Give Me Hell

by Kate McCarthy

  She huffs at me with affection. “You know what I mean.”

  I do. I’m just trying to lighten the moment. Jamieson is on the road to achieving everything they’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve worked hard, so hard, to get them to this point, but it’s come at a cost. Having focused all my energy on the band, there’s nothing left over for me. My dreams are on hold, but my determination has never wavered. I’m interviewing for an assistant next week. It will give me someone to hand the reins to when I make the switch from band manager to professional badass. I have my eye on a girl called Quinn Salisbury. I’ve seen her work the reception desk at Jettison Records, the same label about to sign the band.

  My lips pinch together, hiding the smirk of satisfaction. Quinn is perfect. Not just for the job either. Travis is going to fall harder than a tonne of bricks. That will make it two interfering brothers down, one to go. It doesn’t make Mitch lucky last. He’s simply a tricky case. I know the girl meant for him. They were together in college and so in love it was painful to stand on the sidelines and watch it all fall apart. I don’t know what happened. Mitch’s girl went underground and my eldest brother has struggled to move on ever since.

  “What?”

  The word cuts through my thoughts. I turn my head. Evie is looking at me. “What do you mean, what?”

  “You’re scheming something. I can see it on your face.”

  My eyes widen. “Me? Scheme? Really, Evie. Sometimes I think you don’t know me at all.”

  She does though. Except I like to think of them more as plans than schemes. Like my plan to convince Jared and Evie of the wonders of babies. Those sweet frilly outfits I’ve been eyeing won’t buy themselves. Though it’s not just an opportunity to shop for cutesy little dresses. It was Mum’s reaction when I’d selected a pink, fluffy bunny jacket from the rack—tiny enough for a doll—and held it up. Her intake of breath had been sharp, and her eyes had burned with emotion. A grandbaby. A grandbaby! Not only would I make the perfect aunt—teaching her how to shoot and shop, and showing her the importance of ambition and confidence—she would be a tiny little human for Mum and Dad to fuss over.

  “You’re practically my sister now, Mac. I know you better than you know yourself.”

  I abandon my cute baby thoughts in favour of a grimace. Guilt burns a hole in the lining of my stomach. Evie’s right. We’ve become closer than sisters, but what kind of sister keeps so much from the other? Jake is such a huge part of who I came to be, and who I am now, and she knows nothing of it. None of them do.

  But I can’t tell them. They won’t understand why he did what he did, the same as I don’t. And while we’re all a little family, they’re his only family. No matter what he did in the past, I find it impossible to rip that out from under him by saying anything. So our history remains buried deep down below where the judgement of others can’t touch it.

  I turn and see Jake behind me. My heart gives its familiar leap. He’s wearing a cap set backwards, his shirt off and tucked into the back pocket of worn jeans. He’s bent over, pants stretched tight as he shifts a drum into better position. My eyes lower. Jake’s butt is the stuff legends are made of. When he was born, God said, “And so it will be, that this human shall be blessed with the greatest posterior in all of the lands. There will be no greater.”

  And so it was. Round, firm, squeezable. Dimples on either side highlight the powerful muscle underneath, and the rich golden tan of his back leads down to paler skinned cheeks, quite like trailing your eyes down the path to the Holy Grail.

  Jake tilts his head, catching my eyes pinned to his ass. He gives me a wink. It’s not an affectionate gesture. Nor is it flirty. It’s a cool and detached acknowledgment.

  Sleeping with him that night in his apartment caused a hurt I never expected. There have been more moments between us since. Angry sex. Nasty words. Hateful behaviour. But underneath it all exists a love just about damaged beyond repair. There’s a pulse but it’s faint and slowly fading. We’re killing it. But I don’t know how to stop what we’re doing. I can’t hold on, and I can’t let go.

  Dragging my gaze away, I do my best to ignore the flare of pain and give Evie my attention. She’s been chattering the whole time and I’ve missed all of it.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask when she takes a breath.

  “Sick as fuck,” she mutters.

  It’s no surprise. There was an incident last night. Evie landed herself in the hospital after being drugged and placed in a compromising position. Jared had, naturally, jumped to idiotic conclusions and took off in a childish tantrum. I’ve been trying to contact him since without any luck.

  I tap the button on my headpiece and speak. “Someone get our lead singer a glass of water. With ice,” I add, because the sooner that crap is flushed from her system the better.

  “Thanks,” Evie mutters, her expression grim, and I know her thoughts are on my stupid brother.

  I give her a pat on the back. I’m not the best at soothing gestures, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care. “I’ll try calling him again. In the meantime, go to the dressing room and shut your eyes for a few minutes, okay?”

  She leaves and I walk to the side of the stage where Travis stands. “Heard from Jared?”

  Travis’s lips press in a flat line as he checks his phone. He shakes his head. “He’ll be okay, Mac.”

  “I know, Travis. If only he would just check in so we could sort this freaking mess out.”

  “He’ll show up,” he says patiently.

  I think my brothers sucked all the patience genes from our mother before I was born because I don’t have a single one in my body.

  “Yes, yes. I know he will eventually and love will prevail and I’ll finally get my little niece, but I’m not the most patient of people, Travis.”

  He snorts. “No shit.”

  “So any idea of what this Jimmy asshole might do tonight?”

  JAKE

  We’re wrapping up our second last song of the night when Mac disappears. She’s not by the side of the stage giving orders like she usually is. My stomach knots, and my instincts already scream that something’s wrong.

  Everyone is so focused on watching Evie that they’re blind to the real danger. Jimmy is after retribution. While all of his recent attacks have been focused on Evie, none of them have caused serious harm, and maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe they’re a distraction. Retribution is like for like. Jimmy’s brother for Jared’s sister.

  It’s entirely possible that Mac is the real target.

  And she isn’t here.

  The show ends. We conclude our post-concert wrap-up in the dressing room and still no sign of her. I’ve tried calling her phone but we’re always so pissed at each other, knowing it’s me she’s unlikely to answer anyway.

  Travis sticks his head in the door, eyes scanning the room. “Where’s Mac?”

  “We don’t know,” Evie answers. “She’s not out there?”

  He shakes his head. “When I got off the phone, one of the roadies was asking me where she was because they’re doing the pack-up and they need her.”

  “Have you tried her phone?” Henry interrupts. “She mentioned a few industry bigwigs were stopping by tonight, so maybe she’s caught up schmoozing.”

  Evie tries calling but she doesn’t get an answer either. My heart thumps hard with real fear. Travis opens the door wider and moves into the room.

  “When did you last see her?” Coby asks.

  Travis pauses for a moment and rubs his chin. “Right before the last song. She mentioned something about picking up an unscheduled delivery for Jamieson at one of the gates. I can’t remember her returning.”

  Meaningful glances are exchanged before the two leave the room. Evie stands to follow. I snag her wrist. “Sit down,” I growl. “You aren’t supposed to be going anywhere without either of those two.” I push Evie back down at the same time I stand. “I’ll go.”

  We conduct the search best we can, but there are thousa
nds of people out there. It’s like the proverbial needle in a haystack. Travis tries tracking her phone. She never goes anywhere without it. It shows nothing.

  The rest of Jamieson is sent home with Coby, and we continue the search. Mac runs the entire show and hasn’t submitted a list to anyone of the names manning each gate. We have to check each one individually.

  The clock is ticking and frustration is ripping me apart. “Where the hell was the unscheduled delivery?”

  “I don’t know!” Travis growls, his own fear and frustration no longer under wraps.

  Casey Daniels comes running toward us. He’s the other partner in Jamieson & Valentine Consulting and forms part of our security detail on occasion. We have a mutual love for old muscle cars. Casey owns a Corvette Stingray called Marjorie that I’d give my left nut for. The car is so lovingly restored it’s almost a crime to drive it.

  “Gate E!” Casey shouts. Before he’s even finished we’re running in that direction. “That’s the entrance where the delivery was supposed to be. George is stationed there.”

  It’s the farthest entrance from the stage and not a public entry or exit. Access is via a solitary road littered with trees and shrubbery. We’re breathing hard when we reach the gates, only to find them unmanned and wide open. There’s blood on the ground. It’s a splattered pool that coats the road, its copper tang thick in the air around us.

  Terror rips through me, white-hot and intense.

  “Mac!” I roar, turning, eyes scanning, frantic.

  “There!” Travis yells.

  He’s pointing to a copse of trees by the left of the gate. A smear of blood lines the patchy dirt, dots of it covering dead leaves that scatter the ground. Underneath a pile of branches peeks the base of a shoe.

  Travis reaches the area first and rips the shrubs away, exposing a body. Casey and I reach his side and I stare down at the sightless eyes of the security guard. The nametag on his shirt confirms him as George. He hadn’t died instantly. There are two bullet wounds in chest that coat his uniform in blood. It’s smeared over his hands as if he tried compressing the wounds after being shot. My gut rolls and I clamp my teeth together, forcing harsh air out my nostrils.

  Travis and Casey are straight on their phones. There’s a man dead at my feet, a man who suffered, and all I can feel is a wild sense of relief because it’s not Mac. The feeling lasts a scant second. Whoever shot George has taken her and now Mac is in the clutches of a murderer—one who continues to evade even the best detectives the country has to offer.

  So I fucking lose it.

  Travis is tucking his phone in his back pocket when I pull back a fist and smash it in his face. My knuckles connect and a sick crunching sound renders the air. Pain shoots up my arm. “This is your fault!” I yell, rage pumping through me so thick I can barely see.

  His head snaps back but it doesn’t stop me. I grab his shoulders, shaking them as I yell. “You were so damn focused on watching Evie you never saw that Mac was the true target!”

  Travis, an all-round good guy and always calm under pressure, loses it back. He’s no doubt already drowning beneath a huge weight of guilt and fear. He needs my accusations like a hole in the head.

  “Fuck you, Romero!” he growls. He rears back a fist and returns the favour. His massive blow sends me staggering backward.

  Casey grabs both my arms and secures them behind my back. His tone is furious as I struggle against the hold. “Lock it down. Both of you!”

  “No!” I break free and go for Travis again. My punch catches him in the gut and he doubles over. It’s almost like it’s not me hitting him. I’m standing outside myself and I can see what I’m doing, and that it’s wrong, but I can’t stop.

  “Most of my life you told me to stay away from Mac. All of you!” I shout, my tone so violent it makes me hoarse. “I came from nothing and she had everything. She was always too good for me, but it never made me want her any less! The moment I joined that fucking gang it was over for me. I never wanted that life but I was young and stupid and backed into a corner. Then she showed up and it was amazing. I thought it was meant to be, so I tried to get out but it almost got her killed! I sent her away. I thought it was best. For her!” I spit blood in the dirt as Travis grinds his jaw, fury in his eyes. I don’t care. I’m done. “But everything’s changed. You might have got me out, but I’m the one who turned my life around. I’m not the same person I used to be. And I’m tired of you all telling me we can’t be together. Mac is mine and I’m going to fight for her,” I vow. “And that fight starts now.”

  Instead of coming at me like I expect, Travis bends and rests his palms on his knees. He stares down at the ground for single beat before he looks at me. His green eyes are dark with regret as though the weight of it holds him down. “I’m sorry.”

  I stand, dizzy, not sure I’ve heard him correctly. “What?”

  Travis straightens. He wipes the trickle of blood from his nose with the back of his hand and shakes his head. “You don’t even know.”

  “Know what?” Mac’s brother can’t even look at me. “Know what, dammit?”

  Whatever he’s talking about, it can only involve Mac. That makes it imperative that I know, and that I know now.

  “You ladies can fight this out later,” Casey snaps with impatience. “We need to go.”

  “She wanted you too. She asked for you. And we took that from her.” Travis sways, his eyes on me defeated. “You broke her, Jake. But we did so much worse. We destroyed her.”

  “You …” I can’t make sense of what he’s telling me, but I know it’s bad. My chest constricts as I stare at him. “What did you do?”

  The headlights of a car shine over us, bright and blinding. With the squeal of tyres, a vintage Porsche comes to a wild halt beside us. Jared is at the wheel. The car is ridiculously small, something we constantly give him shit for, but that tiny piece of machinery can move.

  “What did you do?” I shout, getting in Travis’s face.

  Jared opens the door, unfolding his big body from the tiny car. “What the hell? Now is not a good time for a girly pow wow!”

  “Fuck you, Jared,” I yell, not looking at him as he walks toward us. My eyes are on Travis. “What did you do?” I whisper.

  A painful beat of silence surrounds us. Jared breaks it. “Aw hell, Trav.”

  Travis swallows, stoic. “He deserves to know. They both do.”

  Jared’s jaw clamps shut and he looks away. He can’t look at me either.

  “Now is not the time for confessions,” Casey says. “As much as we all know Mac can take care of herself, she can probably do with some backup right about now.”

  Jared turns disbelieving eyes on his brother. “He knows?” Then his gaze cuts to Casey. “You know?”

  Casey shrugs.

  “Would you all just shut the hell up and tell me what every other motherfucker seems to know but me?”

  Travis looks at me and speaks. “That day we came and got Mac, we were in an accident. The car rolled four times before landing upside down in an embankment.”

  Jared was behind the wheel that day. I turn to look at him. His face is whiter than snow. “I was driving too fast,” he admits. “I lost control of the car.”

  My mouth opens and snaps shut. “Why the hell did no one tell me?”

  “That’s not all,” Travis interrupts. Jared bends his head and rubs the back of his neck. Casey steps up beside me, his shoulder brushing mine. “Mac was … She …”

  My heart is pounding harder than a jackhammer. “Spit it out, Travis.”

  “Mac was pregnant and she suffered a miscarriage from the impact.”

  My lungs squeeze and blackness edges my vision. The world slowly tilts beneath my feet.

  “She was going to tell you about the baby, Jake.” Travis keeps talking but it’s hard to hear over the buzzing in my ears. “But you never gave her that chance.”

  “I never gave her that chance?” I whisper.

  “She wa
s about to tell you when we turned up to collect her.”

  And it’s my fault because I sent her away. The guilt overwhelms me. I drop to a crouch and hold my head in my hands, unable to stand the weight of it.

  Mac was going to have a baby. My baby. My heart is breaking, and I can’t breathe over the pain. “Why didn’t she ever tell me?”

  “She tried,” Travis chokes out. “In the hospital when she woke, she asked for you. She wanted you to know. She wanted you there. We …” He lets out a shaky breath. “We told her that you knew. That we’d told you.”

  My eyes burn. Mac, who never needed anyone, needed me and I wasn’t there. Because I didn’t fucking know. I rise slowly to my feet. My hands fist by my sides, but I hold my chin high. “You goddamn interfering motherfuckers,” I bite out. “You let her think I knew?” My voice rises to a shout. “Why? Because I was never good enough and this was your chance to shut me out of her life for good?”

  “We thought it was for the best,” Jared says, his voice low and gruff.

  “You.” My nostrils flare as my eyes cut to him. “You were driving the damn car and you just lost control?”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers, taking a step toward me.

  My back stiffens and my voice comes out broken. “You killed our baby.”

  Jared clamps his jaw shut, his breath coming out in harsh puffs through his nostrils. He’s on the verge of losing it but I don’t care. I’m caught in a world of pain. Nothing can stop it. It’s a freight train slamming into me without warning.

  Casey puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “Jake—”

  I shrug him off and back away from all of them. “Don’t touch me.”

  My breathing is heavy as my mind traces over our every interaction since the day she left. Mac’s hostility. Her anger. It all makes sense. It’s a testament to her strength that she’s still standing, putting one foot in front of the other each day. That she even speaks to me at all.

  She’s the only person I’ve ever loved and look what I did to her. What we did to her. She was going to be a mother. We were going to be parents. A family. And now we’re nothing at all.