Fire and Fog

by Andrew Grey

  Their first stop was at the Eternal Light Peace Memorial, and they all filed off the bus. The guide explained what had happened in the trees behind them and then gave them some time to explore on their own. Dwayne wandered around the back of the huge memorial, with its obelisk that held the flame, and as soon as they were out of sight of everyone else, he tugged Robin toward the nearby woods and pressed him behind a tree, kissing him hard, both of them shaking.

  “Is this what we really should be doing… in a place like this?” Robin asked breathlessly.

  “I just needed to….” Dwayne kissed him again, the energy between them intensifying by the second. Approaching voices broke them apart, and they continued around the back to emerge on the other side, then walked slowly back to the bus as the rest of the tourgoers were already doing. Robin felt completely naughty and alive at that moment. As the tour went on, he leaned against Dwayne and did his best to listen as the guide’s recounting of the battle continued. More than once the guide’s narration seemed to veer off into a discussion of lips, kisses, and sexiness, but then Robin would come back to earth and realize what his own wandering mind was doing.

  “We are now at Little Round Top,” the guide said as they pulled off and parked. He talked for a little while longer, and then they filed out of the bus and congregated at the top of the hill, where the guide explained the landscape and where the various armies were positioned.

  “I’m sorry,” Robin whispered at the back of the group. “I’m finding it hard to concentrate today. There’s a certain guy who keeps doing things that makes me get all hot and sweaty.”

  Dwayne stumbled slightly over nothing and caught his balance. “All I did was put my arm around you.”

  “And kissed the heck out of me, then sat next to me, smelling amazing. And don’t forget the way your leg kept rubbing against mine. Wait… that was me, sorry.” Robin smiled, and Dwayne rolled his eyes. “I mean it. I keep thinking about you instead of what the guide is saying.”

  “But are you having fun?” They stood together, looking out over the valley below.

  “Yeah. Of course I am.” Robin scooted a little closer, thinking of the good things that had happened. “And tomorrow I start my new job.” He was a little nervous about it, but way more excited than anything else. “Are you?”

  “Sure.” Dwayne put an arm around him once again as the wind blew around them. “I’m having the time of my life.” He tugged Robin closer, and he sighed. This was nice. The sun was warm, the wind light. Robin raised his gaze and enjoyed the warmth on his skin and the way Dwayne made him feel safe.

  “Howard! Howard!” a woman near them cried. “Please, someone, we need some help.” Robin turned in time to see an older man crumple to the rocky ground. Dwayne released Robin and hurried over. “He has a heart condition.”

  Robin raced over as well. “Someone call 9-1-1.” He knelt next to the man as Dwayne tugged open his collar. Robin checked for a pulse at his neck and didn’t find one. He checked a second time and then started CPR.

  “An ambulance is on its way,” someone behind him said as Robin continued without taking a break.

  “Check for a pulse,” he told Dwayne. He paused, and Dwayne checked and shook his head. The woman who’d been with Howard gasped, and Dwayne helped her as Robin continued chest compression and quick breaths. He paused and checked again for a pulse, and finding one, he stopped and listened, watching as the man’s chest rose and fell slowly. At least he was breathing on his own and his heart was beating once again.

  “Is there a blanket on the bus?”

  The guide hurried away and returned with one. Robin did his best to make the man comfortable as sirens approached and drew closer. Dwayne kept the others back as EMTs hurried toward them. Robin explained what happened and what he’d done, and let the emergency personnel take over.

  “You saved him,” the woman, presumably Howard’s wife, said as they transferred Howard to a gurney.

  “I hope so, ma’am. Go with them and stay with your husband.” Robin wasn’t sure what else to tell her. All that mattered was that Howard was okay, and at least for now, he was holding his own. The EMTs transported him to the ambulance, and she followed them and climbed inside. Soon they were on their way down the hill, the siren receding, their tour group in small clusters of people talking among themselves.

  “We should move on,” Dwayne told the guide, and he hustled everyone on the bus for the ride back to the tour center.

  Robin sat in his seat, quietly watching out the window.

  “That was amazing.”

  “I’ve taken CPR classes many times for my lifesaving courses. I’ve practiced multiple times, but I don’t think I ever thought I’d actually use it.” He turned, blinking up at Dwayne. “I don’t think anyone does.”

  “Maybe not. But you did, and you saved his life.”

  “You could have done it, I’m sure.” Robin returned his gaze to the window. “I just reacted on instinct. I’ve been trained enough that it was nearly second nature.”

  Dwayne leaned closer. “Why are you upset?”

  “I don’t know.” He rotated toward Dwayne. “Because if I’d done something wrong, then he could have died.” Robin wrung his hands in his lap.

  “You didn’t. You did everything right. I probably could have done CPR, but you were right in there and were on your way before I could do it. Everyone was doing what you told them, and they snapped to because you knew what to do and were confident in what you knew.” Dwayne once again put his arm around him. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “But I didn’t do anything others wouldn’t have.” Robin was nervous as hell and leaned close to Dwayne. “What if I’d hurt him and she came after me? I saw that on television once.”

  “Good Samaritan laws protect you.” Dwayne leaned closer. “Sweetheart, you have nothing to be concerned about. You’re a hero, and you need to let that sink in.”

  “I’m just me. What happened doesn’t change anything.” Robin sank into the seat and leaned against Dwayne, hoping Howard was truly going to be okay.

  When they reached the tour office, everyone filed off the bus. As Robin climbed down the steps, a number of the other tourists were waiting for him and each one shook his hand and gave him a smile. “Thank you” was all he said to each person, and he was never so happy as when Dwayne guided him back to the car and he got inside.

  “Can we just go home?”

  “Of course,” Dwayne said, and Robin stared out the window as Dwayne turned out of the parking lot and drove back through the center of town on their way home. “I don’t understand why you’re upset,” Dwayne asked once they were in the country and well along the way. “You did something extraordinary. You saved another life.”

  “Yeah, but what if I had messed up?” He turned to Dwayne. “I know I was trained and I did what I was supposed to do. But if I’d failed….”

  “You didn’t, and if Howard had died, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No one would have blamed you. His heart attack would have been too great, and in that case, he was just too far gone. It wouldn’t have been because you did anything wrong.”

  “Oh.” Robin hadn’t thought of that.

  “What you did was give Howard the gift of life, and you did it without thinking about anything other than trying to help.” Dwayne reached over and patted his arm. “As I said before, I’m proud of you. I became a police officer because I wanted to help people. I’m trained in CPR, as well as basic first aid. But you had already started before I even thought about it, and that’s amazing, because time matters in situations like that.” He smiled, and Robin finally breathed a sigh of relief.

  “I guess sometimes it’s easy to believe that you’re a complete screwup when that’s what you’ve been told for so long.” Robin pushed the voice of his stepfather out of his head. He knew he shouldn’t have listened to him, but over time, it had been difficult.

  “Your stepfather?”

  Robin nodded.

>   “I want to smack your stepfather so badly,” Dwayne said, and Robin smiled. “So help me, if I get my hands on him….” Dwayne gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned white. “Did your mother really go along with him all the time?”

  Robin shook his head. “Not at first. Stan was nicer then. I think he really liked my mom, but I didn’t like him because he wasn’t my dad. But over time I think he showed his true colors. Stan’s a bully, and he likes things to be the way he wants them. I think he overwhelmed my mom and she went along with him because he had a temper.”

  “Did he hit her?” Dwayne asked.

  “Not that I ever saw, and I don’t remember her being bruised or anything. He wasn’t one of those people who yelled. Stan rarely did that. But he….” Robin tried to figure out why his stepfather was one of the most menacing people he’d ever met. He tilted his head in thought. “Stan made his will known, and crossing him meant paying somehow. He’d hold grudges and take things away. You knew it was coming but were never sure where it was going to come from. And he controlled all the money in the house. When I got my first job, he tried to convince me that I should give him my money and he’d give me what I needed as an allowance, saving the rest for me. I told him that I was going to handle my own money and refused to hand anything over to him. The next day, I came home and found a padlock on my bedroom door. I knew he’d do something like that.”

  “What an asshole,” Dwayne muttered, once again clutching the wheel.

  “Yeah. That was one of the few times Mom stood up to Stan—well, sort of. She told him that it was important that I learned how to manage my own affairs. She also said that we don’t lock things up in this house and that she’d lock the refrigerator.” Robin smiled sadly. “I remember her turning away from the room, and Stan took the lock off my bedroom door, but I knew he was seething about it, and I don’t know what he did, but my mom was quiet after that and never stood up to him again. She did what he wanted and went along with him on just about everything, even letting him kick me out of the house.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Yeah. I guess I never trusted him.” He stared out the window once again.

  “Then why did you listen to him? His opinion shouldn’t have mattered to you at all.”

  “Because I was trying to take care of my mom. And it’s hard to turn shit off when you hear it every day.” Robin took a deep breath and looked in Dwayne’s direction. “Of course, he got validation whenever I got my report cards. I was never good in school. It was hard to remember what I read, so my grades were pretty bad, and I heard the lecture about how I was dumb and good for nothing whenever he saw my grades. He used to go to school with my mother just so he could talk to my teachers and then throw whatever they said in my face. I wasn’t working hard enough. I didn’t care about my future…. I was lazy.” He wiped his eyes as the tears he didn’t want to shed fell anyway. “He made me quit swimming because my grades weren’t good enough. I worked hard to keep them sufficient to qualify for the team. It was the one thing I was good at, and he took it away. Do you know how that feels to a kid? Fuck, I shouldn’t dump all this on you.”

  He turned away, wiping his eyes once again and wishing he’d never gone down this path. Talking about his stepfather was only a source of misery, and he felt like a punching bag once again. This crap had to stop. Stan might have kicked him out, but the good thing was that he was away from that asshole. Lord knew Dwayne wasn’t anything like him at all, and he really seemed to like Robin. He was gentle and caring. Dwayne was also as hot as anyone he’d ever seen, and even now Dwayne kept looking over at him like he couldn’t stop.

  “But you’re an adult now, and you can choose the things you want to believe,” Dwayne told him, but Robin shook his head.

  “That’s easy to say, but how well has that been working for you?” He had to push back. That was way too simplistic for him to believe. If that were true, then everyone on earth would be perfectly well adjusted just by saying that their parents were messed up and that they shouldn’t listen to it.

  Dwayne didn’t have an answer for him.

  “I thought so.” Robin touched Dwayne’s arm. “I heard you on the phone with your mom. Whatever she wanted hurt.”

  “Yeah, it did. I know they want me to come home.”

  “But on their terms, and in a way that makes them happy. It doesn’t matter how you feel.”

  “No.”

  “And was that easy to just slough off and say it didn’t matter?” Robin knew he was making a point, but he didn’t want to hurt Dwayne to do it, so he kept his voice light. “Sometimes parents suck.”

  “Yes. That’s true. But we’re still our own persons, and we can try to reject their crap and be ourselves. Is it easy? Hell no.”

  Robin had to agree with that. “I only wish I knew what I did to make my mother reject me like that.”

  “Maybe it wasn’t your mother. I mean, maybe it wasn’t you or her. Maybe it was Stan, the asshole. If he’s a bully and he’s got her under his control, then maybe she didn’t see any other choice.” Dwayne pulled to a stop at a light in Mount Holly Springs. “Have you thought of trying to contact your mother when you know your stepfather isn’t around?”

  Robin shook his head. “I’ve just been trying to get through the days. She made her feelings clear enough when she stood behind Stan and said nothing at all.” He could still see her face. There were no tears or anything. She just stood there as though she didn’t care one bit.

  “You could try,” Dwayne said.

  That was the last thing Robin wanted to do. What if she rejected him again and this time there was no doubt about how she felt? He wasn’t sure his heart could take that without breaking into a million pieces.

  “I don’t know.” He turned once again to watch out the window. It was a lot easier than seeing the disappointment he knew he’d see if he looked at Dwayne.

  “It’s okay. I understand.” Dwayne continued driving. “Every time my mother tells me she wants me to come back, I’m happy. She means well in her own way. But if I do, I can’t join the force there. That’s completely cut off for me, and she knows that. She wants me back, but only if I somehow give up the part of me that’s gay, because she and Dad can’t accept that. In a way it’s her rejecting me all over again because she doesn’t or can’t love me for who I am.”

  “But at least you’re talking,” Robin said. “Maybe if you do that enough, they’ll come to understand.” He wasn’t sure that was possible with his mom. “How about we talk about something happier? This is getting way too heavy.” He tried to smile but wasn’t sure if he succeeded. “It was a very nice day, and I had a lot of fun.”

  “That’s good.” Dwayne smiled, and they continued the short drive into town. “I have things for dinner, so when we get home, I’ll make something.” He parked in his usual spot, and they’d just made it inside when Dwayne’s phone rang.

  “Hey, Carter,” Dwayne said. “What’s going on?” He put down his stuff. “You have to be shitting me.” He turned on the television. “What channel?” He pointed, and Robin sat down in time to see himself on the ground, administering CPR.

  Holy shit. Someone had filmed him saving Howard’s life. How fucking tacky was that?

  “A young man who obviously knew what to do because it appears he saved the man’s life. As of yet, we don’t know the name of the victim or the young man who helped him,” the announcer said when the film ended and they returned to the studio. “But it’s nice to know there are people who will help when it’s needed.”

  “You’re right, Jim,” the woman next to him said, with her perfect black hair and beautiful smile. “The man is a hero.” The broadcast went on to another story, and Robin turned off the television.

  “Yeah. I was there as well.” Dwayne came over and handed him the phone. “It’s Terry.”

  Robin was confused momentarily and realized he must have missed Dwayne getting another call. “Hi.”

 
“Good job!” Terry said. “You know your stuff. I’ve used my training a few times in my career, and we all hope we don’t need to. But it’s the mark of a good lifeguard to know what to do when it’s needed.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, and we’ll definitely get you started.”

  “Okay. I’m looking forward to it.” Robin handed Dwayne the phone back, and it rang a minute later. It seemed half the guys he knew on the force had seen him in the background of the tape, and now he was explaining to someone else what had happened and how proud he was about the whole thing. It seemed like a long time since Robin had done something to make anyone proud of him.

  Thankfully the phone eventually stopped ringing, and they went to start dinner. “Feeling better?”

  Robin nodded and smiled. “It’s weird seeing myself on television.” He leaned over the counter. “It was kind of tacky for someone to film that. What if he had passed away? Then his wife would have to watch it over and over again.” He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “What time is your shift tomorrow?”

  “I’m still on second shift, so I can take you in to meet Terry in the morning.” Dwayne pulled out some spaghetti and set it on the counter. “I thought I’d make some sauce. I have jar stuff, but I doctor it to make it taste better.” He got to work, and Robin stayed out of the way. “You can do the garlic bread,” Dwayne offered.

  Robin figured he couldn’t mess that up too badly and followed Dwayne’s instructions. Soon he had it ready to go in the oven, then sat at the table. It was nice to have someone to do normal things with.

  “Smells good,” Robin said, and he wished there was something else he could do.

  Dwayne put the pasta in to cook and then began making some salad before sliding his phone to Robin across the counter. Robin stared at it. He could call his mother’s number and the caller ID wouldn’t show it was him. She might even answer. It wasn’t likely to be Stan, and if for some weird reason he did answer, Robin could hang up. Dwayne didn’t say anything and continued prepping the salad.