maddening, driving me to feel like he was slamming into my next life and he wasn’t holding back. I tried to run away from it, but he gripped both hands at my waist locking me in.
“Don’t fucking run from this dick, bunny. Don’t ever FUCKING run from me!” He bellowed out as I swear I came so hard that I blacked out.
I didn’t even know when or where Kash finished because when I came to, he had cleaned me up, placed me in the bed and I had slept well until the next day. Kash had fucked me into a sex induced coma.
I shook my head trying to clear my mind up but all I could think about was how Kash took me. It wasn’t that he didn’t make love to me, he did but more times than any, I wanted to be fucked and he delivered. I walked into our room heading straight for the walk-in closet. When I got inside, there was a door where our life-size mirror hung. I walked towards the door, pressed in the code and it opened. It had been a while since I heard the opening of this so much so that I felt myself grow wetter. The whoosh of the door shutting behind me caused goosebumps to travel down my body. I continued my trek in, loving the feel of the hardwood floor under my feet. It was a room full of wonders that didn’t include rainbows but rather it was a room filled with cuffs, toys, chains, a bed that had restrains of any and every kind.
Being with a man like Kash who liked to direct his anger in a certain way came with a different trick every time. I shuddered as I walked towards the wall where Kash hung every whip I hand-selected. I knew how each of them felt, I ran my fingers on it then I walked over to the bed in the middle of the room. The sheets were changed all the time, but I knew which ones these were. When these black sheets slid over my body, it drove me crazy. The manipulation of feeling something so soft, yet so silky on your skin could cause you to want to shout some obscene things. I looked up at the camera in the corner of the room, the red light was going off meaning that the moment I got in there, the feed notification popped up on Kash’s phone.
I smiled, as the craziest idea came to my mind. Something was taking over me at the moment and I didn’t even recognize myself, but Dr. Harrison told me if I wanted to work on myself I had to get naked. Look myself in the mirror and tell me, that I loved not only me but my body. I discarded my clothing slowly making sure that Kash could see my entire body. The best part about being in this room was that Kash could say something if he wanted to and I would hear him. I sat back on the bed, taking a deep shaky breath as I spread my legs bending them and placing my feet flat on the bed. I shut my eyes as I began to touch myself the way that Kash always did. If I willed my brain to be quiet for a second then I felt like that was something big even for me. I felt the chill of the room’s temperature as my nipples became hard. I teased them making sure that Kash could see me doing so and when I slid a hand down to my wet core, I stopped. The negative thoughts began again and then I heard him. “No. Keep going, Bunny…”
Kash’s voice boomed in the room and I felt like I was losing my mind already. I listened to him for once, smirking at Graham’s advice. I began teasing my core at the sound of his breathing.
“Wait… I need to go to Jordy.”
It was like my instincts were slowly coming back.
“Uhn, uhn… She’s fine, bunny. Cherise is here. Fuck, please continue. Open wider, baby let me see my pussy, please.”
I followed instructions as he gave them. I opened my legs wider letting him see how much he still affected my body. I moaned not able to do much more than that. I could hear what Kash was doing and it turned me on more. From the way he was breathing, he was stroking himself.
“Kash…” I called out to him like I used to.
“She’s so fucking pretty, baby. Your pussy gushes for me in such a sexy way. How does she feel, bunny? Tell me everything, describe it for the only man that will ever have the pleasure of tasting and fucking that pretty pussy.”
“She’s wet.” I whimpered. “It feels so good, Kash.”
“That’s good, bunny…” His voice sounded strained. “Let her sing to me, please baby. Fuck.”
“She misses you, Kash. So much.” I wasn’t sure if I was talking about my pussy or me.
“Mmmm,” he groaned. “Tell me what does she miss? When I’m making love to her with my tongue? Or is it when I’m finger fucking her? Nah, bunny, I know what she misses the most…”
“What?” My body heat felt like it ran on high right now as I knew I was about to lose my resolve and orgasm.
“She misses the way I take her roughly. When my dick slides in her and out with conviction. She wants me to claim her again. Put a stamp on her when I come all over her, insi
de her and the best part… When I rub the tip of my dick on her clit teasing her while she’s convulsing. Bunny…”
His voice was dangerously low.
“Yes, Kash.”
“Come.” He commanded and I couldn’t hear anything as I came so hard with my fingers working overtime to make me lose my mind.
“Did you cum, Kash?”
“No.” His voice sounded like it was losing a battle.
“Why not?”
Was it me? I opened my mouth to ask and he beat me to it.
“The next time I cum, I’m coming inside of your fat, juicy, unicorn-like pussy. You hear me?”
“Yes, Kash,” I answered breathlessly.
Chapter Six
Kash
Mila’s moods were improving, and I clearly saw the improvement. Dr. Harrison handed me information pamphlets on Perinatal Mood disorder. I did my own research as well on the holistic approaches that I could help Mila with. It didn’t mean that she allowed me to touch her or anything like that, but she was maintaining eye contact with me now. I went to the therapy sessions but refused to speak. I sat back and supported Mila instead, but one thing still tugged at my chest, we still haven’t discussed what she said.
I sighed as I went to focus on my case, instead of trying to focus on that. I didn’t want for her progress to slide. I could wait and maybe when she’s better, we could have better conversations but there was something that the therapy sessions were giving me the ability to do, and that listened instead of speaking. My cell rang, I reached across my desk and smiled because Mila was calling me.
“Bunny?” I answered.
I heard sniffling in the background. Without thinking I stood, packing up my things.
“Kash… Can you come pick me up? I can’t reach Rissa.”
I took a deep breath as I shut my eyes trying to calm my nerves.
“Where are you, angel?”
“I’ll send you the address.” With that, she hung up.
Not even a second later, I got the text of an address that was familiar to me, but I couldn’t remember why. I didn’t even wait as I passed by my receptionist telling her that I had to go. I raced out of the building not caring how crazy I looked as I made it to my range. ****
When I pulled up to the address that Mila gave me. I was fuming, visibly trembling because now I remembered. My father had taken me to this abortion clinic before telling me to be grateful that this wasn’t where my mother ended up because I wouldn’t even be alive, I was twelve.
I stepped out of the car, making my way into the building. There was a certain level of rage in me that I always feared to slide into because I didn’t know how I’ll ever get myself out of it. I sniffed, rolling my shoulders and clenching, unclenching my fists as I made my way into the waiting room. Mila spotted me, she stood, and her eyes widened at my expression. I know what she saw in my eyes. It was palpable anger that could make a man do terrible things that would leave a weaker man with nightmares. I used to have nightmares as a kid then after I came to the conclusion that my mother and father were cut from the same cloth of fuckery. It taught me that there was nothing to fear in my sleep, not even the nightmares because when I looked in the mirror while awake, I saw my reflection. If my reflection didn’t scare me then nothing could because of my reflection, the one that stared back at me was a living nightmare.
I spun not looking her way as I tried not to stomp my feet. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself or her at the moment. We almost made it outside with no commotion and then the very first time since she let me touch her, Mila initiated touch. Her small hand felt like it burned through my suit as she placed it on my back. I spun on my heel too quick for her to be prepared and held her jaw in a vice-like grip. I was so close to her face that I was breathing whatever air she provided for me.
“Get your fucking hands off me, Mila. Don’t fucking touch me.”
Her eyes widened. There was a certain desire in her eyes that overshadowed anything else that was supposed to take place. No. I wouldn’t fall for this shit again.
“Wait… I’m sorry, Kash. I just, I don-.”
I didn’t care what she was trying to say as I pushed her into the next available wall.
“Did you do it?”
She opened her mouth to answer and then someone else interrupted us.
“Is everything okay here?”
I turned towards the voice at a security guard who looked like he spent too many days at the gym with his arms but not his legs.
“Nah, we’re good. Fuck off.” I faced Mila again, “answer me.”
“Ma’am, do you need help? Should I call the police?”
I scowled letting go of Mila and fully faced, the security guard.
“You got one more motherfucking time to interrupt my conversation before this turns really sour. Back the fuck up and mind your business before I shut you the fuck up.”
The security’s face reddened. His facial features contoured showing as if him getting mad would do something to do.
“Kas-.”
My name died on Mila’s lips as I cut my eyes at her and the action of her trying to touch me again.
“Go to the car, Mila. I’m not above beating this man within an inch of his life. In fact, I’m already talking too damn much.”
I walked away from beating the shit out of this man. I heard Mila’s footsteps following behind all the way to the car. I opened her car door for her, and she climbed in. I slammed it shut and went around to my side. As we drove back into town, I squeezed the steering wheel.
“I didn’t go through with it, Kash,” Mila admitted to me.
She didn’t get why I was mad, and she wasn’t a fucking child that I had to explain everything to her, yet I found myself opening my big ass mouth.
“Good for you, Mila. You didn’t end up getting an abortion. Should I clap my damn hands for you? You want a fucking present for that shit?”
She glared at me, staring a hole into the side of my face but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of looking her way.
“I went in there… just to, I don’t know why I went, okay? But when we got there, we went to the doctor’s office and she asked me all sorts of questions, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t give up on my baby.” She was crying again, and her tears always tugged at me but right now, I was fucking tired.
“This we, you’re talking about… Who the fuck is we?”
“Larissa.”
I nodded as we stopped at a red light. I tapped my forefinger on the steering wheel looking out my side of the window.
“So, you took Larissa, to your abortion appointment but not your fucking husband, right? Okay.”
“Hear me out, Kash. Please.”
“Where am I dropping you, Mila?”
I was done fucking talking.
“Just, let me ex-.”
I cut her off.
“Where. Am. I. dropping you off? I need to get back to the office.”
“Work. I need to get back to work.” She answered then it was quiet again as I drove in the direction of her job. “Are you mad at me, Kash?” She asked not even a minute later.
“I’ve got absolutely nothing to be fucking mad about.”
“But you do. You have every right to be mad.”
I quickly glanced at her and then at the road.
“According to you, I don’t.”
Then I shut down. This time I didn’t fuck up. She did.
****
After the whole thing with Mila, I went back to work. Out of all days, today had to be the day, I meant with a potential client at a restaurant. I stood leaving my office and on my way out, I passed by Channing’s office.
“What’s up?” He looked up at me.
“Look, you’re my brother so I’m not going to repeat myself.”
“What is it?”
“Tell Rissa the next time she wants to take my wife to an abortion clinic to stay there with her instead of having me pick her up all in the way
feeling like I don’t even have a fucking say in anything. I respect and love you, Channing so I’m coming to you. I don’t want to fuck around and put a strain in our friendship over shit like this.”
Before he could respond, I walked out. I’ve had it with people’s shit.
****
I sat back on my chair as I waited for my client who was in the restaurant bathroom. I needed to go swimming tonight to release more tension. If I didn’t do that then all hell would break loose. Just as I was about to flag a waiter down, I heard my wife’s laughter. It was as if the world stopped. I slowly turned my neck in the direction that her laughter was coming from. After the bullshit and tears she gave me this morning, she was fucking laughing it up. When I spotted her, she was with a co-worker. Manny or some shit like that. I didn’t like that slimeball and I told Mila a million times to stay away from that creep. He rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t like the way he looked at Mila and now, he had his hand on top of hers making it seem like they were two lovers on a lunch date.
I threw my head back, chuckling as if this was the funniest shit I had encountered today. Which really it was. I stood, fixing my suit and rolling my shoulders. I walked over to the table with my right hand in my pocket while my left thumb played with my ring.
“Bunny… that’s cute.” I heard Manny say. “I should call you that too.”
Mila’s brows furrowed as she pulled her hand from his. She hadn’t seen me yet.
“No. You can’t call me that. Only my husband calls me that. Look, Manny, I thought this was a lunch between coworkers but you’re making me uncomfortable. I’m going to go back to work now.”
