Fire and Fog

by Andrew Grey

  “There’s one more thing.” Warren leaned back in his chair. “Gretchen was adamant when she wrote her will—”

  “That Charlie never go to my mother as long as she was married to Stan,” Robin said, and Warren nodded. “She hated the Demon Bastard of Satan.”

  Warren pulled out a copy of the will and arranged it before passing it over to him. “That’s exactly what she put in her will. That she felt that Stan was entirely unfit for parenthood, and because of that, her mother was never to have custody under any circumstances. I take that to mean Charlie is not allowed to stay with her overnight and he can see your mother only if your mother comes to visit you without Stan. I’m taking a broad interpretation because of how she phrased what she wanted.”

  “We’re in agreement,” Robin said. “Is there anything else we need to talk about right now?” He rubbed Charlie’s back. “I want to get him some of his things and then take him home with me so I can start to get him settled.”

  “I have a few questions,” Donald said, and Robin leaned back in the chair, letting Charlie get more comfortable. “We are planning to take him back to Pennsylvania with us. Will that be okay?”

  “Yes. As long as Robin is accepting custody, and since it’s his sister’s wishes, there isn’t a problem. Charlie is not under the protection of Child Services, which is what I was hoping to avoid when I called Robin, so things are much easier. I will draft papers for placement and custody, but the will is explicit, so there shouldn’t be an issue.”

  Donald nodded. “Good. Also we’ll need documentation so we can enroll Charlie at school.”

  “You’ll have it.” Warren scribbled notes on a pad.

  “Allergies?” Donald asked.

  “Yes,” Lisa answered. “Charlie is allergic to bananas and anything in that family, as well as cucumbers. I can make a list for you. Other than that, he’s healthy and quite active.” She stroked his head gently, and Charlie squirmed as though waking up.

  “We’d appreciate that,” Donald said, seeming to have run out of questions.

  Dwayne slid his chair closer and rubbed his shoulder. “I think we have what we need for now,” he said and stood.

  “I have a few papers for Robin to sign to state that he’s taking custody of Charlie and for me to be able to make some of the financial arrangements.” Warren passed them over, and Dwayne gently lifted Charlie off Robin’s shoulders. Robin tensed, waiting to see how he reacted.

  Charlie looked at Dwayne and yawned.

  “Hey, dude.” Dwayne bounced him a little and then lifted Charlie over his head up near the ceiling. Charlie giggled, and when Dwayne brought him down, Charlie asked him to do it again. Dwayne laughed and obliged. “I’m Dwayne, and I think we’re going to be friends.” He set Charlie on his feet, and he stood for a few seconds before racing around the table, making car noises.

  “I think we better go.” Robin signed where Warren indicated, and stood, then chased after Charlie, who ran faster. Dwayne snatched him off his feet and lifted him back into the air for more giggles. For a second they tore at Robin’s heart. Gretchen should have been there to listen to that joy.

  “Hey, little man, are you hungry?”

  “Nuggets!” Charlie answered loudly, grinning.

  “Okay. We’re going to take you home so we can pack your things. Then we’ll get you some nuggets.”

  “And see Mama?” he asked, his eyes gleaming.

  Dwayne lowered him, and Robin picked Charlie up and explained things to him once again. That brought him back to tears.

  “Go and see to him. I have all I need for now.” Warren shook his hand as well as he could. “I’ll do my best to make some initial funds available to you tomorrow. That way you and Charlie can start getting settled.”

  “I appreciate it.” It was all overwhelming, but there was the peace of mind of knowing that Charlie would have the money he needed to grow up. “I’ll look forward to your call.” Robin held Charlie closer, left the conference room, and went out through the office. He set Charlie down and held his hand to take the stairs to the first floor and then out to the van.

  “Are we riding in that?” Charlie asked as though the van were covered in gold. He bounced up and down, and when Donald opened the door, he bounded inside. Donald made sure he was settled in the booster seat and buckled in. Then Donald closed the door, and Robin got in the passenger seat before giving Donald his sister’s address so he could put it in the GPS.

  The drive took less than ten minutes, and they pulled up in front of the small brick apartment building. Charlie ran out as soon as Donald got him out of the seat, and he raced up the walk to the front door. Robin let them inside, and Charlie hurried down the hall to a door, which Robin unlocked. They stepped right into the small living room, which was neat as a pin. Charlie hurried down to one of the tiny bedrooms and disappeared inside.

  “Don’t get out a bunch of things,” Robin told him.

  “What should we get?” Dwayne asked.

  Robin went into Charlie’s bedroom, where he had pulled toys out of a box. He sat on the floor, playing with a stuffed horse and cat.

  “Take the dresser,” Donald said, peeking inside. “This way we can get a lot of Charlie’s clothes in one go. Don’t empty it. We can load it full. We should also take his toy box and the shelves. Pack up his books, and we can load them too. The more things you have that Charlie is familiar with, the easier it will be for him to settle in his new place.”

  “You got it,” Dwayne said, then left the apartment and returned with boxes. “I got them at the store this morning. Figured we’d need some.” He began packing books and then carried the boxes out, followed by the shelves.

  Robin checked the closet, then found some black garbage bags in the kitchen and used them to cover the hung clothes. Dwayne took those out as well. Donald and Dwayne hauled out the dresser, and Robin took Charlie’s hand.

  “Can you help me in the kitchen?” Robin asked, and Charlie went with him. Robin saw Dwayne carry out the toy box, and he sighed. They had most of Charlie’s things. He checked the refrigerator, grateful there was nothing that needed immediate attention. He emptied the cupboards of what seemed to be the things Gretchen had for Charlie. Then, holding Charlie’s hand, he went to his sister’s room and opened the door.

  Charlie jumped onto the bed and bounced until Robin asked him not to. Then he flopped down while Robin checked around. There were pictures of her and Charlie on her dresser, and Robin groaned, willing the tears not to come.

  They did anyway. Robin made it to the bathroom before breaking down. He didn’t want to upset Charlie, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Once the flow of pain began, it seemed unending. He grabbed a towel off one of the bars and pressed it to his eyes. He needed to be there for Charlie, somehow, but that wouldn’t happen if he was on the bathroom floor, going to pieces. Robin tried to get up, but his legs refused to work, and he buried his face in the towel, giving up the fight.

  “Sweetheart.” Dwayne knocked quietly, then opened the door. He helped him up and then cradled him in his arms as Robin sobbed for his sister and her little boy, who’d never see his mother again.

  “What am I going to do?” Robin asked as he gulped for air. “How can I make up for the mother he’s never going to have?” He buried his face in Dwayne’s shirt and held on to him with everything he had. Robin was going to explode into a million little pieces any second, he knew it.

  “It’s okay to grieve. Of course you’re going to miss her. But Charlie needs you, and he’s going to need you for a long time.” Dwayne continued holding him, and slowly Robin got hold of himself. “Charlie is with Donald right now.”

  “Thank God.” Robin wiped his eyes on the towel once again.

  “He says he’ll get Charlie’s things from the bathroom if you want to gather anything you want of your sister’s. Then we should go get something to eat and head for home. We can come back in a few days, but I think both of you are going to need some quiet time an
d probably a lot of sleep.”

  Robin couldn’t argue with that and nodded. But he didn’t want Dwayne to let him go. If he did, Robin was sure he was going to end up right back where he’d been.

  “Give me a minute,” Robin whispered and closed his eyes, breathing in Dwayne’s scent. “I’ll be okay.” He wiped his eyes a final time, released Dwayne, and got his legs under him. “It hit me all at once that Gretchen is really gone.” He inhaled deeply, grabbed one of the large towels, went back to Gretchen’s room, laid it on the bed, and wrapped some of the pictures in it before setting the bundle aside.

  “Go ahead and get the last things you want.”

  Robin nodded and noticed that Dwayne stayed with him. He wasn’t comfortable looking through his sister’s things. It was invading her privacy. Yes, he’d have to do it eventually, but not today. He didn’t have it in him today.

  “Spend some time with Charlie while I get the last of this loaded.” Dwayne took the towel bundle and made a few trips out to the car.

  “I’m hungry,” Charlie said, running in to stand between Robin’s legs, meeting his gaze with big blue eyes. “Nuggets.”

  “We promised you nuggets, and we’re going to get some just as soon as Uncle Dwayne and Donald finish loading the last of what we need.” Robin hugged Charlie as Donald came back inside.

  “I packed a box of things like plastic cups and bowls that Charlie will need, and that’s in the car. I think the rest can wait until you come back. There were a few things in the refrigerator that won’t last, so I pitched them and packed what can make the trip, so we’re good there.”

  Once Dwayne joined them, Robin lifted Charlie, and he handed Dwayne the keys to let him lock up.

  Donald showed him how to properly buckle Charlie into the seat, and then they were on their way. They stopped at McDonald’s for Charlie’s nuggets first, and Charlie ate like a teenager. That kid could pack it away, and as soon as they were back in the van and on the road, Charlie dropped off to sleep.

  Robin spent much of the drive sitting silently, watching out the window, wondering what was coming next.

  CHARLIE WAS in pajamas, watching a DVD they’d brought with them. Donald had gone home after helping to bring in everything and set up Charlie’s room. It looked nice in there. Charlie sat on the floor, looking up at the television, and every so often turned to make sure Robin was still there. About an hour ago, Robin had left the room and Charlie had turned, not seen him, and started screaming for his mother, which necessitated a good deal of calming and yet another explanation that Gretchen was gone.

  Dwayne sat next to Robin and put an arm around his shoulders. Robin leaned against him, wondering what he was going to do about work tomorrow. He had Charlie to look after and he needed to work. But it seemed Dwayne and Donald had already talked that over.

  “Donald is going to come over in the morning to get Charlie. Alex has agreed to ‘babysit’ Charlie for five dollars.” Dwayne winked. “So just relax. Things are going to be fine. We’ll take things one day at a time.”

  “I’m trying,” Robin whispered. “Charlie, once this show is over, you need to go to bed and Uncle Dwayne will read you a story. He does really good stories with voices and everything.”

  “I do?” Dwayne whispered gently.

  “You do now.” Robin smirked.

  Charlie went back to the video, which ended fifteen minutes later. Robin helped him brush his teeth and wash his hands and face, then settled Charlie into bed. Dwayne came in and read Charlie a story, complete with amazing voices, but Charlie only heard the first half because he fell asleep. Robin turned out the light, and they left the room and half closed the door.

  Robin breathed freely for the first time all day. He couldn’t believe how much they’d done. He was tired but wide-awake, and his head still spun like a top.

  “Come on. We need to get you to bed so you can sleep.”

  “How am I supposed to? All I can think about is my sister and what happens if I mess things up for Charlie?” He sat back on the sofa, and Dwayne turned off all the lights to sit next to him in the dark.

  “You’re not going to mess anything up.” Dwayne hugged him. “Charlie is an adorable little boy. When he called me ‘Unca Dwayne’ today, I felt my heart melting right there.”

  Robin groaned without meaning to as some of the tension from the day finally drained from him. He hadn’t realized just how tightly he’d been wound until some of it leached away.

  “I’m going to have to try to find a place for Charlie and me to live. I can’t continue to stay here and live off you.” He turned to peer into Dwayne’s eyes. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you didn’t help me weeks ago, or how I could have managed all this without your help. But I can’t keep relying on you like this.”

  “You aren’t living off me. You have a job now and can support yourself. So pay part of the rent if that makes you feel better.” Dwayne tugged him closer. “I like having you here.”

  “Why?” Robin asked, hoping like hell the reason wasn’t because Robin had been sleeping with him. His heart told him that wasn’t the case. Dwayne wasn’t that kind of guy. But he prepared himself to hear it anyway.

  “Did it ever occur to you that we have a lot in common? My family hasn’t been any more accepting or forgiving than yours seems to be. You and I are both on our own. The difference for me was that I had skills and some options. You didn’t, but you do now.”

  “I guess.” Robin stroked Dwayne’s cheeks. “What happened before you left Topeka?”

  Dwayne closed his eyes. “Not today. I think we’ve both had enough trauma and emotional turmoil for one day.” He stood and extended his hand. Robin took it, and Dwayne led him toward the bedroom.

  Robin checked on Charlie, still nervous. He was sound asleep, his night-light casting just enough glow Robin could see his blond head poking out of the covers and how he held his stuffed bear right next to him as though it might try to make a run for it and Charlie was determined to stop it. Dwayne slid his arms around Robin’s waist, saying nothing, just held him and silently supported him. Robin leaned back, knowing he was okay and that if he fell, Dwayne was there for him. His mind floated, and a light-headedness came over him. Not because anything was wrong, but because it was right and he could let it all go and relax.

  Dwayne guided him the last few steps to the bedroom. Robin hesitated and turned to kiss him gently. Then he tilted his head toward the bathroom, and Dwayne nodded and turned to the bedroom.

  Robin brushed his teeth and washed up, taking a few seconds to clear his head and allowing himself to truly decide what he wanted. It was a lot to take in and even more to accept. His life had changed, and still was in ways he could never have imagined a few weeks ago. What concerned him wasn’t that the changes surprised him, but the fact that they might turn out to be fleeting. A teacher his senior year once told the class that change was good because one never knew what it was going to bring. Good or bad, at least it brought something that broke the status quo and made lives unique and gave them meaning. At the time Robin hadn’t understood in the slightest what he’d been trying to say, but now he understood so well.

  Robin turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom to join Dwayne in the bedroom. It was a warm evening, so Dwayne had turned on the air conditioner, and the cooler air flowed gently into the room. Dwayne lay on top of the covers, and Robin did his best not to stare at him as he took off his clothes and joined him in bed. He wasn’t exactly sure if tonight was a good night for… whatever… and he was trying not to get excited.

  He failed.

  As soon as he touched the covers, Dwayne slid closer, tugging him against his heat and strength, and Robin was lost. He turned, and Dwayne kissed him, his weight pressing Robin into the mattress, and there was no way Robin wanted him to stop. He’d been nervous and uptight all day, worrying about Charlie and his sister and…. His breath hitched as the memories returned and he tried to control them.

 
Dwayne stroked his cheek and held him tighter. “I know, and it’s okay. Just let it go for a little while.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Close your eyes and just breathe,” Dwayne whispered, and Robin did as he said, trying to give over control and his worries and pain to Dwayne. He had to somehow let them go so he could sleep, and hoped the grief and worry didn’t eat him alive the way they threatened at the moment. “It’s okay to feel the way you do. You’re going to miss your sister.”

  “Yes,” Robin said into the darkness. “She was the part of my family that didn’t completely reject me.”

  “I know. But now you have a piece of her that needs you to help him grow and mature. The best part of her is right in the other room.” Dwayne stroked his belly and then downward. Robin’s cock had taken a breather, but as soon as Dwayne touched him, Robin was awake, and he groaned softly. He didn’t want to wake Charlie, but he needed to know he was alive and could still feel like he had before all this started.

  “What am I doing?” Robin asked.

  “Live. You’re allowing yourself to live….” Dwayne kissed the base of his throat, and his cares and grief receded slightly. “You’re allowing yourself to feel pleasure instead of pain, and excitement rather than hurt.” Dwayne sucked at one of his nipples, and Robin moaned under his breath, thrusting his chest forward into the sensation, needing the relief and escape.

  “Dwayne,” he whimpered. Part of him wasn’t sure this was right, and then Dwayne gripped his cock tighter, holding him, and Robin’s protest died on his lips as clouds of achingly intense pleasure washed over his mind. When Dwayne licked him and then slid his lips over the head of his cock, Robin forgot about everything and everyone but Dwayne and how he played Robin’s body. Nothing else mattered. He knew he cared for Dwayne, but through the pleasure of that moment, one thought rushed through his mind, cutting across everything else. He was in love with Dwayne. Heat washed over him in waves as he identified the deep emotional connection he felt for him.