Silent Knight

by Becky McGraw

  “Just kill me now, because I’m ready,” he said loudly, as he crawled outside and stood.

  “Killing would be too easy for you, asshole,” the man shadowed behind the fire said. “I’m going to kick your ass first for what you did to a woman I consider a mother. Then I’m taking you to apologize to her, and if you don’t, I’ll kill you then and have plenty of help to hide your body.”

  Griff knew who that voice belonged to, Dave Logan, and he was a little disappointed. This fight was not going to end his pain, it was only going to make it worse. Much, much worse.

  How in the hell had they found him?

  Chapter 21

  After she put the presents under the tree, Lou Ellen tiptoed back down the hallway to her bedroom so she didn’t wake up Layla and Jayden. She quietly closed the door behind her and sighed as she turned to look at her bed.

  Her eyes filled as she walked there and sat down. Stop it! You have everything you need in this life and so much more, so be thankful.

  He wasn’t worth her anger or her tears and he sure wasn’t worth the team being away from their families tonight to go searching for him. She tried to tell them that—tried to stop them from going—but they would not be stopped.

  Tonight, when she threw that packet in the garbage, she threw her feelings for him in there too. That was the last tear she was going to shed over him, and the last thought she was giving the heartless man. She had too much now in her life to take care of to waste a minute more on thinking about him.

  So why was he her last thought as she laid on the pillow to wonder if he was warm enough, when below freezing temps and flurries were forecast for the morning?

  Because you’re an idiot! She punched her pillow twice, snuggled her face into it and forced him from her mind. A few minutes later, her doorbell rang and she sat straight up in the bed with her heart pounding. Who in the hell would be ringing her bell at three in the morning? She patted her hand on the nightstand until she felt the comforting grip of her pistol.

  She slid Bruno off of the edge of the table and the weight almost dragged her arm to the floor. Still half asleep, Lou Ellen walked into the hallway and saw Jayden standing in the doorway of his bedroom rubbing his eyes.

  When he lowered his fists, his eyes locked on the pistol at her side. “Holy crap, Lou—you know how to shoot that thing?”

  “I’ll give you a demonstration of my skills on whoever is on my doorstep at three in the morning,” she growled, her mind finally waking up.

  “Who do you think it is?” Jayden asked as he followed her to the front room.

  “I’d bet it isn’t Santa Claus,” she replied, striding to the front door. She heard him gasp when they passed the tree, but didn’t stop until she reached the door. Tiptoeing, she put one eye to the peephole and saw Logan standing there looking grim.

  With a sigh, she unlatched the chain lock, flipped the deadbolt and grabbed the knob.

  When she swung the door open, it wasn’t Logan she saw, though, it was Griff standing there. Her hand tightened on the pistol grip as her pointer finger dipped toward the trigger well as she watched Logan wave as he got back into the Hummer.

  “What in the hell do you want?” she grated through pinched lips as her gaze swung back to Griff. A cold blast of air whipped light, fluffy snowflakes around him and they melted on her face. “Make it quick, before I freeze to death,” she said through chattering teeth as she shivered.

  His hungry eyes glittered in the porch light as they ping-ponged over every inch of her body to her toes, before zipping back to hers. He held out his hand and in it was the manila envelope she’d thrown in the trash at the office last night.

  “You did this?” he asked, his voice choked.

  “No, my best friend Senator Allison Rooks did it, but not without pulling a lot of strings,” Lou Ellen replied, tucking Bruno under her arm as she folded them over her chest where his eyes seemed to be fixed. “And I wish like hell now I hadn’t asked her to. Take it and live under the bridge for all I care. Goodbye, Mr. Griffin.” She swallowed her heart and shoved the door closed, but he put his foot between the door and jamb.

  “We need to talk, Queenie—let me in.”

  “Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin, asshole,” she growled, putting her shoulder into the door. His bark of laughter sent fire up to scorch her scalp, and before she thought better of it, she opened the door again to glare at him. “Are you laughing at me, you heartless bastard? If you are I’ll shoot your pecker off!”

  “I thought ladies didn’t cuss,” Layla mumbled sleepily as she stopped beside her.

  Lou Ellen growled when he laughed again and punctuated it with a sexy smirk that pulled at her insides.

  “Well, men don’t leave without saying goodbye to people they claim to care about, so I guess the rules of polite society don’t apply here, sweetheart. Don’t come back here, Griff.”

  She tried to shut the door again, but he pushed back and she stumbled. When he walked inside and shut the door behind him, she lost her mind.

  “Forget shooting you and going to prison, I’m calling the police and you can spend Christmas Day in jail.” Angrier than she’d ever been in her life, she left him standing there to walk toward her bedroom.

  “You’re in big trouble, man,” she heard Jayden say. Out of the mouths of babes, Lou Ellen thought as she grabbed the knob on her bedroom door. She twisted it and opened the door but didn’t enter when she was grabbed from behind and held tight.

  Dizzy from both anger and adrenaline, she dropped the pistol to the ground and fought like a wildcat to get his offensive arms from around her body. She stomped her heel into his boot and found out it had steel toes too late when a shockwave of pain sliced up her leg.

  Remembering his wound, she balled her fist and rammed it back into his thigh. His howl sliced through her as she fell forward when his arms loosened. She looked around, saw her pistol and scrambled toward it, but his boot slammed down over it.

  “You can’t shoot me until I apologize. I can’t die knowing that I hurt you,” Griff said, and Lou Ellen sat back on her haunches to look up at him. “I’m sorry for leaving like I did, Queenie. Truly and honestly sorry. I thought it was the right decision at the time, but now I realize how damned wrong I was.”

  “Layla cried every night. She thinks you never gave a damn about her,” Lou Ellen said, her voice trembling with anger.

  Griff flinched, and seeing it made her feel vindicated. He needed to hurt as badly as he’d hurt them, and realize what he’d done to two already damaged kids.

  “What can I do to fix it?” he asked, his lips quivering at the corners.

  “You can say goodbye before you leave this time,” she replied as she pushed up to her feet. “And I think you should do that as fast as you can. This is their first real Christmas and I don’t want you ruining it for them—or for me.”

  Chapter 22

  Griff swallowed hard as he followed behind Lou Ellen down the hallway. His eyes burned as fiercely as his chest hurt when he walked into the living room, which was only lit by the lights on the tree and saw Layla and Jayden fondling their gifts., smiling as they shook each one close to their ear and whispered what they thought was inside.

  Sucking in a breath, he went over and knelt beside Layla. She cast him a hot look, then ignored him to pick up another gift. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. I do care about you greatly, but thought dragging things out would only hurt you more.”

  She snorted. “Saying goodbye before you left isn’t dragging things out, asshole,” she growled as she shook the box by her ear.

  “Layla!” Lou Ellen reprimanded sharply.

  “This isn’t the time for―what did you call it? The rules of polite society? He left me too,” she replied, her voice shaking.

  “I left to keep you safe—to keep all of you safe,” Griff said, huffing a frustrated breath. “The way I left was wrong, and I’m so damned sorry, Shortie.”

  “Don�
�t call me that,” she growled, her eyes swinging to him. “Only my friends call me that and you don’t qualify anymore.”

  He gripped her quivering chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I love you, Layla. I wish I hadn’t abandoned you, but I did. I am an asshole for doing it. If you forgive me, I promise to never do it again.” Her eyes filled and Griff’s did too when she jerked her face away.

  “Your promises mean nothing to me, and you won’t have another chance.” She scrambled up to her feet and put her hands on her hips and glared down at him. “You hurt her too,” she said pointing at Lou Ellen, but holding his eyes. “That is something that can never be forgiven, because she is the best woman I’ve ever met.”

  Jayden stood up beside her. “She is the best woman we’ve ever met, and I don’t know you well, but because you hurt her, I don’t like you either. You should leave.”

  Griff glanced at Lou Ellen, who stood observing with her arms crossed over her chest. He knew when to accept defeat, and it was now. He’d let them have their Christmas in peace, but he wasn’t giving up.

  Before New Years Day, Lou Ellen would accept his apology and agree to marry him. She was the best woman he’d ever met too, and he could not imagine living the new life she’d given him without her. That would be the ultimate hell on earth.

  * * *

  Two days later, Griff used his new cell phone to call Dave Logan and leave a message. It had taken him that long to digest the monumental stack of paperwork in the envelope, which he’d only skimmed the night he received it, and find the job offer.

  So far today, he’d gone to get a new driver’s license, applied for a new passport and opened a bank account to deposit the huge check for back pay and pension from the CIA, made payable to Frank G. Robinson. Monthly deposits equal to his former salary would also be made into his new account for the rest of his life.

  The apology note from the supervisor he’d almost killed at the funeral was addressed to Griff. That, his death certificate and the intel dossier assuring that Abu Sayyaf was almost decimated, as instructed, were shredded at the media center at the hotel where he was staying at their expense.

  He had nothing to worry about now except making a new life for himself. He was determined that new life would include making Lou Ellen Wells his Mrs. Robinson forever. Toward that goal, he was going shopping for her Christmas gift today, and gifts for the kids, getting a haircut and buying a new suit. The beard itched badly, but he’d continue growing it back, so the age thing didn’t bother her.

  The final thing he would do today was accept the job offer Logan had included in the envelope before he gave it to him. He was sure Lou Ellen wouldn’t be happy about that right now, but it would put him in a good position to wage his assault on her heart. It would also give him something to do to keep him occupied and feeling productive. Every penny he earned would be given to her to help with expenses for Layla and Jayden.

  Griff sighed, feeling lighter inside than he had in five years. There was so much hope inside of him, he felt like his chest might explode. The only thing that would make him feel any better was if Queenie would forgive him. Operation Win Queenie Back was commencing at zero twelve hundred.

  * * *

  They were working at the downtown office this week, and Lou Ellen hated it. She wanted to be out in the country at the compound, where she could hide out from the public. The tears she said she would no longer shed had their own plan, and she guessed until her body became a desert wasteland, they would continue to flow at will.

  But mostly, she managed to confine them to her bedroom.

  She had never been a crier, so this sudden penchant for the waterworks pissed her off. The scene with Griff and the kids under the Christmas tree had broken her heart again. It kept replaying in her mind and the guilt was relentless.

  She’d felt his pain and desolation as if it were her own. It took everything in her to prevent herself from stopping him, as he walked out the door. But she’d done it. She’d let him go and he’d never be back to bother them. Lou Ellen should be happy and relieved, but those two emotions had no place in how she was feeling. Or how the kids were feeling, for that matter.

  They all missed him and she had many daily moments where she second-guessed her knee-jerk reaction to cut him out of their lives.

  “Two more days until the new year, Queenie,” Slade said as he walked in with Lola at his heels. “Next year is going to be amazing.”

  Like she did every morning, Lou Ellen opened her bottom drawer and pulled a bacon treat out of the bag she kept there for Lola. She held it out because she knew the dog would be there waiting beside her chair. After Lola snapped it up, she licked Lou’s hand and got a scratch between her ears. So normal and mundane this morning ritual, but Lou Ellen needed that lick today badly and Lola seemed to sense it because she lingered there to nuzzle her face against her palm. Tears burned her eyes, but she growled and held them back.

  Slade’s smile fled and his eyebrows crashed together. “You still pining over that bastard?” he snarled, his eyes sparking fire. “Or has he been bothering you again? I know where to find him, and Lola will chew his balls off.”

  “He’s definitely bothering me, but hasn’t been around,” she replied with a sigh. “No ball chewing is necessary, but thanks for the thought.”

  “I told Logan we should just kick his ass on Christmas Eve instead of dragging him to your house, but he wasn’t listening. I’m sorry he hurt you.”

  The office door opened again and Logan strode in. He stopped at the coat rack to take off his jacket. “Morning, Lou,” he grumbled as he hung it and his scarf on the coat rack. “Has Garrison called about that case this morning? He was all on fire about it last week, but I haven’t heard a damned thing since.”

  Mundane. Normal. But when he turned to look at her then stopped to stare, her eyes burned again, dammit.

  “Why are your eyes so puffy?” he growled. “Are you sick?”

  Yes, she was sick. Heartsick. Ugh, stop being a wussy woman!

  “I’m fine,” she hissed. “And if you two would just leave me alone, I might be able to get some work done this morning. No, Garrison hasn’t called,” she said to Logan, then turned her eyes on Slade. “I need your expense report from the last operation two months ago on my desk today. I have to close out these books to give them to Gray for year end.”

  Slade grinned and snapped off a salute. “That’s a roger, General, and I’m glad to see you back, ma’am.”

  Logan laughed and shook his head as he walked to his office. When his door closed, she wilted in her chair, but the office door opened again. She expected Caleb to appear, because that was the usual order of arrival at the office. But all the blood in her body drained to her feet when a tall, handsome man in an expensive business suit walked in.

  Her mouth opened, but no words came out when her eyes met a pair of bright blue eyes, made brighter by neatly combed salt-and-pepper-colored hair and a perfectly trimmed matching beard. She melted lower in her chair as he held her eyes and walked toward her desk.

  “Good morning, Queenie,” the man she knew, but didn’t know at all, said as he reached inside his jacket to pull out a single red rose and hand it to her. “You look especially beautiful today, my love.”

  Chapter 23

  “What in the hell are you doing here, Griff?” she asked without standing, because she knew her legs wouldn’t hold her up. And what in the hell took you so long?

  The strangest combination of emotions gripped her; happiness, anger, joy, sadness, guilt and sorrow. She had no idea which one would take precedence as she drank him in like a woman dying of thirst.

  “I work here now,” he announced proudly. “Didn’t Logan tell you?”

  “No, he did not,” she said, her chin inching down toward her chest as she glared at him.

  Anger quickly took the lead and put the starch back in her legs as she pushed her chair back from her desk to stand. She turned and marched to Logan’s offi
ce door and pounded her fist on it. Without waiting for an answer, she twisted the knob and opened the door. When he saw her face, Logan’s own paled and his eyebrows lifted.

  “You hired him?!?” she demanded folding her arms over her chest.

  Logan shrugged. “You, yourself tell me how short-staffed we are all the time,” he replied, his face even. “He has the background and skills, so yes, I hired him.”

  “Then tell Mickie and Gray I’ll take the trade to the East Coast office. The kids and I are moving to Virginia. I’ll start packing immediately.”

  Logan’s mouth pinched. “Are you sure about that? I hired him to run the East Coast office,” he said, and Lou Ellen grabbed the door frame to hold herself up. “He’s training here for a few weeks, then moving to Virginia.”

  “Oh, Good God!” she moaned, laying her forehead on the door frame as she added despair and frustration to the race.

  Pushing off of the door, she zipped across the front office toward the bathroom because she felt a tsunami coming on. She made it to the door and grabbed the knob, but warm hands suddenly gripped her shoulders from behind. She stiffened when Griff buried his nose in her neck and inhaled deeply.

  “I love you, Lou Ellen and will do anything for you. If you want me to walk right back out that door, I will. I can’t promise I won’t come back, though, because I need you and I need the kids. I was a dumbass, and I’m sorry for hurting you. I will say that every day for the rest of my life until you believe me.”

  She squeezed her eyes tight for a second and found her control, then turned in his arms to put her hands on his chest.