Sweet Tea and Sass

by Tegan Maher

  Julius snapped his gaze to me. "It's still okay, though, right? We can just look at the security footage and see what happened to it."

  Bob and I glanced back and forth between each other; we didn't have any security cameras. Needless to say, it didn't do much to diffuse the situation when we admitted as much.

  "I need to go get Cassiel," I said. "He needs to help us deal with this."

  Bob nodded and led a dazed Julius to a stool while I went to get Captain Crabby Pants. I swore to myself that if he was mean to Julius, I'd infest his wings with mites.

  "What?" he bellowed several seconds after I knocked on his door.

  Pushing it open, I said, "We have an emergency. Julius's skin is gone."

  "Who the hell is Julius and why the hell should I care?"

  His bloodshot eyes were filled with a combination of loathing and disdain and I wondered again whether it was me, of if he was just miserable to everybody. His snark made my blood boil.

  I sucked in a deep breath. "Julius is a selkie, and a regular guest. As I'm sure you know, he can't go back to sea without his skin. He has a wife and kids. You need to help us handle this."

  It occurred to me that had he been out on the floor doing his job, we likely wouldn't have been in this mess. He would have been an extra set of eyes with nothing else to do other than make sure the place was running well. It was kind of what they were paying him for.

  I put my palms on his desk and leaned over, going almost nose to nose with him. It was then that I realized he was tanked. The whiskey fumes rolling off him were enough to give me a buzz, and when he opened his mouth to say something, I about gagged. Who knew angels could have halitosis?

  "Get out," he snarled. "If it was such a big deal, he should have kept a better eye on it."

  I scrubbed a hand over my face and bit my tongue to keep myself from losing my job then and there. Instead, I just about-faced and stomped out of his office. On my way back to the front of the bar, I took a couple deep breaths and pulled myself together; it wouldn't do Julius any good to know the manager was too drunk and bitter to bother.

  The worthless lump of leprechaun crap isn't going to do anything, is he? Tempest's voice sounded in my head.

  Nope, I replied, popping the p. Of course he isn't. Can you go get Blake? Ask him to please put every security contingency possible into place?

  Blake was the administrative director of the resort, and from what I'd heard, a high-level wizard. He'd know what to do.

  I'll be right back, she said. Take care of Julius. Erect a barrier around the beach and tiki, too.

  That was a great idea, though I figured I was probably too late. I did it anyway, muttering the words for the enchantment as I approached a semi-calm selkie. Bob was talking to him at the bar, and he seemed to have calmed down.

  "Is he going to find it?" Julius asked, referring to Cassiel.

  "He's doing his best." Bob, who was out of Julius's line of vision, raised a doubtful brow at me. What? From what I'd seen, getting wasted and doing nothing was his best, so it wasn't like I was lying.

  "I've put a barrier around the tiki for now so nobody can come or go. Tempest has gone for Blake, so he'll lock the whole place down, I'm sure."

  "I can't believe this happened," Julius whispered.

  He looked so lost, I wanted to cry and beat the tar out of whoever took it at the same time, but neither one would help us find his skin.

  Some people were trying to leave and were becoming upset because they couldn't. I pulled a chair away from a table in the center of the patio, put my fingers to my mouth, and let loose with a whistle that, I'm sure, people heard all the way to the hotel.

  Those with enhanced hearing cringed, but it had the desired effect; it turned everybody's attention to me. Even the mermaids climbed from the pool, transforming their tails into legs, and strode toward me. Thankfully, they'd kept their bathing suit bottoms handy and had pulled them on before climbing out of the pool.

  "Listen up, everybody." I raised my voice to silence the angry and confused chatter. "I realize you all have other things to do, or just want to get back to your rooms, but we have a crisis." I motioned for Julius to step forward. "This man's pelt had gone missing, and we need to find it. That means we need everybody's help."

  I figured uniting people to the cause rather than casting blame would be a more effective and less offensive approach to solving the problem.

  "Julius, please describe what we're looking for."

  He turned to the crowd. "My skin is about thirty pounds, four feet by three feet in diameter, and is black with small white spots. It was hanging on the back of my chair"—he motioned toward where he'd been sitting at the bar—"and disappeared while I was in the bathroom."

  A low murmur filtered through the crowd as people shook their heads. Nobody'd seen it.

  "Let's give him a hand." I divided them into three groups and asked each group to start searching from either the north, south, or east sides of the tiki area, then work their way back to the patio. There were a few grumbles, but everybody complied.

  While they dispersed, it occurred to me that the witches and the sulking selkie were gone. My thoughts turned to the diva witch who'd been hitting on Julius.

  "Did the witch approach you again after the first time?" I asked him.

  He nodded. "She did. A few minutes after I moved to the bar. She wasn't pleased when I rebuffed her a second time. I'm afraid I had to be firm, because she just wasn't taking no for an answer."

  "Okay," I said. If we were dealing with a witch, it was possible that she'd cast an invisibility spell over it just to be spiteful. I said as much to him. "I'm going to cast a reveal spell. Let's hope it's that simple. If it's here, I can counteract the spell and we'll see it. I'll weave a glow spell into it, too."

  I thought for a few seconds, then had a doh revelation. Relief washed over me as the solution to the problem presented itself. "As a matter of fact, I'm going to do a fetching spell. It'll call the skin to me. I can't believe I didn't think of it before."

  Bob placed his huge mitt of a hand on Julius's shoulder. "Destiny's an even better witch than she is a waitress. If it's here, she'll find it."

  Julius shook his head, a discouraged look on his face. "A reveal spell will work if somebody's made it invisible, but a fetching spell won't. Our pelts are immune to such magic to protect us."

  I sighed. Of course it couldn't be that simple, but I had to admit it was a good thing overall that his skin couldn't be summoned. I closed my eyes and called to the water. Since it was all around me, it didn't take any effort at all.

  I may have been a bit hasty with the wording, because as soon as I uttered the spell and infused my magic into it, everybody on the beach began to glow. Oops. I cringed, thankful that I didn't do a general reveal spell. Had that spilled over to everybody, we'd have had lots of naked folks wondering around.

  Hastily revising the spell to focus on Julius's seal skin only, I waited in anticipation for it to take effect. We glanced in all directions, and his face fell when no glowing beacon appeared.

  "I'm sorry, Julius. But don't worry. We'll find it."

  When I chanced another look at his face, I was surprised to see his despair had turned to anger. "We have to. I will get back to Angie and the kids. And when we find who did it, they're going to regret their very existence."

  I sucked in a deep breath. The gentle, laid-back expression he always wore had transformed into rage, and it was terrifying. I wouldn't trade places with the thief for love nor money, because he wasn't just talking to hear himself speak.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  My ears popped, and relief washed over me. Tempest jumped onto the chair in front of me and bumped her head against my leg.

  It's about time, I said to her through our link.

  She scowled at me. It takes a few minutes to lock down an entire resort. He had to make sure every exit, both land and water was sealed. We did the right thing, though I can tell you he's not ha
ppy with Cassiel.

  Then he can join the club.

  Blake, a tall, fit man about the same age as I was, stepped forward and held out his hand to Julius, introducing himself.

  "I've locked down the entire resort," he said. "Nobody's coming or going until we find your skin."

  Though he meant to be reassuring, his promise sounded hollow even to me. The various search groups were returning, and their expressions ranged from pity to irritation.

  A cyclops named Dirk, who'd been difficult and hard to please all week, sneered. "It's not here, and it's not my fault he can't keep track of his own hide. I demand that I be allowed to return to the hotel. I'm filing a complaint with management."

  Blake lifted an eyebrow at him. "I am management, and I support Destiny's decision to lock down the area. Now that it's been searched thoroughly, you're free to return to the hotel. You cannot, however, leave the resort."

  It's a good thing looks couldn't kill. If they could, all three of us would have been incinerated where we stood. A random thought trickled through my head that the cyclops was protesting a bit too much.

  The guy frowned. "I thought this area was under the command of an angel. I wish to speak with him."

  Oh boy. Sure. Let's throw a hateful, drunken angel with zero customer service skills—or people skills in general—into the mix. What could go wrong?

  Blake shot a questioning glance at me, then at Bob.

  "Cassiel is unavailable," Bob said.

  "Besides," Blake added. "I'm his supervisor, anyway."

  The look on his face told me he was going to be doing some serious supervising once this was all said and done. Good.

  The cyclops was still glaring at us with a level of animosity that exceeded the circumstances.

  "Julius, do you know that guy?"

  He studied him. "I do, actually. I beat the pants off him at poker yesterday, and he was quite a poor sport about it."

  The resort offered a huge casino on the ground floor of the hotel, but it was enchanted to prevent cheating or aggressive magic. It was the only way to keep a level playing field without somebody dying. Some species, especially leprechauns, were masters at both deception and revenge.

  Blake followed the cyclops with his eyes. "Bob, Destiny—how long has he been down here, and has he left the tiki?"

  The valkyrie stepped forward, wearing the same battle-hardened expression she had when she'd arrived. I hated that, because the last time I'd seen her, she'd been relaxed.

  She stood tall and proud in front of Blake. "He arrived shortly after I did, and was not here when I came back for another drink shortly before Destiny called us all together. Would you like me to smite him down?"

  Had the situation been less dire, I would have laughed when Blake blinked twice, trying to formulate a response. The look on his face was priceless, even though it was fleeting.

  "No, I think we're good for now,” he said. “Not saying that he may not deserve a good smiting if we find out he stole the skin, but until we're sure, we should probably reserve punishment."

  He held out his hand. "We haven't met. Blake Harris, executive director."

  The way she stared at his hand, I wasn't sure whether she was gonna shake it or use it to flip him over in some sort of uber-cool warrior move. She chose to shake it. "Stephanie."

  It occurred to me that she'd been sitting at the bar, at least for a while. She'd been on the beach when Julius had raised the alarm, but it seemed logical that her brain was trained to assess threats.

  "Did you happen to see anybody suspicious while you were at the bar?" I asked.

  "Just that odious witch," she replied. "I would investigate her first."

  "Do we know who she was?" Blake asked.

  "Destiny waited on her," Bob replied, then turned to me. "Did she pay with a card?"

  Brilliant. "Yeah," I said, pulling my server's book from my apron pocket and rummaging through the credit card receipts. "Circe Blackwood." I wrinkled my nose. Her name was as pretentious and witchy as she was.

  "This place is called the Enchanted Coast," Julius said, his tone a combination of desperation and irritation. "Do you not have enchantments in place to prevent this kind of behavior?"

  Tempest cleared her throat from her position on the chair and I glanced to her.

  "Are you forgetting Margo? If anybody would have picked up a criminal, she would have."

  I gave myself a mental forehead slap. Of course. Margo was the giant sphinx positioned in front of the hotel. Most people thought she was just there for decoration, but she was also an added security measure, because she could see into the hearts of any creature.

  "I'll be right back," I said, snapping my fingers. When I appeared in front of Margo, she startled. Fortunately for me, her first inclination wasn't to bite. If it had been, I'd have been a goner. She was massive, with the head of a beautiful woman and the body of a lion, and stood as gatekeeper in front of the hotel. Sand fell from her as she shifted her stone head so that she was looking down at me from twenty feet above.

  I dipped my head in reverence, giving her the respect she both deserved and commanded.

  "Destiny, isn't it?" she said, her melodic voice in stark contrast to her stony appearance.

  "Yes, ma'am," I replied. "We've had an emergency, and I've come to ask for your help."

  "Go on, then, young witch. What is it that you wish?"

  "A selkie's pelt was stolen from the tiki. Have you witnessed a thief entering the hotel? The pelt itself may have been enchanted, and therefore invisible."

  She huffed a breath from her nose. "It would take more than a bit of beginner’s magic to fool me, but none have passed with evil intent." She raised a brow. "Though there have been a few with petty jealousy and greed. However, none that was serious enough to signal thievery or harm to others."

  I sighed. She had been my last shot. I cast my eyes down and gave a bit of a curtsy. After all, she was thousands of years old and could chomp me in half without so much as a by-your-leave. A sphinx could be a valuable friend or a lethal enemy, and I preferred the first. It would suck to be eaten on my way to the commissary. "Thank you."

  She dipped her head in return and gave me a small smile. "Don't bow to me, child. It makes me feel old and is much too formal. I took this position to get away from all that pomp and silliness. Do come and visit, though. It gets lonely here."

  I smiled. "It would be my pleasure." Another reason to love my job. Who else gets an invite to chill with a sphinx?

  Snapping my fingers again, I was back at the tiki. "Margo didn't see anything."

  Bob crinkled his brow. "Well if it's not here, and it's not there, where else would it be?"

  "I don't know," I said, "but I think it's worth checking out that witch."

  "I agree." Blake whispered an incant and a ledger appeared in his hands. He opened it and ran his finger down the page, looking for her room number.

  "Hey Julius," Bob said, "Who was the guy you were talking to? The selkie that looked ready to explode?"

  Julius waved a hand. "He wouldn't have done it. He's my brother-in-law and was just blowing off steam because I was chosen to lead our pod instead of him."

  Bob looked at him in disbelief. "And you don't think that's reason enough for him to want to bind you to land?"

  The blood drained from the selkie's face. "You think my own kin would do this to me?"

  Raising his hands, palms out, Bob replied, "I don't know, man. All I know is that your skin disappeared at the same time he did, and he had a good motive."

  Julius's expression hardened and he stomped toward the beach.

  "Where are you going?" I called. It wasn't like he could jump in the water and go anywhere. Without his skin, he couldn't survive in the water any longer than I could. Well, maybe a little longer. I wasn't exactly in shape.

  "I may not be able to swim out, but I can certainly call to my pod," he said.

  I knew selkies had magic, but I didn't know what kind.
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  He stood on the beach and put his hand to his mouth. A high-pitched string of notes reached my ears, a strange noise that reminded of the dolphin or whale sounds that I'd heard on the Discovery Channel.

  Within minutes, several heads poked out of the water and swam toward shore, pausing several feet out. Three men and a woman waded to shore, pelts hanging from their arms. After a brief conversation, the group headed toward us, determination and anger written on their faces.

  Great. A pod of pissed-off selkies. Not that I could blame them, but things just got real.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  "I've found Circe Blackwood's room. She's not in the main hotel; she's having a massage at the spa," Blake said, flipping through the book. "It's scheduled to last another twenty minutes."

  If she was the culprit, she wouldn't have slipped by Margo yet.

  "You go talk to her," I said. "I'll deal with Julius's family."

  Being the brave—or smart—man that he was, it took him less than five seconds to disappear. As the selkies approached, I couldn't say I blamed him. They did not look happy.

  Angie, Julius's wife, was leading the group, holding her husband's hand as the group stomped toward us.

  I glanced at Stephanie, who was rigid and looked ready to do battle.

  You need to call to the loving side of her, Tempe thought to me.

  The loving side? I had no idea valkyries had a loving side.

  Valkyries love heroes; brave and honorable people,” she thought. They also recognize a hierarchy, as they're royalty themselves.

  I stepped between them as soon as Julius and crew made it to us. "Stephanie, I don't think you've met Julius yet. He's the new leader of his pod, voted so because of his honor and valor. This is his wife, Angie. She leads by his side."

  The warrior princess took their measure, then relaxed her stance. I was gonna have to convince her to come around more often. Girlfriend obviously needed some external influences to help her chill if she didn't want to burn out. I had a feeling an off-her-rocker valkyrie would be a bad thing for all involved.

  She dipped her head and looked skyward. It wasn't until I looked up that I noticed a glistening black horse in full armor plunging down at us, fire shooting from his nostrils. His eyes glowed red as he settled beside Stephanie, snorting and pawing the flagstones.