She felt Matthias was still there, clinging. Out of guilt more than anything, she lifted the barrier a little, enough to see him, afraid to let him in too much.
Matthias was also nearly asleep. She belatedly realized this time that he had not seen what she did with Rafe. She felt some relief there. He was so in love with her, so upset at hurting her that his mind clung to her, even in sleep.
Oh, she really owed Rafael a huge apology. And Matthias, too. This was way more than a kiss.
She caressed Matthias’ mind, guilt overwhelming her with what she’d just done to his cousin, when he responded—
“My love, Anastazia, my only, sweet love…”
She cried, hating herself. Now she had more to make up for. With him vulnerable like this, she could see exactly what Rafael meant about her blood running through Matthias’ veins. His love for her permeated every cell in his body, not just his heart and soul and mind.
Why couldn’t I see that before? This kind of behavior was so unlike her, and she didn’t understand it. Worse, she hated herself for it. She was not a petty, overreactive woman. It felt like some alien had suddenly taken possession of her brain. She didn’t want to be like this.
She loved Matthias and wanted to be with him. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.
She caressed Matthias, allowing him in, letting his mind wrap around hers, lovingly, hiding what she did from him and knowing, like Rafe, that he hovered on the edge between sleep and passion.
“Matthias,” she whispered in his mind, “I love you.”
“My love, please, love me…”
She didn’t do what she did to Rafael, even though Matthias begged for it. Only if he was in bed with her, asking her himself, wide awake.
She allowed Matthias to drift in and around and through her, comforting him, coaxing him into fitful sleep. When she was sure he was asleep, she withdrew and gently closed the barrier. Now content and happy, he no longer clung to her.
Anastazia, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep. She lay there hating herself, wishing she could take back what she did to Rafael. The bed felt huge and cold without Matthias next to her. She’d never felt more alone in her life. She couldn’t even talk to Robertson about this, too ashamed to admit what she’d done.
She drifted into tortured sleep, and her mind roiled with dreams about Rafael. At one point, he screamed her name, and she felt his essence slam into her like a meteor hitting the earth. She woke up trembling, drained, head aching, the echoes of Rafe’s presence and voice still in her mind.
Serves me right.
* * * *
Rafe shuddered, caught in a dreamlike state somewhere between awake and sleep. Taz came to his mind, and even though he felt guilty and knew it was wrong, he let her have him with only token resistance, let her manipulate him. She was his cousin’s love now, in this life, but she was also a very pissed-off woman. Fighting her wouldn’t do any good, even if he could. In fact, it could make her mad, and she might accidentally hurt him. She still wasn’t totally in control of her powers, wouldn’t understand when to stop.
Besides, technically, she had once been his wife.
He felt why Matthias loved her now. She was strong, yet so tender and gentle, so fresh and new. No man could resist her if she set her sights on him. She still didn’t understand her nearly limitless power.
Rafael gave himself to her and wouldn’t tell anyone. What the hell? She wasn’t married yet. If Matthias wanted to keep her, he would have to mark her, or he would one day lose her to her power. Or to him, if given the chance.
It’s not like I’m actually sleeping with her. Talk about a fan-damn-tastic mind fuck!
Taz toyed with him, teased him, and he’d never felt such passion and power. Not since…
Cassandra.
He cut off that thought, trying to live here and now and not revisit the past. He gave himself to Taz, who she was now, knowing she needed to get this out of her system. And he certainly wasn’t going to complain if she was using him for revenge sex.
Okay, mental revenge sex. And it was the best damn sex he’d had since…since before he lost his sweet Catydid.
Rafael begged Taz for release, knowing it would drive him mad not to have it. When she gave it to him, he thought his entire body would explode through his cock. He moaned, clutched at the sheets, and felt every muscle in his body contract until he was spent.
Then she left. Taz’s abrupt withdrawal from his mind left a gaping void in his soul, driving him to tears of grief he hadn’t cried in centuries.
He rolled over, took a deep shuddering breath, and closed his eyes. The loneliness without Taz there with him was painful. He’d felt her regret at the end, her awareness that she’d made a terrible mistake.
I’ll talk with her tomorrow. Assure her I’m fine with what happened. She’d let her powers get the better of her, something he’d seen happen before. She really needs some breathing room to learn what she can do. She’d spent her entire life unaware of what she could do and keeping a tight rein on her self-control, and now it was backfiring on her.
Rafael felt exhausted, weak, and just as he drifted to sleep, he felt something tickle the edge of his mind.
At first he thought it was Taz and welcomed her back in. She could use him like that any time she wanted. Especially if it meant he could be with her again in some small way. Then the presence crept in, cold and icy. By the time he realized it wasn’t Taz, it was too late for him to fight. He’d welcomed her in and could not push her out.
He stood up, powerless against the person now in control of his mind, and unlocked his cabin door. Five figures entered his room. Unable to do anything else and sensing the end, Rafael reached out to the only person he knew for certain was strong enough to receive him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The next morning, Taz got up and unlocked the cabin door. Moe and Curly stood guard outside and tipped their heads in silent greeting. She nodded back and closed the door again. She needed a shower. Even though she hadn’t physically touched Rafael, she still felt him, like she was wearing him, like he was still there with her. And those horrible dreams…
Note to self, never ever do that again to anyone.
Ever.
When she emerged from the bathroom, Matthias sat on the single bed, watching her.
“I’m sorry about yesterday, Taz. You have every right—”
She threw herself at him, kissing him, wrapping her arms around him.
He seemed surprised but quickly put his arms around her. She sat in his lap and kissed him, erecting a barrier in her mind, keeping him out, still too ashamed to admit what she’d done.
He gently pushed her back. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, kissed him again. “I’m sorry, Matthias. I’m so sorry.”
He held her, breathing in her scent, his hands on her back. “It’s okay. You’re not ready, and I’ve dragged you out here and thrown all this at you. It’s understandable you’re upset. You were right. I was wrong to let him kiss you, and I was wrong to spy on you the way I did. I had no right. I should have told you I could do that and would be there to keep you safe. I should not have kept that from you. I’m not mad that you kissed him, Taz. It’s okay. It was just a kiss. I know you two hit it off. I should have told Rafe to go easy on you. I could never be angry with you.”
She cried, sobbed. God, she hated that she felt so weak. She’d cried more in the past few days than she had in the past few years. Even when her parents died, she didn’t cry this much.
Matthias kissed her neck. “I owe you everything. I owe you my life. I can never repay you, Anastazia. I drag you out here and put you through hell and you still love me.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I don’t know how, but I promise I will make this up to you.”
He kissed her once more and gently extricated himself from her grasp. “We need to eat breakfast. The meeting is at ten, at Canyon. Will you pl
ease come with us?”
She nodded. She owed him, not the other way around. She owed him more than he would ever know.
“Good,” he said. “I need to take a shower.”
“Okay.” She waited until he was under the water and bolted out the door to Rafe’s cabin. Moe followed her, and when she arrived, she held her hand up to the guard, wanting him to stay away. He stopped just out of earshot, but close enough he could help.
She knocked on the door and it swung open.
“Rafe?” she called. No lights on, total silence.
His cabin didn’t have a raised stoop like hers. She noticed two strange grooves in the gravel by the front door, disappearing around the corner. She was about to investigate when she heard a noise inside, and Rafe emerged from the bathroom.
She could have sworn it had been empty.
His eyes glittered in the early morning light. “Yes?”
“Can I come in? I really think we need to talk.”
He didn’t turn on the light, just stood there looking at her. He was bare from the waist up, and she blushed as she remembered what he looked like the night before without clothes, even though it was just in her mind.
“I have to get ready,” he said.
She felt something out of sorts. When she tried to reach out to him with her mind, he took a step toward her. “I can’t talk now. Go.”
“Rafe, are you mad at me?”
His smile chilled her, and she suddenly had an overwhelming urge to run, a voice screaming the command in her mind.
Rafael looked at Moe standing behind her. “No, I’m not mad,” he whispered, his right hand on the doorframe. “I’m not mad at all.” She glanced at his ring. It looked wrong somehow. And he wasn’t rubbing it.
Rafael pushed the door shut and locked it. Taz stumbled backward, almost tripping.
There was something else, something she couldn’t place. Then she was sprinting, Moe barely able to keep up, back to the cabin.
Matthias was stepping out of the bathroom when she bolted in and collided with him.
He saw her face. “What is it?”
“There’s something wrong with Rafe.”
“What?”
She stammered. This wasn’t the time to try to talk. “I don’t know. He’s—there’s something wrong.”
Matthias grabbed a shirt, pulling it on as he ran. Moe was getting quite the workout this morning.
By the time the three of them reached his cabin, Rafael had climbed into his rental car, waving as he drove off.
Matthias turned. “What was it, Taz?”
She couldn’t tell him, not like this. Especially not in front of Moe. She swallowed hard. “I don’t know. There’s something really wrong with him. I can’t explain it because I don’t know what it is.”
With a look at Rafael’s disappearing taillights, Matthias strode back to their cabin, buttoning his shirt as he walked. Taz and Moe jogged to keep up with him. Matthias grabbed his cell and tried calling Rafe, but couldn’t get a signal.
“I can’t call him.” He grabbed her shoulders, and she almost lost her mental barrier. “What happened?”
She told him about how he acted aloof, and she knew it didn’t make sense. Not without telling Matthias about her activities the night before. And not without telling him the conversation they had at dinner.
Or how she felt about Rafe. And why she knew with dead certainty there was something really, really wrong with him.
By this time, Albert and Robertson were in their room, also concerned. They were trying to decide what to do when they heard a car approach.
Rafael.
Her gut twisted as they all piled onto the cabin stoop. Rafael emerged from the car, smiling. “Sorry I blew you off. I wanted to run over to the ranger station and see when the next Old Faithful eruption was.”
Matthias was obviously relieved, but Anastazia regarded Rafe with suspicion. There was something different. She tried probing and came upon a prickly, icy wall. He coldly smiled at her as he felt her probe.
He felt pissed at her. Obviously. Hopefully, that was all.
Maybe I’m overreacting.
They went to breakfast while Rafe left, going ahead to Canyon Village to prepare for the meeting.
In the Land Rover, Matthias reached over and took her hand. “Are we okay?” he asked, and she knew what he meant.
No, I’m not okay, it won’t be okay for a long time because I’m a rotten bitch. She kept her thoughts safe behind her mental barrier.
“Yes,” she said, forcing a smile. “We’re okay, big guy. I’m sorry about yesterday.”
He smiled back, but she felt him gently bumping against her mental barrier like a mosquito against a screen. He wasn’t trying to push or pry, but she sensed his confusion.
She brought his fingers up to her lips and kissed them. “I’m nervous,” she said. That, at least, was the truth. “I’m trying to practice.”
He looked relieved. “Okay.” He gently squeezed her hand. “That’s good.”
She felt his mental probe withdraw. When they pulled into the Canyon Village complex, her stomach tightened when she saw Rafe’s car.
She had time to do a little shopping before the meeting. Instead of keeping her there, Matthias let her go with two of the guards. He knew he couldn’t fight her, had to let her find her own path as much as possible, and it would help her relax. She found a backpack and a hat she liked then realized how thirsty she was. The high elevation and low humidity were playing hell with her body. She bought four bottles of cold water and tucked them into her new pack.
When she felt Matthias tap against her mind, she checked the time. The guards escorted her to the private meeting complex where Matthias greeted her with a smile and a kiss.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded. She felt his concern, but he thought it was just her nerves. He still didn’t know.
He pulled her into a private room and took both her hands in his. “You don’t have to say anything. No one expects you to speak if you don’t want to. Or you can talk, if you wish.”
“Or tell them to go to hell?”
He smiled. “Or tell them to go to hell. A couple of them changed planes in Atlanta, so I imagine they feel like they’ve already been there and back.” She smiled and he continued. “The point is, if at any time you feel overwhelmed, reach out to me.”
She nodded, and he kissed her forehead. “It’s probably better to block them all strongly if you need to. But if anyone tries to probe you, see if you can figure out who it is so we know. No one here today is strong enough to mark you without your knowledge or consent. Especially if you have your super-duper barrier up. Rafael told me last night he explained it to you.”
Guilty, guilty, guilty…
“But,” he continued, “you do have to be careful. I’m more concerned for your safety than I am for those”—he hooked his thumb over his shoulder at the wall—“people in there. Got it?”
She nodded, and he squeezed her hand. “Good. You’ll do fine.”
He led her to the conference room, where she counted ten people besides them, Albert and Robertson, and Rafe. The guards stayed in the hallway.
There were six men and four women of varying ages. They could have been an assortment of volcanologists or academics instead of vampires. The youngest looked a little older than Taz, while the oldest appeared to be in his sixties. She already knew that was misleading and waited for the introductions.
She shook hands with the newcomers, keeping her barrier firmly in place. No one tried to probe her, and she didn’t try to probe any of them.
Matthias motioned everyone to sit. She realized Rafe had positioned himself at the far end of the conference table. He sat with his hands clasped and motionless in front of him, and she looked at his ring again. Something kept working at her intuition, but she couldn’t grasp it.
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. She couldn’t blame him. And there was still something, that…
No one was wearing cologne as far as she could tell. But someone smelled—
Wrong.
She sat through the first three hours of the meeting, trying to listen to Matthias outline what happened up until that point, things he’d found out from his trip overseas and other investigations. All the while, she tried to figure out what was wrong with Rafe. But he was blocking her. And she wasn’t about to force her way in.
At one point, Matthias looked at her and realized she wasn’t okay. He reached over and touched her hand, caught her eye, and she shook her head.
“Let’s take a break,” he announced.
Robertson and Matthias flanked her as they returned to the private room.
“I don’t feel good,” she said.
Boy, that was the truth.
Matthias looked concerned, and that made her feel worse. “Do you want to go back to the cabin?” He already had the Land Rover keys in his hand.
She shook her head, but took them from him anyway and slipped them in her pocket. “Not yet. I’ll be okay. Just let me stay here for a few minutes to catch my breath.”
He nodded. Moe stood guard outside while the others rejoined the meeting.
She felt better after lunch. She was standing at the window, looking down the hillside, when the door to the private room opened.
The guard left, and she immediately smelled something not right. Then the chill.
She turned. Rafe stood in the doorway.
“I told my cousin I would check on you,” he said.
Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong, besides Rafe apparently being mad at her. He held his hands at his side, his fingers still.
“Don’t let it touch you, Taz!”
She didn’t know whose voice that was in her head, but she listened. Rafe slowly approached, and she backed away, around the room, trying to edge her way toward the door, keeping furniture between them. She didn’t dare drop her barrier.
Rafe smiled. “That was interesting, what happened last night,” he said, and her stomach rolled.
“I’m sorry, Rafe,” she said, rounding a large leather sofa.
“Don’t be.” His smile looked cold and hard, without a hint of warmth. Had she really kissed him yesterday and liked it? His lips were two sharp, thin wounds of color in his pale face. What had she done to him? Did she hurt him?
Dalton, Tymber - Love and Brimstone [Brimstone Vampires 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 23
