My Image of You

by Melanie Moreland

  I had no idea what to say to soothe her. I wasn’t sure if there was anything that would calm her right now.

  “Why couldn’t she love me? Why couldn’t I ever be good enough?”

  “You are good enough. The problem is with her, not you.”

  “She made it my problem, though, didn’t she? And I let her. I let them rule my life.” A sob escaped her lips. “All I ever wanted was for them to love me. Why couldn’t they just love me?”

  “I don’t know, baby. I don’t know if either of them know how to love. You deserve nothing but love. Sarah…” I paused, not sure how to continue with this unpleasant subject.

  “What?”

  I drew in a deep breath. “She’s an unhappy, uptight, scared woman. She lost herself somewhere, and in doing so, she lost you, too. You have to forgive her and move on.”

  Suddenly she was furious. “Forgive her? You want me to forgive her? When did you get so fucking magnanimous? You shake hands with Bradley, you tell me to forgive my mother? Well, fuck that!

  “Fuck it all!”

  Her cereal bowl flew, hitting the wall and shattering into hundreds of shards, the wet mess dripping down the concrete surface. My half-full bottle of beer followed, the foamy liquid exploding as the glass smashed. The milk was next, the white spray hitting the counter, she threw it so hard—then the open bag of chips, the contents spilling everywhere. The one and only mug we had left met its demise in a blaze of curse words as she flung it, almost panting in her fury. I wasn’t in time to stop her when the glass coffeepot sailed past me, the sound almost like a high-pitched shriek when it hit the wall, bursting into tiny fragments that flew far and wide.

  I stared at the destruction she had caused in such a short period of time. It was impressive. So were the curse words she had shouted as she raged. I’d never heard her use language like that before in anger. I was partially upset, more than amused, and somewhat turned on.

  “Well,” I drawled, “guess I rubbed off on you more than I realized. Starbucks will thank you for that tomorrow morning. I have a feeling we’re gonna need a lot of caffeine and they’ll benefit from your little tantrum—spectacular as it was.”

  Her gaze flew to mine and she crumbled. She dropped her face into her hands, sobbing. Her knees buckled and I lunged forward, catching her before she hit the floor. Lifting her into the safety of my arms, I held her close. Hiccupping apologies and incoherent words were intermingled with her harsh cries. I carried her to the bed, cradling her face to my chest, letting her sob. The past two days had been one emotional upheaval after another for her, and the scene with her mother tonight had been the final straw. She needed to let it out. I ran my hands up and down her back in comforting passes, and nuzzled her hair. Her hot tears soaked into my shirt, and as much as I hated hearing her crying, it was better than her holding in the pain.

  Her sobs became gradual whimpers, and the horrible shudders eased off to shivers as she quieted. When her head tilted back, I pulled up the hem of my shirt and wiped the wet off her cheeks. I handed her some tissues, letting her wipe her eyes and nose.

  “I got your shirt wet.”

  I chuckled. “Snotty, too.”

  Her lips trembled, and I shook my head. “I’m teasing. It’s fine.” I shifted, sliding her forward a little, and tore my shirt over my head, tossing it away. “See? It’s fine.”

  “I’m sorry. I made a mess.”

  “We’ll clean it up.” I ran my fingers through her knotted hair. “Do you feel better?”

  “I feel confused and…torn.”

  “Understandable.”

  “They controlled me for years. I was never going to be enough. I accepted the blame for Ollie’s death because they told me it was my fault. They drummed it into my head for years, and I believed them. But it wasn’t my fault.”

  Hallelujah. She finally understood.

  I caressed her cheek. “No, it wasn’t.”

  “No more, Adam. It was an accident. I’m not going to be their scapegoat anymore.”

  “Good. You’re done with them. With all that bullshit.”

  She looked toward the kitchen. “I shouldn’t have done that, though.”

  “I must be a bad influence.” I smirked down at her, trying to get her to smile. “It’s okay. We’ll get more bowls and stuff. You could have spared the coffeepot, though. It never did anything bad. I’d finally broken it in, so the java tasted good.”

  “Um, Adam, your coffee is like tar.”

  I was quite partial to my strong brew. “Exactly.”

  “I’ll replace it. The coffeepot, I mean.”

  I shook my head. “We’ll call it even over your mug. They died in acts of bravery.” I kissed her nose. “We’ll add a new one to the list along with dishes.”

  “We’ll pick out different ones.”

  “Damn right.” I traced a finger down her damp skin. “New dishes, new coffeepot, and a new life—for both of us.” I hesitated. “You have to forgive her to move on, baby. We need to. It doesn’t mean what she did was right—Bradley, either. But that’s how closure begins.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive.”

  I brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Okay, I can understand that. There isn’t a time limit on any of this. I think maybe you should talk to someone—someone who can help you deal with all this. You’ve been through so much, my girl.”

  “I can’t talk to you?”

  I smiled ruefully. “You can always talk to me. But maybe someone who doesn’t want to push your mother into an oncoming train. A professional who can help you sort through everything and come to terms with it.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Okay.”

  “But, I want to go away—just get away from here—from all of it.”

  “We will. We’ll sort everything out here and we’ll leave. We can start planning tomorrow.” I brushed my lips across hers. “We’ll get a legal marriage license, then I’ll marry you and we’ll go.”

  “You want to get married here?”

  “Here first, then anywhere you want. I’ll marry you a hundred times over. We can renew our vows anyplace you like. Privately, in front of people, man, or God. I don’t care. But when we leave here, I’ll have a piece of paper that tells the world you’re mine and nothing can come between us, or take you away. All right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then we’ll go.”

  “Where?”

  “Fiji, first—like we planned. I want you somewhere warm and peaceful. Us, a villa, and nothing but the ocean and sun. We’ll recover from all this and then move forward. England and Scotland next.”

  “Ireland?” she asked eagerly, with a small spark in her eye. I had missed that spark.

  “Yes. Then we’ll head to Europe.”

  I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. She leaned into my caress with a small smile, then gasped as she pulled my hand down. “Adam! Your knuckles are all bruised!”

  I grunted. “Bradley has an incredibly hard jaw. His abs weren’t anything to sneeze at, either.” I inspected her palm. “How about you?”

  She shook her head. “It’s fine.” She blushed a little. “I’ve never slapped anyone before. I don’t think I did it right.”

  “You can try it again if you want—as long as it’s Bradley you slap.” I kissed the palm. “Although I don’t want you to hurt yourself. So if you feel the need, tell me, and I’ll do it for you.”

  She giggled, the sound making me happy. I was glad the storm had passed—at least for now. I knew there was a chance I’d witness more outbursts as she dealt with everything she’d been through.

  She looked at my hand again. “You need an ice pack.” She climbed off me and headed to the kitchen, stopping at the counter.

  “Oh shit. I made a huge mess.”

  I joined her, nodding at the disaster the kitchen was currently in. I shoved my feet into my sneakers, and picked my way through the glass and broken ceramic to grab the ice pa
ck. “I got past the blood thing, but I still don’t want you spilling yours, thank you.” I handed the ice pack to her and we lay on the bed. She wrapped the ice around my throbbing hand.

  “It doesn’t bother you anymore—the blood, I mean?”

  I shrugged. “It was always seeing my own that was the worst, and with everything I did to help at the clinic, it doesn’t faze me anymore.” I tweaked her nose. “But stay out of the kitchen without shoes until we clean it up.”

  “Will you take me to meet Peter and Edwina one day?”

  I smiled. “You’d like that?”

  “Yes. I want to meet them and see the clinic that bears Elena’s name.”

  “I’d like them to meet you, as well. I talked Edwina’s ear off about you.” I chuckled. “Peter’s, too, I suppose. On the next trip. This one is all about us.”

  “Okay.”

  The ice felt good. Relaxing together also felt good. We were quiet for a while as the ice soothed my hand and the silence soothed Ally. I felt her relax more and more as I held her. She snuggled into my embrace, flattening herself against me. I held her as tight as I could.

  She yawned and a shiver of exhaustion went through her. I traced my finger under her weary eyes. “Can you sleep now, Nightingale?”

  “If you keep holding me.”

  “Always.”

  —

  Before my eyes had opened, I knew. She wasn’t in bed with me. She wasn’t even in the loft. I was out of bed in an instant, searching for my pants. I couldn’t explain my panic, but I needed to know where she was. I dragged on a shirt and bent down to grab my sneakers, stopping only when I saw the piece of pink paper sticking out of one of them.

  Relax, Adam. Giving Starbucks some business. I’ll be back before you know it.

  Keep the bed warm for me.

  I love you. xx

  I quirked my eyebrow and grinned.

  She was on a coffee run and she had left me a task.

  I stood and looked over at the kitchen. Ally had obviously been busy while I slept. The floor was swept, a pile of glittering glass in the corner. She had wiped down the wall, as well, although it was gonna need some scrubbing. Little pieces of cereal were stuck in places, and some chip crumbs were scattered around. I traced some of the new scratches and nicks in the wall, remembering her breakdown last night. I hoped today would be a better day for her. For us.

  I glanced behind me at the bed.

  She wanted it warm when she got home.

  I could do that.

  The door opened quietly, the tell-tale squeak of the bottom hinge giving away Ally’s attempted stealth. I remained on my back, keeping my breathing steady as she approached the bed. She placed something on the table, then the mattress dipped as she settled beside me. She ran her fingers through my hair, light, gentle passes reminding me so much of the first time we met.

  “Adam,” she murmured. “Wake up for me.”

  I was enjoying her touches too much, so I kept my eyes shut and burrowed deeper into the warmth of the bed, rolling onto my side. Her low laugh made me want to smile, but I didn’t want her to know I was awake. She stroked the skin of my neck, her fingertips cool from being outside, making me shiver.

  “I have coffee,” she whispered. “I got you a breakfast sandwich at Alvin’s, too.”

  I grunted a little, but kept up the charade of being asleep, even though Alvin’s sandwiches were awesome—and she did destroy my snack last night. But I had missed her playing with my hair and her sweet way of waking me up, so I decided to pretend a little more. She bent closer, the ends of her hair tickling my face.

  “You, are the world’s worst faker. I know you’re awake.”

  I cracked open an eye, meeting her lovely blue gaze. “How?” I rasped.

  “I just know you.” She passed her hand along my hairline, tenderly ruffling the mess. “I know what you look like when you’re really asleep as opposed to faking it for head rubs.” She smirked. “I figured that out the first night I met you. You faked most of it then, too.”

  Reaching out, I pulled her down next to me, chuckling at her gasp. I hovered over her, grinning. “Think you have me all figured out, do you?”

  “Yes.”

  “You know me?”

  “Yes.”

  My voice became husky. “You know what’s going to happen next?”

  Her cheeks became pink, the color extending down her neck. “I know what I hope…” she breathed out.

  My body responded to her blush. It always did. I felt my cock begin to harden with desire. It had been so long without her. I had been so long without her. “Tell me,” I demanded, tracing a finger down her neck.

  “I hope the coffee is going to get cold.”

  “And?”

  “I hope you’re naked under those sheets.”

  “And if I am?”

  “I’ll join you.”

  “Well, today is your lucky day. I kept the bed warm like you asked, I am naked”—I groaned, grinding my hips against her—“and I am more—more than happy to have you join me.”

  “Adam,” she moaned.

  “Are you ready for this? For me to make you mine again?”

  “Oh God…yes.”

  I found the edge of her shirt. “Good.”

  Within seconds we were pressed into each other, nothing between us but air. I groaned loudly at the feeling of having her skin flush with mine. “Like silk, baby,” I murmured as I caressed the smoothness with my lips. The warmth of the blankets around us was nothing compared to the warmth coursing through my body at being able to touch her again. I spent endless moments reacquainting myself with her. I traced every dip and hollow with my fingers and lips, tasted her everywhere with my tongue—reclaiming every inch of her as mine.

  “So fucking beautiful.” I ran my tongue over the freckles I had missed so much. “Mine, Ally, you’re mine.”

  “Yes,” she whimpered. “Yours,” she vowed, dragging my mouth back to hers, infusing my senses with her cinnamon-scented breath.

  “I love you” was murmured repeatedly as our mouths joined and separated, our skin sliding sensuously together as our bodies melded into one. The feeling of her hands on my skin, pressing and grabbing to keep me close, was grounding. Her soft pants of desire and the pleading way she whispered my name brought back memories of the times I longed to hear her say it. I blinked back the moisture in my eyes, looking down at her to see the same intense emotion reflected in her stare. Love blazed from her gaze.

  I couldn’t get close enough, I couldn’t feel her enough. Her touch was overwhelming, and yet still I needed more. I cried out her name as she wrapped her hand around my erection, stroking and urging me closer. I settled between her thighs, feeling her readiness, desperate to be inside her.

  “Now, Adam,” she pleaded. “I need you now.”

  As I slipped inside her heat, my eyes shut. A long shudder rippled down my spine as I felt her surrounding me again—welcoming me back home. Cradled inside her body, I was finally complete.

  I opened my eyes, our gazes locking. Fervent brown met loving blue. I kissed the tear rolling down her cheek as she whispered my name, the one word saturated with so much love and tenderness my heart ached from it. I began moving, long, slow thrusts as I showed her with my body how much she had been missed. How much I loved her.

  I had fucked her before. Made love to her before. But nothing was like this—so powerful. It was coming home, being born again, and knowing how close I had been to losing her forever. It was overwhelming and emotional. It was painful and beautiful. It was agony and ecstasy all rolled into one.

  It was perfect.

  I buried my head into her neck, breathing her in, groaning her name. Ally clung to me, moving perfectly as we loved. Everything about her came back tenfold. The clutch and pull of her body entwined with mine, her sharp gasps of pleasure in my ear, the way her hands felt on my skin were all so new and yet so familiar. She cried out my name, coming hard around me, her muscles flu
ttering, my own release following in rapid response. It sparked and rippled down my spine, piercing me with an intensity I had only ever experienced with her, as much an emotional release as a physical one. I gripped the pillow around her head, feeling the material give way under my hands as I roared her name and emptied myself inside her.

  For a moment there was nothing except the blissful peace as my body surrendered to the pleasure and I held my girl. Her fingers stroked my chest, her hair a heavy cloud around her face. I gathered up the thick tresses, pulling her face up to mine and kissing her deeply.

  Her voice caught. “I missed you so much, Adam.”

  I held her tight. “I missed you. But it’s behind us now.”

  Her voice was muffled. “I know.”

  I nuzzled her head. “Never again. We’ll never be apart again.”

  “No.”

  “And no more leaving to get coffee. Wake me up.”

  “You were sleeping peacefully. You didn’t even move while I was cleaning up. I wasn’t gone that long.”

  “I didn’t like it,” I confessed. “As soon as I woke up, I knew you weren’t here. It reminded me of all those mornings I woke up without you.” I paused, clearing my throat of emotion. “I’m not ready to do that again.”

  Her arms tightened. “I didn’t think; I’m sorry.”

  “I just need time, Nightingale.”

  She tilted her head back. “We both do. We’ll figure it out.”

  I pressed a kiss to her head. “Okay.”

  —

  I smirked at her as I sipped my coffee and ate my breakfast sandwich, sharing nibbles with her. They were reheated in the microwave, tasting better because of the reason they had to be reheated. Ally was furiously writing out a list, her tongue sticking out as she concentrated. I had to resist throwing the sandwich down and taking her tongue into my mouth instead. It would taste even better.

  She glanced up, color instantly staining her cheeks as she saw me watching her, knowing exactly what I was thinking. I winked at her with a grin.

  “Keep writing, Nightingale. We have a lot of shit to replace.”

  She giggled, freezing as my phone rang out with a tone she recognized. Her panicked blue eyes met mine and I shook my head with a mild curse. “No. That’s not happening. I forgot I was supposed to have coffee with Sean this morning. I’m sure he’s calling to give me shit for being late.”