“Thank you.” He kissed me on the temple as we left the church. “We should take a picture and send it to my mother. I haven’t been to church in years, and it will be years before I’m back in one.”
“There goes your Satan worshipping reputation,” I said.
He just laughed. My stylish church going rock star took me out to Easter lunch at the best Jewish deli in town.
I had studied other religions, so I told Ares how this was the beginning of Spring, and about Ostara, the pagan day Easter was based on. I described how this holiday was one of fertility and planting, so spending the afternoon making love and eating chocolate would be appropriate. I’m so glad he was open minded about researching pagan rituals. I have a hard time believing what he did to me could be considered sinful. It felt like heaven on earth to me.
I wish I could say we spent the entire afternoon in naked play time, paying homage to the Easter Bunny by humping like rabbits. In reality it was probably an hour of sexual aerobics followed by a post coital nap, then back to the domestic needs of a Sunday afternoon.
Laundry in a house with small children is perpetual, so my Easter day included some mundane, life-must-go-on chores. It was an odd combination for me to accept. He liked me, and he actually saw me for who I was. Even if I wore cargo pants and kept my hair in a messy ponytail. He actually liked me. Even though part of me still got stuck on thinking he liked what I was willing to do to him, and let him do to me. He could easily find a sexual partner from his pool of millions of fans, so it was more than that. He was happy, smiling happy, humming happy, happy just to be hanging out at my normal middle class house. He was really happy when he did yard work, he responded to dirt therapy.
Flowers are pretty, and green plants make a hot day seem cooler. People who grow plants have more than just a green thumb. They have a special connection to the land. It could be a deeper spiritual connection to all living things. It could be the magic that some people call God. It could be the power of understanding the chemistry and workings of living organisms. Whatever it was, it’s a wonder gift. A gift I do not possess.
I have a black thumb. I can kill the hardiest of plants. This is one of the reasons I had Richard handle yard maintenance on the house. Not only am I bad at it, it’s frustrating, not therapeutic.
I like plants and trees and grass. If it were left up to me I would be lucky to not have a weed farm. If I wanted a weed farm, I would kill it all. I’m good with dirt. It’s hard to kill dirt.
Richard never cultivated, he maintained. Ares on the other hand, had this magic. The grass was growing thicker. Fairy circles kept appearing every week in the backyard. The rose mangle in the front was a riot of blooms. This afternoon he planted little purple pansies. He said he also planted some surprise bulbs. He wouldn’t say where or what we should expect. Thus the “surprise.”
He was even good with indoor plants. I had a rather pitiful spider plant. In the past two weeks it got thicker and put out two trailers for little baby spider plants.
My plants really liked him. I didn’t blame them, I really liked him too. What was more astounding was how much he seemed to get from working in the yard, or just planting little herb plants in a planter. Last week he put together a kitchen herb garden in the window with the girls.
That night Ares stayed after I put the girls to bed. They had a long and exciting day, and getting them to calm down for bedtime took a bit longer than usual. It required more than one story, and they insisted Ares read to them. He was a new element to their bedtime routine. I should have known better. Today had already been exciting enough, it was not the day to add anything more new, especially at bedtime.
I knew better, but I still didn’t say no when he grabbed his guitar from the front room. That’s all they needed, a concert. But his special magic kicked in and after a soothing lullaby or two they passed out. His voice was calm and soft as he continued to murmur in tune keeping them asleep.
I dimmed the lights in other parts of the house, so they wouldn’t think there was something interesting to investigate if they woke back up. This low light in turn gave Ares a chance to open some wine and lounge on the couch.
The scene he created sitting there with his wine glass, and a few lit candles was romantic, warm, and inviting. The top four buttons on his shirt were unbuttoned. Just a flash of skin exposed. On anyone else it would have looked silly, on him it was incredibly sexy, almost too good to be true. I sank into the cushions next to him. He handed me a glass of dark red wine. On the tongue it was dark and leathery, with an underlying hint of fruit and spice, but not too fruity. On his lips it was an aphrodisiac, it was ambrosia.
Lost in one of his kisses I heard giggles and the patter of little feet. Little feet going outside. I froze.
“They just ran outside,” Ares whispered against my lips.
“I thought they were asleep. Why would they do that?” I turned to watch the backdoor close.
“They are your children, you tell me.” He stood and grabbed my arm pulling me along, as we quietly followed the girls out the back door.
A moment of panic set in as I didn’t see them at first. Then they came running around the corner of the house. The girls were not quiet, and they giggled and danced as they chased after early in the season fireflies. A smattering of flickering glows floated and bobbed just out of their reach.
“They must think they are chasing fairies. I guess it’s time for a lesson of running out of the house at night,” I started to walk toward them.
“Shh, just watch them,” he said as he pulled me in for an embrace. I think he was enchanted with the girls chasing fireflies.
When they got to the fairy circle they stopped, and grabbing hands, proceeded to walk around the outside of the ring of mushrooms, three times.
Ares leaned to whisper in my ear, “That’s, widdershins right?”
I nodded and twirled my wrist in a big counterclockwise circle. “Yep.”
The girls leaped in the circle of mushrooms and giggled, jumping and dancing. I couldn’t help but laugh at their antics. I really should have been mad at them. But they were entirely too cute, and I was glad they were safe. I put my finger on my lips, grabbed Ares’s hand and tip-toed back to the circle where the girls danced. When they saw us, they screamed and giggled with being caught. They tried to run back to the house, but Ares caught Bree and swung her up and into his grasp. I managed to catch Cassidy, and picked her up.
“What do you think you are doing?” I frowned at Cassidy.
“We just wanted to dance with the fairies,” Bree said, squirming in Ares’s arms.
“Yeah, we wore our new necklaces to protect us.” Cassidy held out the pysanka egg that Ares had given her this morning. Bree also had hers on. They were wearing them like necklaces, amulets of protection.
“I don’t want you doing that anymore.” My voice quaked, I didn’t realize how their sneaking out affected me. Tonight wasn’t the time to punish them. They wouldn’t understand. But they needed to know not to do that.
We carried the girls back to the house and instead of putting them in their beds, I put them in mine. That way I only had one door to watch. Once in bed they squirmed and giggled. They were just not settling. A growl and a threat from me and they finally lay still. I closed the door behind me. Ares was there leaning on the wall in the hallway. I reached for him and lay my head against his chest.
“That could have been scary.” I was shaking.
“How so?” he asked, petting my hair.
“I have nightmares sometimes where they go missing. When I wake up I just have to watch them sleep. I’m afraid Richard will just take off with them and I’ll never see them again. He threatened to do that once. He said if he wanted to, he could just come over and get them and I would never know until it was too late, and they were gone. What if they had gone out the front door? Or I hadn’t known they were out and locked the doors. What if Richard found out they were able to get outside on their own after dark?”
“You’re going to ‘what if’ yourself into a panic attack. Nothing happened. It was cute and charming. Enjoy the moment.”
“Ares, I don’t think you understand how bad that could have been.” I was really upset. Thoughts of them being kidnapped, or hit by a car raced through my head. Each scenario my brain played was worse than the one before. Within seconds, my brain was selling my children as sex slaves in some underground black market.
Ares attempted to get me to sit and relax, and drink more wine. I was too agitated. He tried to sooth me and pet my hair and back, but I couldn’t. I was freaking out over nothing. The ‘what ifs’ were taking hold in a big ugly way and I could not shake them.
“I need to go be with my babies,” I said hugging myself. I felt like I had to watch them all night long. I left him sitting there on the couch, and closed the bedroom door.
I stood at the end of my bed just staring at their faces, changing my focus when one stirred or let out a soft snore. They were sleeping angels, with their little bow mouths, and button noses, and blonde messy curls. I stood there rubbing my arms feeling a complete loss and hopelessness. They were fine. They were safe, but that was too close for comfort. I was paranoid. Part of my brain knew this, part of my brain could not escape the ‘what ifs.’ I loved my children, just the thought of one of them getting hurt was enough to make me skittish.
Ares came into the room and wrapped a blanket over my shoulders. He sat in my side chair and announced, “I’m staying tonight.”
I turned to look at him. He nodded at me. “You watch. You sleep. Either way I’m staying here to keep an eye on you all.”
I don’t remember lying down, and I don’t remember falling asleep. I did wake up across the bottom of my bed, drooling into the cover. The girls were still peacefully sleeping. Ares was still in the chair watching us. He had moved, he had a large mug of steaming coffee in his hands. That must have been what woke me up, his coming back into the room and the smell of the coffee.
“You okay?” His voice was thick and tired.
“Yeah.” I glanced over at my light sleeping angels, then back to my tall, dark guardian angel. “I’m sorry I freaked out. That just hit me all wrong I guess.” I padded over to him and took a sip from his coffee. “You stay up all night?”
“I might have dozed, but yeah. You needed to watch over them, I needed to watch over you.” He wrapped his arm around my waist. “The sun is up, everyone is safe, all is right with the world.”
I leaned over to kiss him. He tasted like coffee. He was right, last night’s fears faded in the sun. He was so smart and observant. I was falling hard for this man.
Eleven
I lay draped over Ares’s lap. He sat up leaning against the pillows, tracing spirals on my shoulder. There was nothing to say, there was everything to say, but we just lay like this, being together in silence. It was comfortable. We didn’t have to constantly fill the void with chatter. I could have stayed like this, in bed with him for days, years. As it was, we only had hours left.
Cassidy would need to be picked up sooner than later, and Lydia would be bringing Bree home shortly thereafter.
It was Ares’s last day here. I bribed Lydia shamelessly to take Bree for the day. The day before, I called out of work, just to stay home with Ares while both girls were at school.
I wanted to cram in every spare minute with him that I could. Three weeks. It had barely been three weeks, and he needed to get back to his life. And yet it felt like our life together was just starting, and now this. The past few days seemed more like a porn movie, a little bit of life interrupted by gratuitous bumping and grinding. When we weren’t making love, which we did a lot, we talked. When we talked it was how do we continue. Neither of us had been in a long distance relationship before. But we were both willing to figure it out. I loved that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I loved that he saw boring me, all the laundry, all the clutter, all the lunch packing, all the mundane everyday things that I did, and he still wanted me. Me, just the way I was. He liked my children, and he didn’t seem to mind that he had to share me with them. At times that meant hanging out while I took care of the girls. At times that meant he took care of the girls, so I could get things done in peace. He slid into our family so effortlessly, so quickly.
I didn’t want to move. Maybe if I didn’t move time would stand still. I wanted to weigh a million pounds and trap him in my bed forever. I needed to be near him. Feel him breathe. Listen to his mindless humming when he was happy, like he was doing now. I didn’t want to speak, that would ruin the moment. Right now, it felt like I had a moment of timelessness, and we could stay like this forever. I was afraid if I moved or said something time would speed up and the next thing, I know I’d be saying good-bye.
I didn’t want to say good-bye. His schedule getting ready for the summer was focused on mixing and getting the album ready, then it was summer, and that meant touring. I didn’t want to think about touring. I needed to think about touring. Not that I was going to go with him, but what were my feelings on him out there and all those women throwing themselves at him. I mean, I knew it would happen. What I didn’t know was if he would really say no. Did I trust him to stay monogamous? I get that he certainly thought he would say no, but, one slip up, and… And what? I already lost the father of my children because other women were more attractive than me. I can’t compete with girls in their twenties who have never had kids. I’m not implanted, or injected. I don’t have sculpted anything. I have stretch marks, and things that jiggle that probably shouldn’t. I don’t wear leather and corsets. So much youth, so much beauty, so much sex. I just wanted Ares, I didn’t know how to deal with his lifestyle or his work.
One thing at a time. Thing one, absorb as much of him as possible. Thing two, have a long distance relationship that actually builds what we have. Everything else would have to wait.
“Lizzie.” His voice was gravely, deep.
“Shh, don’t say anything. Let me have these few moments of you.” I rolled over to visually take him in. He made my heart hurt. Those perfect cheekbones, those piercing eyes, those loving lips. He half smiled at me. I ran my fingers down his cheek, his skin was smooth from shaving. He shaved every day. He would have looked good with dark stubble on his chin, but he preferred to be clean shaven. By the end of the day his chin would have a blue shadow across it from the dark hairs just under his pale skin.
He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. When he closed his eyes, his dark lashes fanned out across his cheeks. He was impossibly beautiful.
When he opened his eyes again, they were on me. He looked at me the way I looked at him, as if I was something rare and wonderful. It was an amazing feeling to have him look at me like that. He started to trace my features. He ran a long finger around the heart shape of my face, then down my nose. He traced my eyebrows, I closed my eyes and he gently ran his fingers over my lids. He traced my lips and around the point of my chin. He guided me to shift position, so instead of draping across him, I sat on my knees straddling his thighs. He started tracing my whole shape with both hands, neck, collar bone, shoulders. He ran his hands down along my arms, then picked up one hand and carefully traced the palm and each finger. He did this again to the other hand. He was carefully detailing me for his memory. He drew tickling circles around each nipple then caressed the sides of my breasts. His hands splayed as they ran over my ribs and down to my hips. He smoothed his hands down my thighs then back up to my hips. Without saying a word, he helped me to stand before him. He twisted me so he could run his hands over my backside and down the backs of my legs. His hands were smooth and warm as he caressed the sides of my knees and over my calves. He twisted me again, so I turned and faced him again. He focused on my feet. Carefully, allowing me to keep my balance he picked up one foot, and traced my toes. I had to giggle, they were very sensitive and ticklish. I had one hand on the wall and one on the top of his head for balance. He repeated himself for my other foot.
His tongue laved my delicate skin, drawing circles around my clit. This wasn’t fair. He seemed to know my weakness, a well-placed tongue and I was lit from the inside, countdown started. Lick, suck, twirl, he pressed his mouth to me like he thought I was ambrosia. I moaned in pleasure.
He let me go, placed a steadying hand on my hip, and reached for a condom. I stood watching as he stroked himself up, then slid the condom down. I slowly positioned myself down onto his length. My weight on my feet. The contact at this angle, more of a squat than on my knees, was profound. Much more than I expected. I lifted and pulsed my hips, sliding up and down his shaft. He attacked my mouth with the ferocity he had below. I could taste myself on his lips. I didn’t care. I wanted him inside of me. I wanted his cock buried in me. I wanted his tongue in my mouth. I wanted all of him. Bumping and grinding, and hands and mouths. We changed positions to him on top, and he continued to drive into me physically, emotionally inserting himself into my very being. I thought I would have come first, since I usually did when he started with cunnilingus. He was a very good lover in that he made sure I got mine before he got his. Not this time. This time was clearly for him, his need.
Ballad Ares Page 10
