Dangerous Victor: (Soldiering On #3)

by Aislinn Kearns

  He ran the soap over the scarred ridges of his chest, his eyes following the movement. It had been a long time since he’d bothered to look at himself. He knew what was there, knew it wasn’t pleasant.

  The kiss with Radha lingered on his lips; the feel of her hands on him, touching him, had branded his skin. He didn’t know what to think about earlier—how she hadn’t seemed to recoil away from him. He knew they’d have to talk about it, but his heart shied away from the confrontation, afraid of what she might say. Of the rejection that was sure to come.

  By the time Zack came out of the bedroom—dressed once again in jeans and a Henley—Radha was devouring a plate of Napoletana pasta. The heady scent of perfectly-cooked food reached him and his stomach growled. He hadn’t even realised how hungry he’d been.

  “Did that just arrive?” he asked.

  She nodded, her mouth full, then swallowed. “You should have some.”

  Zack took a hesitant step forward, then eased himself into the seat opposite her. He pulled a bowl of what looked like pumpkin soup towards him and tasted a spoonful. He sighed in delight. Five-star dining at its finest.

  “Are you feeling better?” Radha asked, and the tension that had been loosening in his muscles returned with a vengeance. Her words were a reminder that he was weak. Broken.

  “I’m fine.” He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t look at her.

  Silence spread between them.

  “Why are you being weird?” Radha asked eventually.

  Zack’s gaze snapped up. “I’m not being weird.”

  She scowled. “You are. Not just now, but before, too.”

  “Before when?” Zack raised a brow in question.

  Radha exhaled noisily and narrowed her eyes. “Before the assault team attacked us.”

  Zack stayed silent. He hadn’t realised she’d noticed his changing moods. He’d done his best to protect her from them, knowing it wasn’t her fault he’d been developing feelings for her and had been trying to keep himself from being hurt.

  He trailed his left hand idly over his right arm, feeling the bumps and ridges on the skin—reminding himself.

  “Do you need any help putting on more cream?” Radha asked, head gesturing toward where his hand rested on his arm.

  “No,” he snapped, then immediately squeezed his eyes shut with regret. “I’m sorry.”

  He opened his eyes, faced her hurt gaze. He could see the confusion, the frustration, shimmering in the depths of her eyes.

  “This is exactly what I mean about you being weird,” she said, her voice almost a hiss as she bent closer to him. “I get you don’t want my help, it’s fine. But that’s no reason to snap at me and be rude. Just tell me. It would work much better than you going hot and cold at any given notice. I can’t keep up.”

  Zack swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

  But she wasn’t done. Her voice softened. “You can’t kiss me like that—like you did tonight—and then ignore me. We should talk about it.”

  Fear hit him, right in the solar plexus, stealing his breath. He didn’t want to talk about the kiss. While it sat in his memories as a perfect, untouched moment, he could still partially live in the fantasy that it was just a first kiss, instead of an only kiss. “What if I don’t want to talk about it?” he managed.

  Radha titled her head, examining him. Zack sunk back into his chair.

  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she said. “I just think it would be best if we discussed what happened. So we can both know where we stand.”

  Zack abruptly stood and paced a few steps away. Then, he let out a breath, his shoulders sinking in defeat. She was right, they did have to talk about it. He may as well rip the band-aid off and get it over with now.

  “I’m sorry I kissed you,” he blurted out, spinning to face her.

  Radha frowned. “Oh. Okay.”

  She seemed disappointed. Now, it was Zack’s turn to be confused.

  “I’m sorry I go hot and cold on you, too. I just…forget sometimes.” May as well get it all out of the way now.

  Radha pushed back from the table, the food forgotten as she came towards him. “Forget what?” she asked.

  He stared deep into her dark eyes, searching them.

  “Forget I can’t have you,” he whispered. “Forget what I look like. Forget I can’t even protect you because the thought of fire sends me into a nervous breakdown. Just…forget.”

  Radha’s eyes had widened during his words, shock written on her features.

  “Zack…” she said.

  He turned away. “You don’t have to say anything.” He shouldn’t have told her those things. He shouldn’t have placed that burden on her.

  Radha strode around him and into his field of vision. “Zack, what do you mean you can’t have me?”

  “I know what I look like, Radha.”

  “So do I,” she said. “And yet I’ve still imagined kissing you every night since we first met. Your hands on me. Your mouth on every inch of me.” Zack’s heart throbbed at her low, sultry words, his skin growing tight. His cock, too, strained against his trousers as his mind went where her words were leading him.

  Images of her, hot and naked in his arms, bombarded him. He squeezed his eyes shut, but that only made the sensual assault worse.

  “Radha…” he said, but even he didn’t know whether he was trying to stop her, or ask her to continue. Hope—dangerous, treacherous hope—stirred to life within him, and he didn’t think he could escape it.

  “Zack,” she said firmly, and he swallowed. “I’ve had a crush on you since the night we met. If we can’t be together, then it’s because of you, not me. I don’t care what you look like—though I think you’re hot as hell. You’re smart and dedicated and diligent and you respect who I am, too. Being with me is not the unreal, unattainable fantasy. The world where you are an unwanted, unlovable pariah—that’s the untruth.”

  Her words hammered into him, deep into that lonely part of his soul he’d been carrying with him for so long. Her words filled him, almost painful with their force.

  She took a breath, almost like she planned to say something else, drive the point home further, but Zack couldn’t handle it. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He stepped forward and pressed his lips against hers.

  She melted into him instantly. He drew her into his arms, pulling her closer and steadying her with one movement. He tried to keep the kiss slow, though it cost him. He wanted to unleash all the pent up passion he’d had for the last few years, ever since his accident. A fire that had only grown worse when he’d met Radha. Instead, he took the time to kiss her slowly, learned not only her own mouth, her rhythm, but the way he kissed now the scars had changed him.

  It felt strange, at first, with his right side being less sensitive. He hadn’t noticed during their first kiss; he’d been too raw and desperate. Now, though, he had to relearn how to move his lips against hers.

  Radha clutched at the collar of his Henley, going up on her toes to get a better angle for his mouth. Zack pulled her even closer to him, coaxing her mouth open so he could taste her. Their tongues played, explored, causing a tingle to spread from where they touched, through each limb, and centering in his groin.

  It was heaven, kissing her like this, soft and slow and intimate. It wasn’t the desperate, grasping kiss from before. That had been the equivalent of a night in a dive bar, whereas this kiss was an evening in a sultry jazz lounge with low, intimate lighting.

  Her hands travelled down his back, skirting dangerously close to his butt. Then, her hands swooped lower, cupping his cheeks and grinding his cock against her stomach.

  His cock throbbed, growing and hardening against her. He could feel her triumphant smile against his mouth and a thrill went through him. She was enjoying this. There was nothing more exciting to Zack than that.

  Feeling bolder now, Zack trailed his arm up over the soft terry fabric of her robe until he reached the lapel. There, he hesitated for a
brief moment, giving Radha a chance to stop this, before he plunged his hand beneath her robe and settled his palm over her breast.

  She gasped into his mouth, her lungs working at double speed now as he kneaded her breast. His own breathing was unsteady. He loved the feel of her, the way she shifted against him, creating heat and friction between them.

  Zack dipped into the other side of her lapel with his right hand, cupping her other breast. The sensation was duller, but he couldn’t mistake the peaked nipple under his palm. He rubbed her, careful not to unknowingly push too hard because of his lack of sensitivity. She moaned deep in her throat, and Zack felt potent and powerful in a way he hadn’t in a long time.

  He plumped her breasts, and the movement caused the tie to slip from her robe. The edges parted, revealing her to his gaze. Everything within him stilled, focusing with laser intensity on the expanse of smooth dark skin. His cock hardened almost painfully at the sight.

  Slowly, carefully, he pushed at the shoulders of the robe, exposing her one inch at a time. His tongue was thick in his mouth; his cock ached, desperate for her. But he took his time, until the robe slipped to the floor.

  Radha stood there, more beautiful than Venus, and so much better than he could have imagined.

  “You’re gorgeous,” he managed. He finally dragged his gaze up to Radha’s in time to see her blush.

  “Thank you,” she murmured. “Now, it’s your turn.”

  Zack sucked in a ragged breath. It was the moment of truth. Some of the raging heat in him dimmed as reality intruded. She’d see him—all of him. It was the final hurdle.

  “Do I have to?” he joked lamely. “We could turn the lights off.”

  She smiled, shaking her head. “I want to see you.”

  Zack was powerless to deny her. He grasped the bottom of his Henley and pulled it off over his head with one swift movement. He didn’t pause, didn’t stop to think, just reached for the button on his jeans. The rough denim scratched over his sensitive skin as he pushed them off, but he barely noticed.

  He looked at Radha, waiting for her reaction. Some small part of him still crouched, ready to run if the rejection came. Instead, Radha’s gaze swept briefly over him, over his scars, and then fixated on his cock. It had softened slightly during their undressing. But, now, with her gaze on him, he hardened almost painfully fast.

  Her tongue darted out, licking her lips, and Zack groaned. His mind immediately assaulted him with images of her on her knees before him, mouth around his shaft, working him.

  Perhaps her mind had gone to a similar place, because within moments she knelt on the carpet in front of him.

  “You don’t have to do that,” he said quickly. But he wanted her to—oh, how he wanted her to.

  “I know,” she said simply, before she wrapped her hand around his shaft.

  Zack nearly jumped out of his skin at the sensations coursing through him. Heat and lightning raced through his veins as she gently stroked his cock. She leaned forward, her mouth inches from him, and Zack’s heart stopped in his chest as he froze in anticipation. Her hands settled on his hips. Radha’s gaze flickered up and locked onto his, then she deliberately closed the remaining gap.

  The instant her mouth touched him he groaned. His eyes almost fluttered shut but he forced them open so he could watch Radha’s lips close over him. She dragged her lips up his shaft, pausing to swirl her tongue around the tip before sliding back down.

  Her mouth was heaven. Hot, wet heaven.

  She ran her tongue up the underside of his shaft, then continued her rhythm from before. Her hands slipped from his hips, until one was wrapped around his shaft, and the other cupped his balls. Zack puffed out shallow breaths, a riot of sensations coursing through him at Radha’s every touch.

  Zack slid a hand into her hair, still damp from her shower, and wound it around his fingers. He focused on the feel of the silky stands in his grip instead of the damp heat of her mouth. He was far too close to the edge. It had been too long since he’d been with a woman. And this was Radha.

  But he couldn’t bear to stop her. He drew on every shred of his control as her mouth and hands continued to work him.

  Until he couldn’t stand it any longer, needed to stop her before he embarrassed himself.

  “Your turn,” he growled, tugging her to her feet.

  She pouted in disappointment, and Zack’s heartbeat quickened. She was enjoying this. Enjoying him.

  He led her into the bedroom, where he immediately kissed her again, tasting himself in her mouth. She was fully naked, pressed against him, her soft curves nestling against his hard form. A perfect fit.

  He eased her onto the bed, still pressed against her. Her breaths came in heavy pants, and anticipation tightened every muscle in his body. His lips left hers to trail down the side of her neck, over her breasts where he detoured for a long, delicious moment, over her stomach, until he reached his goal.

  Plump lips awaited him beneath soft curls. He couldn’t resist a taste, so he dipped his head and stroked his tongue over her. She gasped, her hands tightening on the white sheets beneath her. He grinned, pure male satisfaction coursing through him. He did it again. And again. Each time she twisted harder against the sheets.

  He focused in on the tiny bud of nerves, careful to monitor her reaction to every lick, suck or flick. He wanted to learn her secrets, every part of her. Know how to pleasure her. Maybe if he couldn’t keep her satisfied, she wouldn’t—

  He ruthlessly shut off that line of thinking, focusing only on her. On what she liked.

  “Please,” she begged.

  Zack obliged, inserting one finger into her, stroking in time to his ministrations on her clit. He added a second finger and Radha gasped.

  She was close, he could feel it in the way she shifted against his mouth, urging him harder and faster. He obliged, increasing his pace and pressure until she shattered with a short cry.

  He worked her through the contractions until she lay still against the sheets. Only then did extract his fingers and crawl up her body until he leaned beside her. Her eyes were soft and heavy-lidded as they watched him move.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile.

  “Hi,” he replied, in an echo of their first ever exchange. He couldn’t resist leaning forward to press his lips against hers. She returned it lazily, satisfied, until he pulled back.

  Her eyes drifted over him, landing on his still-erect cock. She reached for him, almost automatically, but he caught her wrist.

  At her questioning look, he shook his head.

  “I want to be inside you.” He said it almost apologetically, but if her slow, wicked smile was anything to go by, she liked the idea almost as much as he did.

  He reached down beside the bed where he’d left the duffel bag and rummaged around until he found a packet of condoms. He tore open the packaging, ripped off the foil, and rolled it over his aching cock.

  “In a hurry?” Radha asked.

  Zack paused, angled over her, his cock straining towards her. Their gazes met. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  There was something in her eyes Zack couldn’t—wouldn’t—name. But it was enough for his heart to tilt from having a crush on her to what he suspected was love. A small but seismic adjustment to his world.

  He couldn’t say it—not yet—so he tore his gaze from hers. He levered himself on one arm above her and gripped the base of his cock, rubbing it against her much as his tongue had done earlier. He used the hard length to stoke her passions again until her fingers were digging into his shoulders. A distant corner of his mind was telling him that his right shoulder should hurt, but he was too engrossed in Radha to notice.

  Sweat beaded on his skin from the effort of control but the fiery need in Radha’s eyes was worth it. He paused at her opening, searching her for any signs of hesitation, but there was only welcome in her expression.

  He entered her with o
ne long, smooth stroke. She gasped—or maybe it was him—but either way the floodgates were open. He pulled back and thrust again, and again, burying himself to the hilt in her tight heat.

  He settled back onto his knees and gripped her hips to hold her in position as he pushed into her, harder with every thrust. His skin was tight—he was close. But he wouldn’t let go until Radha had come again.

  She let out a moan in time with his thrusts, her eyes closed in ecstasy. She was beautiful, so beautiful. His heart hammered painfully in his chest at the sight of her. He was too close to the edge.

  Zack moved his hand until he reached her clit, rubbing it gently. She groaned, her back bowing up. She clamped around him as she came, hard.

  Zack sucked in a breath and let loose, slamming into her with a few final thrusts until he, too, came with a shuddering yell.

  He blacked out briefly. When consciousness returned, he was lying half on top of Radha, still panting. He eased off to settle beside her, and their gazes met. Zack remembered the moment when he’d thought—no, realised—he was in love with Radha. He sucked in a breath, but changed his mind before the words could come out.

  Instead, he slipped out of bed, disposed of the condom and cleaned himself up, and then returned to the bed. He wanted to pull Radha into his arms, but didn’t know whether it would be welcome. Radha made the decision for him by shifting over and settling her head on his shoulder with a contented sigh.

  “That was amazing,” she said, the last word ending on a yawn.

  Zack grinned. “It was,” he replied. Within seconds, they had drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 23

  Radha woke in a warm cocoon. It took her a long, blissful moment before she realised it was actually Zack, pressed against her back with his arm wrapped around her. She sighed happily and shifted so she was pressed more fully against his hard chest.

  Zack made a sleepy sound and pressed his lip against her shoulder.