Avenge Me

by Maisey Yates

  She clung to him, her nails digging into his skin as she rode out her orgasm. As she tried to be strong for both of them while he shuddered out his pleasure, his muscles shaking so hard she thought he might break apart.

  Not while he was in her arms. Not while she held him.

  Slowly, he came back to himself, and when he did, he moved away from her. All too soon. “I can’t...” He let out a harsh breath. “I...don’t know what happened just now.”

  “We made love,” she said, feeling completely destroyed by the experience. A leveled house after the storm.

  “I need to... I have to go back to work.”

  “Austin?”

  “I just need to go.”

  That was rich. He was running now. He’d forced her to lay it all bare, to make love nice and sweet when she was scared to death, and now he was the one trying to cover up.

  “What happened?”

  “What makes you think anything happened?”

  “The fact that you came in and demanded that. The look on your face when you came in... You seemed upset.”

  He put his hand over his face. He was sitting, naked on the floor, a marble statue in a pose of regret.

  “I wasn’t upset,” he said.

  “Really? Is that how you’re going to play it? You were totally fine.”

  “Yes,” he growled. “I was fine. I was...happy, for lack of a better word. Do you know where I just came from?”

  “No.”

  “My office. Where I took great pleasure in telling my father that I was going to see him taken for everything he owns.” He stood and paced the length of the floor, pushing his hands through his hair. “And he...he said something. And do you know what I did?”

  “What?” she asked, feeling hollow. Sick.

  “I wrapped my fingers around his throat and it took every ounce of my control not to squeeze tight and end him then and there. I want to kill him, Katy. Honest to God, I do.”

  “But you won’t.”

  “No. Because then I wouldn’t get to toy with him anymore. Then I wouldn’t get the pleasure of watching his life burn around him. Do you know what I discovered today? I am so much more like him than I ever realized.”

  “What?” she asked. “How can you stand here and say something like that when you just told me you wanted him dead?”

  “He likes it, you know? He likes it when he realizes that he has the power. When he can take it and lord it over someone. See the fear in their eyes. Today, I did that to him. And I liked it. Not a single part of me recoiled from that.”

  “Because of what he did,” she said. “Because of what he’s done to countless women. To my sister. Your friend. That’s why you enjoyed it. Hell, Austin, I’d wrap my fingers around his throat, too.”

  “It’s not the same. It’s not. Do you know how sobering it is to look that man in the eyes and see nothing but myself staring back at me? It’s not him I hate. It’s me.”

  “Don’t hate yourself, Austin. You haven’t done anything.”

  “I haven’t done anything? I let a woman die, Katy. I let her sink into utter despair, because I was too damn comfortable to look past my own life and into hers. But I have a feeling it was even more than that. What if I just didn’t care?”

  “That’s not it.”

  “Isn’t it? That night we met at the hotel? It had nothing to do with you. You were a stranger, and I took you and used you—”

  “I used you right back. Don’t you dare try to change the story now, Austin Treffen. I will not listen to it.”

  “The only reason I made love to you just now was to prove that I could,” he said, his voice flat. And just like that, he stole it all from her. Everything it meant. Everything she’d thought she’d felt pass between them.

  “I didn’t need it,” she said, angry now, because he’d forced her to give so much, all so he could salve his conscience. “Didn’t I tell you I didn’t want your guilt? Not in the form of cash, and not from your body.”

  “So...what? You’d rather I just bend you over the table and force you? Wrap my hands around your throat like I did him?”

  “It’s not the same. I ask for it. I beg. Look what I begged you for. The first time and every time after.”

  “As if you even know what you wanted. You were just a virgin.”

  “Don’t you dare try to pull that on me. I don’t know why you’re spoiling for a fight, but obviously, you have a problem here. And I can also see that you’re being an asshole so I’ll write you off, since you’ve clearly written yourself off. But guess what, asshole. I love you.”

  Her words hung between them in the silence. And no matter how much she wished they would, they just didn’t fade. They were so very there. So very raw and true, and she hadn’t even realized they were until she’d said them.

  “I do,” she said again. “I love you.”

  “You can’t...”

  “I do. And, you know...I think I have from the beginning, which seems ridiculous, and yet...I knew you. That moment I saw you in your father’s office building, I knew you. You’re right, Austin. We don’t make sense. You said that once. That what we wanted didn’t make any sense. And it’s true. It doesn’t. Not when we’re apart. Together we make perfect sense. And it’s not just the sex. You’re this guy who came from a world where everything glittered and you had to learn the hard way that not everything does. And I never...I never saw anything beautiful until you. You’re the one who showed me that sometimes you can trust someone. That there are people who will help. Who will try and carry your burdens with you. You’re the first person to ever do anything like that for me. You make me believe in good things and...and for someone like me, from the place I’m from...that’s huge.”

  He laughed. Hollow and bitter. “How can I make you believe in something good when I’m not sure I believe in anything good anymore? How the hell can you stand there and look at me like the sun rises and sets on me when you know what I am? When you know I let your sister die. When you know that I have the same tendencies that that...monster has inside of me. I am not the man to share your burdens with. I can’t even be bothered to deal with someone’s burdens for five minutes, even if it would keep her from jumping to her death.”

  “You didn’t let her die. You didn’t know,” she said, her throat tightening. “And you aren’t your father.”

  “Just like you aren’t your parents?” he asked, his words a slap across her face. “Like you never hid in a room and got high to escape your life? I’m not my father just like you aren’t them, is that it? Let’s just face it, Katy. We’re fucked up down to our blood and there’s no real way to escape that. Did you think we were going to set up a house together and get married or something? Did you think we’d have kids and go to the burbs and pretend none of this ever happened?”

  “I...I...” She couldn’t speak around the knot in her throat. She felt sucker punched. By the fact that he’d used her confession against her. That he’d betrayed her like that.

  No one else knew about the drugs. No one. She’d trusted him with that. It had been a bigger leap of faith than letting him tie her up had ever been, and he’d just used it against her.

  “It’s not happening. Ever. I don’t want that from you. I’m not even capable of it. I might keep you as a sex slave. What do you think about that?”

  “Shut up, Austin,” she said. “Just shut up.”

  “Why? Because you built up a fantasy that doesn’t exist and now you want to hold on to it? Not my problem. I never promised you a damn thing.”

  “No, you didn’t. But this? This is crap. This isn’t you. This is... You’re running from something and you’re acting like a teenage boy who’s afraid and can’t admit it. Trying to hide what you want because it scares you. Getting pissed when you can’t deny it. You’re gett
ing angry when what you really are is terrified. And I want to know why.”

  “You think you have some sort of insight into my emotions just because you got into my pants? Not even close.”

  “No, you know what? This isn’t you. I have spent every night in your bed, I’ve told you everything about me, I’ve held you in some of your lowest moments, and so I think I have a pretty good idea of who you are. And this isn’t it. So tell me right now what has you afraid.”

  “You want to know what has me afraid?” he asked. “I am afraid of turning into a sociopath. I’m afraid I’m halfway there, and the only way to protect anyone in my life is to make sure I cut the head off the source, and do everything I can to right what he’s done. Because maybe then I won’t have the chance to embrace the ugly inside of me.”

  “That’s not it. You aren’t him. You know you aren’t. And I love you.”

  “And so many people love him, you stupid, stupid girl,” he said, venom in his every word.

  The words hit hard. Mushroomed inside of her chest, blossoming like a bullet, leaving shrapnel behind she didn’t think she’d ever dig out.

  Of course, to him she was just a stupid, silly girl. A girl from nowhere, with no education. Good for a sex slave and nothing else.

  No. He doesn’t mean it. He’s afraid. It scared him, too. That’s all.

  “My mother loved him,” he continued. “My sister. Me. Sarah. Because you know she probably loved him, too. How do you think she got sucked into it? Why do you think she left Hunter? How do you think all of this started? Love. And all she was willing to do for it. Don’t throw those words around like they’re a gift that can only be given to the deserving, because that just isn’t true.”

  “So what? That’s what scares you? The love thing?”

  “No. It’s what loving me will do to you. You shouldn’t. I don’t want it.”

  “Oh. Well, then. I guess... I really think I should probably go. And I don’t know where that leaves this...the stuff with Sarah.”

  “You can stay here,” he said.

  “No, idiot, I can’t because you just broke my effing heart and I’m not going to let you walk over the pieces. I have pride, or something—I don’t really know what—but...I’m done. I’m not staying here and taking half. Or nothing. I’m not going to be your sex slave, even though I know full well you don’t want one and you’re just being full of crap.”

  She walked through to the kitchen and started collecting her clothes, putting them on as quickly as possible. Because being naked in front of him now felt stupid.

  “You can send my stuff. I’m not waiting around.” She clasped her bra and tugged her top over her head.

  She headed to the door and paused. “Do you want to know how I know you don’t just want me to be your sex slave?” He didn’t say anything. “I’ll tell you. It’s not because you came in here and made love to me. Not because you were gentle and sweet this time. Not because you put my pleasure first, like always. Because you looked into my eyes and I saw myself there. It’s because you don’t get off on power. You like control. Yeah, you get off on it. But only if I get off on it, too. You don’t like my fear. You’ve never asked for it. So, guess what. I think you’re a different sort of beast than your dad. A beast, yes, but a different sort. If you need anything, any information regarding Sarah? Have one of your friends call me. There’s still work to do, and I’m not stopping until it’s done.”

  She walked out the door and down the hall, and she didn’t start crying until she was safely inside the taxi, with no idea where to tell the driver to go.

  Because there was nowhere. There was no one.

  No one but Austin. And he didn’t want to be there for her anymore.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “What are we doing here?” Alex asked, curling his lip as he looked at Austin. Austin didn’t care about his friend’s disapproval. He was too drunk to care about much of anything.

  And that was a state of bliss he hadn’t been in since before Katy had left.

  “Drinking,” Austin said, lifting his glass to his lips and knocking back the contents.

  “No,” Hunter said, “you’re drinking. I’m pretty sure that was mine. I could have used that, maybe.”

  Hunter lifted the empty glass and the bartender nodded, sliding a newly filled one over to his end of the bar.

  “Your parents’ divorce is all over the news,” Alex said, looking down at his phone and tapping the screen, pulling up the headlines that were dominating the society pages and entertainment sites. “And it’s ugly.”

  “Yeah, no joke it’s ugly,” Austin said, his arms resting on the bar, his head starting to droop. He was pretty drunk. There was no denying it. And Alex’s voice was a lot more annoying than usual. Not that it was usually annoying. It was just that anyone’s voice, anyone’s presence, was too much for him right now.

  He should have thought of that before he called Alex and Hunter down here for... Hell, he didn’t even know what. Advice? An intervention?

  “I’m representing my mother in the divorce. So it’s going to get uglier. Trust me. Because I’m gonna make damn sure it’s ugly.”

  “And I imagine your father’s upcoming honor and interview will be marred by the events,” Alex said.

  “Here’s hoping,” Austin said, lifting his glass in salute.

  “Is that why you’re trying to suck down all the booze on the Upper West Side?” Hunter asked.

  “Why the hell else?”

  “That’s a good question,” Alex said, looking down at his phone still, scrolling through the Treffen news, it seemed. “What happened to Sarah’s sister? She was staying with you, wasn’t she?”

  “Yes,” he said, grinding his teeth. “But she’s not staying with me now.”

  “I see,” Alex said, setting his phone down on the counter. “And is there any reason in particular?”

  “Because she loves me,” Austin said. “She fucking loves me. Have you ever heard anything stupider than that?”

  “Other than you saying stupider?” Hunter asked. “No.”

  “Right?” Austin looked at his empty glass and frowned. “I don’t know what the hell her problem is. She loves me. What the hell is that?”

  “It must be your sparkling personality,” Hunter said.

  “Or your wit,” added Alex.

  “Your money,” Hunter said.

  “Your penthouse is nice.” This from Alex.

  “I don’t want her to love me.”

  Hunter grimaced. “Of course not. I hate when women say they love me. One time both women said they loved me after— Anyway, it was awkward. There was a cat fight. That’s...actually not a bad memory.” Something about Hunter’s humor rang false, and Austin wasn’t in the mood to analyze.

  “How is that helpful?” Austin growled.

  “I don’t know. Did you honestly expect me to come here and be helpful about your love issues? Everything I know about love I could write on...well, nothing. I don’t know a damn thing about it, and that’s not an accident. If you’d like a manual on sexual positions, however, I could work something up real quick.”

  “I’m good,” Austin said, holding up his hand.

  “Not anymore, clearly,” said Alex.

  “We were fine until she said she loved me. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? She’s Sarah’s sister. There’s all this stuff with her sister, being involved with the hooking and my dad and whatever other power games he was playing—is playing—with all these other women. And now here I am, wanting nothing more than to tie Katy up and put her over my knee and spank her. Freud would have a field day with this, you know.”

  “Dammit, Austin,” Alex said, “you should have warned us you were going to be oversharing. I need to be drunker before you start tellin
g us about your sex life.”

  “I could do details,” Hunter said. “If they’re on offer.”

  “No, they are not,” Austin said.

  “If you change your mind...”

  “I don’t want her to love me,” he said again. “I don’t... Why the hell would she love me?”

  “You’re repeating yourself,” Hunter said.

  “I know. But I still haven’t gotten an answer. I need an answer.”

  “What did you say when she said she loved you?” Alex asked.

  “I told her she was stupid. And she is. I’m... I let Sarah die,” he said, something breaking inside of him, something catching in his throat. “I was the closest person to the situation. I should have seen it. Part of me thinks I did, but I didn’t want to because...because it would have ruined my life if I’d listened. If I’d let Jason lose his position in society then, what would have happened to my career?”

  There was more to the story. But he couldn’t say it. Couldn’t talk about that last call. That last voice mail. He’d ignored that call. He hadn’t listened to it until after she’d jumped.

  I really need you. I need to talk to you. I don’t think anyone else can help me.

  And by then it was too late.

  Too damn late.

  “You didn’t really know, though,” Alex said.

  “She said...she said, ‘Austin, I really need your help. It’s about your dad.’ And I remember. So clearly her asking me that. For help. To meet up and talk sometime. And I didn’t like the way she looked, or the tone in her voice. I knew it was going to be a big deal. I knew it would interrupt my life. I had just gotten into law school and I was so excited about it and I didn’t want...problems.”

  “But you didn’t know how it was. I mean, you didn’t know what was happening,” Hunter said.

  “I thought she was having problems at her job. I didn’t think, you know, she was having an issue with my dad having sex with her.”