“You don’t get to call me sweetie.” His voice was a snarl. “And fuck calming down. You just announced that you’re leaving me. I get to be pissed, Lizzie.” Ares wasn’t moving, but I admit I backed away from him.
“What? Oh my god! No! I’m not leaving you.” I rushed back to him.
He glared at the ground, rubbing the back of his hand. He didn’t look at me, so I positioned myself to be in his line of sight.
“I’m not leaving you. I’m leaving the tent. I can’t do this rock’n’roll thing.” I gestured dramatically. “That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on us. This past month without you has been a living hell. I don’t want to give up on us, not after I know I have you back. I suck at being a groupie. I’m giving up on being part of your rock’n’roll lifestyle, at least for this afternoon.”
Relief rolled from him in waves. He closed his eyes and reclaimed his posture. “I thought I had lost you for good.”
“I can’t do the backstage thing. It’s too much for me. You lost me as a groupie, nothing else.” Gazing up at him, I cupped his cheeks in my hands, I caressed the side of his mouth with my thumb.
“I don’t want a groupie. I want you.” He closed his eyes and relaxed into my hands.
“Ares Martin, you haven’t lost me. I’m in love with you. I’m just going to go over there,” I gestured somewhere off to my right. “I’m going to watch you seduce this crowd with your music, and then I will come right back here and wait for you.” I indicated the rows of picnic tables behind us, clearly an extension of the food service that was provided inside the tent. “After the show, you will come here, kiss me, pour your sweat on me, and let me know if you are coming home tonight, or if I am kissing you goodbye again.”
He kept petting my arms. I grabbed his hands. They were so large, and warm. “Right now, you need to go back in there, and do whatever it is you do before a show. Smooth out what you can with Steve, maybe without me being there he will calm down. He really does hate me, doesn’t he?”
“He doesn’t hate you, he hates what you represent.” He shook his head.
“Isn’t that the same thing?” I cocked my head to the side.
“We are getting older. Gunter is the only one who has managed to have a family. I’m thinking about pulling back on the touring, taking on some of Pat Fuller’s projects outside of the band. Working on Craig’s soundtrack. You represent settling down and giving all this up.” He opened his arms wide before letting them fall back to rest on my shoulders. “Steve isn’t ready for that yet.”
“Is that what I represent to you?”
“To me”— he dipped his head down to kiss me— “you are the embodiment of love.” He kissed me again. “You scared me, you really scared me. I love you.”
“Go be Mars.” I just smiled and shook my head at him. As I watched him walk back into the tent, he turned and blew me a kiss and then disappeared through the door. We loved each other and that’s all that mattered. Details would be worked out later. He was such a romantic, and I was his fool.
I wandered off toward what ended up being the wrong stage. Security took pity on me and let me return into the backstage area, so I could make my way around to the big stage without having to walk all the way up and around through the milling throng.
The crowd became denser, with more people pushing toward the stage, as the next show was about to start. The sharp “two-two-two” bounced around the speakers as the sound guys checked different microphones. Additional guitars and basses were set just off to the side of the stage. The air was already hot and stifling, the gathering masses made everything feel hotter. Guards along the front fence pulled the random limp bodies out as they passed out from the heat and press of the crowd. The occasional breeze would waft past, but it wasn’t soothing. It mostly held the smell of warm bodies and marijuana. Somewhere large sprayer fans were turned on, I got a slight sprinkling of cooled air and water as it was picked up by the breeze.
With a loud reverberation of sound the show started. My adrenaline kicked in and I no longer felt the heat. My heart swelled with pride as I saw Ares hit the stage. Ares, Gunter, and Kris Kinney rushed front and center on the stage. They pressed together in a triangle of pulsing music while Steve Scott abused the drums in a pounding rhythm. The music hit a crescendo and in a well-choreographed, much repeated move they split apart to separate areas of the stage. Kris started singing. Gunter played to the crowd, head banging with the music. Ares sang into his mic.
Known as Mars to his fans, he commanded attention. He was a fierce warrior of music. I was on the opposite side of the stage from him, so even as I focused on him, I was able to take in the entire show. The men played to the audience— screams were their payment.
If I had thought they were worshiped when I saw them play in a relatively small club, I clearly had no idea. Thousands of people were focused only on the men on stage. AudioVox was the collective idol worshiped by the unwashed— in this case literally unwashed— masses. The crowd pulsed and swayed to their music, no longer a collection of individuals but a single amorphous throbbing being. Thousands of voices sang along. Bodies surfed over waves of a human ocean in the name of adoration. The show at Off the River was a meager prayer meeting compared to the frenzy of love and adoration that was pushed in their direction. Bonnaroo wasn’t a rock festival, it was an outdoor revival meeting, a temporary temple of worship. No wonder the drummer was scared this would change— this was headier than any drug. This would be near impossible to recover from if this was your addiction.
They played for just over an hour. There was a reason Kris Kinney was their front man. He had charisma in spades. He teased the crowd with his antics and made them feel his undying affection in his banter heavily laced with cuss words. He threw the contents of water bottles on to the front of the crowd. His singing voice was well modulated, and he harmonized beautifully, but honestly, I listened for when Ares sang. And for when I could hear particularly artful playing on the bass. The rise and fall in the decibel levels of the screams and shouts indicated the more favorite of the songs. I was pleased that my favorite, My Destiny, was also a crowd favorite. Invisible Girl, I thought of it as my song, was also well received with an increase in volume of the steady roar from the audience. After they sang their last song, Gunter tossed his guitar pic to the crowd and Steve did the same with some drumsticks. Kris and Steve were still waving and jumping for the crowd, feeding off the energy that was being sent to them in a deluge. I watched Ares just walk away from it. As soon as he left the stage, I had to scramble to find my way back to those benches. The first task was to stumble through the crowd to the security gate.
He sat waiting for me when I returned to our designated meeting place. On stage he started off wearing a bowler hat, a button down shirt, a leather vest, boots, and black jeans. He had wide leather cuffs on each wrist. Various pieces had been removed during the course of the show. Now he was there without a shirt or shoes on. He wiped sweat from his neck with a small towel, and a large bottle of water on the table next to him. He still had his leather cuffs on. Those leather cuffs and his wide naked chest gave me lurid and naughty thoughts. Not that we ever played with tying each other up, but I certainly thought of it now.
“You are amazing,” I said as I sidled into his space. I positioned myself between his knees, so my face was close to his. I leaned in for a kiss.
He hummed. I loved hearing that hum, it indicated a happy satisfied man.
“I’m beat, just when I think I’m too old to keep doing this we have a really good show. A really good show.” His energy was flagging. “This was a good crowd.”
“Good crowd? They worship you. Is it always like this?” My adrenaline still raced from the show.
“Festivals, yes, they come to have a good time. You have to suck pretty hard to get a festival crowd to not like you.” He took a long drink of the water. “I talked to Steve.”
I watched his eyes, pleading with mine that he was going to say he was co
ming home.
“Gun, convinced him to let me stay.”
He smiled and I threw my arms around him with a loud “Yes!” He was slick with sweat. “Ugh, you are so sweaty.”
“Aren’t you the one who said to pour my sweat all over you after the show?” He shook his head like a dog and sweat showered from him. Great, I was covered in his sweat too. That was not nearly as sexy as one would think.
Waiting for Ares after the show didn’t take as long as it had after the club show. Apparently big venues had roadies and other stage-hand staff that took care of tear down, and loading the equipment back into trailers and trucks for the band. All I really needed to wait for was Ares to change into dry clothes, and pack just enough for his two nights with me. As a gesture of good faith/good will I asked him to grab the guys’ dirty laundry. They let me have Ares, the least I could do was run a few loads of laundry. It would be easier and more convenient for me to do it at the house than for them to send someone to a laundromat.
The drive home was against traffic. People still drove to the festival for the night’s headliners, and to camp over for the next day’s shows. Ares was mostly quiet. He was tired. They played during the heat of the day. All either of us wanted for dinner were milkshakes, so those were from a drive-thru about halfway home.
With a cool milkshake in my hand, and Ares by my side I was finally able to voice my fears of being a single mother and my abandonment issues.
“Babies aren’t out of the question, but not before we’ve made a real commitment to being together.”
“Right. Love, marriage, family. That order. But…”
I cringed. “I know, I know. That’s the deal I had with Richard and I still got screwed. But it’s ingrained into the fibers of my being.”
“Lizzie.” He rested his hand on my thigh. “You deserve promises of love and stability. It’s not too much to ask for. Hell, you should demand these things. And I should have been paying better attention.”
My stomach dropped out of my body and I found it hard to swallow. I expected his next words to be a proposal. But they weren’t.
“I love you. I’m sorry I pushed it when we aren’t ready.”
I nodded. Not a proposal, but words I could accept and hold close to my heart.
Once home, Ares headed straight for the shower. I let him settle into his post show routine, and headed off to toss in the load of the clothes I promised to wash. When I went to check on him, I noticed he was not in the shower but lounging in the tub. His head was back, black hair cascaded along the white tiles. Traces of eye make-up darkened his lids, and his lips had that natural soft pink. He truly was beautiful with sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw. I left momentarily to make some adjustments to this scenario, and to insert myself into it. I handed him a glass of wine and a condom as I slipped into the other end of the tub. He took them both and grinned at me. It was a very large tub, and we already discovered taking baths together was one of the joys in life.
Ares drained the glass in one fluid motion, and put the glass aside onto the counter. Long arms were a distinct advantage when it comes to putting glasses out of the way. Water splashed over the sides as he gathered me into his embrace. His kisses were fiery passion. He leaned back and positioned me above his already engorged cock.
Separation had clearly been foreplay enough. I impaled myself on his length and let out a sigh of relief. This was worth waiting for. Not that I wanted to validate the wait, but here now, finally with him deep inside, this had been worth every second. I pulled off, and he slipped the condom on, no questions, no discussion. Once he was sheathed I returned to my position encasing him. We made love slowly, savoring each other. We had already been touching constantly as soon as I arrived this afternoon. But now, to be touching in this most intimate of ways, this cemented our need, this cemented our belonging together. Ares hummed as I caressed his chest and slowly rocked back and forth along his length. When the hum turned to a growl, I knew he was close. By the time we were done, there was more water on the floor than in the tub.
I just tossed armfuls of towels on the floor, and decided to deal with it in the morning. Tonight I had Ares back in my arms, I wasn’t going to worry about a little bathroom flood.
Back in my bed we continued to touch and stroke each other. When I told him the idea his cuffs gave me of tying him up, he laughed and promised to buy me some entertaining gifts while in Germany. We fell asleep tangled in each other’s limbs.
Nineteen
I woke up from a deep restful sleep when a small body impacted with my bed at high speed. Cassidy bounced on my back to wake me up, all while squealing with delight that Ares was here. I heard Ares let out a rather painful groan, as Bree basically did a full body slam onto his sleeping torso. Clearly a knee found its way into a sensitive spot. I was quite glad I had woken in the wee hours of the morning and, out of habit, thrown on a T-shirt and sleep pants. I never was one to sleep in the nude, even before children. Ares was a bit less fortunate, and struggled to keep the comforter strategically placed while the girls clamored over him and bounced on the bed.
“Isn’t it too early for you to be home?” I groaned more than anything else, thinking it was late morning.
Cassidy bounced in time to her answer, “Nana,” bounce, “ brought,” bounce, “us home,” bounce, “after,” bounce, “church.”
“Okay, out, go tell Nana, I will be right there,” I said as I shooed them away, and I climbed out of bed. If it was after church already, then it was afternoon. “Get dressed and come on out, no use hiding in here.”
Ares nodded groggily, as I followed my exuberant children out of the bedroom and into the living room.
Miss Angie said, “Good afternoon,” as I walked into the living room.
“Afternoon? Is it that late already?” I had expected it to be more like ten or eleven, and not closer to half past one. I fully had planned on being awake, and clean and dressed for the afternoon drop off. “You’re early.”
“I understand your gentleman friend stayed the night.” Miss Angie said with a sting.
“He’s not her gen-til-men friend, Nana. He’s gonna be my daddy!” Bree explained rather too brightly. Miss Angie was clearly taken aback with this bit of news, as was I.
Ares strolled in and saved the situation. He picked up Bree saying, “That, little girl, is still in negotiations.” She squirmed in his grasp to hug him fiercely around the neck. Even if I hadn’t fallen in love with him, it was clear that my children had. Cassidy, not letting Bree get all of the attention, wrapped herself around one of his legs.
Miss Angie then surprised me by saying, “They certainly could use a daddy, my son hasn’t been any good in that department.”
“I take it Richard, didn’t—”
“No, Richard didn’t.” She cut me off. “That’s why we are early. I have an afternoon Bunco game, and these two would be just too much. Richard failed to pick them up, and so I just had to bring them home early.” She shook her head. “We tried to call, but you didn’t answer. I’m going take a guess you didn’t get the voicemail either.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been—”
Miss Angie cut me off, “Busy” she said with raised eyebrows.
“Asleep,” Ares corrected her, forever my hero. While yes, we had been busy into the early hours, the times of Miss Angie’s calls were while Ares and I had both been deep in dreamland.
I walked with Miss Angie out to her car.
“The girls are quite taken with him,” she said.
“I believe it’s mutual.” I was dancing the barefoot over gravel dance.
“And you two, is it serious?” She looked down her nose and pursed her lips.
“I believe so. I know I am, I can only hope he is.”
“Well good, I wasn’t joking when I said those girls could use a good daddy. I just hope you will let me see them if, well, you do get married.” Miss Angie was a little stiffer than usual.
I had reached into the ca
r and retrieved the girls weekend bags.
“Miss Angie,” I put my hand on her arm, “you will always be their Nana, if anything does happen with Ares, nothing can change that. Just as nothing can change that Richard is their father, as crappy a father as he is.”
She patted my hand. “Gracious girl, you are out in your pajamas, get back inside before someone sees you.” With that she backed out of the drive. That was the closest to a hug I think I have gotten from her since the day I married Richard. No, she would always be their Nana, and even if I managed to get full custody away from Richard, I would make sure she saw her grandchildren.
Inside the girls had Ares surrounded at the kitchen table, showing him all of their latest works of art, and favorite pages from coloring books. I set about brewing coffee. I don’t care if the clock said it was almost two in the afternoon, my body said it was still just waking up.
“Mommy,” Bree started, “Why can’t Ares be my daddy?”
“Because Richard is our father,” Cassidy said with short sharp words, clearly repeating a statement she heard from both her Nana and me.
“He’s ‘father,’ not ‘daddy,’ that’s not the same. Ares can be Daddy.” Bree said to her sister with surprising insight. She was probably just pointing out the difference of specific words and not the deeper connotations of the definitions. “Even Mommy thinks you should be our daddy.”
I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out of the hole these two were digging for me.
Just as I expected Ares to help me out, he actually made the hole a bit wider and deeper. “She does, does she?” He smiled at me, I sank farther.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” I said, determined to stand my ground, even if my ground dissolved like quicksand around me.
“So is that a proposal then?” He cocked an eyebrow at me.
I panicked, what trap had I just let myself get into? Then it occurred to me, this wasn’t a trap, this was exactly where I wanted to be. This was exactly what I wanted. He was gorgeous just now, his hair disheveled with sleep, a little eye make-up still smudged under his lids, and a squirming Bree on his lap. He stopped and stared at me as I walked past the counter.
Ballad Ares Page 18
