“That’s sweet. Creepy, but sweet.”
He laughed, sitting back. “Remember, ten years to Matthias is like ten months or ten weeks to the average man. He wanted to be ready when you were.”
She fought her irritation. “So he was just trying to get into my pants the whole time?”
“No. He hoped eventually the two of you could take your relationship as far as it has gone. Honestly, as much as it would have pained him to see you with someone else, he was willing to settle for having you as his employee. Just to be near you. And to keep you safe. Don’t forget that him nearly dying and you saving his life wasn’t in his plan. He wanted to spend months, years if necessary, letting you get to know him before we broke any of this information to you. He wanted you to fall in love with him over time, if that was what you wanted. Unfortunately, the Others have forced an adjustment of our timetable.”
She sighed. “I have to tell him what happened.”
He patted her leg. “Whatever decision you make, that’s yours. For now, you should rest.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Matthias looked at Rafael. “So. Want to tell me what happened?”
Rafael watched Anastazia walk away before answering. He shook his head. “She had me, totally.” He turned to his cousin. “I couldn’t do anything. I mean, she had me by the brain and the balls, big guy. She ran the show.”
Matthias studied his cousin. “Except when you kissed her.”
Rafael reddened and studied the ground. “You saw that, huh?” He hoped Matthias didn’t see his other thoughts, his suspicions.
His hopes.
“I’m not an idiot, Rafe. You’ve baited her all day. She doesn’t usually close me out. She forgets I’m there. She’s still learning to hold a permanent barrier. She hasn’t learned to look for me inside her mind, and unless she puts up one of her strong walls, I’m there.”
“Then why the hell didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you say something?”
Matthias turned, his voice harsh. “Because sooner or later, she may meet someone stronger than you or me who wants to possess her for all the wrong reasons. She has to be ready for it, able to stand up to them. If she’s going to kiss someone, I’d rather it be you than someone who doesn’t love her the way we do.”
Rafael looked at his cousin for a long moment before studying his feet again. “She loves you, Matts. I know she does. She feels horrible about what happened. You’re a lucky bastard, you know that?”
Matthias softened his tone. “I’m sorry, Rafe. This all happened so quickly. I didn’t mean to spring everything on her and you like this. I just want her to learn and be prepared.”
Rafe held up his hand. “Stop. It’s okay. Hey, one day maybe I’ll be lucky enough to meet someone like her. She doesn’t have a little sister, does she?” he joked.
“I think Carla’s still single.” Matthias smiled.
“Oh, hell no. That bitch is crazy. I wouldn’t do her with a borrowed dick, dude. I never did figure out why you dated her.”
“She was a distraction.”
“I need that kind of distraction like I need a friggin’ hole in my head.” Rafael looked toward the cabins. “You haven’t marked Taz yet. The way you feel, I was sure you had. Why not?”
Matthias shook his head. “Never. She must remain free to choose what—who—she wants.”
Rafael considered his cousin. “And what if she chooses someone else?”
“Then obviously I wasn’t good enough for her.” He looked at Rafael. “I don’t want her to need me. I want her to want me. To choose to love me because that’s her free will, not force her to stay with me because she’s bound to me.”
Rafael couldn’t bear the weight of Matthias’ gaze and looked out at the geyser field. “You’re really not going to mark her? As much as you love her and as strong as she is?”
Matthias shook his head.
“What if someone else marks her?”
Matthias whipped his head around. Rafael took a step back, holding up his hands defensively. “Hey, I didn’t—I wouldn’t. I’m just saying, she’s vulnerable right now. Wouldn’t it be best if she was marked by you so no one else takes her? At least you love her, would never leave her.” Left unsaid what they both knew, that Matthias wouldn’t misuse or abuse her or her powers.
He shook his head. “She will have to learn what it means, how to fight it. She’s strong enough. I just need time to work with her, train her, teach her how to protect herself. And I need your help to do it. You’re stronger than I am like that. And I trust you.” He looked away. “If I was ever to lose her to you, at least I know you would love her as much as I do and keep her safe. It wouldn’t make me happy, but her safety and happiness mean more to me than my ego.”
“Dude, you’re really not mad at me?”
Matthias shook his head again. “Not at you, Rafe. I’m mad at myself. You’re a horndog. I expect this kind of stuff from you. I should have warned you ahead of time to take it easy on her like that.” He smiled. “And I should have warned her about you.”
Rafael grinned. “Gee thanks, big guy. I think.”
Matthias stepped closer. “Just don’t do it again,” he warned in a growling tone before he walked toward the cabins.
Rafe wasn’t sure if Matthias was kidding and chose not to push him to find out. He was also afraid to look deeper. Taz was so much like—
No. He wouldn’t do this to himself. Even if it was true, she was Matthias’ love now. Just because she reminded him of his past didn’t make it true or real. No matter how much he hoped it was.
* * * *
Tim emerged from Taz’s room and pulled the door shut behind him, intercepting Matthias. “Come on,” he said, pulling Matthias away.
“Where are we going?”
Tim took him across the compound, well out of Taz’s earshot. “She’s very upset.”
“I know about their kiss.”
Tim rethought his speech. “I didn’t tell you this, mind you.”
Matthias nodded. “I saw it happen.”
“You spied on them?”
“It’s not spying. She hasn’t learned how to close me out all the time. I had to do it in case something went wrong.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course not. I already had this talk with Rafael. He told me I should mark her.”
Before Robertson could sputter his outrage, Matthias held up a hand. “Don’t worry, I told him no.”
“I bloody well hope so!”
“Is she really upset?”
“She feels horrible. She’s afraid you’ll hate her.”
“I should go to her.”
Robertson grabbed his arm again. “No. Matthias, I didn’t tell you this so you could burst in there and get her worked up again. She’s upset and out of sorts, and her world has been totally ripped apart, if you’ve forgotten. If you tell her you saw the whole thing, it’ll really piss her off.”
“But—”
“She’ll accuse you of spying on her, not trusting her.”
Matthias looked like he wanted to say something, then reconsidered. “I should learn to listen to you one of these days, shouldn’t I?”
“When it comes to dealing with her, yes. When you’ve known her as long as I have, if you’re her husband, then you can tell me to butt the hell out. For now, she’s still my little girl, and I won’t have you screwing this up.”
“Then how do I talk to her?”
“Let her bring it up first. Then, and only then, admit you talked to Rafael. Omit the part about watching it happen because she’ll also be pissed that you were there and didn’t stop her.”
“But—”
“I’m telling you, that’s what will happen. Not to mention she’s so strong she might see it in your mind anyway, so keep a barrier around it.”
“So you’re saying she’ll be mad that I spied, and mad I didn’t stop the kiss?”
He nodded.
“That makes no sens
e.”
“Then march in there and confront her and see what happens.”
Matthias took a step back. He’d never seen Robertson so adamant. “Okay. I’ll listen.”
“It’s about time.”
Matthias looked at his watch. “Speaking of time, it’s getting late. Albert and I need to finish preparations for tomorrow.”
“I’ll stay here.”
He nodded. “Ask her to go to dinner with Rafael. Alone. No guards either.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Rafael understands my position now.”
“You’re not worried about him?”
“Marking her? No. I’d feed him his scrotum if he tried, and he knows it. Besides, he won’t do that to her. They have to work this out between them. He’ll keep her safe until I return.” Matthias looked at the cabin. “He’d lay down his life for her if I asked.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Robertson excused himself from dinner. He agreed with Matthias. He wanted Taz and Rafael to work this out themselves. He couldn’t manage every aspect of Taz’s new life, including how she dealt with Rafael. Matthias and Rafe were very close and spent a lot of time together in the course of business and as family. She needed to resolve this sooner rather than later.
Rafael knocked on her cabin door, and wordlessly she locked it behind her and kept up with him. Anastazia jammed her hands into her jacket pockets while they walked, afraid to get too close to Rafael. She maintained a sturdy mental barrier between them.
Halfway to the lodge, he stopped her. “Can we talk? Please?”
She shook her head. “I feel bad enough,” she softly said. “He’s going to hate me.”
“No, he won’t hate you. Matthias loves you. He could never hate you.”
She didn’t respond.
“Listen to me.” Rafael touched her chin and forced her to look at him. “Matthias loves you. I know you love him. I, however, am an idiot. I’m really sorry I messed with you today. I just figured as much as he loved you and how you acted around him that he’d marked you, so it wouldn’t matter if I flirted with you. It never occurred to me that he hadn’t or wouldn’t.”
“What do you mean, ‘marked me?’”
“You really don’t know?”
She shook her head.
“The old French slang term was coeur asservi, roughly speaking.”
“Enslaved heart?”
He nodded and hooked his arm through hers as they continued toward the lodge. “Not everyone can do it. Vampires”—she winced at the word, but he continued as if he didn’t notice—“like you and me and Matthias, we can mark someone. Not all vampires can, just stronger ones. Humans can be marked. So can other vampires who aren’t as strong as we are. You can only mark a stronger vampire if they allow you to.”
“Or if you trick them into it,” she finished.
He nodded. “I just assumed—”
“That he marked me because I wouldn’t know any better?”
Rafael nodded again. “I’m sorry.” He worked his ring, rubbing the band with his thumb. Maybe that’s why it was such a plain setting, because he used it like a worry stone. If it ever had any ornamentation he would have rubbed it smooth decades earlier.
“But what does it mean?” she asked.
He carefully considered his words. “It’s like a mental brand. It’s permanent. You can only romantically love the person who marks you. Your heart and soul belong to them, right or wrong.”
“So if Matthias had marked me, I wouldn’t have kissed you?”
“Right. Not willingly. I assumed…I just figured he had. The way he looks at you, feels about you, and the way you feel about him, I didn’t even think you weren’t marked. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you. He’s had relationships, but he’s never loved. Not since his wife died.”
“Why hasn’t he marked me?”
“Because he loves you. He wants you to willingly choose to be with him. He won’t ever force you.”
She considered his words. “Someone else could mark me?”
Rafael smiled, and her heart melted under his gaze. “Well, not for much longer. Not unless you let them. That’s one thing he wants to train you for, to protect yourself. It’s not like there’s a bunch of vampires walking around out there strong enough to make you buckle to their will.”
“So you mean there are vampires with flocks of these marked people running around slaving over them?” The thought churned her stomach.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. Because of the connection, you can only have one marked soul joined to you at a time.”
“Oh. So when they mark someone new, it disappears from the other person?”
He slowly shook his head. If he’d realized she was totally clueless, he wouldn’t have brought it up. “No,” he said softly. “When you mark someone, it’s for life. You own their heart and soul. Their heart’s free will. You totally control them. It’s a connection between you and the one you mark. If you decide you want to mark someone else, you can’t just release the other person. You can’t give back what you took.”
“But what happens to the first person if someone new is marked?”
“They die. And if the one who marks you dies, you die, too.”
She tried to absorb that information. “How many,” she asked, not wanting to know, afraid of the answer, “has Matthias marked in his life?”
“None. He doesn’t ever want to control someone like that.”
Whew! “And you?”
Rafael shook his head. “I don’t want that responsibility.”
“But there are vampires out there…” Morbid curiosity got the better of her.
“Yes. A few, not many. Centuries ago, I’ve been told, there were some who had no regard for others, especially for humans. They marked someone, and then when they tired of them, they found someone new. It’s rare now for someone to be marked unless they beg and plead for it. Anyone who marks another, they are held responsible by the Tribunal for that person’s life and well-being.”
Tribunal? That was one she’d have to remember to ask about later. “Why would someone want to be marked?”
He looked down. “I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced true heartbreak, that pain so deep and so strong you feel like it’s going to kill you. Being marked, it erases that pain.”
“How?”
“When you’re marked, you’re unable to love another. Your love is totally owned by the one who marks you. You forget the love you had for anyone else. Any feelings. You remember the relationship, remember you once loved them, but the emotions are gone. Love—and pain.”
She understood. “I can see how someone might want to forget the pain. But at the risk of their life? And giving up control?” Loving someone was one thing, but she’d be damned if she’d let them control her.
Rafael’s voice changed, and she sensed his despair. “There is emotional pain so deep that, for some, their only two choices are death, or the risk of death. Some would rather be marked than in pain, even at the risk of death.”
She shuddered. Going through her parents’ death had been bad, but she’d had Robertson by her side. She’d grieved, mourned, and moved on. There wasn’t a day she didn’t think about and miss them, but life had to continue.
What about people not as strong as she was?
They arrived at the lodge. “I could mark Matthias?”
Rafael nodded. “If you wanted. He’s strong enough he might fight you, but I don’t think he would. He’s devoted to you. He would rather die than hurt you. If you demanded it, he would give it to you, let you mark him. He’ll give you anything you ask for.”
She shivered, afraid. She’d never had anyone that deeply in love with her before. “How do I know he really loves me and isn’t just under some freaky vampire spell?”
Rafael smiled and held the door for her. “Because he refuses to mark you. He doesn’t want to take anything from you that yo
u don’t freely give. He’s watched you all those years from afar. If he wanted to possess you, don’t you think he would have marked you years ago? He’s worked hard to protect you, to give you as normal a life as possible. He’s heartsick his plans changed. He wanted the chance to win your love like a normal guy.”
“He almost died.”
He nodded. “In a way you’ve marked him. He’s tasted you. You saved him. Your blood courses through his veins. And you did it with free will and an open heart, and complete and utter disregard for your own safety. That’s almost as powerful as a mark. Maybe more.”
“You were on the way. You could have saved him.”
He shook his head. “It would have been like a blood transfusion. I would have helped heal him. Even if I had gotten there in time, it would have taken days, if not weeks, for his wounds to heal completely. You are stronger than me. More than that, your heart and love, even back then, what was inside your soul reached out for him and brought him back.” Rafe smiled. “I know you’re upset we kissed, but unmarked or not, I don’t have a chance in hell with you in this life. You love him.”
They sat and ordered. “What’s with the ring?” she asked, pointing.
He looked as if seeing it for the first time. “Oh, this? It’s old. I’ve had it for—” He considered, then smiled. “I don’t remember how long I’ve had it. When I get nervous I tend to rub it.”
She sensed he was fibbing, but let it go. “So I’ve noticed. May I?”
He nodded and stretched his hand across the table. She was hesitant to touch him but carefully took his hand.
“I won’t bite, Taz.”
She laughed. He’d put up a weak barrier out of courtesy, knowing she could break through.
It hit her—why could she read his thoughts? Were her powers growing, or was it something more?
His ring was beautiful, a large, faceted yellowish stone catching every color in the room. “What is it?”
Dalton, Tymber - Love and Brimstone [Brimstone Vampires 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 21
