Losing It

by Lesley Glaister

  ‘Which friend?’ Jo says.

  Marion puts teabags into two mugs.

  ‘The one whose husband has got cancer?’ she says.

  Jo’s hand flies to her mouth. ‘Oh,’ she says. ‘Sue? She’s gutted. I took her out for a drink.’

  ‘What kind of cancer is it?’

  ‘Something down there,’ Jo says. ‘His balls.’

  ‘Testicular?’

  Jo nods.

  ‘Ouch,’ Marion says.

  ‘She’s gutted they won’t be able to have kids,’ Jo says, ‘even if he gets better.’

  Marion sips her tea. She pushes a plate of biscuits towards Jo.

  ‘Luke helped me make these,’ she says. ‘They look funny but they taste good.’

  ‘No ta,’ Jo says. ‘I’m watching my weight.’

  ‘But you’re so skinny,’ Marion says. ‘I wish I was that thin.’ She puts her own biscuit back on the plate.

  Jo smiles. ‘Do you and David plan on having kids?’

  ‘We’d love to,’ Marion says. ‘We’ve been trying for years.’

  Jo pats her on the hand. ‘Poor you,’ she says, ‘and there’s me getting pregnant at the first pop! Not fair is it?’

  Marion shakes her head.

  ‘Does David mind much?’ Jo asked.

  ‘Yes. He’d love a kid,’ Marion says. ‘And so would I.’

  ‘You can always borrow Luke.’ Jo laughs. ‘He gets on my nerves, me all on my own with him.’

  ‘But he’s sweet,’ Marion says. ‘Where’s his dad?’

  ‘Good question,’ Jo says. ‘Thanks for the tea. And thanks for having him.’ She gets up. ‘Luke,’ she calls. ‘We’re going.’

  ‘Can I watch the end of the film?’ Luke shouts from the other room.

  ‘Do you mind?’ Jo asks.

  ‘Of course not,’ Marion says.

  The next Saturday Jo asks David to give her a lift to B&Q to get some paint.

  ‘I would get it delivered,’ she says, ‘only I want to make a start today.’

  ‘We’ll have to be quick,’ David says. ‘The match starts at 12.’

  Luke goes in the car with them. Marion feels lonely. She washes the kitchen floor and does the ironing and then she goes out shopping. By the time she gets back, David has gone to the match. Luke is sitting on the doorstep.

  ‘Mum made me go out,’ he says, ‘so I don’t get paint on me.’

  ‘Come in then.’ Marion is glad to see him. She gives him a bag of crisps and he sits on the sofa with Tigger on his knee.

  ‘I wish I lived with you,’ he says.

  ‘You’re only next door,’ Marion says.

  She goes into the kitchen to start cooking. They have friends coming round that night. She makes a beef casserole and a cheesecake. Luke helps her bash up the biscuits for the cheesecake base.

  David gets home at 4 o’clock. He’s happy because his team won. He picks Marion up and twirls her round. He smells of beer.

  ‘Fancy a quickie?’ he says.

  ‘But Luke’s here,’ Marion says. ‘Make it a cup of tea instead?’

  He groans and goes upstairs to change.

  Their friends Jean and Ron come round at 7 o’clock. David opens a bottle of red wine and they all stand outside in the sunshine waiting for the potatoes to cook. Jo comes into the garden. She’s wearing paint splashed jeans and a T-shirt that shows her flat brown tummy.

  ‘Oh sorry,’ she says. ‘I didn’t know you had company. I was going to borrow David.’

  ‘Not now,’ David says.

  ‘Oh aye,’ says Ron, ‘what’s this?’ He waggles his eyebrows at David.

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ says Jean.

  ‘Just to help me with a tricky bit of ceiling,’ Jo says.

  ‘Time for a glass of wine?’ Marion says.

  ‘No. Oh go on then,’ Jo replies.

  ‘Where’s Luke?’ Marion asks.

  ‘I’ll get him.’

  Jo goes next door and comes back with her lipstick on, just as the potatoes are done. Tigger’s in the garden and Luke goes to play with him.

  ‘We’re just about to eat,’ David says, frowning at her.

  ‘Oh sorry,’ Jo says.

  ‘Do you want to join us?’ Marion says. She crosses her fingers, hoping Jo will say no.

  But ‘Go on, then,’ is what she says.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The doorbell rings. It’s late on Sunday morning and Marion and David are still in bed. The sun shines through the curtains. They are both hung over. Jo, Ron and Jean did not leave till 3 a.m.

  David groans. ‘Don’t go,’ he says.

  ‘But it will be Luke,’ Marion says.

  ‘Can’t Jo look after him?’

  ‘She’ll be asleep,’ Marion says. She starts to get up but David grabs hold of her arm.

  ‘Don’t go,’ he says again.

  Marion pulls away. ‘I can’t leave him on the doorstep.’

  She goes downstairs to let Luke in.

  ‘I’ve got a present for you,’ she says. She gives Luke a box. He takes out a pair of Spider Man slippers.

  ‘Cool!’ he says. He puts them on and jumps around pretending to be Spider Man.

  She takes David up a cup of tea but he’s in a sulk. She does all the washing up and puts the bottles out. Then she takes Luke to the shop to buy milk and the Sunday papers. He won’t take the slippers off. She buys him a comic and a Curly Wurly.

  In the afternoon Jo comes round. She has a cup of tea with Marion. David’s back from 5-a-side and reading the paper in the garden. It’s hot. Jo’s wearing tiny cut-off jeans. She has long smooth legs. She stands in front of David in his deck chair.

  ‘Could you help me with the ceiling?’ she asks.

  Marion sees David look at Jo’s legs. He can’t help it, she’s standing right in front of him. There’s nowhere else to look.

  ‘Please?’ Jo says. ‘It won’t take long.’

  David looks at Marion. ‘Go on,’ Marion says. ‘I’ll take Luke to the park.’

  ‘You’re a star,’ says Jo.

  Marion and Luke drive to the park. She watches him on the swing and the roundabout. She buys him an ice lolly and they sit on a bench in the sunshine feeding bread to the ducks.

  When they get home, David isn’t back. Luke plays with Tigger and watches a cartoon on TV.

  At 5 o’clock Marion takes Luke home. The back door is open and Luke races straight in.

  ‘Hello?’ Marion calls up the stairs. She can hear them laughing.

  ‘Hi there,’ Jo calls. ‘Come on up.’

  Marion thinks it’s sad that Jo has painted all over Pat’s wallpaper. But it does look more modern. David is sitting on a ladder in the bedroom. The ceiling is finished and he’s drinking a can of beer.

  ‘What do you think?’ Jo says.

  ‘Nice,’ says Marion. The walls are pale yellow and the ceiling white. It looks bright and sunny.

  ‘We could do our room like this,’ David says.

  Marion nods but really she likes their bedroom just the way it is.

  ‘David’s going to help me with the stairs next week,’ Jo says. She swigs her beer. ‘Oh, do you want a drink?’

  ‘No thanks,’ Marion says. ‘Are you coming home now David?’

  He finishes his can and jumps down off the ladder.

  ‘You don’t mind David helping me, do you Marion?’ Jo says.

  ‘Of course not,’ Marion says.

  ‘What’s up?’ David asks Marion later. It’s bedtime. She’s been quiet all evening.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she says.

  ‘Is it because I’m helping Jo?’

  ‘Maybe.’ Marion shrugs.

  David laughs. ‘For God’s sake!’ he says. ‘First you tell me off for being unfriendly, now you don’t want me to help her.’

  ‘It’s not that,’ Marion says.

  ‘What then?’

  ‘I’ve been wanting the kitchen done for years,’ she says.

  Dav
id sighs.

  ‘Do you like her?’ Marion asks in a small voice.

  ‘I think she’s a pain in the neck,’ David says.

  ‘Good,’ says Marion. ‘I think so too.’

  CHAPTER SIX

  David is over at Jo’s every night that week. And every night, Marion babysits Luke and cooks tea for everyone. David and Jo come in all painty and giggly, eat their tea and then go back while Marion washes up and Luke watches TV.

  On Friday the hall and stairs are finished. Marion goes round to see. The walls are sky blue and the woodwork is white.

  ‘It looks lovely,’ Marion says.

  Jo pours them all a glass of wine.

  ‘I’m doing Luke’s room next,’ she says.

  ‘I chose the paint myself,’ Luke says. ‘It’s red.’

  ‘It might look awful,’ Jo says, ‘but I said he could choose.’

  ‘Red is my favourite colour,’ Luke says. ‘Like a fire engine.’

  ‘I thought maybe just one wall red,’ Jo says.

  ‘It’s a shame David can’t help you,’ Marion says, ‘but we’re starting on the kitchen next week.’

  David looks startled. ‘Are we?’ he says.

  ‘While you’re in the mood,’ Marion says.

  ‘Fine,’ Jo gives David a look. ‘I can wait.’

  Jo orders a Chinese takeaway as a thank you. They sit in her kitchen and eat chop suey, chow mein and crispy pancake rolls. They drink too much wine again.

  ‘Do you want to come shopping with me tomorrow?’ Marion says to Jo. ‘We could have a girly lunch.’

  ‘But who’d look after Luke?’ Jo says. Then she blushes. ‘Sorry. Did that sound bad?’

  ‘David could mind Luke, couldn’t you David?’ Marion says.

  ‘Suppose so.’

  ‘That’s settled then,’ says Marion.

  Marion and Jo take the bus into town. They choose new curtains for Marion’s kitchen. Jo buys a short white dress in a sale. Marion picks up brochures from a travel agent. They go into a wine bar for lunch and have pasta and big glasses of white wine.

  ‘You’re such a good pal,’ Jo says. ‘And Luke loves you.’

  Marion smiles. ‘It’s nice to have you both living next door,’ she says.

  ‘It’s hard being on my own,’ Jo says. ‘I hope you don’t mind me borrowing David sometimes?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Marion says.

  They look at the brochures.

  ‘I’d choose Spain,’ Jo says.

  ‘I’d love to go to Greece,’ Marion says, ‘but David’s scared of flying.’

  ‘David’s scared of flying!’ Jo laughs. ‘I never knew that!’

  ‘Why should you?’ Marion asks.

  ‘No reason,’ Jo says. She sips her wine and flicks through the brochure.

  ‘Where do you come from?’ Marion asks.

  ‘Bridge Town,’ Jo says.

  ‘That’s funny,’ Marion says. ‘That’s where David’s from.’

  ‘Well, it’s a big place,’ Jo says. ‘Another glass of wine?’

  When they get home Jo comes in for a cup of tea. David and Luke are playing with David’s old Subbuteo game on the kitchen table.

  ‘Goal!’ shouts David, as they come in. ‘Hi girls, have fun?’

  ‘It was lovely,’ Marion says. ‘You?’

  ‘It’s brilliant!’ Luke says. ‘This is a cool game, Mum.’

  ‘It’s nice for Luke to have a bit of male company,’ Jo says and giggles. ‘You can be his role model, David!’

  ‘These are the curtains,’ Marion says, getting them out to show. ‘And I got paint charts too.’

  ‘And I got this in a sale.’ Jo gets her tiny dress out of a bag and holds it up against her.

  ‘Did you get me anything?’ Luke says.

  ‘What about this?’ Marion says, bringing a chocolate bar out of her bag.

  ‘Such a shame you can’t have kids of your own,’ Jo says.

  There is a silence.

  ‘Why can’t you have kids?’ Luke asks.

  ‘It’s not that we can’t,’ David says. He glares at Jo.

  ‘Maybe we better go,’ she says. ‘Come on Luke.’

  ‘She really is a pain in the neck,’ David says when they’ve gone. Angrily, he packs the Subbuteo back in its box.

  ‘She’s not that bad,’ Marion says. ‘It’s hard for her on her own.’ She gives him a mug of tea. ‘I’m glad you had fun with Luke,’ she says.

  ‘I’ll watch the match now.’ David takes his tea into the other room. Marion follows him.

  ‘It still might happen,’ she says. ‘There’s nothing wrong with us.’

  David smiles. He puts his tea down and looks at the clock. ‘It’s twenty minutes till kick off,’ he says. ‘Want to give it another try?’

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Marion and David decorate the kitchen together. It’s fun. They listen to loud music as they work, and eat fish suppers in the garden. David puts new tiles round the cooker and buys fresh lino for the floor. It’s hot enough to leave the door and windows open and the paint dries quickly.

  When it’s finished Jo comes round to see. She brings Marion a bunch of flowers she’s picked from Pat’s garden. Of course it’s Jo’s garden now, but to Marion it’s still Pat’s. Pat put in all the plants and shrubs and spent hours out there watering and weeding.

  Marion has baked a cake and they drink sparkling wine. There’s lemonade for Luke, who has his own special glass in the cupboard now. Marion and David are off on holiday on Friday. Marion gives Jo the key. Luke is going to feed Tigger and Jo will keep an eye on the place.

  ‘The kitchen’s lovely,’ Jo says, looking round.

  The evening sun shines on the new tiles and the fresh white paint round the windows.

  ‘It is, isn’t it?’ Marion says.

  ‘Have you any of this green paint left over?’ Jo asks. ‘I could use it in my toilet.’

  ‘A bit,’ says Marion.

  ‘But we’re keeping it for touch-ups,’ David says.

  Marion shows Luke some pictures of Cornwall. ‘We’re going to Tintagel,’ she tells him. ‘It’s where King Arthur lived. Do you know about King Arthur?’

  Luke shakes his head.

  ‘I’ll bring you back a book about him,’ Marion promises.

  ‘You’re so lucky,’ Jo says. She holds out her glass for some more wine. She gives Luke a hard look and nudges him.

  ‘What?’ he says. Then, ‘Oh. I wish we could come with you.’

  ‘Luke!’ Jo says. ‘Really! Marion and David don’t want us with them.’

  ‘Well …’ begins Marion.

  ‘No,’ David says. ‘Sorry. It wouldn’t work.’

  Jo shrugs. ‘Oh well,’ she says. ‘We’ll look after the house while you’re away.’

  ‘Tigger will be like my own cat!’ Luke says, grinning all over his face.

  ‘Have a great holiday,’ Jo says, ‘and happy birthday for next week, Marion.’

  ‘What’s the betting she’ll turn up?’ David says when she’s gone home.

  ‘She wouldn’t do that!’ Marion says.

  ‘She’d better not,’ says David.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The sun shines and the sea sparkles. The holiday cottage is perched on the edge of a cliff. From the garden they can see far out to sea and smell the salt and seaweed. Every day they swim and go for long walks. Some nights they eat at the pub, and some nights they sit in the garden drinking wine, listening to the waves and watching the seagulls swoop over the cliff.

  Marion’s birthday is on Friday and they’re going home on Saturday. On Thursday night they have cider and Cornish pasties in the pub, then walk home along the cliff top. The sun is setting on the sea and the waves are like fire.

  Marion suddenly feels very sad. ‘What if we never have a baby?’ she says.

  David stops. He turns and puts his finger under her chin. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he says.

  ‘Are you sure?’


  ‘All I need is you,’ he says.

  It sounds so cheesey that Marion laughs.

  ‘This has been the best holiday ever,’ she says.

  ‘Who needs to fly?’ David says. ‘Who needs Spain? Who needs Greece?’

  ‘And Jo never turned up!’ Marion says.

  ‘Don’t bring her into it,’ David says. He stops and takes an envelope out of his pocket. ‘This is for you,’ he says.

  Marion takes it. ‘But it’s not my birthday till tomorrow.’

  ‘Open it!’ He grins like a little boy.

  Marion looks inside the envelope and finds a voucher for a Health Spa. A Beauty Day with a massage, lunch and a facial.

  ‘For tomorrow,’ David says.

  ‘Thank you!’ Marion throws her arms round him. ‘I’ve always wanted to do that!’

  ‘I can drop you off in the morning,’ he says, ‘and pick you up later. We’ll go to that little fish restaurant in the village.’

  ‘It sounds like a perfect day,’ Marion says. ‘A perfect end to a perfect holiday.’

  When they get back Marion goes into the garden to get their swimming things off the washing line. She stands outside in the fresh sea air. She wishes they could stay here for ever. From inside she hears David’s mobile ring. With her arms full of towels she goes into the kitchen.

  ‘What?’ Marion hears him say. He is turned away from her. His voice sounds shocked. ‘When? How? Oh God. I’ll tell Marion. I’ll ring you back.’

  ‘What’s up?’ Marion says. She drops the towels on the table.

  ‘That was Jo,’ David says.

  Marion’s heart sinks. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘We’ve been burgled.’

  Marion puts her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my God,’ she says.

  ‘She doesn’t know what to do,’ David says. ‘The police need to know what’s missing.’

  ‘We’ll have to go straight home,’ Marion says.

  ‘I don’t know,’ David says. ‘Trust Jo to ruin things.’

  ‘It’s not her fault!’ says Marion.

  ‘How did the burglars get in?’ David says. ‘Maybe she left the door unlocked.’

  ‘I wonder what they’ve taken,’ Marion says. ‘I hope Tigger’s all right.’

  ‘They wouldn’t steal the cat!’