Lean On Me

by Tori Scott

  ***

  Jason opened the door as soon as they pulled into the driveway, with Lillian hovering anxiously behind him. Sandy raced to the porch and pushed past him, headed for Melanie's room. "Mommy. I want my mommy," her daughter wailed.

  "Mommy's here, sweetheart," Sandy assured her as she lifted the sobbing child into her arms. "It's okay. I'm here. What's wrong? Does your leg hurt?"

  Melanie shook her head as she gulped back a sob. "I had a bad dream."

  "Oh, baby. I'm sorry." Sandy sat in the rocking chair in the corner and cuddled her daughter on her lap. "What was the dream about?"

  "I was riding my trike and a monster came and smashed it and ate me all up." She hiccupped and laid her head on Sandy's breast.

  "It was just a dream, baby. You're fine." Sandy stroked her daughter's hair as she rocked. "There aren't any monsters here. If there were, Mommy would chase them away." She continued to rock and pat Melanie's back until the hiccups ceased and her ragged breathing slowed. The door eased open, revealing Hunter in the doorway.

  "Is she all right?" he whispered.

  Sandy nodded and continued to soothe her daughter. He slipped into the room and came to stand by her chair. He reached out one large hand and smoothed Melanie's tangled hair from her face. He looked at the child with such tenderness and longing a lump formed in Sandy's throat.

  She stood clumsily with the child in her arms and he stepped forward to help, supporting Melanie's leg as Sandy eased her into the bed and tucked her in. They crept from the room and pulled the door closed.

  Back in the living room, Jason looked upset. Sandy went to him and put her arm around him. "What's wrong?" she asked.

  "I couldn't make her stop crying. I tried to talk to her, told her everything was okay, but she just kept crying for you.I guess I'm not much of a baby-sitter, huh?"

  She squeezed him tighter. "You're a wonderful baby-sitter, Jason. She just had a bad dream, that's all. When she gets upset like that I'm the only one who can calm her. It's been just the two of us for so long, she's used to me being the only one here for her. When you've been around a while longer, she'll let you comfort her, too."

  Jason gave her a shy smile and said, "Maybe."

  Lillian dabbed at her eyes with a lace handkerchief. "She wouldn’t even let me hold her."

  Sandy went to her mother and gave her a hug. "It’s okay, Mom. She loves you."

  Jason edged closed to Hunter and whispered. "I’m sorry I messed up your date."

  Hunter reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "You did exactly the right thing, son. You called us just like you were supposed to. There wasn't anything else you could have done." He cast Sandy a rueful glance. "I guess we'd better head for home."

  Jason started to protest, but Hunter stopped him. "It's okay, son. Sandy and I will have another chance to finish our date." He gave Sandy a telling look. "Right?"

  "Oh, uh, sure. Of course." She handed Jason a twenty- dollar bill. "Thank you, Jason."

  "I can't take this," he said as he handed the money back to her.

  "Why not?"

  "My dad paid me before I came over. He said it's the man's responsibility to pay the baby-sitter."

  She rolled her eyes at Hunter, but he only shrugged. "Just trying to teach him how to treat a woman."

  Sandy let it go. This time.

  ***

  For the next two weeks, they never had a minute alone. Jason was out of school for the summer and Melanie was tired of the cast, tired of her toys, and tired of not being able to play. She demanded her mother's attention every moment.

  Sandy was going out of her mind. She and Hunter saw each other every day, but always with someone else watching and listening. She finally had to return to work and agreed to let Jason stay with Melanie while Hunter watched over them both. She talked to Melanie several times a day on the phone and kept her work hours to a minimum. She went home for lunch every day, too, and Hunter always had a meal waiting for her. It was usually something simple, like grilled cheese sandwiches or macaroni and cheese, but it was nourishing and filling. She was afraid it would be all too easy to get used to.

  Jason kept her yard mowed and the weeds pulled from the flower beds. Hunter made small repairs she had been unable to do herself. Her house had never looked better.

  A small flicker of injured pride tried to push its way to the surface, but she resolutely tamped it down. They were only trying to be helpful. It wasn’t a reflection on her capability, even if it sometimes felt that way.

  As they ate sandwiches at the kitchen table on a warm Wednesday afternoon, with Melanie propped in a recliner nearby, Sandy asked Hunter a question that had nagged at her for some time. "Hunter, where do you get the money to live on? I know you're not on active duty any more and you said you were setting up a business but not working yet."

  He glanced over at Jason, then back to Sandy. "I have retirement benefits from the Air Force, and I made a few good investments while I was in. Jason's mother had a life insurance policy, too, although I haven't touched much of that. It's there for Jason's college expenses and other things if we need it."

  "Can you tell me about your business?"

  "Sure. It’s not a secret." He grinned and rested his elbows on the table. Melanie pointed and opened her mouth to tattle on him, but Sandy put a finger to her lips.

  "A friend of mine, Bob Watson, is a police officer here in town, and he's quitting the force in a couple of months. We've made plans to open a security consulting business together."

  "That sounds like a great idea. Do you have any clients lined up?"

  "Not yet. We're supposed to meet this weekend to start the licensing process and draw up the legal stuff." He stood and began clearing the table. "Next month we'll begin the advertisements. Jason's building a web site for us, in between baby-sitting and yard work. Now that school's out, he has more time to work on it."

  She looked at Jason in surprise. "I didn't know you were a computer expert. I'm impressed."

  The boy ducked his head, a rosy blush staining his neck and face. "It's just something I picked up. I'm not an expert, but it isn't that hard."

  "To someone who can't do more than spreadsheets and email, the ability to build a web site seems like a big deal. Maybe when you finish with your dad's, you could do one for the daycare center. I think it would help boost the enrollment."

  "Sure. No problem," he replied and took another bite of his sandwich. "Just give me an idea of what you want on it."

  “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you. We’ll pay you, of course.” Sandy turned to her daughter. "What did you do this morning, Melanie?"

  "Jason and I made plans," she said, puffing up with importance. Jason shook his head at her, but she ignored him and continued. "We're gonna be a family."

  Startled, Sandy looked at Hunter to see if he knew what she meant. He shrugged and leaned against the counter, watching their exchange with interest.

  "Oh, really? How's that supposed to happen?" she asked.

  "You'll be Jason's mommy and Hunter will be my daddy," she replied as she crossed her arms over her chest as if to say "So there!"

  Hunter raised an eyebrow at Jason, who had slumped in his seat like he wanted to disappear. "Care to explain that, son?" he asked in his slow Texas drawl."

  "We were just playing make-believe," Jason mumbled, clearly mortified at being found out. "I was trying to keep her occupied. She's tired of all her toys. Doesn't even want to play Candy Land anymore."

  "Well, just remember that what's make-believe to you can seem like a certainty to a child her age. Don't get her hopes up about things you can't control."

  "Sure, Dad. Can I be excused?"

  Hunter nodded and Jason shot out of his seat and left the room. The front screen slammed behind him as he went outside. Hunter laughed and looked at Sandy. "Kids. You never know what they're going to come up with next."

  Sandy felt a little hurt by his dismissal of the possibility of them forming
a family. The thought had plagued her at night as she tried to settle into sleep. More and more often, she dreamed of them living together, sleeping together every night, passing those nights in passion.

  She shook off her melancholy and pasted a smile on her face. "Well, this has been a stimulating conversation, but I've got to get back to work." She rounded the table and kissed Melanie's cheek. "You be good, and go easy on the make-believe. Maybe you'd better stick to fairies and imaginary friends." With a wave she left the kitchen and headed for the front door.

  She had just picked up her purse from the entry table and reached for the doorknob when strong hands gripped her arms from behind and pulled her against a hard chest. She leaned into Hunter for just a moment, then straightened and squared her shoulders, determined that he wouldn't know how hurt she felt by his cavalier treatment of Melanie's remarks. "I've got to go or I'll be late."

  Hunter turned her to face him, his eyes scanning her face.

  "What is it? I felt a definite chill in there."

  "What makes you think anything is wrong? I'm just in a hurry to get back to work."

  "Sandy, about what the kids said in there. I didn't want to act like it was a real possibility because we haven't discussed it. But I have thought about it. I wanted you to know that."

  She looked up at him then. "I've thought about it, too. Just so you know."

  Hunter pulled her in for a kiss that made her knees wobble and her body throb. When he set her away from him, he said, "You'd better get moving or you'll be late. Very late. Hurry home."

  ***

  Hurry home. That sounded like such a husbandly thing to say, and it stayed with her for the rest of the day, reverberating in her brain like a mantra. Not only to hurry home to her daughter, but to the man who drew her like a moth to a flame. The only problem was, the moth usually ended up with singed wings. Was she putting her heart, and her daughter's, in jeopardy by entertaining fantasies of making a home with Hunter? She hoped not.

  She was moody and distracted all afternoon at the daycare center. When she spread peanut butter on the carrots instead of the celery while preparing the afternoon snack, Brenda grabbed the knife from her hand and brought her out of her reverie.

  "Sandy, what in heaven's name is the matter with you?" She laid the knife on the kitchen counter and looked at Sandy, her expression puzzled. "First you give the kids sugar-water to drink instead of juice, now you expect them to eat peanut-butter carrots. Not that they'd mind. They'd probably like it." She laughed, then her expression turned serious. "But this isn't like you. Is something wrong with Melanie?"

  Sandy sighed and hunched her shoulders, rolling her head from side to side to relieve some of the tension. "No, she's fine. Except that she's started entertaining fantasies of Hunter as her new daddy."

  "Well, would that be so bad? I can think of worse things to dream about." Brenda picked up the knife and a slice of celery, and filled it with the sticky peanut butter. "He's certainly not hard on the eyes. And he seems like a good man, from what I've seen."

  Sandy leaned her back against the counter and watched Brenda as she worked. "I guess that's my problem. It's a fantasy I've entertained way too often myself lately. And nothing good can come of it. He certainly doesn't seem eager to fulfill those particular fantasies."

  Brenda gave her a wicked grin. "Are there others he is willing to fill?"

  "Oh, yeah," Sandy replied without thinking. "I mean…"

  "Honey, your blush tells me all I need to know. I say go for it. At the very least, you'd have a really good time."

  Sandy turned to her best friend, needing a chance to talk this through with the one person who knew her better than anyone else. "You know how I feel about taking a step like that again. How can I be sure I won't make the same mistake as before? How can I risk Melanie's well-being by hooking up with another man?"

  Brenda laid the knife on a plate and turned back to Sandy. "You can't be absolutely sure, but what is life without some risk? You can lock yourself away from people so your heart is safe, but what kind of life would that be? You always risk pain when you open your heart to someone, and you usually get hurt a little here and there. But the joy is worth the risk, don't you think?"

  Sandy shook her head. "I don't know. Look what happened with Todd."

  "Okay. Now that you've brought it up, let's discuss it. Do you wish you'd never met him, never married him?" Brenda asked bluntly.

  "Of course I do. If I could go back and change that mistake, I would."

  Brenda filled the last piece of celery and covered the tray with plastic, then cocked her head and looked Sandy in the eye. "Would you really? And what about Melanie? If you went back and undid that mistake, she wouldn't exist."

  Sandy was appalled she'd forgotten the only good thing to come out of her marriage. "Oh! I can't imagine life without Melanie."

  "Is she worth the pain you suffered, the risk you took with your heart? Is she worth the shame you've endured these last two years?"

  "Of course she is." How could Brenda ask such a question? She wouldn't trade Melanie for all the happiness in the world. She just wished she could have both.

  "Then maybe it's time you realized that, in the midst of tragedy, there are good things that happen, too. You haven't cornered the market on pain, you know. We've all had awful experiences." Brenda's eyes were haunted as she held Sandy's gaze. "But we go on, and we keep trying to find happiness. You need to let go of the bitterness and start living again, girl. You've been out of touch too long."

  Sandy felt ashamed of herself. Brenda had lost her fiancée in a military helicopter crash, then lost the baby she carried a month later. So she knew about pain, too. But Sandy had been so caught up in her own problems that she'd forgotten about her friend's. "I'm sorry. I'm being really selfish, aren't I?"

  Brenda sighed and shook her head. "No, honey, not selfish. Maybe a little self-involved, but that's okay. I still hope to find someone to love again. I know there's someone out there who will love me, someone I'll love in return." She kissed Sandy's cheek. "I think Hunter's worth the risk to your heart, don't you?" She lifted the tray and smiled at Sandy, then headed for the classrooms to deliver the snacks.

  Sandy stood in the kitchen for a long time, thinking about what Brenda had said. In spite of what Todd had put her through, he'd also given her the best gift of her life. And Brenda was right. No way would she give up her daughter in exchange for not having had problems. Maybe if she gave Hunter a chance, he could be her one shot at happiness. She'd have to take the risk if she wanted to find out.

  ***

  She wavered back and forth over the decision for another few days. She stayed busy at work, then took Melanie on outings in the wheelchair in the evenings. Sometimes Hunter or Jason went with them, sometimes they went alone. She walked around the neighborhood, pushing Melanie and talking to her about things she'd done during the day. Neighbors often stopped to talk to them, occasionally pressing a pie or casserole into Sandy's hands.

  She could tell people were beginning to see her and Hunter as a couple. When he wasn't with her, someone would ask about him. When he was, conversations always included both of them.

  Debbie Sweeney, especially, seemed intent on pushing them together, with offers of baby sitting and an invitation to the block party Friday night.

  Debbie had placed fresh flowers on the tables, the backyard was lit with lanterns, giving it a romantic atmosphere, and music played softly over speakers strategically placed around the yard. She'd even hired Jason and a few other teenagers to keep the children occupied with games and contests. Sandy couldn't help but wonder what was up.

  "M-m-m. You smell better than the flowers." Hunter pressed his nose to her hair and breathed deeply.

  "You're a big flatterer, you know that?" He was always complimenting her about something. It made her uncomfortable and made her feel cherished at the same time, a battle between mind and heart, with each determined to win.

  "No, flatter
y is too superficial. I think you haven't received enough compliments in your life so you don't know how to react." He lifted her hand to his mouth and planted a kiss on her palm. "But you'd better get used to hearing them from me."

  That was what she was afraid of. That she'd get used to them, come to need them, to need him. She laughed to break the spell he seemed to weave around her whenever he got too close. "Just don't go overboard, okay? I might get a swelled head."

  "You? Never. Dance with me?" He didn't give her a chance to answer, just swept her into his arms and danced her off into the trees.

  "Hunter! What are you doing?"

  "I'm getting my woman away from the crowd so I can kiss her properly, without an audience."

  "But everyone's already gossiping about us. This will only give them more to talk about."

  "Let 'em talk." His mouth covered hers, stopping her protests.

  She knew she should pull away, go back to the others where she was safe. But she was tired of safe.

  She threaded her fingers into his hair and pulled his mouth harder against hers. She answered the teasing quest of his tongue against her lips by opening them, giving him the access he sought. Her reward was a kiss that rocked her foundations, that changed the way she would look at kissing forever.

  He tasted of sweet barbecue sauce and bitter beer. His hard body was pressed tight against her from mouth to knees and she could feel the swell of his erection against her stomach.

  "Damn." Hunter pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead against hers. "Either we're going to have to leave the party or I'm going to have to find a cold shower before I go back out there."

  She couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out. "I guess you could just walk real close behind me until we can find you a chair and a napkin to cover your lap."

  "That's as good a plan as any."

  They rejoined the crowd just as Debbie and Mac stood to make an announcement. With their arms wrapped around each other, Debbie said, "We wanted to share our news with our friends, so…" She smiled at Mac. "We're expecting another baby in December.