The Billionaire's Secrets (The Sinclairs Book 6)

by J. S. Scott

  “No more than it’s your fault,” I pointed out.

  “Okay. I get it. But we’ve already determined it was nobody’s fault. It was a tragedy that just happened.”

  “I know that. But I want you to understand that I could easily blame myself. Maybe I did for a while, but I worked through it. I was relieved when I heard that you were alive, but sick when I found out what happened to your parents.”

  “Because you knew firsthand the kind of pain everybody in the family would have to deal with?” Xander surmised.

  “Yes. And I was sorrier than you’ll ever know.” I’d never forget the day I’d learned that Xander’s parents had been killed, and that he was barely clinging to life.

  “It wasn’t your fault. Jesus! I’m glad the bastard didn’t hurt you.” His expression was solemn as he asked, “What finally brought you here?”

  “You,” I confessed. “While I’ve been practicing in New York, I’ve been watching your progress as much as possible. I’d never heard any gossip about you having drug or alcohol problems before the incident. So I pretty much knew you were spiraling from the trauma of losing your parents. I didn’t know you were feeling guilty, or that you actually knew why Terrence came after you.”

  “I didn’t know why, but I knew he was gunning for me. He made that pretty clear,” Xander said irritably.

  “So what I really wanted you to know is that I came here to see if I could help. I’ve watched you try and fail rehab several times. I was hoping that maybe I could share my own experiences with you. Maybe you could relate to me and our similar experiences.”

  “Shit. I hate the fact that you’re a shrink. But you have helped me, Samantha. You know you have.”

  “Meeting you, being with you, has helped me, too. It gave me some closure that I desperately needed, I think.”

  “What about us? What about what we shared?”

  “It was a mistake,” I answered honestly. “You’re vulnerable, and so am I. I swore I wouldn’t get personally involved, but I blew that promise all to hell.”

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t plan on any of this, Xander. I didn’t know I’d end up so attracted to you that I couldn’t control it. And I sure as hell didn’t think I’d end up this hurt in the end.”

  “That’s my fault, Sam. Please don’t let my fuckup make you go.”

  I smiled weakly at him. “I think you’ll be okay, now. You don’t need me anymore.”

  “The hell I don’t. I need you more each day, Sam.”

  I sighed. “You’re going to have to get along without me. Summer is almost over, and I have to get back to work.”

  “Where are you going? Back to New York?”

  I shook my head. “Actually, no. I gave up my apartment, and I need a break from direct therapy. I got a book deal. I’m writing about the effects of trauma and traumatic events. I have to find a quiet place to write, so I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to check out this area. My grandmother did have a beach cottage not far from Amesport, and it was always a happy place for me as a kid. I’m going to try to find a place here on the coast to write for the fall and winter.”

  “Then stay here with me,” he suggested in a husky tone. “I want you here, Sam.”

  Pain ravaged my soul as I looked at his pleading eyes. I wanted to stay. I wanted to forgive him, because I knew he was hitting out due to his pain and past experience. “I can’t handle getting hurt again, Xander,” I told him openly.

  He reached out and wrapped me in his arms. “I won’t hurt you. I promise. You can teach me to think before I make quick conclusions.”

  His hug was like therapy, and my sadness started to wash away. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let myself fall into the most comforting spot I knew: in Xander’s arms.

  “We have to make more ground rules. And if this happens again, I’m gone.”

  He reluctantly released me to look at my face. “Shoot.”

  “I’m not cleaning up after you anymore. You pick up your stuff, and you help do the cleaning so I can work on my book.”

  He nodded. “Done.”

  “We’re on an even playing field. I’m no longer your employee.”

  “Okay.” He paused before adding, “Jesus. I can’t believe you’re a psychologist.” He shook his head. “How old are you?”

  “Thirty as of tomorrow.” I knew Xander was only a few years older than I was.

  “Your birthday is tomorrow? God, you look like you could barely be out of college.”

  “You also aren’t allowed to call me a shrink like I’m some kind of predator,” I instructed. “I went to school for a long time to get my education and experience. I don’t like being made to feel like a piranha.”

  “I hate counselors,” he admitted.

  “I thought you didn’t hate me.”

  He shot me a small, relieved grin. “Your occupation isn’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind when I see you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Pervert.”

  “Only with you,” he said charmingly.

  “What do you expect to get out of me staying?” I asked.

  “You,” he replied. “I’m not gonna lie, Sam. I’ll be trying to win you over. I’ll take you out like a normal guy does. I’ll be making a full-out attempt at getting you back in my bed and into my life. Starting tomorrow for your birthday. What kind of cake do you want?”

  I gave him a nervous look. “Please tell me you aren’t baking. You know I’m picky about my cake. And it has to be chocolate for my birthday.”

  “I won’t attempt to make it myself. I’ll take you out.”

  “You’re willing to go to town?”

  He shrugged. “I managed to get out in New York.”

  New York was full of people who didn’t give a damn what he looked like. Amesport was a fairly small town, and he lived here. Even though it was swollen with tourists at the moment, getting him out in a town he had to live in would be a big step for him.

  “Kristin mentioned earlier that your brothers were planning a major party at the end of summer. It’s a benefit for a domestic-abuse charity that all of the Sinclairs support, including you. Are you willing to perform?”

  I watched his face as his expression changed. His vulnerable expression almost made me take my demand back, but I stayed silent. Bringing him back to his music had to happen.

  “I’ll try,” he answered in a hoarse, hesitant voice.

  “Then I’ll stay. At least until right after Labor Day. But we have to make a deal. We simply try to enjoy each other’s company. No strings attached. And you deliver on those promises.”

  “What happens after that?”

  I shrugged. “That’s up to you and whether or not you can keep the promises you just made. Let’s just wait and see. We can reevaluate our relationship once the fair is over.”

  He lifted a brow. “You think I won’t? I want you back in my bed, and I need you in my life, Samantha. I hurt you, and I’ll do anything I can to fix that.”

  My heart skipped a beat at his intense, dark stare, a determined expression on his face that I’d never seen before. “I hope so. But I don’t want to talk about anything concerning us and our relationship until the fair is over.”

  I tried to stay calm and together, but inside I was definitely losing it. I wanted Xander completely healed. I didn’t want to leave him when he was still not totally put back together again.

  But I knew I was risking my own happiness. I already cared way too much.

  I’d have to risk it all. Take a chance.

  “Okay,” I murmured, sealing my fate.

  “Then we start fresh. No guilty feelings for either one of us. Nothing stands in our way. I’m sorry for what happened to you. If Walls wasn’t dead, I’d kill him myself for what he did to you and to my parents. Your life hasn’t exactly been full of sunshine,” Xander rasped. “But I want you to be happy.”

  He was genuine. I could see the troubled look on his face. “I want the same f
or you. I wouldn’t have put up with your shit if I didn’t.”

  “Me being happy won’t happen without you. Come here.” He held out his arms.

  I didn’t hesitate. I fell into his embrace because I felt the same way. Unless Xander managed to become whole again, there was no happiness in my immediate future, either.

  I was scared.

  But walking away now wasn’t an option.

  I was totally and completely in love with Xander Sinclair, and I’d just given him the power to make me or break me.

  I’d have to be careful. He was still recovering, and getting involved with somebody when they’re that vulnerable was precarious.

  He might need me one day, then decide he felt completely different once he was a little more healed.

  As his arms came around me in a comforting embrace I hadn’t experienced since my family had gotten murdered, I knew I was going to be completely screwed if things didn’t work out.

  But I decided that whatever happened, Xander was worth the risk.

  CHAPTER 19

  XANDER

  Even if my life had been completely fucked up, I was feeling like today was my lucky day.

  Yesterday, Samantha had given my sorry ass one more chance to show her that I was willing to do anything to keep her in my life.

  And I sure as hell wasn’t wasting it.

  We’d slept in separate beds last night because she wanted to take it slow. Although that decision didn’t sit well with me, I would just have to man up and deal with it. Sex wasn’t all I needed from her. I had to have more. A lot more. I needed her trust, and that was something I was going to have to earn.

  I wasn’t sure if I’d ever been good at spilling my guts to anybody, even my brothers. Being vulnerable, making somebody that important to my happiness, was too damn scary. Once a dude turned that power over to a woman, they had the ammunition to crush a guy into a million different pieces because they knew his weaknesses.

  Nope.

  I hated the very idea of giving anybody that much control over me.

  But letting Samantha know me was going to be important to sharing a future together. And we were going to be together. Sam had crept into my soul, and if she left, I’d never come outside of myself again.

  “What are you doing?” a sleepy voice asked from the door of my recording studio.

  I hadn’t progressed very far. I had my favorite guitar on my lap, and I’d strummed a few chords, but as Sam swept into my space, my whole fucking morning improved immensely.

  “Trying,” I answered honestly. In truth, I’d been sitting here for over an hour, but most of my thoughts were about the beautiful woman who’d just appeared in person, a cup of coffee in her hand and yawning like she hadn’t slept well.

  She smiled, and damned if that didn’t make my cock spring instantly to life.

  “You got a haircut. Did you go to town?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah. You said I needed a haircut.” I’d cut off just about anything to make her happy. Well, almost anything.

  She moved in next to me, and then ran her fingers through my short hair. Honestly, I liked it short. But getting it chopped hadn’t been important enough to make me go into town.

  Until today.

  Until her.

  “You look incredibly handsome. I can see your gorgeous eyes better now,” she observed.

  Hell, the “handsome” comment had made it worth fighting my fear to get my ass into the barbershop. I’d intentionally gone early to avoid the crowds.

  “You should have woken me. I would have gone with you,” she murmured as she pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  “If I would have come into your bedroom, I wouldn’t have left the house,” I informed her. “I don’t have that kind of willpower.”

  She laughed, a musical sound that echoed through the room and entered my heart. I realized that I’d hardly heard Samantha laugh since I’d met her. Not that she’d really had much to be amused about. I’d been such an asshole, and I’d given her no reason to be happy.

  “I got you something,” I said as I stretched to grab a pink box off the desk next to me.

  Her face lit up, and once again I was reminded of how little I’d given her. “It’s not a big deal, but I think you’ll like it.”

  She took the box. “It’s heavy.”

  “It’s from the best pastry shop in town. Happy birthday, Samantha.”

  She squealed with excitement as she popped the lid. “Oh. My. God.”

  “It’s just a cake.”

  She pointed at the contents in the box. “This does not look like ‘just a cake’ at all. It looks like an amazing chocolate confection that just might drive me crazy with ecstasy.”

  Well. Shit. I didn’t think it was possible to be jealous of a damn cake, but I thought I just might be envious of her covetous expression as she gazed at the triple-layer chocolate dessert with excitement.

  I put my guitar down carefully and stood up. “Who’s cutting it?”

  “Me,” she said as she led the way into the kitchen. “But I’ll share.”

  I shook my head as I followed her, wondering how I’d gotten so insane over a female shrink who was slightly OCD when it came to being clean and organized, plus totally obsessed with cake.

  I smirked, resigned to my fate. There were so many things to adore about Samantha, which included her quirks.

  I just wished she didn’t mess with people’s heads for a living. But if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be Sam, so I’d deal with her profession.

  I leaned a hip against the counter as I watched her cut two pieces of cake, then hand me one on a plate, complete with a fork to dig in.

  Stopping to watch her as she closed her eyes for the first bite, I decided I’d buy her a different damn cake every single day if she’d look just like she did right now every single morning. She looked like she was about to climax.

  Her look of ecstasy made my dick grow painfully hard as I watched her chew slowly, like she was savoring the taste of chocolate as she tipped her head back slightly. When she finally swallowed, she moaned. “Xander, that was amazing.”

  Jesus. Fucking. Help. Me.

  I’d give my right nut to hear her say that after I’d pounded into her until she lost herself to pleasure.

  I tore my eyes away from her and took a bite from my own plate. “It’s good,” I commented after I’d swallowed.

  “Good? It’s fantastic. I’d love to know what makes the frosting this smooth and creamy.”

  I had no idea what was in the confection we were eating, but I was fucking determined to find out so I could smear it all over my body just so she’d lick it off. There was no way I was going to be able to keep my hands off her, so I was going to have to find some way to tempt her.

  “Thank you,” she said huskily as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

  “It’s no big deal.”

  “It’s a very big deal,” she contradicted. “It was really thoughtful.”

  Christ! Had I been such a prick that she thought a simple, inexpensive gift was meaningful? Hell, maybe I had, and it was a slap in the face about how shabbily I’d treated her.

  “If it makes you happy, I’ll get you another one tomorrow,” I suggested as I reached for a mug so I could get a cup of coffee. “I tried to find wild blueberry, too, but no luck.”

  She took the cup, poured me some of the brew she’d obviously made before seeking me out, then handed it back to me. “No!” she ordered. “Absolutely not. I already walk like crazy to make up for my cake addiction.”

  “You like to work out?” I asked curiously.

  “I hate it,” she said with a sigh. “But walking every day here, and cleaning up after you, has kept my weight steady. In New York, I stopped by the bakery fairly often, or I baked. I had to work out.”

  I swallowed the last of the cake I’d scarfed down, then told her, “We’re going to town tonight. It’s your birthday. I’d like to take you out to dinner.”

&nbs
p; Sam stopped midchew to look at me in surprise. After she continued and swallowed, she asked, “You’d do that for me?”

  I shrugged. “It’s your birthday, and you said yourself that I need to rejoin society. We can go to Liam’s place. It’s not fancy, but he has the best lobster rolls in Maine. My brothers brought me some a few months back.”

  Samantha finished her dessert, then put both of our plates in the dishwasher. “It’s been a long time since anybody has really celebrated my birthday.”

  I viewed the melancholy look on her face, and the loneliness in her tone hit me like a sledgehammer.

  She has no family anymore.

  There’s nobody special in her life.

  Nobody has made her birthday important.

  “We’re celebrating,” I said gruffly, determined to give her a birthday she’d never forget.

  Maybe I didn’t have a lot of time to plan, but I’d make her happy if it killed me.

  She beamed at me. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. I don’t know how you can stand not to be outside, especially in the summer. And I haven’t had a chance to really see the town yet.”

  I wasn’t exactly excited about strolling through town in the summer with all the tourists around, but I suddenly realized that it might not be so bad with Samantha beside me. “You want to go check out the town before we eat?”

  Now why in the hell did I suggest that?

  Sam threw her arms around me and hugged me enthusiastically. “Yes. Yes. I’d love to do that.”

  Okay, that answered my question. Anytime I could get her to press that delectable body against me, it was worth whatever I had to do in order to get her in my arms.

  I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in her tantalizing scent. “Then we’ll go.”

  She moved back, which was a complete disappointment, as she said, “How did your practice go?”

  I shook my head. “No practice. Just a couple of chords. I’m actually really blocked, Samantha. I don’t know if I can play at the end of the summer. I don’t think I can go back to my old life. I’m different.”

  She frowned. “I put a lot of pressure on you. I’m sorry. But I have no doubt you can still be just as creative as you used to be. You don’t lose that talent, Xander. And it’s okay if you don’t want your old life anymore. However, I want you to be able to decide that on your own terms. I don’t want you to not go back because you think you can’t. I want you to consciously make that choice just because it’s not what you want.”