Vampire

by Amy Mah

  As the big male gently removed Amy, she realized that the only reason so far that she had not pissed down his neck was that her inner vampire couldn’t work out how to undo Amy’s pants.

  Amy wasn’t joking. She could feel what her inner vamp was thinking, and she agreed that releasing a full bladder into someone’s face could piss them off in more ways than one.

  The big male grabbed her by one of her feet, which was part of a matching pair attempting to gut him with her claws, and pulled hard, possibly forgetting that her hand claws were still tangled in his head hair after the last failed attempt to claw out his eyes. When she landed heavily on the ground some 20 feet away, she still had a good clump of his hair with her.

  Amy landed at the feet of the only person the nest ever sent out: the big boss, Valerius.

  “YOU! Someone wants to kidnap you? You as a sex object? Well, now I have seen it all!”

  He looked over to-what should I call him? Amy thought. Well, to be nice, “kidnapper,” but in truth, far more words came to mind, and most of them had connections to bodily functions.

  “You had plans to kidnap and have sex with this? Why? It is almost as young as it looks and still wild. I don’t normally comment on vampire perversions, but wouldn’t it be more decent to try for ones a little bit more-how should I put it? Better endowed?”

  Amy knew that he was doing his normal crappy acting part to piss off the kidnapper, but it was not helping her self confidence. Look, even in vamp society, how many times do I have to say that my body is Asian-style and therefore normal! I am not supposed to have a bust that would make me look like a frigging milk cow!

  The kidnapper brushed himself off and acted like nothing had happened, Amy playfully started to pick out hairs from her claws and drop them. She thought that Miss Inner Vamp must have gone to put her feet up somewhere.

  “Please keep out of this; you should know that I have full collection rights in all ten territories on any un-nested fertile female discovered. No harm would of course befall them, and they will fulfil their normal bodily functions as nature intended within a nest of my choice. If you are trying to claim them for your own nest, then a request can be submitted in writing.”

  The more time she spent living in the vampire world, the more Amy realized how close they were to animals (partly due to all those living wildlife documentaries her aunt had forced her to watch). She knew that what was going on was two dominant males lining up and kicking up dust with their back hooves. Now she pictured creatures with Latin names who walked the earth 60 million years ago and knocked down full grown trees as they turned to face each other and diden’t even notice. These were big beasts who had even larger male egos,

  She had attacked the kidnapper with everything her inner vamp had, and all Amy had done was pluck a few hairs. He could have killed her at anytime he wanted (the same with Valerius). Being female, Amy was more like a cat to kick; they may enjoy doing it, but does not get you any male brownie points.

  Valerius pointed to Amy and asked her to stand. He masked it, but she could smell his anger. It was more of a feeling than a smell, like static electricity. Amy felt the hair on the back of her neck stand to attention when he pointed at her, and that was not the sort of body reaction she liked having.

  “Child, I am going to ask you some questions, and you will answer just the question I ask: nothing more. Do not give me feelings, thoughts or ideas: only the full truth as simply as you can. What I will ask is very important; do you understand?”

  So I am no longer just a female but a child now!

  His eyes burned into hers, which was not good as it woke up her inner vamp, who showed Amy his true image, and it was not pretty. It may have been just a blood memory, but his wing span had to be about 25 – 30 feet. What was between the wings was best described as black and perhaps the original for the Disney’s Fantasia night on bald mountain.

  Amy answered, “Yes, my lord; I am yours to command.”

  He called Bambi over and removed a modesty amulet from her neck. After all the fuss Ice made when I wore one when I was not branded in gold, now the maids have them!!!

  As she took it, she noticed that it looked identical to the one the kidnapper had removed from her, disappointingly not getting his fingers burn when he did.

  “Do you know what it is, child?”

  So still with the child? Not that I will say anything, she thought, as he is getting into his acting mode, and today he is playing lawyer. Amy had seen his acting skills several times now, and she wasn’t kidding to say that he did it so well that he could kill an audience with his skill and timing.

  “Yes, lord. It is a modesty disc to stop pervy guys from looking up your skirt to see your rank brand.”

  He smiled like a snake, and Amy just prayed that she had said the right thing.

  “And tell me, do you also wear one to stop pervy guys from looking up your skirts? Or don’t you, as I don’t see one on you? Perhaps you like raising your skirts to guys?”

  Amy couldn’t control her tongue.

  “Of course I had one. I’m an alpha; you made me an alpha after sniffing my underwear. And I would still have one if that bastard over there that can’t keep his dick in his pants had not ripped it off me! And it didn’t burn his fingers like it should have!”

  At this point, Amy expected him to hit her, but instead he winked. She didn’t know what to make of that.

  “Well, child, you can’t expect me to remember all the girls’ underwear I have sniffed over the years, so let’s be quite certain you have been clearly marked. Please show our visitor with the active pants your markings.”

  Amy still didn’t understand why her brand had to be located on the hip? Apart from a thong, which I have to admit I have never worn due to the fact that I like my underwear to stay on the outside of my body, I have nothing in my wardrobe that would make it easy to show off a hip brand.

  Skin-tight leather pants were not easy to get on and almost impossible to get off after one has been sweating. Amy just knew that he was doing this to her because of the underwear sniffing comment.

  Bambi ran over to help her roll them down over her hips and then carefully stood in front to give Amy a little modesty cover. I guess I will find out next time I load up Fangbook how much cover I actually had, she thought, as Amy just knew someone in the graveyard had a camera pointed at her right now (even if it is just one of the corpses).

  Valerius now came over to Amy, and she expect him to take out one of those big magnifying glasses that stamp collectors use and start counting her goose pimples. Graveyards are not warm at the best of times, let alone when you are mooning the local church.

  “Well, that is a very neat and also very clear branding. Would you care to take a closer look?”

  The kidnapper at last made a comment. “It was not noticed, and the female did not show it to us. But it makes no difference. It is too late now; she was away from the protection of her nest, so renegade.”

  As he was saying this crap, Amy was pulling things back up in place. Now she knew the meaning of getting your undies in a bunch; heck, well, they can stay that way. I’m not stripping again.

  Amy never knew why people let Valerius do what he did; he turned every place into a court room, and people just accepted that it was normal up to the point where it was hard to stop him without acting guilty.

  “Just stop this foolishness at once; whatever you say does not mean anything. I am fully in my rights. Just move out of the way, or I will kill you,” the kidnapper said.

  “Please, have a little patience. Just one last question to the child, as I just need to make things clear for the record so that we do not have this sort of problem again.”

  Valerius turned to Amy. “Child, please answer clearly so that we do not take up anymore of the lord’s ti-”

  Now, for the first time, Amy saw him stop in midsentence.

  “I said, I have no time for this foolish verbal diarrhea of yours. Retreat or arm yourself,
as if you are still here after I count to three, I will kill you.”

  Now was the time to slowly back away, which Amy did. Actually, it was not that slow, as she almost tripped over twice while doing it. As if I would take my eyes off them! I may be a valuable piece of merchandise (or, rather, some of my more personal and intimate internal bits are), but so is a Ming vase, and they always end up broken during a fight, sometimes by being used to hit the opponent with. Amy didn’t want today to be the day to discover what it was like to be that valuable or breakable.

  “I hope that you will be honorable and allow me the weapon of my choice. I do so find that humans from Japan make some very nice weapons.”

  A Praetorian Guard opened a case and offered a long Japanese sword to Valerius, which Valerius tested using wrist movements and stances seen in many Japanese martial arts movie.

  The kidnapper gave a flick of his fingers in bored agreement.

  “You are very kind, and in return, please allow me to offer for you the same advantage, along with whatever body armor you find comfortable.”

  The last of the kidnapper’s men handed his boss a helm along with a Japanese samurai sword of his own.

  “You do get above yourself. You should know that you cannot hope to match my skills in fighting. I still can offer you your life, but I will take the females with me. If not, then let’s settle the matter like true vampires.”

  Valerius replaced the sword in the case and picked another sword to test, which also looked to be unsuitable.

  “Will you get on with it? Pick your weapon, or I will cut you down empty handed!”

  Valerius sighed as he handed the blade to the guard and reached inside the case again. This time, he lifted out something covered with a silk cloth, tied with golden cords, and tasselled at each corner. There was a slight hum when he held it, which turned into a load roar as several pointed things with flames coming from their butts one after another followed some little red dots that had appeared on the kidnapper’s chest.

  He was fast; Amy would give him that. If he had been a little further away or even had moved before Valerius locked the computerized tracking system onto him, then he may have gotten away. Whatever the things following the kidnapper through the air were, they made a funny noise as they got faster, which they did not ever show in war films.

  The way they changed direction to follow him was really cool, and when they did reach him, you did not get the hit replays: just a blinding flash, a roar and lots and lot of bits of ex-vampire. No, vampires didn’t rise from the dead, and even if they did, most of that ex-vamp would need to do it from the insides of rats and other creatures interested in a slice of roasted vamp.

  When they say older vampires are almost indestructible, the word to take note of is “almost.” Yes, they still had to worry about stakes through the heart and beheading, which can even kill a zombie, but then the easy-to-kill ones have already been killed. Those that are left are the almost indestructible ones.

  The problem was that no one ever talked about things like the modern computerized tracking missiles, which have been designed to take down jets travelling several times faster than the speed of sound. What Valerius now placed back in its box must have been some new boy toy for him to play with.

  Amy expected that the human designers designed the thing he used to be bolt mounted on the ground or perhaps to a tank due to its weight and kickback when fired, but then, human designers had not taken into consideration a vampire lord with a liking of Japanese weaponry and the very pissed-off attitude of an actor who had not been allowed to finish his act. Okay, that was unfair; even if he had finished his act, he still would have been pissed off. The way he had dismembered the last of the kidnapper’s men was messy to say the least. It must be a male thing of marking one’s territory, and I for one am relived he does not pee on marker posts like werewolves to delineate his kingdom.

  Dad the Tyrant

  Amy was more shocked than she would have thought possible at discovering that the great nest tyrant was Max and Ice’s father! He was acting more like a father than a tyrant when he turned to lay into his children.

  “Not only have you shamed me with your failure to protect females in your control, but you placed your sister’s life in danger. Believe me, you will be punished for that.”

  “As you have said, it was fully your fault your sister’s life was in danger; you shall have her punishment as well as your own. I will think about what your punishment will be, but in the meantime, your sister’s is easy. I so hope you will enjoy the five-year ballet course you will take in her place. I will instruct your maids to measure you for the tu tu or what ever the male equivalent is.”

  He turned to Ice.

  “Not a word. You are also a disappointment to me. Your brother is taking your punishment for leaving the nest without my permission and for putting you in danger, but as for your own pathetic skills in protecting your honor, I can now see it is wanting, and after the expense of private tuition, that creature there………..”

  Yes, it was me he was referring to, and tonight I have gone from female to child to creature. Amy desperately wanted to leave before it was her turn in front of him, but he was not letting Ice go yet.

  “………was the only one still fighting when I arrived, plus the only one able to send for help!”

  “Do you think your mother would have been so easily defeated? I remember your mother was able to hit me so hard that I almost lost a fang on one occasion, and she loved me. Yet some untrained savage was still fighting and what were you doing? Taking a nap or about to offer to raise your tail to them?”

  “Well, the private tuition ends today. If high school can teach the likes of that creature to cover her tail, then let’s see if it can at least teach you how to kill your classmates. I will arrange your placement as soon as we return.”

  He didn’t see her fight; she was awesome! Amy thought. I was the first one down, not Ice, and Max stood over her to protect her. And now she is almost in tears, and frigging crap! It’s my turn!

  He turned to Amy and started prodding her in the chest with a clawed finger, which was painful, as he was denting her Helsing breast armor with just his finger.

  “YOU! It is always you! Isn’t killing humans enough for you now? Are you planning to wipe out the whole vampire species on your own? We are already in a cold war with one nest due to you; now, look what you have done!”

  Me? Why me? It’s not that I ask for things to happen! Well, I don’t!

  He summoned a guard to bring Bambi, and he leaned forward.

  “This bimbo thing of yours is unacceptable, and you should not even know how to create personal slaves, let alone try it out on a nest maid. Well, you can keep her for the time being, but she is your responsibility. Whatever she does wrong, you will get the full blame for as she is fully yours. Nest turning and training is done for a reason, and you have broken that, so don’t be surprised if she now starts fighting with other nest maids or fouling the sidewalk. And if she does, then you will have to clean it up. Believe me when I say I will personally be keeping a very watchful eye upon you both from now on. Forget about any stupid ideas on personal freedom; if you so much as fart out of tune, I will know!”

  Max and Ice

  Amy allowed herself to slump down against a tombstone while Bambi fussed over her cuts.

  Valerius had not finished. His acting performance had been cut off far too soon, so he was now acting like bad news incarnate as he gave an order to one of the guards.

  “Please return to the nest and inform the head of Homeland security that I have accepted his resignation.”

  That sounded bad, but with vampires, some jobs were for life, so it was not good to be the one taking or receiving that sort of message.

  Amy could then hear him talking to Max and Ice about her, a full history of her: what she had been up to. He was covering some very personal stuff from her past, things you did not want shared with your friends (certainly not with
your boyfriend).

  She wondered if she could perhaps dig into a grave and stay out of sight for a century or so, as from tonight she may no longer have a boyfriend. Valerius was using the graveyard as a command center, as he had people clean up the area before lots of blue flashing lights appeared.

  Amy braced herself and went to stand by Max and Ice. She tried to put forward her side of the story after what she had heard Valerius tell them.

  “I am so sorry to get you into trouble with your father!”

  Not that Amy knew he was their father until tonight. Okay, she also did not know their father was the obnoxious male chauvinist pig that she kept meeting every time she accidentally ended up starting a war or going on a mass killing. She also did not know her boyfriend’s father was the pervert that had sniffed her undies in front of the high council.

  “I know he just warned you about me and some of my-err, more colorful past events. But I was there at most of them and would like you to hear my side.”

  Amy took a long breath and got ready to do the standard vamp monologue, hoping to explain her side of things.

  “Look, I don’t remember ever looking like I wanted to have sex with your father. He is just too old, yuck! Like, no way! Ever, ever, ever, okay?”

  “And I didn’t really have sex with a girl in front of the whole Praetorian Guard, it just looked that way. Besides, just because a girl was having a blood high and even if she was having sex with me, it doesn’t necessary follow that I was having sex with her!

  “I only gave her a ring because she asked for one; I didn’t know it meant I was claiming her as my personal sex slave.”

  “And before tonight it was only one male that I killed by ripping his throat out with my teeth.”

  “And no, I did not then eat him. I don’t normally eat vampires. I think I just chewed and swallowed what I had in my mouth after I bit him. That was all, and it was not that he even tasted that good. Besides, it was only three or four mouthfuls before he threw me off.”