Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall

by Kazuo Ishiguro

  “No, I don’t mind. But Mrs. Gardner…”

  “Please. Call me Lindy. We’re equals here.”

  “Okay. Lindy. I just wanted to say, I’m not so young. In fact, I’ll be thirty-nine next birthday.”

  “Oh really? Well, that’s still young. But you’re right, I thought you were much younger. With these exclusive masks Boris has given us, it’s hard to tell, right? From what Gracie said, I thought you were this up-and-coming kid, and maybe your parents had paid for this surgery to get you off to a flying start. Sorry, my mistake.”

  “Gracie said I was ‘up-and-coming’?”

  “Don’t be hard on her. She said you were a musician so I asked her your name. And when I said I wasn’t familiar with it, she said, ‘That’s because he’s up-and-coming.’ That’s all it was. Hey, but listen, what does it matter how old you are? You can always learn from the old pros. I want you to listen to this. I think you’ll find it interesting.”

  She went over to a cabinet and a moment later held up a CD. “You’ll appreciate this. The sax on this is so perfect.”

  Her room had a Bang & Olufsen system just like mine, and soon the place filled with lush strings. A few measures in, a sleepy, Ben Webster-ish tenor broke through and proceeded to lead the orchestra. If you didn’t know too much about these things, you could even have mistaken it for one of those Nelson Riddle intros for Sinatra. But the voice that eventually came on belonged to Tony Gardner. The song-I just about remembered it-was something called “Back at Culver City,” a ballad that never quite made it and which no one plays much any more. All the time Tony Gardner sang, the sax kept up with him, replying to him line by line. The whole thing was utterly predictable, and way too sugary.

  After a while, though, I’d stopped paying much attention to the music because there was Lindy in front of me, gone into a kind of dream, dancing slowly to the song. Her movements were easy and graceful-clearly the surgery hadn’t extended to her body-and she had a shapely, slim figure. She was wearing something that was part night-gown, part cocktail dress; that’s to say, it was at the same time vaguely medical yet glamorous. Also, I was trying to work something out. I’d had the distinct impression Lindy had recently divorced Tony Gardner, but given I’m the nation’s worst when it comes to showbiz gossip, I began to think maybe I’d got it wrong. Otherwise why was she dancing this way, lost in the music, evidently enjoying herself?

  Tony Gardner stopped singing a moment, the strings swelled into the bridge, and the piano player started a solo. At this point, Lindy seemed to come back to the planet. She stopped swaying around, turned the music off with the remote, then came and sat down in front of me.

  “Isn’t that marvelous? You see what I mean?”

  “Yeah, that was beautiful,” I said, not sure whether we were still only talking about the sax.

  “Your ears weren’t deceiving you, by the way.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “The singer. That was who you thought it was. Just because he’s no longer my husband, that doesn’t mean I can’t play his records, right?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “And that’s a lovely saxophone. You see now why I wanted you to hear it.”

  “Yeah, it was beautiful.”

  “Steve, are there recordings of you somewhere? I mean, of your own playing?”

  “Sure. In fact I have a few CDs with me next door.”

  “The next time you come, sweetie, I want you to bring them. I want to hear how you sound. Will you do that?”

  “Okay, if it’s not going to bore you.”

  “Oh no, it won’t bore me. But I hope you don’t think I’m nosy. Tony always used to say I was nosy, I should just let people be, but you know, I think he was just being snobby. A lot of famous people, they think they should be interested only in other famous people. I’ve never been that way. I see everybody as a potential friend. Take Gracie. She’s my friend. All my staff at home, they’re also my friends. You should see me at parties. Everyone else, they’re talking to each other about their latest movie or whatever, I’m the one having a conversation with the catering girl or the bartender. I don’t think that’s being nosy, do you?”

  “No, I don’t think that’s nosy at all. But look, Mrs. Gardner…”

  “Lindy, please.”

  “Lindy. Look, it’s been fabulous being with you. But these drugs, they really tire me out. I think I’m going to have to go lie down for a while.”

  “Oh, you’re not feeling well?”

  “It’s nothing. It’s just these drugs.”

  “Too bad! You definitely have to come back when you’re feeling better. And bring those recordings, the ones with you playing. Is that a deal?”

  I had to reassure her some more that I’d had a good time and that I’d come back. Then as I was going out the door, she said:

  “Steve, do you play chess? I’m the world’s worst chess player, but I’ve got the cutest chess set. Meg Ryan brought it in for me last week.”

  BACK IN MY OWN ROOM, I took a Coke from the minibar, sat down at the writing desk and looked out my window. There was a big pink sunset now, we were a long way up, and I could see the cars moving along the freeway in the distance. After a few minutes I phoned Bradley, and though his secretary kept me on hold a long time, he eventually came on the line.

  “How’s the face?” he asked worriedly, like he was inquiring after a well-loved pet he’d left in my care.

  “How should I know? I’m still the Invisible Man.”

  “Are you all right? You sound… dispirited.”

  “I am dispirited. This whole thing was a mistake. I can see that now. It’s not going to work.”

  There was a moment’s silence, then he asked: “The operation’s a failure?”

  “I’m sure the operation’s fine. I mean all the rest of it, what it’s going to lead to. This scheme… It’s never going to play out the way you said. I should never have let you talk me into it.”

  “What’s the matter with you? You sound depressed. What have they been pumping into you?”

  “I’m fine. In fact, my head’s straighter than it’s been for a long while. That’s the trouble. I can see it now. Your scheme… I should never have listened to you.”

  “What is this? What scheme? Look, Steve, this isn’t complicated. You’re a very talented artist. When you’re through with this, all you do is what you’ve always done. Just now you’re simply removing an obstacle, that’s all. There’s no scheme….”

  “Look, Bradley, it’s bad here. It’s not just the physical discomfort. I realise now what I’m doing to myself. It’s been a mistake, I should have had more respect for myself.”

  “Steve, what’s triggered this? Did something just happen over there?”

  “Damn right something happened. That’s why I’m calling, I need you to get me out of this. I need you to get me to a different hotel.”

  “Different hotel? Who are you? Crown Prince Abdullah? What the fuck’s wrong with the hotel?”

  “What’s wrong is I’ve got Lindy Gardner right next door. And she just invited me over, and she’s going to keep on inviting me over. That’s what’s wrong!”

  “Lindy Gardner’s next door?”

  “Look, I can’t go through that again. I’ve just been in there, it was all I could do to stay as long as I did. And now she’s saying we have to play with her Meg Ryan chess set…”

  “Steve, you’re telling me Lindy Gardner’s next door? You spent time with her?”

  “She put on her husband’s record! Fuck it, I think she’s playing another one right now. This is what I’ve come to. This is my level now.”

  “Steve, hold it, let’s go over this again. Steve, just shut the fuck up, then explain it to me. Explain to me how you get to be with Lindy Gardner.”

  I did calm down then for a while, and I gave a brief account of how Lindy had asked me over, and the way things had gone.

  “So you weren’t rude to her?” he asked as soo
n as I was through.

  “No, I wasn’t rude to her. I kept it all held in. But I’m not going back in there. I need to change hotels.”

  “Steve, you’re not going to change hotels. Lindy Gardner? She’s in bandages, you’re in bandages. She’s right next door. Steve, this is a golden opportunity.”

  “It’s nothing of the sort, Bradley. It’s inner-circle hell. Her Meg Ryan chess set for God’s sake!”

  “Meg Ryan chess set? How does that work? Every piece looks like Meg?”

  “And she wants to hear my playing! She’s insisting next time I take in CDs!”

  “She wants to… Jesus, Steve, you haven’t even got the bandages off and everything’s going your way. She wants to hear you play?”

  “I’m asking you to deal with this, Bradley. Okay, I’m in deep, I’ve had the surgery, you talked me into it, because I was fool enough to believe what you said. But I don’t have to put up with this. I don’t have to spend the next two weeks with Lindy Gardner. I’m asking you to get me moved pronto!”

  “I’m not getting you moved anywhere. Do you realise how important a person Lindy Gardner is? You know the kind of people she’s pals with? What she could do for you with one phone call? Okay, she’s divorced from Tony Gardner now. That doesn’t change a thing. Get her on your team, get your new face, doors will open. It’ll be big league, five seconds flat.”

  “It won’t be big-league anything, Bradley, because I’m not going over there again, and I don’t want any doors opening for me other than ones that open because of my music. And I don’t believe what you said before, I don’t believe this crap about a scheme…”

  “I don’t think you should be expressing yourself so emphatically. I’m very concerned about those stitches…”

  “Bradley, very soon you won’t have to be concerned about my stitches at all, because you know what? I’m going to pull off this mummy mask and I’m going to put my fingers into the corners of my mouth and yank my face into every kind of stretchy combination possible! Do you hear me, Bradley?”

  I heard him sigh. Then he said: “Okay, calm down. Just calm down. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. It’s understandable. If you don’t want to see Lindy right now, if you want to let gold go floating by, okay, I understand your position. But be polite, okay? Make a good excuse. Don’t burn any bridges.”

  I FELT A LOT better after this talk with Bradley, and had a reasonably contented evening, watching half a movie, then listening to Bill Evans. The next morning after breakfast, Dr. Boris came in with two nurses, seemed satisfied and left. A little later, around eleven, I had a visitor-a drummer called Lee who I’d played with in a house band in San Diego a few years ago. Bradley, who’s also Lee’s manager, had suggested he come by.

  Lee’s okay and I was pleased to see him. He stayed for an hour or so, and we swapped news of mutual friends, who was in which band, who’d packed their bags and gone to Canada or to Europe.

  “It’s too bad how so many of the old team aren’t around any more,” he said. “You have great times together, next thing you don’t know where they are.”

  He told me about his recent gigs, and we laughed over some memories from our San Diego days. Then towards the end of his visit, he said:

  “And what about Jake Marvell? What do you make of it? Strange world, ain’t it?”

  “It’s strange all right,” I said. “But then again, Jake was always a good musician. He deserves what he’s getting.”

  “Yeah, but it’s strange. Remember how Jake was back then? In San Diego? Steve, you could have blown him off the stage every night of the week. And now look at him. Is that just luck or what?”

  “Jake was always a nice guy,” I said. “And as far as I’m concerned, it’s good to see any sax player getting recognition.”

  “Recognition’s right,” Lee said. “And right here in this hotel too. Let me see, I’ve got it here.” He rummaged in his bag and produced a tattered copy of LA Weekly. “Yeah, here it is. The Simon and Wesbury Music Awards. Jazz Musician of the Year. Jake Marvell. Let’s see, when is this fucker? Tomorrow down in the ballroom. You could take a stroll down those stairs and attend the ceremony.” He put down the paper and shook his head. “Jake Marvell. Jazz Musician of the Year. Who’d have thought it, eh, Steve?”

  “I guess I won’t make it downstairs,” I said. “But I’ll remember to raise a glass to him.”

  “Jake Marvell. Boy, is this a screwed-up world or what?”

  ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER LUNCH, the phone rang and it was Lindy.

  “The chess set’s all laid out, sweetie,” she said. “You ready to play? Don’t say no, I’m going crazy here with boredom. Oh, and don’t forget now, bring those CDs. I’m just dying to hear your playing.”

  I put down the phone, then sat on the edge of the bed trying to figure out how it was I hadn’t stood my ground better. In fact, I hadn’t put up even a hint of a “no.” Maybe it was plain spinelessness. Or maybe I’d taken on board much more of Bradley’s argument on the phone than I’d admitted. But now there wasn’t time to think about it, because I had to decide which of my CDs were most likely to impress her. The more avant-garde stuff was definitely out, as was the stuff I’d recorded with the electro-funk guys in San Francisco last year. In the end, I chose just the one CD, changed into a fresh shirt, put my dressing gown back over the top and went next door.

  SHE TOO HAD ON a dressing gown, but it was the kind she could have worn to a movie premiere without too much embarrassment. Sure enough, the chess set was there on the low glass table, and we sat down on opposite sides like before and began a game. Maybe because we had something to do with our hands, things felt much more relaxed than the last time. As we played, we found ourselves talking about this and that: TV shows, her favourite European cities, Chinese food. There was far less name-dropping this time round, and she seemed much calmer. At one point she said:

  “You know what I do to stop myself going crazy in this place? My big secret? I’ll tell you, but not a word, not even to Gracie, promise? What I do is go out for midnight walks. Just inside this building, but it’s so vast you can walk around forever. And in the dead of night, it’s amazing. Last night I was out there maybe a whole hour? You have to be careful, there’s still staff roving around all the time, but I’ve never been caught. I hear anything at all, I run away and hide somewhere. Once these cleaning guys saw me for a second, but like that I was away into the shadows! It’s so exciting. All day you’re this prisoner, then it’s like you’re completely free, it’s truly wonderful. I’m gonna take you with me some night, sweetie. I’ll show you great things. The bars, the restaurants, conference rooms. Wonderful ballroom. And there’s no one there, everything’s just dark and empty. And I discovered the most fantastic place, a kind of penthouse, I think it’s gonna be a presidential suite? They’re halfway through building it, but I found it and I was able to walk right in, and I stayed there, twenty minutes, half an hour, just thinking things over. Hey, Steve, is this right? I can do this and take your queen?”

  “Oh. Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t see that. Hey, Lindy, you’re a lot smarter at this than you let on. Now what am I supposed to do?”

  “All right, I tell you what. Since you’re the guest, and you were obviously distracted by what I was saying, I’m gonna pretend I never saw it. Isn’t that nice of me? Say, Steve, I can’t remember if I asked you this before. You’re married, right?”

  “That’s right.”

  “So what does she think of all this? I mean, this isn’t cheap. Quite a few pairs of shoes she could buy with this kind of money.”

  “She’s okay about it. In fact, this was her idea in the first place. Look who’s not paying attention now.”

  “Oh hell. I’m such a lousy player anyway. Say, I don’t mean to be nosy, but does she come visit you much?”

  “Actually she hasn’t been here at all. But that was always the understanding we had, before I came in here.”

  “Yeah?”


  She seemed puzzled so I said: “It might sound odd, I know, but that’s the way we wanted to do it.”

  “Right.” Then after a while she said: “So does that mean no one comes to visit you here?”

  “I get visitors. Matter of fact, someone called this morning. Musician I used to work with.”

  “Oh yeah? That’s good. You know, sweetie, I’ve never been sure how these knights move. If you see me do something wrong, you just say, okay? It’s not me trying to pull a fast one.”

  “Sure.” Then I said: “The guy who came to see me today, he told me some news. It was kind of strange. A coincidence.”

  “Yeah?”

  “There’s this saxophone player we both knew a few years back, in San Diego, guy called Jake Marvell. Maybe you’ve heard of him. He’s big-league now. But back then, when we knew him, he was nothing. In fact, he was a phoney. What you’d call a bluffer. Never knew his way around the keys properly. And I’ve heard him recently, plenty of times, and he hasn’t gotten any better. But he’s had a few breaks and now he’s considered hot. I swear to you he’s not one bit better than he used to be, not one bit. And you know what this news was? This same guy, Jake Marvell, he’s getting a big music award tomorrow, right here in this hotel. Jazz Musician of the Year. It’s just crazy, you know? So many talented sax players out there, and they decide to give it to Jake.”

  I made myself stop, and looking up from the chess board, did a little laugh. “What can you do?” I said, more gently.

  Lindy was sitting up, her attention fully on me. “That’s too bad. And this guy, he’s no good, you say?”

  “I’m sorry, I was kind of out of line there. They want to give Jake an award, why shouldn’t they?”

  “But if he’s no good…”

  “He’s as good as the next guy. I was just talking. I’m sorry, you have to ignore me.”

  “Hey, that reminds me,” Lindy said. “Did you remember to bring your music?”