Surrendered

by Monica James

  As he speaks, he increases the speed of his thrusts and tightens his grip around my waist, his fingers pinching into my skin.

  I’m just holding on as his heartfelt words, combined with the feel of him imbedded so deeply within me is tipping me over the edge. I’m trying my damnedest not to explode, but it’s virtually impossible because Jasper is engulfing me with his huge body, inside and out.

  Jasper knows I’m close, so he begins pushing into me harder and faster, leaving no part of me unexplored. His labored breaths tickle my neck, and as he leans forward, biting me softly, I come undone with a loud scream. Aftershock after aftershock rocks my body, but Jasper is still not done.

  His movements cease and he pulls out leisurely. I miss his warmth already. But then he pushes back into me, deliberately slow, allowing me to feel EVERY single, hot inch of him. My eyes roll into the back of my head, because the sensation is stimulating every nerve in my entire body.

  The crowd erupts into a loud applause, reminding me of where we are, and I feel like a total exhibitionist, as there are thousands of people below, probably looking up my dress right now. That thought slows my frantic rocking.

  “Don’t worry, they can’t see us. The glare of the stage lights is too bright,” Jasper says on an exhalation.

  But even if they could, I wouldn’t stop.

  He begins driving into me powerfully, and I have to brace my hands on the railing to stop myself from slumping into a legless mess.

  “It wouldn’t matter if they could,” he breathes. “Because I want everyone to know you’re mine. This is mine,” he says, pushing into me so deeply, I gasp with the force of it.

  I know he’s close as he’s quickening his strokes, and I thrust back, meeting him stroke for stroke.

  He tightens his grip on me and the pressure is sure to leave a bruise, but I don’t care. I want him to explode like never before, so I tighten my muscles and grind my ass against him.

  It has the desired effect as he blows out a curse and a moan of pure pleasure. However, he surprises me, as he’s about to pull out before he’s done.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, panting.

  “It’ll be messy if I don’t pull out,” he says on quickened breaths.

  “I don’t care. Life is messy,” I reply, meaning every word of it as I slam my hips backwards, rocking into him.

  Jasper groans and within one, two stokes, he comes undone with a frantic moan. He drops his chin onto my shoulder, totally spent.

  His heart is beating wildly against my back, in sync with mine, as mine is about to leap out of my throat. But I wouldn’t give this feeling up for anything.

  After a few moments, he pulls out and I miss the connection. We arrange our clothes and I tastefully slip on my underwear, while trying not to blush.

  “You’re beautiful,” Jasper says, looking at me hungrily. “The hint of pink on your cheeks makes me want you all over again.”

  He runs his fingertips down my cheek, stopping at my lips and thumbing my bottom lip. As he fixates on my mouth, we hear the shuffling of feet and realize the band has finished.

  Wow, when did that happen?

  “Looks like we should go,” Jasper says sadly, watching the dispersing crowd.

  I nod, slightly depressed. Up here, high above everyone, just me and him, I could pretend it’s our world. No bitchy moms, or catty exes, or new black-haired threats.

  But reality comes crashing down and as Jasper grabs my hand, walking towards the exit, I am totally one with the saying, Reality Bites.

  After our very PDA, we go back to the hotel and have more of a private display of affection, all night long.

  Both were amazing because they were with Jasper, but I know the conversation we’re about to have is going to be anything but amazing.

  I’m sitting up in bed, sipping my tea, when Jasper strolls out of the bathroom in jeans and a big white fluffy towel wrapped around his neck.

  His wet hair is flicked everywhere, and as he runs a hand through it, droplets skim down his long neck and splash onto his chest. I can’t help myself as I wet my lips longingly.

  “You keep giving me those eyes, Ms. Thompson, and I’m going to do something about it.”

  I quickly drop my eyes, embarrassed I’ve been caught ogling him—again.

  He lets out a deep laugh while pouring himself a cup of coffee.

  One Mississippi.

  Two Mississippi.

  Surely enough time has passed and I can totally start checking him out again.

  He takes a seat at the end of the bed and softly tugs on my big toe.

  Damn, looks like no more eyeballing because now it’s time to get serious.

  “Jasper…” I start.

  But Jasper holds up his hand. “Let me talk before you say anything,” he says quickly.

  I give him a small nod and he takes a deep breath before he speaks.

  “Ava, I’m sorry. Again. There are no excuses for the way I’ve treated you. And I don’t blame you if you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Jasper,” I whisper.

  If I hated him, I sure as hell wouldn’t be riding around buck naked in public with him.

  “And for that, I am so lucky. I fucked up. Putting my selfish needs before you. Before our baby. I’ll never forgive myself for that,” he says sincerely.

  “Jasper…”

  “No, Ava, please, let me finish,” he says, taking a hold of my hand and rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

  I nod, biting my lip, a little afraid of what he’s going to say next.

  “You walking out on me, it was the best thing for me. I needed that as a wakeup call. I’m not going to lie to you, cutting my mom out is going to be hard, it has been hard. But I mean it, baby, I can’t live without you. I’m an asshole for even giving my mom another chance. I’m done with her, I swear it. Just please tell me you forgive me,” he says, begging me with every inch of his body.

  I’m speechless. I love him more than words could ever express, but I have a feeling his mom won’t let him go as easily as he hopes.

  “Jasper… I understand how hard this has been on you. But you cutting your mom out, it’s too much. You can’t do that.”

  Jasper is about to retaliate, but I clarify my point.

  “I mean, I don’t think that you can.”

  Jasper nods when the realization of what I’ve said hits home.

  He meets my eyes, pinning me with a serious, heartfelt stare. “You’re right, Ava. But I’m going to try. If she wants to be in my life, then she has to accept you. If she doesn’t, then that’s her problem. Okay?”

  I give him a small smile. “Okay.”

  But anything involving his mother will never be okay.

  The day in Seattle has been wonderful.

  Jasper and I visited the famous Space Needle and strolled down the streets of Seattle, taking in all of its beauty. We stopped at Pioneer Square and snuck in a few kisses on the stairs like a couple of teenagers.

  It’s been perfect.

  Now we’re standing in the wings watching Flames perform. Flames are on the same record label as Jasper, and are great friends with all of the boys.

  I’m nestled into Jasper’s arms, my body enfolded into his chest. I always feel smaller when wrapped up this way, as his strong arms engulf me whole.

  Everything between us seems to have settled. Here’s hoping when we return home that continues, as I’ve had enough drama to last me two lifetimes.

  And of course, I’ve just jinxed myself, as I see the minx that is Delilah Rose looking our way. She saunters over to us and narrows her eyes at me quickly before giving Jasper a sultry look.

  “Hey, babe,” she says, giving Jasper a kiss on the cheek.

  I only just stop myself from headbutting her smack bang between the eyes.

  “Hey, Delilah,” Jasper replies, tightening his hands around my waist.

  “You coming to the after party? It’s P.O.E vs. Roses in a drink off. Seeing as w
e’re festival buddies and all, we totally need to fight it out in a messy, drunken fight, to determine who the better band is.” She smirks at him innocently.

  Nothing about this girl is innocent.

  I keep my eyes on the band, not wanting to appear like I’m eavesdropping.

  Jasper rests his chin on my head and replies, “I dunno, I’m probably going to turn in early. Got things I gotta do.” He squeezes my waist lightly.

  As he says the word Do, I know he’s referring to me. And judging by the deep scowl on Delilah’s face, so does she.

  I’m internally fist punching my way to happy town right now, and I only just resist the urge to poke my tongue out and give her the infamous, ‘na na nana na’ chant.

  “Oh c’mon, don’t be a pussy. I remember a time when you and I would be the last two men standing. Or lying,” she adds with a wink.

  Seriously? Did she really just say that?

  I shuffle uncomfortably in Jasper’s arms and he senses my discomfort.

  “Yeah, well, that was a lifetime ago and I’m a different person now, thanks to this little lady,” he says, kissing the top of my head.

  Delilah isn’t happy with his response but shrugs it off. “Okay, whatever. Your loss.” She strolls off, making sure she wiggles her ass on her exit.

  I exhale, thankful she’s gone.

  Jasper kisses my cheek reassuringly, but I feel anything but reassured when I know Delilah Rose has her sights on my man.

  I hate parties.

  I especially hate parties where most of the female attendees are trying to make out with my boyfriend.

  I’ve watched Jasper play conversational ping pong with anyone who can get their acrylic nails into him.

  But I haven’t stormed off, or kicked up a stink, as I know he’s only talking to them because he has to. And if this relationship is to last, then I have to trust Jasper, which I do.

  It’s them I don’t.

  “I’m mighty proud of you,” V says, plonking onto the barstool near me.

  “For what?” I reply, swizzling my swizzle stick.

  “For not gouging out the eyeballs of every female, and the occasional male, who’s looking at Jasper,” she replies seriously.

  I laugh, because as always, she’s so eloquent.

  “I’m trying, but it’s hard. Especially when girls like her,” I flick my head towards Delilah, “are throwing themselves, basically naked, at him.”

  V glares at Delilah as she’s standing way too close, showing Jasper her new leg tattoo, which of course, is high up on her inner thigh.

  “In times of crisis, the only thing to stop one from going postal is alcohol. But seeing as I feel like ass, and you, well, you’re knocked up, we can only sit here and make fun of their rancid fashion sense.”

  She laughs, pointing at a girl’s shoes which are made up of furry pom-poms and glitter, and are the shoe equivalent of a My Little Pony birthday cake.

  “What’s the matter?” I ask, looking at her pasty form rather than the hideous shoes.

  Now that I take a closer look, I realize that she does look a little pale and has dark circles under her eyes.

  “Are you okay, V? You look horrible,” I say without thinking.

  “Thanks,” she laughs, sipping her flat lemonade.

  “Do you wanna go back to the hotel? I’d be more than happy to go with you,” I say, secretly hoping she says yes.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ve just been feeling flat and off color all week. I think I might go to the doc when we get back home.”

  “I’m seeing Dr. Hemming soon,” I reply, as my results should be in by now. “You could come with me?”

  V nods. “Thanks. I might just do that.”

  Hearing loud laughter, I turn to see Delilah whispering something into Jasper’s ear. He’s laughing, shaking his head, and seems totally oblivious to her blatant flirting.

  I’m sure it’s innocent on his behalf, but I still hate it.

  “I’m going outside to get some fresh air,” I sigh to V, standing up.

  “Okay, babe. Want me to come with?” she asks, but looks to be in no shape to move.

  “No, it’s okay. You’re not well. Stay here where it’s warm. I won’t be long.”

  Giving her forehead a quick kiss, I push my way through the crowd of partygoers.

  As I walk out into the hallway, I have no idea where to go, so I decide to ride the elevator to the top floor and hope for the best.

  The lift takes me to the twenty-sixth floor, and as I poke my head around the corner, hoping I don’t get carted away by security, I see a big rooftop balcony.

  I make a quick, silent beeline for it, and that’s where I end up, looking over the railing at the hustle and bustle of the ants below. Being this high up, I feel its okay to snoop in on the lives of those below me and remain undetected.

  There is an immense, posh hotel across from me, and as I look into the glowing room, I see a young girl, about my age, sitting on her bed, head in hands, crying. I feel for her and I wonder if she too, has the weight of the world on her shoulders.

  “There you are.”

  A voice says from behind me.

  Jasper.

  “Here I am,” I reply half-heartedly. Gee, that sounded lame even to my ears.

  “What’s the matter?” he asks, stepping beside me and clasping my hand in his.

  “Nothing,” I lie, as my eyes are still glued on the crying girl across from me.

  “You don’t look like nothing is wrong. You’ve got a something face, not a nothing face.”

  I should have known there’s no fooling him.

  I watch the girl with interest as she turns and stares back at me, like she only just felt eyes watching her. I give her a reassuring smile and she returns it, wiping away her tears.

  “Who is Delilah?” I ask.

  Jasper hesitates, but answers with a sigh. “Okay, that’s not what I was expecting, but um… she’s just an old friend.”

  The girl is now the one to give me a reassuring smile, as I’m sure she can read my face for what it is.

  Surrender and defeat.

  “An old friend you’ve slept with?” I ask quickly.

  I probably should have been a little nicer about it all, but I seriously don’t have the energy to dance around in circles tonight.

  “Yes,” Jasper replies. He pauses. “You’re not jealous of her, are you?”

  I turn to face him and confess, “No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

  Jasper’s mouth twitches. “Okay, how about you choose one answer and we’ll roll with that.”

  “This isn’t funny. I overheard Delilah telling her friend some personal things, and I hate that these girls know you in that way.”

  He raises his eyebrow at me.

  I clarify, “You know, intimately.”

  Jasper sighs, running a hand through his hair which is blowing in the breeze. “Ah.”

  He gets it.

  But he doesn’t really get how uncomfortable it makes me when girls of all shapes and sizes talk to their girlfriends about conquering my boyfriend.

  I bite my lip and tell myself now is not the time to cry, and hope my tear ducts listen.

  “Ava,” Jasper says, dipping his face to meet my eyes. “If I could erase every girl I’ve ever slept with, I would, because they meant nothing to me. Every kiss, every touch, was in vain. To fill some fucked up, lonely hole, that was eating away at my soul. But with each faceless person I slept with, that hole just got bigger and bigger and before long, it was a gaping cliff edge. And then… then I met you, and everyone else became void. That hole started closing over with every smile, every kiss, and every touch you ever gave me. You are my miracle.”

  I don’t know when I started crying, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop.

  Jasper turns to face me and I replicate his movement.

  We’re standing, facing one another silently, with the full moon illuminating Jasper’s beautiful cerulean eyes. I don�
��t know what it is about a full moon. Its appearance never changes, but its beauty leaves me speechless, time and time again.

  “Shit,” Jasper mumbles, breaking the silence.

  “What?” I ask, sniffing back my tears.

  Jasper rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably and I begin to panic as I recognize this gesture as one of nervousness.

  What does he have to be nervous about?

  “What, Jasper?” I ask a little more forcibly when he doesn’t reply.

  “I wanted to do this a little differently, with flowers and candles. Stuff that you deserve,” he says softly.

  “Do what?” I ask, confused.

  His Adam’s apple bobs and he swallows quickly. “Ava, I love you. You’ve given me a reason to get up in the morning, and you’ve given me reason to fight for what I want.” He places his hand on my tummy as he refers to our child.

  “You’re my forever and a day, baby.”

  Is he?

  He answers my question within seconds as he pulls a blue velvet box from his leather jacket’s inner pocket.

  “Marry me.”

  He opens the box, and inside lies the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. Simple, but elegant, this ring is timeless. A white gold plain band catches the moonlight, and it shines brightly. But the centerpiece is an impressive solitaire cut diamond, and I can’t help but contrast its sparkling appearance to the stars twinkling above.

  My eyes are glued to the ring before me, and I am so goldfishing it right now.

  I can’t speak.

  He wants me to marry him? Seriously? I don’t know what to say. We’ve never discussed marriage. Or kids.

  And now, here I am, thinking about both!

  “Ava?” Jasper asks softly.

  My eyes meet his worried ones.

  “Will you marry me?” he asks again, and my heart begins thumping uncontrollably.

  “I… I… I,” I stutter.

  “I know it’s a shock, but with the baby coming, I want to give him or her a stable upbringing.”

  That snaps me out my stupor.

  “What do you mean?”