Lacey Luzzi: Spiced: a humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 8)

by Gina LaManna

  Scanning behind me, I noticed that Clay had done a little reworking of the van’s insides since I’d last been in here. He’d installed some sort of folding barrier that blocked the front seats from the rear. Maybe for privacy? I didn’t ask too many questions when it came to the creep van. I mean, Clay called her “baby.” That was weird enough for me to leave it alone. In addition to the new divider, I’m fairly certain the dials on the dashboard were breeding. There was a new red button that I didn’t dare touch for fear it’d eject me from the driver’s seat. I’d seen James Bond; I knew these things existed. Clay liked to daydream and experiment, the more dangerous, the better.

  Unfortunately, his timing was usually off. For example, he’d wired a bomb into a dress the same day I wore it to a wedding. Then there was the whole incident with his showing up to Thanksgiving dinner in a pair of skinny jeans. It wasn’t an experiment, but boy oh boy, was it a poor decision. So were his Spand-i-pants, which all started as an attempt to show up to Halloween dressed as Anthony’s clone.

  As smart as the IQ tests claimed Clay to be, I didn’t hold out much hope that his van inventions would save my life today. The best I could hope for was an ill-timed explosion that’d distract The Fish, and leave me alive.

  The phone rang again. I glanced at the burner, letting it ring twice before reaching a reluctant hand across the seat and clicking the green button.

  “You like to keep me waiting.” The Fish didn’t sound happy. “I expect you to answer immediately.”

  “I’m here, I figured we’d be talking soon enough in person.” I pulled the car onto the road, the Stone Arch Bridge rising before me with its beautiful design.

  “Park. Then leave the keys in the ignition and take the phone with you. Get out of the car, and keep me on the line. You hang up, you take one wrong step, and Clarissa gets it first. Her mom won’t miss her. Will she, girl?”

  A slight scuffle sounded on the other end of the phone line, and a second later, a small voice spoke. “Lacey?”

  “Clarissa?” I wouldn’t have been able to tell which of the girls it was if The Fish hadn’t said. “Are you okay, honey?”

  “Lacey…” She choked out my name, then interrupted herself with a hiccup. “Are you coming?”

  “I’m coming. Are you okay?”

  “I’m okay,” she whispered. “But he’s got a gun. And he’s got my sister tied up. Help us, please. You’re the only one who can help, he says.”

  “What has he done with you?”

  A short cry of surprise signaled Clarissa’s last words. The next voice was The Fish. “Did you hear her? Park. Walk. Stay on the line.”

  Rattled, I threw the vehicle into park, and then tried to keep my hands still. I switched the van off and left the keys dangling as I slid down from the front seat. Holding the phone loosely in my hand, I kept it close enough to hear any instructions.

  “Walk.” His tinny voice rang out over the phone. “Shut the door and walk towards the bridge.”

  I forced one foot in front of the other, focusing on the picturesque skyline in the distance. On a normal, snowy winter day, this bridge was a popular date spot, the perfect backdrop for wedding photos or engagement sessions. Minneapolis really did have one of the most beautiful skylines, the skyscrapers forming a modern edge that contrasted with the stone curvatures of the bridge, the old General Mills building an iconic fixture visible from where I stood.

  But in the darkness now, the old stone gave off a haunted, eerie vibe. The city lights glimmered in the background, serving only to remind me how far away help truly was – and cementing the fact that I was completely alone. A wisp of hopelessness weighed on my shoulders as I crossed the open space towards the mouth of the bridge.

  Not for the first time, I realized how much I needed my friends and family. Not just in the emotional sense, but also in my work. Without Clay, I couldn’t track anything. I couldn’t record video or audio, and I couldn’t find out information in advance. Without Anthony, I was hopeless with a gun and even more hopeless trying to run away on foot. Without Meg…well, without Meg, I had no laughter to lighten the mood, nobody to convince me that everything would work out, even in the darkest of times.

  All I had now was emptiness.

  And a phone, which contained a voice on the other side barking instructions once more.

  I lifted the device to my ear, having missed the first part of the directions. But as I asked for The Fish to repeat what he’d said, I heard a rumble behind me. A low rumble, at first.

  I turned around. To my shock, I watched as Clay’s van began to tremble. Soft, low tremors at first, until it began rocking as if two dinosaurs were fooling around inside.

  I took one step back towards the van as the voice in my ear shouted, “Don’t!”

  I didn’t listen. As I stepped forward, the rumbles turned into one loud boom.

  The ground shook, trembling as a cloud of smoke as black as the night and as thick as quicksand enveloped the van. I coughed, waved a hand in front of my eyes, and stumbled blindly. In my wandering, I dropped the cell phone, falling to my knees to search for it. The sound of the tinny voice screaming for an explanation gave me enough sense of direction that I soon found the device, and held it to my ear.

  “What was that?” I shouted into it. “Are you trying to kill me?”

  “That’s what I should be asking you,” he said. Based upon the clear, sharp tone in his voice, The Fish was as surprised by the smoke as I was. “The bomb’s not set to explode for thirty more minutes.”

  “Bomb?” I shouted. “What bomb? If you didn’t set it off, then who did?”

  “You didn’t?”

  “I would have had a pretty poor sense of timing to set off a smoke bomb now,” I said. “What good does it do me?”

  “Stay where you are,” he warned. “Don’t move.”

  Since I couldn’t see a thing, I had no problem following those instructions. I sat still, waiting for the smoke to clear. As far as I could tell, there were no signs of fire, just thick fog that smelled a bit like rotten eggs. Within thirty seconds, the black cloud had begun to dissipate, a light, grayish fog replacing it. The moonlight poked through the lingering smoke fingers, giving me a view of the van’s silhouette.

  And then, two figures. Two figures stepping from the van, both of which I recognized.

  On impulse, I took a step forward. “Clay?” I called. “Meg? What are you doing here?”

  “Finally! I thought you’d never stop driving,” Meg said. “You flew from that parking space like a bat outta hell. Did you forget the back doesn’t have seatbelts?”

  “Seatbelts! What? I didn’t even know you were in there!” I took a few steps closer, ignoring the voice shouting on the other end of the phone. As I got closer, the scene only confused me more.

  Both Clay and Meg looked like someone had sprayed soot directly into their faces. Clay’s skin was so dark I couldn’t even see him against the night sky. The only thing that gave me a sense of his location were the whites of his eyes. As for Meg, she hadn’t had bangs earlier today, though now she was rocking a “singed-hairline” look with a whole lot of split ends. Her face was streaked black, but she must have scratched her nose because there was a white line down the center of her face like the back of a skunk.

  I raised my hands in question. “What were you doing? Why were you inside the van?”

  “Why?” Clay turned toward me, his finger outstretched. “You stole my baby. What were you thinking? You weren’t even going to ask?”

  “I didn’t have a choice! Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I soundproofed the back! Didn’t you notice the huge metal divider?”

  “Now,” The Fish shouted through the phone, his voice ringing with a finality that shook me back to all of my problems. “Get rid of them, now, or I will.”

  “Get rid of them?” I held the phone up to my ear. “Listen to me, I didn’t know they were in the van. They must have climbed in the back some
time between you unlocking the front and dropping off the phone, and me climbing in and driving it away. I couldn’t hear them because of that barrier Clay put up between the front and the back. You’ve got to believe me; they didn’t know about this. It’s an accident. It’s…I don’t even know what they were doing.”

  “Find out,” The Fish said. “Don’t hang up. Lock them in the back of the van, and if you try to be sneaky, I’ll just have to clean up for you.”

  “What were you guys thinking?” I hissed, nodding to the phone as I stepped towards my friends. I tried to communicate as much as I could with my eyes. “Why were you hiding back there?”

  “We weren’t hiding,” Clay said. “We were working.”

  “On what?” I opened the back door of the van wider, gesturing for the two to hop inside. While Clay put a leg up and climbed in, I peeked around his shoulder for a glimpse inside.

  “Remember how I told you we were working on a birthday present for Anthony?” Meg said, a grin on her face. “This is it.”

  I followed her chin, which she jabbed towards the rear of the van. All I could see was a big metal box, which explained the divider; it wasn’t a divider, just a huge box that looked like a miniature dumpster. Someone had padlocked the metal box closed, and on the front of it blinked at least six digital clock displays. “What is that?”

  “A time machine!” Meg smiled broadly. “Poor Anthony only gets to celebrate his birthday once every four years. That sounds unfair to me. So I talked Clay into figuring out how we could make a machine that could send us back a day in time. That way, on March 1st of every year, we can send you and Anthony back a day and call it February 29th. You guys can celebrate every year then. It’s only fair.”

  My jaw hung open. I looked first at the displays, then at Meg’s burned bangs, and finally to Clay. “And you went along with this?”

  Clay shrugged, and the sheepish expression on his face told me that he had no illusions about the possibility of time travel. Which left only one option; he’d done it out of love for Meg.

  “Don’t tell me,” I said, shaking my head. “You went along with this just to make Meg happy?”

  “No!” Meg shook her head, hugging Clay to her side. “He said I had a great idea. He said that my idea was so brilliant, it just might work.”

  “Really,” I said, the sarcasm positively flowing now. “A time machine, Clay?”

  He shrugged and toed the ground.

  “Are you telling me my idea wasn’t genius?” Meg turned to Clay, her face crumbling with a hurt expression. “Were you just saying that to make me feel better? If you don’t think I’m smart, you can tell me. I can handle it.”

  Clay cast me a quick glare, then focused on Meg. “Of course not. You are smart, and this was a really nice, thoughtful thing to do for Anthony. We’re just not…uh, there yet with our invention.”

  “But we’re not giving up,” Meg said, a cheery grin displacing her sad smile. “We’re doing it for Anthony.”

  I couldn’t find it in myself to argue with them. I understood Clay’s predicament; I’d been there before with Meg. Sometimes, it was best to let her have her own beliefs, be it Santa Claus or time travel. She could draw her own conclusions when the metallic chamber did nothing more than weigh the van down. But for now, she’d have to work out those conclusions while locked up in the back of it.

  “Hop in,” I said. “I can’t tell you what’s going on, but I have to lock you in here. It’s for your own safety.”

  Clay’s eyebrows furrowed, and a true sense of alarm crossed his face. “What’s going on, Lacey?”

  I shook my head, gesturing to the phone with my free hand. “Just get in.”

  Clay nodded, understanding crossing his face. “Come on, Meg.”

  I looked for something, anything to help them escape as Clay assisted Meg into the van, or rather, tried to assist. He huffed and puffed until Meg just jumped right up herself.

  “Now what?” she asked. “Why you gotta lock us in here?”

  “Do you trust me?” I looked them both in the eyes. When neither responded, I stuck a hand on my hip. “Now the cat’s got your tongue? Do you trust me, or not?”

  “I guess,” Meg said, as Clay gave a grudging nod.

  “Fine,” I said, my eyes darting to the one item I’d just spotted hanging on the wall of the van. Duct tape. I somehow had to alert Clay without letting The Fish know of my plan… “Clay, can you move that thing? I can’t shut the door with it in the way.”

  “Move what?”

  I hesitated. I specifically didn’t want to say, seeing how The Fish was still on the line. I decided to give telepathy one more shot, and focused on the roll of tape with a Medusa-grade stare.

  “Ooh.” Clay blinked as he caught on, and he moved discreetly over to the side of the van. “Sorry, I didn’t notice it was blocking the door.”

  Hooray! He’d understood my clue. I tapped my foot, giving off signs of impatience for anyone watching. Whether it was the mastermind himself or one of his cronies, I couldn’t say. But he knew too much for it to be a coincidence.

  I coughed to cover the rip as Clay tore a small piece of tape from the roll. He hid it to the side of his body, as I thanked my lucky stars that Clay wasn’t only a genius, he was a genius who understood me. Raising a hand against the door, I blocked the outside view as much as possible, while Clay quickly stuck the tape over the lock to prevent the door from sealing itself shut when I closed it.

  When I saw the glint of silver, I lowered my voice. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed, as inaudibly as possible. “I’m so sorry.”

  Clay looked almost giddy that we’d pulled off a little trick. Plus, he was getting locked in a small space with Meg? He was smiling like he’d won the lottery.

  “I’m going to lock you in now,” I said, loud enough for the phone line to pick it up. “I have to take care of something, alone.”

  Meg flung her arm around Clay’s shoulder and gave him a huge wink. “No problem. We know how to do quiet time, if you know what I’m saying.”

  I flashed a smile in her direction, grateful that I had the sort of friend who could make the best of any situation, even a sticky one. With a careful motion, I closed the door, giving it a firm shove for the benefit of anyone spying on us. I held my breath for a long second, but the click of the latch closing into place never sounded.

  I exhaled in relief as I raised the phone to my ear. “It’s done. Leave my friends alone. What do you want from me?”

  “Oh, Lacey, Lacey, Lacey, I thought we weren’t going to play games anymore.” He tsked on the other end of the line. “Take the tape off. I can’t have your friends getting out and seeing the direction you head.”

  “They’re not a part of this!” My voice rose, loud enough so that Clay could probably hear, but I didn’t care. “Leave them be. They’re not going to come out here.” Now, I was shouting. “Right? Clay and Meg, you’ll just wait inside?”

  Meg made kissy sounds.

  “I’m telling you,” I said to The Fish. “You don’t need to lock them in; I’ll go wherever you tell me.”

  “That’s right, you will,” he said. “Take off the tape and walk towards the bridge. If you decide not to…”

  On the other end of the line, one of the girls gave a pitiful yelp. I closed my eyes, the sound grating on every one of my heartstrings.

  “Stop it!” I said. “Why can’t you just leave my family alone?”

  “That’s the same question I’ve been asking. Now, you have one minute to get moving before I get to work.”

  I gave a long, guttural sigh, none of my options were very good. I could refuse, and the girls would be in bad shape. Or I could lock my cousin and BFF into a van. But before I could make the decision for myself, the back of the van door swung open.

  “Clay, no,” I cried out, my resolve cracking at his solemn expression. I leapt towards the car, but I was too late.

  Clay ripped off the tape and slammed the van door.


  By the time I got my hands on the handle and yanked, the latch had locked.

  “It locks automatically,” Clay said, his voice distant through the door. “One of my safety features. We’ll be stuck here until you get back. Now go, Lacey. We’ll be okay.”

  “Clay…” I pounded my fist against the edge of the van, and the fight was dangerously close to flowing out of me. I wanted to lay down, go to sleep, and forget any of this had happened.

  “Go!” Clay said, and I felt more than heard the light tip tap of his fingers against the door. “Get the girls, Lacey.”

  I tapped my fingers back in the same area. If the white-paneled door had been invisible, we would’ve been touching. As it was, he was locked up, and I had the mastermind to face.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured again. “But I have to go. I’ll be back for you two.”

  With a heavy soul, I turned around and walked towards the bridge.

  “Good girl,” The Fish said, once I’d made it thirty paces from the van. My feet carried me to the edge of the bridge. “I knew you’d make the right choice.”

  I didn’t justify his response with one of my own. Instead I stood still, my brow furrowing as I examined the glamorous skyline, which glowed anything but beautiful. The lights glittered harshly, the sparkle changing from the shine of diamonds to the glitter of glass shards. The streets felt dirty, and the knowledge that so many folks were bustling to and fro on the sidewalks in the distance, so close, yet so far away, ground against my resolve.

  “Do you see that carriage coming towards you?”

  I looked up and, sure enough, the clomp of horses’ hooves sounded in the distance. “Yes.”

  “Toss your phone in the garbage can to your left and get on that carriage.”

  “I don’t have any money.”

  “It’s taken care of.”

  I hesitated one second too long.

  “Are you giving up?” he asked. “I didn’t take you for a quitter.”

  Swallowing my response, I clenched my fist around the phone, gripping it so tightly it nearly cracked in half. And then I wound up and threw it at the garbage with every ounce of strength I had in me. It hit the bin so hard I’d be surprised if any of the pieces held together, but I didn’t bother to check because at that moment, I remembered something The Fish had said. Something about a bomb. And as the carriage approached, a sick feeling grew in my stomach.