Always and Forever (Always #2)

by Bethan Cooper

  I hang up.

  I hold my phone in my hands, mesmerized by the fact that this small rectangle can keep me close to my best friend. Even if it is to fill her mailbox with my stupid feelings. I search my contacts for Luke and decide to text him.

  E - I’m feeling better.

  He instantly responds. My cell vibrates in my hand.

  L - I wish I were holding you right now.

  E - I wish you were too.

  L – Come to me.

  E – I can’t. I promised dinner with my mom and dad.

  L – Leona called me. I told her.

  I hold my breath. He told his fiancée over the phone?

  E – Pls don’t tell me you told her over the phone.

  L – I need to speak to you as soon as, okay? Call me when you’re done with dinner. Ily.

  E – I will not accept ily as a suitable I love you. ;)

  L – I’m sorry. I love you too. A&F, baby.

  E – A&F <3

  I put my phone down and ponder his actions. Why would he do that to her over the phone? Why? I sluggishly climb the stairs, my tired body in desperate need of a nap. As I reach my childhood bedroom door, I hesitate. I can hear the ghosts of me and my best friend from years ago, dancing around my bedroom.

  I put my hand on the handle to push it open and drop my forehead against the wood. It’s like we never left…

  Just as I pull into my driveway, Jade's sitting on the front door step, her knee bobbing up and down, her manicured fingers shoved in her mouth.

  "Don't ruin your nails!" I shout, and a wide smirk appears on her face.

  "Where the hell have you been, Els? Jeez, you're gonna give me a coronary!" I laugh loudly and she opens my trunk and grabs my bag.

  "So helpful aren't you." I smile and walk up to the front door.

  "Well, we need to get a certain someone ready for their first ever prom with the most popular and attractive guy ever made!" The laugh that escapes me causes my cheeks to flush.

  "I love you, Jade." I giggle as I open the door and throw my keys into the bowl.

  "Well, come on!" She gestures towards the stairs and I grab her hand in mine. She damn near pulls my arm from its socket when we approach the landing.

  "Yeah...OW!" I groan at her and she opens my bedroom door. I feel my mouth drop open.

  "What…the…fuck happened to my room!"

  Jade gulps when I look at her. "I…err…tried to make it pretty?"

  "Pretty? Pretty? It looks like a make-up parlor!"

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I cry into the wood. “I should’ve come to you, I shouldn’t have cancelled.” I sprawl my fingers across my stomach and swallow the guilt, the pain, and the tears back. I pull on the handle and the door opens. It looks exactly how I left it. Photos of me and Jade hang on the walls, and my bed still has the same bedding. I run to my bed, fall onto it, and hold my pillow. I feel like seventeen-year-old Ella in this room. I feel like I never left. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I decide to ignore it; this feeling of pity suits me better. It vibrates again and again and again. I pull it out and I have notification after notification of new text messages. I run my finger along the unlock bar, and it shows an unknown number and several texts.

  I know where you live.

  I know how to get into your apartment.

  I know who killed your best friend.

  I know you fucked Luke James.

  I know you’re a selfish bitch.

  I know you have to pay.

  I know you have to die.

  My hand hits my mouth in panic. I jump from my bed and over to my door. I lock it and call Luke. He answers straight away.

  “Luke Jame-”

  I cut him off. “It’s Ella. I need you to come here. Please,” I beg, and slowly slide to the floor. I choose to ignore his professionalism even answering the phone to me.

  “What’s happened? Baby?” His voice is stressed.

  “I got a text from someone and I need you to come tell me what to do.”

  “Who was the text from?” he says, his tone again professional.

  “I don’t know. I’m scared.”

  “Hey, everything will be okay. I’ll come get you after dinner with your family. I promise everything will be okay.”

  I breathe in a shuddering breath, my lungs unable to catch the oxygen they desire. I hold back my aching pain; strength is all I need now. No more pain.

  “Okay,” I whisper. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. So much, baby.”

  We hang up the phone and I stand slowly. I search for the messages, delete them, and close my eyes. I don’t want to cause any more problems.

  “I will find him for you, Jade,” I whisper into my bedroom. Turning, I unlock my bedroom door and follow the smell of cooking beef.

  ****

  I stare into the TV set, my dad blabbering on about something less interesting than normal, and I focus on the daily wrong of Chandler Bing. I don’t know what it is about that damn TV show, but it helps me, if only for a little while. Dinner was perfect. I enjoyed every moment of my time with my family. We spoke of love, of hope, of death. We spoke of all the things I needed to vent, and my mom held me while I wept for Jade. My dad gave me one of those hugs you can’t ever replace.

  Faith was put in my lap, distracting me from the TV, and I smiled down at the small baby. Her blue eyes searched mine so fiercely, and she made me remember my little baby. How could I forget about that? I pull her up in my arms and kiss her cheeks. My sister sits heavily next to me on the sofa, and it’s then I realize my mom and dad aren’t in the room.

  “Sooo,” Holly slurs. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” She turns to face me and I look down at Faith. Her eyes are fluttering shut.

  “You know what’s wrong. Jade-”

  “No. I know about Jade. What’s happening, Ella? Luke? I mean, what’s going on?”

  I close my eyes and reopen them with tears. “I’m pregnant. It’s Luke’s. I’m only five weeks.” I look down at the sleeping baby in my arms and pull her tighter to me. “He was engaged to someone called Leona. I saw Leona kissing another man yesterday. I haven’t told Luke about it yet. Luke slept with me and didn’t call me for two weeks. I’m in love with the opportunity of us. Of the promise of a maybe. Luke doesn’t know I’m pregnant.” I stop to catch my sister’s eyes.

  “Wow.” She shakes her head. “You could’ve called me, y’know? I’m forever here for you. We kind of got stuck with each other. Birth rights and all that.”

  I laugh. “I know, and I’m sorry. I guess I lost myself for a little while. Back in August, a guy was beating me. I guess I kept going back to him because I was lonely and needed to feel appreciated. I was stupid.”

  I went on to tell her of how Luke and I met again, unexplainably, as if fate caught us in its net.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I stare out of the condensed car window, tracing my finger along the edge of the cool glass, looking out into Charlotte.

  Fingers grasp mine and are brought to soft lips. His skin comforts mine with such perfection. It makes me feel purpose in life, like I never needed a purpose before him.

  Because that’s all it is to me.

  Purpose.

  I’ve found mine, and it makes me so happy to finally be able to say that. I have found it. I am so happy someone finally loves me again.

  He loves me again.

  Once again, I’m thinking about everything we could be.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” he whispers against my fingers, and lowers my hand back to my lap.

  “You’ll need more than a penny,” I joke, and he looks toward me, worried.

  “Don’t worry me like that, baby. I want you happy, okay?” He grabs my hand and doesn’t let it go.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, and he turns to wink at me.

  “Surprise,” is all he says, and I’m left to sleep.

  It’s Christmas Day. I awaken to movement and realize we�
�re still driving. I sit up and immediately feel happy. I guess it’s this day.

  “Happy Christmas, sleepy head,” Luke whispers, and relaxes in his seat. He looks so edible. The top button of his shirt is undone and his sleeves are rolled up to just above his elbows. Stubble has started to grow on his perfect jaw line and his hair is scruffy, yet it looks perfect on him.

  I need him.

  “Pull over.”

  He looks over at me, worried, but pulls over. There is no traffic or anything in sight.

  I reach under his chair.

  “Whoa, Ella, what’re you doing?”

  I find the lever I need and pull it so his seat moves back. I move over so I’m in between his legs. “You know this is illegal right? We’re on a highway.”

  “Then break the law with me.” I unzip his pants.

  “Ella.”

  I run my palm up his already hard length.

  “Ella.” He moans this time, and his fingers grab harshly in my hair.

  I pull him out and run my cold fingers up and down, gently teasing him. It’s the hunger in his eyes that beg me to continue. We forget the troubles we’re facing for just a little while.

  ****

  Luke’s driving the car fast, as if we’re in a hurry. I tap my feet as Guns ‘n’ Roses sing to me about November rain. I’m feeling better about Jade; I just need a distraction to take all that pain away. I pull out my cell phone and it immediately gets snatched from my hands.

  “Hey!”

  Luke weaves his fingers with mine and slides my cell phone in his pocket. “No phones.” He gives me a smile from the side of his mouth, and lowers his Ray Bans to shadow his eyes from the glaring sun.

  Far Away by Nickelback starts to play, and the lyrics make me think of Luke and me. I haven’t listened to Nickelback in five years. Every time I did I was in Luke’s arms. He turns it over quickly as if he knows my thoughts, and Bon Jovi surrounds us with Never Say Goodbye.

  “You promise to never say goodbye?” I ask, and stroke my thumb across Luke’s palm.

  “I promise if you promise.” He smiles over at me, his smile catching me like always.

  “I definitely promise.”

  “Me too.”

  ****

  U2’s With or Without You comes on the radio and I close my eyes at Bono's soothing voice.

  Luke's fingers grasp mine and he softly pulls my hand to his lips and kisses the top of it.

  "This song reminds me of us." He puts my hand on his thigh.

  I laugh. "This song reminds me of Ross and Rachel."

  He looks over at me, a small smirk on the side of his mouth. "Ross and Rachel? From Friends?"

  "Yeah. Y'know the episode when he makes a list of all the reasons he should be with Rachel or his girlfriend at the time. But he truly loves Rachel and she finds the list, and they fall out before they even begin."

  Luke laughs. "A list, huh? Should I make one for us?"

  "You remember I just said they fall out, right?" I turn the radio down.

  "Yeah, but it could be fun. If it gets too serious we can stop."

  He's serious. I'm not sure we should do this.

  "Okay. But we should contradict the good with bad, okay? You know how I am."

  "I know how you are. I'll go first. You snore, like all the time. Drives me crazy. You think someone's holding your nose when you sleep? They are. It's me."

  I laugh out loud. "God, that's so mean. You could kill me, you know?"

  "I always kiss you after." He turns and gives me his beautiful smile. I melt, just a little.

  "My turn. You always run your hands through your hair when you're nervous. It gives you away."

  He runs his fingers through his hair. We both laugh. "Funny."

  "Okay, I got one." He's excited. "I love how you have to have a bag of M&Ms lying around."

  I hit his arm. "Yeah, so you can steal them!"

  He rubs his bicep. "Hey that hurt, girl."

  "Wimp," I giggle.

  "No, you know I love everything about you. Right?" I turn and nod at him. "I love the way you comb your hair before you go to sleep, even though it'll get messy again. I love how you'll give me your killer smile even when I don't deserve it. You make the best macaroni cheese." He rubs his stomach. "And you run the best baths. I think your good will always outweigh your bad, Ella. I think we are perfect the way we are."

  I blink back my tears. "You always make me feel like I'm solely yours. I'll always love how you do that." He lets go of my hand to pull over and parks us outside a diner.

  ****

  After eating far too much, we're driving along a dirt road, the windows are down, and wind is blowing through my hair. I'm sitting back and my feet are out of my window. Luke's spare hand is massaging my head as we drive. This is bliss. This is my perfect reality.

  I have no idea where we're headed; he's surprising me.

  I stir as we pull to a stop.

  I sit up from my slumber position and take in the beautiful house in front of me.

  Now it’s raining. Great. We’ve only been driving five hours or so.

  Luke opens his window and pushes in a code on a little keypad, and two huge iron gates covered in old, dead vines open. He drives forward and gravel crunches underneath the wheels. I’m completely in love. I think my heart might burst with love for this man. I pull on my Converse and step out.

  "What're you doing?" Luke asks as I get out of the car and into the hot rain.

  I kick a puddle and jump in it. He steps out and joins me.

  I smile. "You ever want to be a kid again? With everyone you love around you, no worries on your shoulders?" I laugh as his wet arms surround me and pull me into his body.

  "All the time." His fingers sweep across my forehead, moving my wet hair away from my face. "But I don't want anything else apart from this moment with you."

  "I'm so in love with you," I whisper into his chest.

  He lifts my chin with his finger and drops his head so his lips meet mine. This moment is us. All of us. Raw and untouchable to the rest of the world.

  I entangle my fingers in his hair and he lifts me so my legs are forced to wrap around his waist. He moves us back and my butt hits the hood of his car. He stops kissing me just for a moment, and rests his forehead on mine. My lips feel bruised from his kiss, and he closes his eyes.

  “Hey,” I say. “Tell me what’s going on in there?” I tap the side of his head. I watch his Adam’s apple move up and down as he swallows hard.

  He lets out a small sigh. “I hate myself for letting you go. I hate the fact that I let myself go this long without the taste of you on my lips. I regret everything, Ella. I don’t care about my business, or the people that come with it. All I care about is the fact that your heart was beating and I never gave myself the chance to hear it beat in rhythm with mine again. For that, I’ll never forgive myself.”

  “Listen.” I adjust myself so my arms wrap around him and his eyes meet mine. “You have nothing to regret. Nothing. Fact of the matter is, we found each other. Destiny, fate, whatever it was, led me to your offices on the day of that interview, and I took it without a second glance at my other job offers. That was something telling me I would be happy there. One year in, I was stuck in an abusive relationship, and feeling my absolute lowest. Then there you were. You just came to me. Like in all my dreams. You have nothing to regret because you found me again, and we found our love again. Regardless of the years we’ve lost, we’ve so many to gain, Luke.”

  “I hate that you’re always right.” He scoffs, and his long fingers trail soothing lines up and down my wet arms. “Time to get warm, shower, and enjoy each other for a couple of days before reality’s back, okay?” Before I can respond, he lifts me into his arms and runs with me across the driveway.

  “You do realize we’re not married, right?” I laugh and clench my fingers into the back of his damp shirt, clinging to him. He puts me down as we stand under the canopy in front of the house.

>   “Reach into my pocket,” Luke says. I look at him, confused. “Just put your hand in my front pocket, Ella.”

  I slip my fingers into his wet jeans, and almost instantly my fingers touch cold metal. I pull the key from his pocket. He takes the key from me and slides it into the lock on the old-looking door in front of us.

  “Open it. It’s ours now. All of this is ours. I brought you out here to see this house with me. It’s close to your family, to my family. It’s our house, Ella.” I stand there, worried. His palms cup my cheeks. “Please say something, baby.”

  “Wow.” I put my hands over his on my cheeks. “You did this for me?”

  “Of course. Not just for you, for us. For the life we deserve to have together. Please, open the door.”

  I guess my whole life, just like every other girl, I dreamed of romance. We dream of that one man who’ll take us away and treat us with such respect, such passion. I twist the key in the lock, close my eyes briefly, and open the door to bright light and long stemmed white roses surrounding the great room in front of us. I turn and fall into Luke’s body, holding him tightly, as if I’m his lifeline and he’s mine.

  ****

  The floorboards creak beneath my feet as I follow Luke on my guided tour around our new home. It’s all so perfect; I was ready to tell him my secret, my feelings totally intact, until I thought of her. I thought of Leona. My gut us telling me he hasn’t ended it with her. He’s being closed off, looking shady. As Luke steps us into the master bedroom, I grab his hand and pull him back into the hallway.

  “You haven’t told her,” I say, my voice quivering with worry. I search his eyes as he leans against the doorframe, his hands in his pockets.

  “I haven’t told her.” I run my hand through my hair and turn away from him. “I’ll tell her when I get back from here, okay? I was going to tell her the day Jade-” he stops. I turn back to look at him.

  “The day we found out about Jade.” I nod, and he slowly lifts his hand to move a loose strand of hair and tuck it behind my ear. “I will tell her. You are the girl I want. The girl for me. I want to grow old with you, Ella Stone. I want to be everything you need. I want us forever, okay?” His voice is raspy, seductive. Before words can be shared from my mouth, his soft lips hit mine and he kisses them with such intensity, as if I were to leave him. All thoughts of Leona, of what she did, fly from my mind. All that matters right now is this moment, this heat, and this perfect dream. I’m floating above everyone else; my heaven has found me before I have even left this earth. His hands slip under my shirt, touching my skin, setting it on fire, reminding me it’s there.