Revenge of the Wrought-Iron Flamingos ml-3

by Donna Andrews

  "Yes, but is there any chance this could be one of those living-history reenactment things?"

  "I doubt it," I said.

  "Sir?" the sheriff called. "Sir? Excuse me, but if you're doing a reenactment, could you kind of give us a clue? So we don't have to get all the squad cars and ambulances and such out here and spoil the period ambiance? Sir?"

  No response from the corpse – and unlike the sheriff, I wasn't holding my breath, waiting for one.

  "Who is he?" the sheriff asked. "Do you know?"

  I held out the fireplace tongs. The sheriff looked at them as if he had no idea what I was suggesting, so I reached out again myself and lifted the tricorn hat enough for us to get another glimpse of Roger Benson's face.

  "Oh dear," the sheriff said again. "I hope Monty gets here soon."

  "Monty?"

  I let the hat fall down again.

  "My new deputy," the sheriff said. "He's got big-city police experience."

  "Really? What city?"

  "Cleveland?" the sheriff said. "Or is it Columbus? Someplace in Ohio."

  "Cincinnati, maybe?" I asked.

  "Could be. Someplace like that. You can ask him when he gets here."

  I nodded. Not that it mattered, but it gave us something to babble about while we both stood staring fixedly at the late Mr. Benson.

  "He does all our homicides," the sheriff went on.

  "You've had a lot since he got here?" I asked. Yorktown wasn't exactly a hotbed of crime.

  "Oh, no," the sheriff said. "Actually, I can't remember that we've had one since he got here, come to think of it. But if we had, he'd have been die one to handle it. He had a lot of experience back there in Cincinnati."

  "Or Cleveland."

  "Wherever," the sheriff agreed.

  "So what do we have here?" boomed a flat midwestern voice.

  I turned to see a tall beanpole of a man in a deputy's uniform, standing at the entrance to my booth with his hands on his hips.

  "Murder," I said, as the sheriff and I walked over to meet the newcomer. A little brass nametag on his chest said "r. b. MONTGOMERY," so I assumed he was the homicidally experienced Monty.

  "I see," Monty said. He took a small notebook out of his pocket, checked his watch, scribbled something in the notebook, then looked back up at me. "Want to tell us about it?"

  "Nothing much to tell," I said, rubbing my forehead. The headache was getting worse.

  "What happened, he try to stiff you for your fee?" Monty said. "Or are you going to claim you changed your mind at the last minute and had to defend yourself?"

  My mouth fell open in astonishment, and I stifled the impulse to giggle. I was willing to bet he'd started to inspect me from head to toe and gotten stalled just below shoulder level.

  "Monty!" the sheriff exclaimed. "This is my cousin, Meg Langslow. She was attending a costume party when she found this body."

  "Costume party?" Monty said, looking around the deserted booth.

  "The party's at the Moore House," I said. "I was leaving the party to go back to my tent, and I stopped by my booth on the way to pick up my cash box. I found the booth ransacked" – I indicated the fallen ironwork – "and a body in my storage area, behind those curtains."

  "I see," Monty said. He was still studying my costume with overmuch interest.

  "Look, Monty," I said. "I don't know how the hell they do these things in Columbus – "

  "Cincinnati," the sheriff corrected.

  "Actually, I came here from Canton," Monty said, frowning.

  "But here in Yorktown, we expect our law-enforcement officials to do something when they arrive at a crime scene. Something more than leer at the witnesses."

  "Witnesses, sure," Monty said, with an insulting chuckle.

  "Aren't you going to check the body, Monty?" the sheriff asked.

  "I don't want to contaminate the scene any more than it's already been contaminated by you two," Monty said. "I'm waiting for the crime-scene technician; I've sent a patrol officer out to find him."

  "We have a crime-scene technician?" the sheriff asked. "When did that happen?"

  "You remember, that file clerk who turned out to have a chemistry degree," Monty said, with exasperation. "You signed off last month on sending him up to Richmond for the training courses."

  "Oh, Horace," the sheriff said. "That's right. How's he doing, anyway?"

  "Well, we'll find out when he gets here, won't we?" Monty said, looking at his watch.

  Just then Cousin Horace, looking more mouselike than ever, stuck his head around the corner of my booth.

  "Jimmy said you wanted me here," he said. "What's the – Oh, hi, Meg."

  "You know this man?" Monty demanded.

  "It's a small town, Monty," the sheriff said. "Everybody knows everybody; I keep telling you that."

  "I'm Meg's cousin," Horace said, rather timidly, as if he still wasn't sure of his welcome.

  "I thought he was your cousin," Monty said to the sheriff.

  "Yes, he's my cousin, too," the sheriff said.

  "We're all cousins," Horace said.

  "Nearly everybody in town is cousins," I said. "You've got to make allowances for inbreeding; Monty. We're actually not that bad. You should see some of the cousins we hide in the attics."

  I suppose it would have been different if I'd said that in front of someone who'd find it funny. But Cousin Horace and the sheriff had grown used to just nodding and smiling whenever I said anything they didn't understand, and their reactions probably gave Monty the idea I was serious. I sighed.

  "Why don't you let Horace do his crime-scene thing?" I said. "If you don't want to listen to my story now, I'd like to go someplace where I can lie down. I'm getting a headache."

  "Oh, I want to hear your story all right," Monty said. "And you're not going anywhere until you take off that dress."

  "Excuse me?"

  "I need it for evidence," Monty said.

  "Evidence?" the sheriff echoed.

  "She says she found the body, but how do we know that?" Monty explained. "We need to test the dress for blood spatters."

  Horace, the sheriff, and I looked down at my dress – which, except for the faint damp spot where Benson had spilled his gin and tonic, looked perfectly spotless.

  "Minute blood spatters, okay?" Monty said.

  Just then, I saw Michael and Dad coming down the lane.

  "Meg! What's going on?" Michael called. "They came and got your cousin Horace and – "

  "Stand back!" Monty snapped. "This is a crime scene!"

  "Michael, could you go to the tent and get some clothes for me to change into?" I asked. "Jeans, please. I think the masquerade's over for the evening."

  Michael looked around, decided that I was safe enough with Dad, Horace, and the sheriff at my side, then nodded and took off.

  "Meg, what's happened?" Dad asked.

  "Someone killed Mr. Benson in my booth," I said.

  "Killed?" Dad said. "Do you think it's murder, then? How exciting!"

  "Who's this?" Monty asked. "Another cousin?"

  "Well, yes," the sheriff said. "By marriage, anyway. This is Meg's dad."

  "Would you like me to examine the body?" Dad asked.

  Monty looked alarmed and stepped protectively between Dad and the body.

  "He's a doctor," I explained. "A medical doctor. He's… uh, he's had some experience with crime scenes." I didn't mention that his experience consisted largely of horning in on any homicide investigation that happened in his vicinity; I didn't think that would do much to allay Deputy Monty's obvious distrust. Dad beamed at me.

  "I think we'd rather have the coroner for that," Monty said.

  "He might still be at the party," Dad said, looking at his watch. "Want me to go and see? This'11 go a lot faster if we catch him before he starts for home."

  The fact that it might also give Dad a chance to talk the coroner into letting Dad help him was, of course, irrelevant.

  "I'd appreciate it
, James," the sheriff said. "And maybe one of the female officers, if you see any? To supervise when Meg… urn…"

  "Right," Dad said.

  Oh, great, I thought. I had to wait for a suitable audience to change out of my dress. I hoped Dad would hurry. The air was getting cool, which wouldn't have bothered me if I'd been fully dressed.

  "And I'll look for someone to rescue Wesley while I'm at it," Dad said.

  "Oh, my God," I said. "I forgot all about Wesley!"

  "That nosy reporter? What's wrong with him?" Monty asked, his hand hovering over his gun.

  I explained Wesley's plight, and they all had to troop out to the town square to take a look, leaving me and Horace at the crime scene.

  I watched, interested in spite of myself, as Horace donned a pair of latex gloves and began collecting evidence. This was a new side of Horace, I realized. He examined things, photographed things, put things in plastic bags, and dusted everything in sight for fingerprints. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he exuded confidence or anything hokey like that, but he didn't drop or break anything the whole time, which had to be a first for Horace.

  The others returned, and we all stood around watching and listening to the occasional distant whine of complaint from Wesley. Eventually Dad arrived with the coroner. Who, to no one's surprise, pronounced Roger Benson dead, and scuttled away to let Horace do his forensic chores on and around the body. I watched with fascination as the previously squeamish and mild-mannered Horace fingerprinted the deceased as if he'd been hobnobbing with corpses all his life. Okay, if Monty had even accidentally helped bring about this transformation in Horace, maybe he wasn't all bad.

  Dad, prevented from joining in the forensic fun, went off to continue searching for someone with a key to the padlock on the stocks. And the coroner was characteristically cagey about the time of death.

  "I can't give you a range of less than three of four hours until I do the postmortem," he said. "And maybe not then."

  "We can estimate closer than that even without the postmortem," I said. "I left the party at about ten, and I was talking to Benson about fifteen or twenty minutes before I left. Allowing about five minutes for the walk, he couldn't have gotten here much earlier than nine forty-five. And I'm sure you know what time I called 911."

  "Ten thirty-five," the sheriff said. "Ricky paged me as soon as he got the call."

  "See? That narrows it down to about forty-five minutes, from nine forty-five to ten thirty."

  "And your own notebook will back that up," the sheriff said. "What time was it when you started interrogating Meg here?"

  "Ten forty-five," Monty said, frowning.

  "Are you sure?" the sheriff said. "It's a good fifteen minutes from the station down here."

  "I wasn't at the station when I got the call," Monty said. "I was already heading this way to investigate a noise complaint about those damned cannons."

  "We have our time range, then," the sheriff nodded, looking pleased with himself.

  "Of course, we only have Ms. Langslow's word that Mr. Benson was still at the party at nine forty-five."

  "Ask around," I said. "If no one noticed my quarrel with him – "

  "Quarrel? You had a quarrel with the deceased?"

  "Yes, I had a quarrel with the deceased; so did several other people," I said. "The man was not well liked."

  "Another cousin, I suppose," Monty said.

  "Mr. Benson?" the sheriff said. "No, he's no relation. In fact, he's not from around here."

  "Which means he's probably only been here about ten years or so, right?" Monty said, sounding a little resentful.

  "More like ten hours," I said. "He came to town for a business meeting with my brother, Rob."

  "Now that's interesting," Monty said.

  I was afraid he'd think that.

  Horace continued patiently scraping and sampling around my booth, like an ant in strange territory, examining every leaf, twig, and dirt clod on the off chance it might be edible. Meanwhile, Monty badgered me into describing every encounter I'd had with Roger Benson during the day. I already didn't like the way this was going. Although I was obviously still Monty's favorite suspect, he showed far too much interest in Rob, Faulk, and Tad. And also far too much interest in leering at my costume, to judge by the increasingly black looks he got from Michael.

  The ambulance crew came and left with Benson. Even patient Cousin Horace was running out of forensic steam and still Monty continued questioning me.

  "So, can you think of anyone else who might have a reason to dislike the deceased?" Monty said, finally. He stared intently at me, as if he suspected I was holding something back. Which I was. For the past half hour I'd been fighting the overwhelming urge to say that if disliking someone was reason for murder, Deputy Monty had better hire a bodyguard if he planned to stay in town much longer. Fortunately, Cousin Horace intervened.

  "Mrs. Fenniman," he said, glancing up as he scraped little bits of dirt into a plastic bag. "I heard her say at the party that he was a no-good sneak thief, and someone should shoot him down like a rabid dog."

  "But he wasn't shot," the sheriff said. "And besides, I don't think Mrs. Fenniman even owns a gun."

  "I didn't say she did," Horace said. "But that's what she said."

  "She has her grandfather's Civil War sword," Dad put in.

  "But what does that matter if – "

  "We'll put her down as having reason to dislike the deceased," Monty interrupted, looking up from his notebook.

  Monty finally let me change out of my costume, under the careful scrutiny of the waiting female officer. Cousin Horace produced evidence bags large enough to hold the dress, the stays, and all the other parts of my outfit.

  "Is it okay if I take my laptop and my cash box with me, for safekeeping?" I asked.

  "That depends," Monty said. "Where did you leave them?"

  "In one of my storage cases," I said, pointing. "The padlocked one."

  The deputy looked at Cousin Horace, who shrugged.

  "If it was in a locked case, why not?" he said. "Anyway, we're all finished here."

  "Give me the key, then," Monty said, holding out his hand.

  I handed my keyring over, with the padlock key separated out from the rest, and watched in exasperation as he let it fall back into the bunch and proceeded to try five or six other keys, including several that any halfwit should have known weren't right. Did he really think Honda made padlocks?

  "Ah, that's got it," he said, when he finally got around to the right key. He removed the padlock and lifted up the lid of the case.

  "I thought you wanted a computer and a cash box," he said.

  "I do," I said.

  "Nothing but birds in here."

  "Birds?"

  I ducked under the yellow crime-scene tape and went to where I could look over his shoulder. Sure enough, the case he'd just opened was filled to the brim with pink wrought-iron flamingos.

  "That's the wrong case," I said.

  "Only one with a padlock."

  I shoved past him, ignoring his protests, and began opening the other cases. Most were empty, their former contents used to stock my booth. But I found the case where I'd stowed the computer and the cash box. The computer was there. The cash box wasn't.

  "They've taken my cash box," I said.

  "Nonsense, you're just looking in the wrong case," Monty said.

  But my cash box wasn't in any of the cases. It wasn't anywhere in the booth.

  "Maybe you took it with you when you left the booth."

  "For heaven's sake, I know what I did with it," I said, exasperated. "I was going straight from the booth to Mrs. Waterston's party. Why on Earth would I lug along my cash box? I'm very sure I put it and the laptop in this case and padlocked the case to keep them safe till I got back."

  "Only you didn't padlock the case," he said.

  "Yes, I'm sure I did," I said.

  Monty crooked an eyebrow.

  "Obviously someone came in, p
icked the padlock, took my cash box, and – of course! That would explain what happened to Mr. Benson!" I exclaimed. "He interrupted a robbery in progress! The robber killed him, and was so rattled that he put the padlock on the wrong case."

  I thought it was a brilliant theory, but Monty looked unmoved.

  "That's very interesting," he said. "We'll keep that in mind as we investigate."

  Yeah, sure you will, I thought.

  "You ask me, the killer only took the money box to distract us," Monty said. "Whoever did it rifled the booth to make it look like a burglary and lucked out, finding you'd padlocked the wrong case. He took the cash box to make it look like a robbery, but not the computer."

  "And why not the computer?" I said. "The cash box only had about a thousand dollars in it – "

  "Must be nice to be rich enough not to miss a grand when you lose it," Monty said.

  "I didn't say I wouldn't miss it," I said, gritting my teeth. "As a matter of fact, if you don't find it, I'll be eating macaroni and cheese till Ground Hog Day. I meant that my laptop's worth at least twice that. Why would the killer take the cash box to cover up his motive and not a much more valuable laptop?"

  "Well, maybe a laptop's a lot harder for the killer to dispose of," Monty said. "One bill spends just like another, but if the killer's an amateur and doesn't know how to fence stolen goods, what's he supposed to do with a laptop? Or maybe – "

  He narrowed his eyes, and I knew I wasn't going to like what he said next.

  "Maybe the killer didn't want to take the laptop because he knew it was more expensive and, what's more, a lot more trouble for you to replace," he said. "Bet you've got all your business records and stuff on the laptop, right?"

  I nodded.

  "So maybe the killer's someone you know, and didn't want to hurt you any more than he had to."

  "That's ridiculous," I said, but I didn't sound very convincing. "Besides, I just noticed something else."

  "What?" Monty said, sounding impatient.

  "The CD-ROM drive isn't completely closed," I said.

  "Oh, for crying out loud," he muttered.

  "And someone has definitely been messing with it," I said, wiping fingerprint dust off my fingers and using a corner of my sweatshirt to pull the CD drawer all the way open.