The Billionaire's Secrets (The Sinclairs Book 6)

by J. S. Scott

  I tried not to think about the day—not very far in the future—when I’d have to leave Amesport. But I would go. I was here for only one purpose, and when it was accomplished, I’d move on.

  All of the things he’d joined me in weren’t exactly a big achievement, but just the fact that Xander had begun to take an interest in anything was encouraging.

  In the evenings, we’d either argue over what to watch on TV, or we’d read. I’m not sure why I was surprised that Xander read a wide variety of books. Maybe it wasn’t fair to assume he wasn’t the reading type just because he was a former rocker with some very sexy tattoos. But it did intrigue me. The guy was a multifaceted mystery, and I never got tired of learning the little details that made him even more appealing than he already was to me.

  “It’s weird that I haven’t seen Liam or Julian lately,” he commented casually one day at breakfast. “I don’t think they’ve ever gone a whole week without stopping over.”

  I’d finished my food, and was nursing a cup of coffee as I replied, “They’re both in New York with Tessa and Micah. Julian gave me the dates he’d be gone when I first got here. I hope Tessa’s surgery went okay.”

  Xander put his mug back on the table and looked at me with a frown. “She had the surgery?”

  “Didn’t Micah tell you?” Okay, I understood that Xander probably wasn’t particularly supportive right now, but I thought his brother would have at least told him about Tessa’s upcoming operation. “They’re doing her cochlear implants today. Everybody left a few days ago because she needed some more pre-op testing.”

  “Fuck!” he cursed, then stood. “I didn’t know it was today. Micah told me, but I guess I wasn’t connecting the dates. One day runs into the next for me sometimes.”

  “It’s today. Julian and Liam are both in New York with Micah. Hopefully Tessa will be out of the hospital by tomorrow.”

  “I should be there. Did Kristin go?”

  I nodded. “They all wanted to be there.”

  “And they just assumed I wouldn’t want to go,” he answered in a disappointed tone. “I get it. They don’t trust me.”

  My heart clenched as I looked up into his vulnerable dark eyes, hurting for the man who wanted so badly to be close to his brothers again but didn’t know how to reach out. Xander needed to tell Micah and Julian the truth. It was the only way he was ever going to understand that neither of his brothers were going to find fault with him for what happened. “Can you blame them?” I asked gently. “They worry about you, and the last thing they’d want to do is put any pressure on you.”

  “It’s not pressure,” he protested in a deep, heartfelt voice. “They’re my fucking brothers. They’re all I have left. Micah loves Tessa. If anything ever happened to her, he’d never survive it.”

  I felt my eyes well up with tears, but I tried to keep it together. It was the first time I’d actually seen an emotional reaction other than anger from Xander. He was openly hurt, and he wasn’t hiding it.

  “She’ll be okay,” I reassured him. “The surgery isn’t any more dangerous than any other routine operation.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Micah’s got to be freaking out by now.” He paused for a moment before he said, “I want to be there, too. I like Tessa. She’s gone out of her way to make me feel like part of the family.”

  “Then go. It isn’t like you don’t have a private jet sitting at the airport like almost every other Sinclair in this town, right? It’s not that long of a flight to New York.”

  “I-I don’t get out much,” he said in a hesitant voice.

  “But you could.”

  “Some noises make me have flashbacks,” he admitted.

  “You can fight through it. The more you get out, the better I think it will be.”

  “Will you come with me?” he asked uncertainly.

  The vise around my heart constricted even tighter. I knew Xander rarely asked for anything. “Of course. If you want me to go with you.”

  I knew Xander was uncertain about his scars, and his lingering PTSD. It kept him alone, isolated. But the fact that his love for his brother and his sister-in-law was bigger than his fear touched me so deeply that I almost couldn’t hold back my tears.

  He nodded solemnly. “Can you be ready to go soon?”

  I stood. “Twenty minutes,” I promised. “Let me just throw a change of clothes in my suitcase in case you want to stay.”

  “I do,” he confirmed. “Throw in a couple of outfits just in case.”

  I hurriedly dumped our dishes in the sink, then headed for the stairs. I stopped next to him on my way to get a suitcase together. I rose onto my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “You’re a good brother, Xander.”

  No matter how much he tried to be indifferent, he loved his brothers, and he missed them.

  He shook his head. “I suck. I should have planned to be there. I should have known.”

  “You’re going to be there,” I reminded him right before I sprinted up the stairs to go get my things, feeling like I’d just had a tiny glimpse of Xander’s heart.

  He wanted to be with his brothers. He wanted to be supportive, but his guilt and self-loathing had kept him at a distance for such a long time.

  “It’s time to rejoin the world, Xander,” I whispered to myself as I piled stuff into my suitcase with a lighter heart.

  I wasn’t used to traveling like a rich person.

  Xander’s private jet was an extravagance I couldn’t even imagine owning. It was funny how he took it in stride, climbing aboard the luxury aircraft without even thinking about how lucky he was to have it. But it made sense. The Sinclairs were all outrageously wealthy, and had been since the day they were born. None of them had ever known how to live any other way but large.

  “This is amazing,” I said as the jet took off.

  We were seated next to each other in plush leather seats, although we really didn’t need to be close to each other. The cabin was spacious, and in addition to the big, comfortable seats we were in, there was a table with chairs, and a sofa that took up part of one wall.

  “Is it?” he asked, sounding confused. “It’s just a jet.”

  “Okay, it’s amazing to me,” I corrected. “I didn’t grow up rich, and I’m not rich now. I travel the usual way, in a crowded plane with people almost on top of each other.”

  “I flew commercial once. I hated it,” he said with a grimace.

  I put my hand over my chest in mock surprise. “How horrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It must have been incredibly difficult to not have your private jet available.”

  I saw a small smile form on his lips as he answered, “Okay, smartass. Yes, I managed to live through it. My jet needed service and I had a concert date I didn’t want to miss.”

  I lifted a brow. “First class?”

  He turned his head to look at me, sending me a teasing, warning look. “Of course.”

  “Then you didn’t really fly commercial. First class has space; they have service. It’s just kind of limited compared to a private jet. Try going economy so you can see how real people travel.”

  “I’m real,” he argued.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m talking about the large percentage of the population who can’t afford a private jet or first class.”

  “I was trying to keep a low profile,” he grumbled.

  I laughed. “I’m not blaming you for traveling in a way you can afford. I’m trying to make you see that most people just don’t live that way. You’re lucky.”

  “Yeah. I suppose I am. I’ve never actually thought about it. I guess I’ve never really considered that I’m different. I’ve never considered myself better than any of my friends who couldn’t afford it.”

  “You aren’t better. You’re just richer,” I joked, getting a kick out of giving him a hard time.

  “Is that bad?”

  “No. But being wealthy has its advantages.”

  “Like what?”

  I
took a deep breath. I so wanted to tell him that most people couldn’t just drop out of society without being concerned about how to make a living. In some ways, his wealth had enabled him to be a loner. Because I didn’t want him to take offense, I was careful with my words. “You can work when you want to, and aren’t forced to work. That’s something a regular person couldn’t possibly understand.”

  “They’re lucky in some ways, too. I wish I was forced to work. I wouldn’t have had the money for drugs or alcohol, and maybe I wouldn’t have become such a selfish prick. I do what I can from home. I took over the management of my personal wealth, learned how to invest it and how to make more money even though I’m basically trapped in my own house. But I can’t really say I’m working.” He looked out the window, his voice thoughtful.

  So that was what he was doing in his office after breakfast.

  I had no doubt he was sincere. I’d learned enough about Xander to understand that he wasn’t idle by choice. In fact, he did seem trapped sometimes, even though the barriers weren’t physical. He was isolated by fear and guilt that had turned into some pretty unhealthy escapism habits. “You learned investment strategies online?”

  He shrugged. “I learned a lot of things by reading. Fuck knows I’ve had the time. I could have several online degrees by now if I wanted them.”

  He was laughing at himself, but not in a bad way. “Should I call you Dr. Sinclair?” I asked, playing along.

  His big body shuddered. “Fuck, no. We already have a doctor in the family, my cousin Dante’s wife, Sarah. I admire the hell out of her skills, but I saw enough of doctors and pain in the hospital. Not my thing.”

  “Were you in there for a long time when you were first injured?”

  “Too damn long,” he answered gruffly. “It took weeks, and more operations than I could count. By the time I was finally coherent, both my parents were dead and buried, and I’d never even been able to go to the funeral. I never got to say good-bye.”

  His sorrow struck a nerve, and I felt my stomach lurch in empathy. “I’m sorry. That had to have been difficult.”

  “It was. But I was a coward, Samantha. I wanted to run away and hide.”

  “It’s a protective instinct,” I argued. “I think most people would want to escape.”

  “What I did was put more stress on Micah and Julian. Especially Micah. Every time I fucked up, he had to fly across the country to help my miserable ass. I hated myself, but I couldn’t fucking stop.”

  His voice was husky with emotion, and a ton of regret.

  I reached out and took his big hand in mine, hoping he wouldn’t reject my attempt to comfort him. “It’s over, Xander. Don’t keep beating yourself up about something you can’t change. You were in a bad state of mind. Your brothers love you. They just don’t understand you right now.”

  He squeezed my hand lightly as he snorted. “Hell, I can’t blame them. I’m not sure I understand myself.”

  Fortunately, I understood him just fine. He was a man consumed by pain. A guy who hadn’t learned to cope or forgive himself. Xander was frozen in grief while the rest of the world and his family was moving on. “I know. But be patient with yourself. What happened to you is something most people can’t even begin to understand. Something that traumatic doesn’t touch most people’s lives.”

  He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. “I miss them so damn much.”

  The agony in his tone made me entwine our fingers, trying to make him understand that I cared. “I know.”

  “They say time heals all wounds, but mine still feel fresh. It’s like it happened yesterday. Nothing changes. Time is a blur, and not a damn thing is different.”

  He’d spent several years in denial and escape, so the pain was probably still very fresh. “Patience,” I said in a soothing voice. “You haven’t been clean for that long.”

  “Being clean sucks,” he complained.

  I smiled. “It might for a while, but eventually you’ll feel differently.”

  “I fucking hope so. If not, I’m eventually going to get a big-ass bottle and drown out the world.”

  I knew he wasn’t serious. Xander had struggled too hard to stay off the substances that had blocked out everything and everybody. He was raw right now with nothing to ease the pain. “If you weren’t clean, you wouldn’t be going to support Micah.”

  “I would hate that,” he admitted. “I’ve missed so damn much. My brothers are married. Two of my cousins are expecting their first kid. It’s like life kept moving on while I was standing still.”

  “You can catch up,” I told him in a calming tone.

  I turned my head to see him staring at me.

  “Are you always so damn optimistic? It’s still a little bit annoying,” he said with a grin that made my heart stutter.

  I shrugged. “Every day is a gift. Why waste it being negative?”

  “Doesn’t anything bad ever happen to you?”

  Plenty of “bad” had touched my life. That’s why I appreciated the good times. And it was why I understood Xander so well. “More than you think,” I shared.

  “Tell me,” he prompted.

  I shook my head. “Some other time. It’s not important. I just want you to be with your family.”

  He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Me too.”

  Xander went silent, looking like he was deep in thought, but he was still holding tightly to my hand when we landed at the airport in New York.

  CHAPTER 9

  SAMANTHA

  “Xander? What in the hell are you doing here?” Micah asked in surprise as we entered Tessa’s hospital room.

  Everyone was there, but Tessa had a large, private room, so there was plenty of space, even though Micah, Julian, and Liam were all present at Tessa’s bedside. There was also a redheaded female present, a woman I assumed was Julian’s wife. I hadn’t yet met Micah in person, but I’d had conversations with him on the phone, and recognized him from photos I’d seen from time to time in the media.

  I cringed as I saw the crestfallen look on Xander’s face as he finally said, “I thought I was family. I thought I’d be welcome here.”

  I held my breath for a moment, hoping that his brothers didn’t rebuff Xander’s attempt to be part of the family again. Leaving his safe environment to come to New York hadn’t been easy for him. Coming here had been a major step forward, and the last thing I wanted was for his brothers to inadvertently push him back.

  Micah shook his head. “I didn’t mean that. I’m just surprised that you came. But I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I wanted to be here,” Xander answered abruptly as he stopped beside Micah. “How is she?”

  I exhaled silently, relieved that his brothers didn’t make a big issue out of Xander’s actions.

  Micah smiled at his younger brother. “She’s good. A little dizzy and still tired from the anesthesia, but she’s doing well.”

  I stood back from the bedside, watching Xander as Tessa held out her arms to him. He took her hands in greeting, then bent down to kiss her cheek.

  “I’m so happy you’re here,” Micah’s wife said groggily from her hospital bed.

  Tessa looked exhausted, and I could tell she was struggling to speak, but she was beaming from ear to ear at Xander.

  Then, to my surprise, Xander moved back a little and began to make signs with his hands. It took me a moment to realize he was actually talking to Tessa in American Sign Language, obviously thinking it would be easier for the deaf woman to communicate by sign than by reading lips and trying to speak.

  Micah and Julian both looked at me curiously, and I shook my head, hoping they understood that I didn’t have a clue what was happening. The fact that Xander knew sign language was clearly a surprise to them, and I’d had no idea he had those skills.

  Tessa clapped her hands together, then made some motions with her hands that seemed to be responding to Xander.

  They went back and forth several tim
es, and Xander looked more comfortable with every exchange.

  “Where in the hell did you learn to do that?” Julian asked curiously.

  Xander turned his head for a moment to tell his brother, “You’d be surprised to find out just how much you can learn when you have as much time on your hands as I do.”

  “Thank you,” Micah told his younger brother in a sincere tone. “This day sucks, but you just made Tessa very happy.”

  “It was nothing,” Xander told him, shrugging off Micah’s appreciation. “She’s my sister-in-law. I care about her.”

  Micah clapped Xander on the back. “It means a lot to both of us that you’re here.”

  “So what happens now?” Xander asked aloud and in ASL.

  He watched as Tessa answered aloud and in sign language. “I should be able to go home tomorrow.”

  “Will you be able to hear?”

  “No,” Micah answered. “It will take several weeks for her to heal before they activate the implants.”

  Tessa nodded sleepily in agreement from her bed.

  I watched the men continue to talk, Julian and Liam joining the conversation. I was startled as I heard a female voice right beside me. “So how did you do it? How did you get him here? Xander has barely left his house. A trip to New York is almost a miracle.”

  “Mrs. Sinclair?” I asked politely, even though I was fairly sure this pretty redhead was Julian’s wife.

  “Call me Kristin, please,” she requested.

  We were far enough away from the bed that nobody could hear our conversation, especially since the guys were in a discussion of their own. I kept my voice down as I replied, “He wanted to be here. I didn’t have to do anything.”

  “Wow. That’s . . . new. Thank you for coming with him. I’m sure that helped.”

  I turned and finally got a good look at the woman who had captured Julian Sinclair’s heart. She was about my height, but she had generous curves and striking red hair that immediately drew my attention to it. “I was happy to come along. I’m glad Tessa did well.”