Breaking The Drought

by Lisa Ireland

  She answered him with a smile. ‘Very,’ she said. ‘And you?’

  He grinned, unable to contain his exuberance. ‘I can’t remember the last time I felt so good.’ He looked around for his boxer shorts. Despite having just done the most intimate things possible, being naked together in the midday sun felt kind of awkward. He gathered up his clothes and began to dress. Jenna followed suit, shimmying into her shorts. God, she was even sexy putting her clothes back on.

  He nodded towards the Volkswagen. ‘I think your top’s over near the car. I’ll grab it and get the picnic basket at the same time. I don’t know about you but I’m famished.’

  Jenna laughed. ‘I guess I could eat.’

  By the time Jenna was fully dressed he’d laid the full feast out on the picnic rug, including the napkins Maggie had so thoughtfully provided. Jenna sat beside him on the rug and for a while neither of them spoke. After he’d eaten his fill, Luke lay back on the rug, one hand behind his head, the other outstretched towards her.

  This.

  This was the memory he would go to when things got tough. Right at this moment things were perfect. He was completely satisfied.

  It was more than he deserved.

  * * *

  Jenna lay down beside Luke, resting her head on his shoulder. His arm encircled her and she felt perfectly at ease, like there was nowhere else on earth she should be.

  Now she understood. This was why Brooke and the girls in the office laughed at her list. Love couldn’t be tamed, whipped into shape with a set of criteria. She’d been a fool to think otherwise. Luke had asked her before if she was happy. The word seemed inadequate to describe how she felt. She felt elated, joyous and every other word the thesaurus cared to throw at her. It was as if she’d only half lived until this moment, as if she’d been missing some of the senses essential for a full life.

  ‘I love you, Luke.’ The words tumbled out before she could stop them.

  He retracted his hand and sat up, disengaging his body from hers. ‘Jenna, you knew what this was. It was amazing, beautiful even, but it doesn’t change things.’

  Her heart began to palpitate. What was he saying? That this was just sex? He’d told her intimate things about himself. Asked her to trust him. And she had. Surely that meant something? She sat up and looked him in the eyes. ‘I don’t understand.’

  Luke held her gaze. ‘You’re beautiful, Jenna. The most amazing woman I’ve ever met. From the minute you stepped out of the car wearing those ridiculous shoes I’ve felt drawn to you. When I’m with you I forget everything that’s happened and I feel alive again.’ He paused and gently took her hand. ‘I’m sorry but there’s no way this can be anything more than what it is right now. You know I’m not free to leave here. I could never ask you to move here, it wouldn’t be fair. Let’s just savour what we have right now.’

  ‘Don’t you see? I’ve been wrong all along. Being here with you like this has made me see what’s important. It’s not my job, not where I live or any of that. It’s you, Luke. Us. We make sense together and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make that happen.’

  He shook his head. ‘It can’t happen. I’m sorry if I led you to believe otherwise but it’s not possible.’

  She snatched her hand away and folded her arms across her chest, suddenly feeling very exposed. ‘Anything is possible if you want it badly enough.’

  ‘Not this. I have the farm and Maggie and I can’t…’

  ‘I don’t understand. I thought you cared about me. I thought it was just your situation that was preventing you from taking this further. I don’t care if I have to live here. I don’t care about sharing you with Maggie. I want to be with you, Luke. It’s as simple as that.’

  He leaned over and took her hand. ‘If only it was. Jenna, I — ’

  ‘What? You’ll always care about me? You’ll treasure this moment forever? Save it, Luke. I don’t need your crappy platitudes. You got what you wanted from me and now it’s over. I get it.’

  ‘It’s not like that at all. I wish it could be different. If you only knew… I’m no good for you, Jenna. I can’t give you what you need.’

  Jenna knew one thing. She’d just made the biggest mistake of her life. He was just like all the rest of them. How could she have been so stupid?

  She’d convinced herself that this time it would be different, that Luke cared enough about her to make her the centre of his life. But of course, she was wrong. She should’ve known from experience not to trust her instincts where love was concerned. Every time she weakened, and gave into her heart, disaster followed.

  What was wrong with her?

  Was she completely unlovable?

  Fighting back tears she retrieved her shoes and slipped them on. She ran to the car only remembering Maggie’s basket once she was already inside. It was too bad. There was no way she was getting back out of the car to face Luke again.

  ‘Jenna, wait!’ Luke called, running towards her.

  She ignored him and started the engine.

  He banged on the window but she pretended he wasn’t there. She meant nothing to him. He had just shown her that. She had been prepared to sacrifice everything for him, but it seemed his interest in her was purely physical.

  She was a damn fool.

  Every man she had ever loved had abused her trust. Her father was the first one to run out on her. She’d never even had a birthday card from him, let alone seen him, from the day he’d walked out.

  Her two stepfathers were no better. Both of them made endless promises they could not, or would not, keep.

  Then there was Simon, Mr Perfect, or so she had thought. He’d been one half of a carefully-chosen match made in heaven. But even using her supposedly foolproof checklist hadn’t protected her from betrayal. The ink was scarcely dry on their engagement cards when he took up with Alyssa.

  She’d thought Luke was different. Her gut had told her to trust in him and all would be fine.

  But once again, she was wrong.

  Chapter 13

  Saturday morning Luke waited in the kitchen for half an hour before he realised Jenna wasn’t coming. She’d avoided him since yesterday afternoon, even missing dinner last night. Maggie said she was working on her story over at Lottie’s. He’d waited up until almost midnight before weariness got the better of him. Now, it seemed she had given him the slip again. She was definitely awake; he’d heard her moving around in her room over an hour ago, but she wasn’t there now. Maybe she was taking an early morning walk. Wherever she was he was determined to find her and talk through what had happened between them. She’d had almost 24 hours to cool off now. Hopefully he could make her see sense.

  Pulling away from her yesterday had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Why the hell had he lost control of himself and made love to her? He’d known in his heart that her feelings for him were more than physical, but he’d chosen to ignore that fact. He’d managed to convince himself that the physical release would free them both and allow them to part with no regrets.

  Instead their lovemaking had opened up a floodgate of emotions for them both. He’d created a problem that had no answer. Jenna loved him, but he was not free to love her. She thought it was simple. Love will find a way and all that crap. It was a nice sentiment, but in reality it was no more than a tired cliché. Love didn’t conquer all. He knew that from bitter experience. Love hadn’t stopped him and Nicola from destroying each other and collecting some collateral damage along the way.

  Maggie was his number one priority; she had to be for now. She was carrying his brother’s child and it was his fault that Joe wasn’t here to support her. No matter how much he wished it otherwise, Maggie was pregnant and alone, and he had a duty to her.

  Yesterday, for one foolhardy moment, he’d put all that to the back of his mind and allowed himself just to enjoy being with Jenna, and for that short time he’d been wildly, insanely happy. But it was a brief respite from reality, nothing more. Jenna des
erved more than to stand in the shadows of his life.

  Tomorrow she would be gone, back to her life in the city. Before she left he just wanted a chance to explain himself, to tell her that he never meant to hurt her. Losing her would be hard enough, but having her hate him, that would be unbearable.

  * * *

  Jenna was up early after another sleepless night. Facing Luke over breakfast wasn’t something she was looking forward to. An early morning run might solve that problem. By the time she came back, Luke would be getting ready to play cricket so she should be spared the embarrassment of making small talk with him. She pulled on her runners and quietly slipped out of the house.

  Try as she might, she couldn’t get yesterday’s events out of her head. When Luke had held her close and looked into her eyes, she had really thought he was ready to let her into his life. She thought he had understood the big leap of faith she was taking. She had bared her soul, as well as her body. Surely that deserved some respect? That was why his reaction had hurt so much. In the second that he pulled away from her, Jenna knew that his heart did not belong to her. She could not invest any more time in a man who was not able to love her fully.

  It was time to put this whole thing behind her. Brooke would be out of hospital tomorrow morning, and they would be back in Melbourne by nightfall. She would go back to work, back to her life, and maybe, in time, she would forget all about Luke Tanner.

  She slowed on the last hill before the homestead. She’d run out of shade and it was taking its toll. This run had taken more out of her than she expected. It was the heat. Although the sun had only been up for an hour or so there was a definite kick in it already. In the gap between songs on her iPod she heard the rhythmic clatter of hooves. Damn it! It had to be Luke.

  Panic set in and she looked for an escape route. For a moment she considered running across the paddock and off into the bush to avoid him. Common sense, and her fear of snakes, won out. She jogged on, without looking back. Luke probably wasn’t in any hurry to see her either. Maybe he would turn around when he noticed her.

  No such luck. The hoof beats drew closer.

  Luke pulled the horse to a walk when he drew near. ‘You’re up early,’ he said.

  ‘Needed to clear my head,’ she panted.

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  Jenna stopped and bent over double until she had caught her breath. ‘I don’t want to talk anymore, Luke.’

  He got down from his horse. ‘I want to explain — ’

  ‘There’s nothing to explain. You told me from the start where you stood.’

  ‘Jenna, I never meant for things to turn out this way. I never meant to hurt you. You don’t know how much I wish things could be different.’ He reached over and tried to grasp her hand, but she snatched it away.

  Her legs began to shake and she felt nauseous. Oh God she was going to cry, or vomit. She wasn’t sure which would be worse. ‘Luke, please. Please leave me. I just want to get through today and go home. The least you can do is allow me to leave with some dignity.’

  ‘I really need to explain myself. There are things you need to know.’

  ‘For God’s sake, can’t you just leave me alone? It’s not enough that you humiliate me, now you want me to listen to all the reasons why I’m not suitable for you? I can’t take any more. Just leave me the hell alone.’

  ‘It’s not you — ’

  ‘Save it, Luke. I’m not interested.’

  His expression was pained but he nodded and got back on the horse before one last attempt to make her smile. ‘Whatever you want, Miss Jimmy Shoes.’

  Jenna swung around and looked at him, her queasiness replaced by a burning anger. ‘Who the hell do you think you are passing judgement on me like that? You seem to think I’m some princess who knows how to do little more than flex a credit card.’ Whatever small amount of control she’d had was gone. Her voice shook with anger.

  Luke looked stunned. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. It’s sort of become my pet name for you. I just — ’

  ‘Made an assumption about me that is totally wrong. You look at me, and you see a spoilt little rich girl who doesn’t know anything about life, but you have no idea what it’s taken for me to get to where I am now. I’m not a princess and I’m not your plaything.’

  ‘Jenna, please, don’t be offended. I really didn’t mean anything by it.’

  ‘I look around here, at this beautiful property, and see all that you’ve had; a wonderful home, a loving family, your education. I envy you, Luke, really I do. Do you know where I grew up?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘I lived most of my life with my mother, in a one bedroom housing commission flat in Flemington. My father abandoned us and the flat was all she could afford. My second step-father moved us out to an old house in the suburbs, but when he left, Mum couldn’t pay the rent.’

  ‘Oh, Jenna.’

  ‘Don’t feel sorry for me,’ she said vehemently. ‘I’ve worked hard, and I’ve done well for myself. I’m a survivor. Don’t you dare presume to think you know anything about me.’ She turned on her heel and ran in the other direction before he had the chance to say another word.

  Chapter 14

  Back in the privacy of her own room, Jenna ran the shower so that Maggie wouldn’t hear her sobs and then abandoned herself to grief.

  She dressed in denim shorts and a beaded singlet top. A large floppy hat and a pair of silver thongs completed her summery look. Before leaving her room she checked her face for any tell-tale signs of her tearful outburst, but it seemed her light application of makeup had hidden the evidence well. She decided to join Maggie for breakfast. If Luke was there, she would just have to bear it. Today was her last day at Tandarra and she was determined to act with grace and decorum for the remainder of it.

  A delicious aroma floated down the hallway as Jenna made her way to the kitchen. Maggie was baking scones as well as the normal cooked breakfast.

  ‘My goodness you’ve done a day’s work already,’ Jenna said.

  ‘The boys love my scones for afternoon tea.’

  Jenna nibbled at the toast Maggie set in front of her. ‘I don’t doubt it.’

  ‘Speaking of the match, you are coming aren’t you?’ Maggie asked.

  Jenna shook her head. ‘I thought I’d stay here and pack.’

  ‘Oh.’ Maggie looked disappointed. ‘It’s just that I thought we could do that interview you wanted while we watched the game. If you’re still interested, that is.’

  ‘Really?’

  Maggie nodded. ‘Why not? The whole Bush Blokes’ Ball was about helping Barlow swell its population. What better way to put us on the map than getting some fantastic national exposure in your magazine?’

  This was too good an opportunity to pass up. Luke would be on the field all day, so there was really no reason to stay away. ‘Thank you so much. And you’re right, I’m sure my article will help put Barlow on the map. I guess if I’m going to the cricket I’d better get my sunscreen on.’

  * * *

  There was no action at the ground. All the players were milling around the clubhouse. Nobody seemed to be making any move to get the game underway.

  ‘The game should have started by now,’ Maggie said. ‘Something must have happened. I’ll go over and see what’s going on.’

  Jenna stood in the shade watching as Maggie made her way to the group. Luke stepped back when he noticed Maggie approaching and made his way towards her. He was gesturing to the hills behind them.

  She found her eyes drinking him in as if she was trying to etch his chiselled features into her memory forever. It was hard to believe that after tomorrow she would probably never see him again. While one part of her wanted to forget she’d ever laid eyes on him, another part knew that she could never erase the memory of their lovemaking yesterday.

  Her skin tingled at the thought of his touch and she shook her head in frustration. No point dwelling on what she could not h
ave.

  ‘Jenna, can you get the scones from the car for me?’ Maggie called to her. ‘There’s been a change of plan.’

  Jenna grabbed the large wicker basket from the back seat and started across the oval towards Maggie.

  ‘What’s going on?’ she asked when she reached her.

  ‘There’s bushfire activity in the region. We’re not in any immediate danger but the town is on alert.’

  ‘Fire alert?’ Jenna didn’t try to conceal her fear.

  ‘Don’t worry. Everyone here is well-versed in what to do in the event of a fire. Half of the boys playing cricket are part of the fire brigade. They’re just deciding whether to go ahead with the game because it’s likely that they’ll be called out at some point today.’

  ‘Is Luke part of the crew?’ Fear churned her stomach at the thought of him being in danger. She frowned in annoyance at her reaction. Why should she care what happened to Luke?

  Maggie placed her hand on Jenna’s arm as if to reassure her. ‘Just about everyone has a role to play. Cameron Richards is the local CFA captain. Rob, Charlotte and Luke are all part of the crew.’ She patted her bulging tummy. ‘I’m usually a crew member too, but I think I’ll have to sit out this season.’

  As they headed into the clubrooms Luke stepped out to greet them. ‘We’re going to play because there’s no immediate threat,’ he said, ‘but I think you should go home and get prepared.’

  Maggie nodded.

  Jenna looked from Maggie to Luke. ‘What do you mean, “get prepared”?’

  ‘Don’t panic. Luke just means we need to enact the first part of our fire plan.’

  ‘Fire plan?’

  ‘The CFA encourage all residents in fire-prone areas to develop a fire plan so we know what to do in the event of a fire,’ Luke said.

  ‘So what’s your plan?’ Jenna asked. She turned her attention to Maggie, carefully avoiding any eye contact with Luke. She had no idea what Maggie’s answer would be but she hoped it was something like get in the car and drive as far away from this town as possible.