Love Struck

by Amber Garza

  "Okay with it? It's my first college party. It's going to be epic."

  "Epic, huh?" I sigh. "I think you're overestimating Pierce’s and my ability to throw a party. It's going to be a bunch of guys and a keg of beer. Not exactly the lavish parties you probably had back home."

  She gives me an exasperated look, her hands fluttering over my chest. "How much time do you have to spend with me before you realize that I don't need that? I left California to get a little break from the country clubs, rich guys and stuffy parties. This is exactly the kind of experience I want to have right now." She bats her eyelashes. "With you."

  Her words don't sit right with me. The familiar doubts resurface, and the memory of Fiona emerges in my mind. I can’t go through that again. "So, you're what, Lola? Slumming it with me as a little break from your regular lifestyle?” I release her and turn away. Groaning, I run a hand over my head. No matter how much I want to believe she's starting to fall for me, in the back of my mind I always know it won't last long. I'm just a detour for Lola.

  "No. That's not what I meant," she says, coming up behind me. Her hand lights on my shoulder, curving around the muscle. "You're not a break from my life, Ryker. You are my life right now."

  There’s that word again. "Right now?" I spin around to face her, speaking through gritted teeth.

  "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that," she says, her eyes pleading with me.

  "And yet you keep saying it." She reaches out, but I bat away her hand. I don’t want to fight with her. Hell, it would be so much easier just to take her in my arms and kiss those incredibly sexy lips. It’s just that I like her so much, and I can’t stand the thought of her not liking me the same way. "You aren't just a passing phase for me, Lola, and I'm not okay with being that for you."

  "So what are you saying, Ryker? That we're going to get married or something?" Lola asks, her voice hardening. That’s when I know I crossed a line. The walls that she builds around herself grow taller, more imposing. At this rate I’ll never climb over. "I told you I don't believe in falling in love. I'm not using you or anything, but I can't promise that this will turn into anything more than what it already is." Her eyes cast downward.

  I bite my lip, her words slicing through my heart. Defeated, I give a resigned sigh. How will I ever get through to her? Will she ever trust me? “Fine. Whatever.” I whirl around, stalking toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” she speaks from over my shoulder, surprise evident in her voice.

  Man, this chick really thinks I’m a freaking doormat, huh? “I’m going to my party. Alone.” I reach for the door handle and turn it. After yanking the door open, I glance back at her one last time. “I’m not going to force myself on you, Lola. I’m not that kind of guy. Either you want to be with me or not. You accepted my challenge, but if you’ve already made up your mind then there’s nothing more I can do. If you want me to be with me, you know where to find me.” Without allowing her to respond, I slam the door shut and hurry down the hall. My stomach clenches as I make my way out to the car. This is not how I envisioned this night to go. But I can’t keep playing this hot and cold game with Lola anymore. I can’t let her keep stringing me along.

  When I get back to my apartment there are already a few people over. Pierce has the music playing low and he’s holding a red plastic cup in his hand. The scent of beer emanates from him.

  “Where’s Lola?” he asks, looking over my shoulder as if he expects her to walk in at any moment. He's wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, his feet bare like usual. I glance over at a couple sitting on the couch drinking beer.

  I shrug. “I don’t think she’s coming.”

  “Uh-oh. What happened?”

  “Nothing. We just had a fight.” I shake my head, a strand of hair tickling my forehead.

  Pierce moves away from me, heading into the kitchen. “All you need is a drink, man.”

  I chuckle, following behind him. “Hey, I’m not gonna turn that down at this point.”

  “Ryker?” Lola’s voice rings out just as my fist closes around a plastic cup. The cold beer cools my palm. Pierce raises his eyebrows at me. Slowly, I pivot on my heels. She looks hot, and I want to grab her in my arms. But I don’t. I keep them pinned at my sides and wait for her to make the first move.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, my tone hard.

  She leans against the counter, biting her lip. “I came by to say I’m sorry, okay?”

  I narrow my eyes and move my shoulders up and down. “For what?”

  “For whatever I said that pissed you off.”

  I chuckle bitterly and push past her. She still doesn’t get it. Taking a swig of my beer, I nod in the direction a few guys as they stumble inside.

  “Ryker,” Lola says chasing after me.

  I lean against the wall of the family room, holding the cup close to my chest. More people file inside, some carrying cartons of beer or bottles of alcohol. I wave in their direction.

  “Hey guys,” I call out. A couple of girls walk inside, one of them carries a large bottle of vodka. “Excuse me,” I say, pushing past Lola. I can practically feel her openmouthed stare as I head toward the girl. Let her stare. She should know that if she doesn’t want to be with me, I can meet someone else who will.

  As I relieve the glass bottle from the girl I don’t know, I feel like an ass. I know I’m just doing this to make Lola upset, but I don’t care. I’m tired of letting her push me around. Been there, done that, with Fiona, and I’m not looking for a repeat of that doomed relationship.

  “Hey.” Lola comes up behind me, her hand falling on my shoulder.

  I shake it off, and head into the kitchen to put the vodka in the freezer.

  Pierce chats with the girls loudly, and they giggle.

  “I said I was sorry,” Lola says after I close the freezer door. She stands with her legs apart, making it impossible for me to get out of the kitchen. “What more do you want from me?”

  “That night at the pub you asked me if I’m complicated, and I told you I wasn’t. That’s the truth, Lola. I’m not complicated, and I don’t play games. I laid it all out for you. I haven’t been secretive about my intentions. But if you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine. We can cut our losses right now.”

  Her face pales. “I don’t want to do that.”

  “Why not? If you’re so sure we don’t have a future together then what the hell are we doing here, Lola?”

  “I didn’t say that I was sure we don’t have a future together. It’s just that we’ve only been dating a short time. I’m not ready to make a commitment of undying love to you just yet.”

  “Just yet, huh?” I tease, my anger dissipating a bit. “But soon you plan to do that? Declare your undying love for me? Well, that changes things.”

  Lola giggles, swatting my arm. “You wish.”

  “I just want you to keep an open mind. Is that too much to ask?”

  Lola nods. “No, it’s not. And yes, I can do that.”

  "I like you a lot, Lola." I sweep my fingers up her cheek and rest them at her ear. "I'm not ready to let you go. I just wish you felt the same way.”

  “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “Right now you are,” I say, using the same words she used earlier.

  She crosses her arms over her chest. The apartment swells with chatting and noise behind us. “I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier. Sometimes I just get scared. But I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be with you. I don’t want to lose you, Ryker.”

  I smile in a teasing way. “You’re in luck, because I don’t want to lose this.” I reach my hand up, running my fingertips over her lips.

  “The red lipstick?” Lola raises a brow.

  Without answering, I smother her lips with mine. When we part, I cock an eyebrow. She smiles, and I feel my nerves settling. "You ready to party, beautiful?"

  She nods, narrowing her eyes at me as if she doesn't know what to make of me. The look gives me
a sense of satisfaction. I'm starting to understand Lola better and better all the time, and I plan to use my knowledge to reel her in. There's no way I'm letting Lola get away. I’m not going to let her slip away the same way Fiona did.

  Lola's on her phone again. I think she's talking to Star. And she looks pissed. I'm irritated with Beckett, because let's face it, it has to be about him. Star stayed late after rehearsal to work on some songs with him. She was supposed to meet us at the party afterward, but she hasn't shown. I walk over to Lola, red plastic cup in my hand. Before reaching her I take a swig of the bitter beer. A couple of my friends slap me on the back as I pass them. My apartment has never had this many people in it at one time. We're not exactly party animals - Pierce and I. The truth is that we're really not supposed to party. It's one of the many rules Beckett has for us. He calls them guidelines for being in his band, but I see them for what they are - a way for him to control everyone. The irony is not lost on me that my best friend is a control freak and now I'm dating one. I wonder what that says about me. I'm sure it says something. I've always suspected that a psychiatrist would have a field day with me if one could pin me down. After all the shit with my dad and then being raised by a single mom, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed up.

  Lola looks up at me when I approach.

  "What's going on?" I ask.

  She sighs heavily, holding her phone in one hand, a red cup filled with fizzy beer in the other. "Beckett strikes again. Star's really upset this time."

  "So she's not coming?" In a way I'm kind of relieved. If Beckett finds out about our party he'll get totally pissed off.

  "Oh, no, she's coming. I talked her into it." She leans into me. "I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be."

  "I think I've been on the receiving end of that before," I respond, stealing a kiss on her cheek.

  "Hey, man," Pierce interrupts us. He takes a large swig of his beer. "This is great, huh?"

  I glance around the room, taking in couples making out, guys chugging beer in the kitchen, a few people dancing to the music playing softly from my ipod. "Let's just hope the downstairs neighbors don't get upset."

  "Nah." Pierce waves away my words. "They're gone for the night. I already checked."

  "Cool." I drape an arm over Lola and pull her to my side.

  "Cheers!" He raises his cup into the air like he's cheering an invisible person. Then he throws his head back and downs the rest of his drink.

  Lola peers up at me, a confused expression on her face.

  "Yeah, maybe you should slow down, man," I say to Pierce.

  "Slow down? Nah, that's for sissies." When he races back toward the keg, I shake my head at Lola.

  She glances to the door and then lets out a squeal. "Oh, goodie! Star's here!" My gaze follows hers and lands on a dejected Star who is hesitantly stepping inside. Lola starts walking toward her friend "Star! You made it!" I hear her say.

  I hang back, leaning against the wall and finishing off my beer. Lola and Star chat for a few minutes and then Lola takes her into the kitchen to get a drink. A minute later they return, both with some pink concoction in their red cups.

  "Hey, Star," I greet her, while putting my arm around Lola. "Glad you could make it."

  "Thanks for inviting me," she answers politely, still looking a little uncomfortable.

  "Oh, I love this song." Lola pushes off of me and starts swaying her hips.

  "I thought I warned you about that," I growl, wrapping my arms around her waist and drawing her to me.

  She throws back her head and lets out a giggle. I love seeing her free and happy like this.

  "I'm going to go get another drink," Star mumbles. I barely glance back at her as she heads off. Leaning down, I press my lips to Lola's. She tastes like beer and a little like strawberries. I kiss her hungrily, savoring the feel of her lips against mine.

  A few minutes later Lola looks up at me, a question in her eyes. "Where is Star?"

  I crane my neck and find Star sitting on the couch with Pierce's friend Jonah. Star is smiling, her hands resting on Jonah’s arm. "Looks like she made a friend."

  Lola's mouth curves upward. "Good. Maybe he'll help get her mind off of Beckett."

  The next half an hour flies by in a flurry of drinking, dancing and making out. I am completely under Lola's spell. It's like we are the only two people here. I can actually imagine that my apartment isn’t filled with other people. All I can see is Lola. But then a tap on my shoulder brings me out of my tunnel vision.

  “I can’t believe you, man." Beckett crosses his arms over his chest.

  What is he doing here? I look around for Pierce, but can't locate him. “It’s just a little party. It’s not a big deal.”

  “It is a big deal. Did you see how drunk Star is? She’s in the bathroom cleaning up puke as we speak.”

  I glance over at the bathroom, feeling a little guilty. I hadn't even noticed that she'd drank too much. I hadn't even really noticed her at all. Lola's fingers close around my arm, giving me courage. “So she had a little too much to drink. It’s not the end of the world.”

  Beckett sticks his face in mine. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I have rules for a reason.”

  “Maybe I’m tired of living by your rules, Beckett. Sure I’m in your band, but that doesn’t mean you get to run my life.”

  He narrows his eyes. “We’ve been friends a long time, man. I thought you understood. Maybe I was wrong.”

  Now I feel like a jerk. I do know all about Beckett's screwed up family and the role alcoholism played in it. “Look, Beckett. Let’s talk about this later, okay?”

  “Oh, we’ll talk about it later, because whether you like it or not I have rules for the members of my band, and there are consequences when those rules are broken.”

  “Rules?” Star’s voice sounds behind us. “What rules?”

  “I’ll explain later,” Beckett says harshly. Lola's fingernails dig into my flesh when he speaks.

  “Rules, shmules,” Star says, swaying slightly, and I cringe. Clearly she's hammered.

  “I need to get you home, Star,” Beckett says, surprising me. Since when did Star become Beckett's responsibility?

  This arouses Lola’s attention. She drops my arm and steps toward Beckett. “You’re not taking her anywhere."

  “She needs to go home, and no one here is in any condition to take her,” Beckett counters.

  “I’ll be fine, Lola,” Star says, slurring her words.

  “I trust you’ll be a perfect gentleman?” The expression on Lola's face is stern.

  “Hey, I’m not the one who brought her to some party and let her get hammered and hook up with a stranger." Beckett sneers. If I didn't know better I'd say that he really cares about Star.

  Lola narrows her eyes and crosses her arms. “And I’m not the person who upset her so badly tonight that all she wanted to do was get hammered and hook up with a stranger.”

  “Okay, you got me,” Beckett says, and I seriously feel like he's a stranger to me at this point. “So, let me make it up to her.”

  “Just be careful,” Lola speaks to him through gritted teeth.

  After Beckett and Star leave, Lola turns to me. "Do you think it was smart for me to trust him?"

  Stunned, I press my lips together. "Yeah, he seemed pretty genuine. I've seriously never seen Beckett act like that. I'm starting to think maybe he does have feelings for Star."

  "That's what I'm afraid of." Lola stares off in the distance.

  "Hey." I touch her face, gently turning her head so she'll face me. "You're not responsible for Star. She's a big girl."

  "But she's my best friend, and I feel like it's my job to protect her."

  "You can't control everything, Lola. Some things are beyond your control. You need to learn to let some things go."

  "Well, I think you need to learn how to do just the opposite." She steps closer to me, a challenging gleam in her eye.

  "What do you mean?"

&
nbsp; "Oh come on, you totally let Beckett walk all over you. You need to stand up to him. Put him in his place."

  I know I should be offended by how she's speaking to me. However, she's right. I've never stood up to Beckett before, and I need to. Maybe if I had things wouldn’t have ended with my last relationship. Lola makes me want to be a better man. "You know what I think?" I run my finger along her jawline. "I think we're perfect for each other."

  "How do you figure?" Her voice is a soft, gentle purr.

  "You can teach me how to be more assertive, and I can teach you how to trust someone. How to give up some of that control, and allow someone else to take care of you."

  "You want to take care of me, huh?"

  I nod. "Oh, yeah, I do." Curving my hand around her face, I cover my mouth with hers. "More than anything. Will you let me?" After speaking the words, I hear a tiny gasp at the back of her throat. I choose to take it as a yes.

  11

  Lola

  "I wish I could go with you." Ryker runs his hands down the length of my arms. "I've always wanted to see California."

  "You've never been?" I lean against the wall in my dorm room and stare into his dark eyes. Funny how I’ve been so nervous about my trip back home, but one look in Ryker’s eyes and I feel calm. We’ve only been dating a couple of months, but somehow he’s slipped seamlessly into my life as if he was always meant to be here.

  "Never." He leans forward, brushing his lips over my cheek. "But I look forward to seeing it with you someday."

  I squirm, his words making me uncomfortable. "It's not that great. It's not like Star and I live near the beach or anything."

  "I bet Thanksgiving is a huge deal at your house, huh?"

  Nodding, I avert my eyes from his intense gaze. Star gives me a funny look from where she sits on her bed, shoving clothes into her suitcase. Even though we're leaving in a few minutes, she is just now packing. My suitcase has been packed for days. I hate doing things last minute. That's when you end up forgetting your underwear or mascara or something. Just the thought of forgetting something important causes me to break out in hives. That's why I've re-checked my bag numerous times to be sure I have everything. By the way Star is haphazardly shoving things in her bag, I'm certain she'll miss something. "It's a long day with a lot of food and even more people. I bet you'll have more fun spending a quiet day with your mom." I loop my arms around his neck.