by Lara Swann
“I promise, Hanna. No one will hear anything.”
“Even about the American girl who might become an Aldoran Princess?”
She’s just phrasing that the way they would, I know, but when she says it a strange feeling runs through me at the idea.
My American Aldoran Princess…
I shake it off, and nod again.
“Even for that. There are simply no lines of communication open between reporters here and those in other countries, I promise. I think half this stuff is only produced for my family to use as propaganda if they need to in the future, anyway. It’ll be broadcast because that’s what the Aldoran people want - a royal spectacle - and then it will get buried somewhere next to all the footage of Nicolas’s Princesca-attencianos, and no one has ever had a reason to access those after the ceremony either.”
It takes a few moments, but she gradually calms down - and I can almost feel her relax in my arms before she nods.
“Okay.”
I pull her close, and she wraps her arms around me, her head resting on my shoulder and all the breath leaving her in a rush. We haven’t had enough time like this over the last few days, and as I inhale the sweet scent of her skin, I realize how much I’ve missed her.
“We should probably get back.” She murmurs.
“Yeah.” I say, not moving in the slightest. “They can wait a few minutes.”
I rub her back, kissing her hair and relaxing a little myself.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Hanna.” I say after a few moments.
“Yeah.” She says, amusement obvious. “I bet you’d find it a complete bitch to get through all these ceremonies without me. You know, the ones that you wouldn’t be doing at all if I wasn’t here.”
I laugh softly against her hair, kissing her again. “Smart-ass.”
I can feel her smile against me, but when she finally pulls back and looks up at me, her expression is a little more serious again. “I know what you mean, Derek. I wouldn’t want to do this without you, either.”
That makes me smile, and I tilt her head up towards me for one last long, deep kiss before we turn to head back to chaos and memorization and planning. She squeezes my hand as we walk out the door.
“And when we’re done with this, you’re going to have a hell of a lot of benefits to catch up on, Prince.”
I grin at the thought.
“I can’t wait, Princesca.”
* * *
“I’m not sure about this, Derek.”
We’re standing in a tent that’s been erected for us in one of the large, cleared fields for this gathering. It’s not far outside Salda, but it’s far more accessible for the parts of the country that will be coming to this event.
We’ve got a couple of hours until we go out on the raised platform they’ve built for us and I introduce Hanna, declare a day of feasting and open the festivities. We can already hear the people gathering outside, and everyone else is frantically busy setting things up - the scent of food is everywhere, and I’m pretty sure the Aldoran people are at least as excited for the epic, free meal that’s about to follow as they actually are to meet Hanna. I mean, they love their royal family…but I’m not sure much compares to food.
Half of it is even vegetarian in Hanna’s honor - something I didn’t think to ask for, but the castle chef insisted on coordinating. Apparently he’d made a note of her favorite dishes - when, I have no clue…I didn’t even know Hanna had talked to the castle chef - and they’re all on proud display at the endless rows of buffet tables.
I’m not sure what anyone else - especially the Aldoran people gathered here - will think of that change, but I’m secretly pleased about it. I like that at least some of my country seems to have been warm and welcoming and friendly towards Hanna - even if I didn’t know about it until now.
I look over at where Hanna is pacing up and down next to the table set out with all the things I’m supposed to know already. When I said tent I might have undersold the large marquee a little. She’s been getting steadily more nervous and jittery as the day has gone on, and I walk up to pull her into my arms again. At least when she’s there, she seems to relax for a moment.
“It’s not the best time for second thoughts, my Princesca.” I murmur into her hair, then grin. “But if you wanted, I’d go out and tell them it’s all off even now.”
“Derek!” She objects, yet again.
But it makes her smile, and that’s all I wanted.
“It’s not that.” She glances up at me. “Okay, maybe it’s that a little bit. But I’m just…I’m not sure how I feel about lying to all these people.”
She lowers her voice as she says it, looking around - even though there’s obviously no one here.
“It was one thing when it was your family, and they obviously didn’t like me anyway, but…this is a whole country. What are they going to think when I’m presented and we act like everything is working, and then all of a sudden their Princesca disappears? All those disappointed expectations…”
I tuck a strand of hair back behind her ear, smiling down at her. Hanna does care so very much. It’s something between endearing and exhausting, I think, but I wouldn’t change it.
“They’re not going to expect anything just because they see you here today.” I reassure her. “They’re used to Princesca’s failing during this tour. Think about it - every time a new Princesca is announced, they get at least a couple of days off, free food, and all of these festivities. They don’t mind if the process is restarted a few times. It’s probably part of how our family maintains their popularity - all the excitement our crazy traditions provide for the people.”
She chews the inside of her cheek, looking up at me, but eventually she nods.
“Okay. I guess I can see that.”
“They’re not going to mind, whatever happens.” I repeat gently. “It’ll be okay, Hanna.”
“Yeah, I guess so. You’re right. I think I’m just…a little on edge.”
“I know. But you’ll be perfect.” I lean down and kiss her, pleased when she relaxes enough to kiss me back.
We don’t spend long like that, but just being together seems to help. That’s been one of the good things about the court’s decision - all the judgment that’s been weighing on us this whole time seems to have backed off a bit, as if we’re now good enough that they don’t have to be quite so concerned anymore.
We spend the couple of hours until the festival opens at mid-afternoon making idle conversation, trying to distract each other and ourselves, and dealing with everyone who stops by to quickly mention one last thing or ask our opinion about a suddenly-important aspect of the festivities.
It’s simultaneously nerve-wracking and a kind of boring, empty time. I’m not even sure why it feels so momentous to me - I’d never expected the Princesca thing to go as well as it has already, so anything else should be a bonus, right? But somehow, now that it is going well, I’m feeling a little more pressure.
When the time finally approaches, we hear the muffled sound of the crowd start to grow quieter, and I look over at Hanna.
She gives me a small, slightly anxious smile, and I reach out to take her hand, kissing the back of it before holding it beside me.
“I don’t have to say anything.” She says, for the final time as we turn towards the entrance to the tent.
“Nothing at all.” I confirm. “Just smile and wave.”
Probably the only time my parents would ever school someone to smile…when dealing with a large crowd of their people.
“And they won’t like me anyway, because I’m foreign and American and totally uncouth, so it doesn’t matter what I do, right?”
I pull her in towards me just before we leave the tent, then brush my lips over hers, smiling down at her sweet, nervous face as my chest flutters again.
“Mmhmm.” I say. “Loud and expressive and strange. Totally barbaric. They won’t be able to stand you.”
My hand runs throug
h her hair, and I kiss her again, everything I’m doing totally at odds with what I’m saying. I don’t believe a word of it anyway. My people might be slightly skeptical about foreigners, but as I look at Hanna I can’t imagine them not loving her. I can’t imagine anyone not loving her.
But it seems to make her feel better to think that, and it takes all the pressure off, so I agree with her anyway. Just so long as every time I do, I’m showing her just how beautiful she is.
There’s a fluttering at the tent flap, and we pull back from each other, but I give her a small smile and squeeze her hand again - which she returns with a steadying breath. Considering how I know she feels about this, she’s doing amazingly well. I still can’t quite believe she’s agreed to it. She didn’t have to, and part of me really wishes she—
“Derek.”
There’s a quiet murmur from outside, and I stop thinking so much about this.
“Just do it.”
Hanna mutters quietly, and even though I think it’s to herself, I take it to heart.
I walk outside with a smile and together we walk from the tent to the raised platform a few meters in front of it. I’m slightly stunned by the number of people here. I’ve attended these when Nicolas has done it, of course, but somehow it seems so many more when they’re all focused on you - pointing and talking and murmuring between themselves. I don’t really mind, but it staggers me a little that so many people are interested enough to come along and see my Princesca.
And I can feel Hanna tightening beside me. I glance over, but apart from that slight friction, she’s smiling and trying to look around calmly.
We make it up to the platform, and everyone quiets for us. I smile, and wave, and then start talking in Aldoran - introducing Hanna, confirming the people I’ve already presented her to and their approval, talking about why she should be their Princess.
That last bit is the only part of the speech that I get to improvise a little with - though of course I have to mention her virtue and purity and the sweetness of her spirit, as well as her respect and deference to Aldoran custom, tradition and country. The latter part is even more important in Hanna’s case, since she is a foreigner. But after I repeat the slightly stilted phrases that I agreed with the court about all of that…I completely forget everything else I was going to say.
My heart beats harder in my chest, and I start to understand some of the nerves Hanna feels about these things, as I pause for a couple of long moments.
Shit.
I try to picture the page we’d made all those notes on, but…nothing.
I look at Hanna again, and she looks back at me - not knowing enough Aldoran to follow what’s going on, but smiling and supportive and there.
And before I can think twice about it, I just start talking.
About Hanna and the summer and what it’s been like to spend time with her for the last few weeks. Her support and care and sweetness. Her obvious interest and passion for learning about our country - a lot of it just for me. Her intelligence and beauty, and ability to pick up on things I continue to be oblivious to. The way I’m finally starting to take things a little more seriously, just because she insists on knowing the answer to more questions than I can even imagine - and I want her to be comfortable and relaxed about whatever we’re doing.
I don’t give specifics, obviously - my parents would not appreciate me relaying the disasters we had when she first arrived, and I’m not about to advertise that when I talk about the time we’ve spent together…I really just mean the last few weeks. But…my heart is thumping hard in my chest as I say it, and I lose all sense of time and place as I get completely absorbed in everything I’m saying.
Everything I feel.
She can’t understand any of it, of course. If she could…well, I don’t think I’d be saying it. But because she doesn’t, I do. I don’t tell her. But I tell everyone else, and instead of the carefully scripted phrases that I’ve worked out with various members of the court…I tell them the truth.
I finish by asking the people to join me and support my choice for my Princesca and as I do, it suddenly feels so overwhelmingly real that I almost want to run away from the depth of the feeling there. From the endless depths I’m suddenly plummeting into…knowing that there’s going to be nothing to catch me on the bottom.
We both know how this is going to end. And it’s not with her as my Princesca. That was never part of the deal, never the arrangement, and I can’t push it on her now.
The fact I’m even thinking it is fucking terrifying.
I finally bring our joined hands up, presenting Hanna to the people in front of us - and a wave of noise assaults us. Enough that it almost knocks me back - both in surprise, and from the sheer power of it. People are yelling and clapping and stomping and…everything else, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it. Aldoran people are reserved.
Fuck.
If I think about it, I probably wasn’t meant to be that convincing.
Hanna looks at me, wide-eyed, not knowing exactly what’s going on but seeing the level of support there. She gives me a small, encouraging smile and squeezes my hand, no doubt trying to congratulate me for making a good speech.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
I smile back, but it’s forced and I can’t meet her eyes. I’m not sure I can imagine meeting her eyes again - not knowing what I do now. And knowing it would never work.
I don’t look at my family either - the King and Queen and Crown Prince currently attempting to calm the crowd for the two or three generic questions that we usually get, or my Granna sitting off to the side who doesn’t even usually come to these events anymore. Nicolas tries to meet my eyes, but I gaze deliberately out over the sea of people and focus on trying to look both appropriately regal and content instead.
Eventually the noise subsides, and we have a few of the reporters step forward with microphones. I forgot about that, too. My little speech was broadcast, too.
Well, great, maybe you can watch it after Hanna disappears and—
My erratic thoughts are interrupted by the first question - in English, to my surprise, but I guess they want to include Hanna. I appreciate the gesture, even as I give a slightly halting answer.
I get a couple more - mostly about plans for our tour or wanting little anecdotes from the Princesca-attenciano ceremonies so far. I have to completely make up a story about the meeting between Hanna and my parents at the beginning, but I’m quite good at that sort of thing, and don’t have any trouble with it. I just don’t look at either Hanna or them as I do it.
I can feel Hanna breathing light and fast beside me, and now that my speech is done and the attention is on both of us, she’s getting nervous again, and I hope they wrap it up soon. She keeps glancing out anxiously at the group of people, trying to smile, and squeezing my hand hard.
Then one turns to her and asks how she’s finding Aldora. It’s not exactly a hard question, but I immediately swing my head towards my parents, standing off to the side.
That wasn’t supposed to happen!
“Um, it’s…” Hanna swallows, breathes hard and then tries again. “It’s…good. I—I think it’s…umm…”
I can feel her shaking beside me, and I step forward to smile at the man who asked the question. I’m not sure it’s my friendliest smile.
“She’s really loving it.” I say smoothly. “She’s spent hours learning more about our customs and culture, just because of how interested she is, and she won’t stop asking questions about the castle in Salda. I haven’t had a chance to show her much of our country yet - which is why we’re looking forward to this tour so much. And if that’s everything, I won’t keep everyone any longer - enjoy the food, and join me in celebrating the arrival of my new Princesca.”
I step back, not caring if I cut anyone off or that wasn’t quite how it was meant to go. Hanna has gone white as a sheet and I just want to get her out of here.
I smile and give a small wave - and Ha
nna copies me, a little woodenly. Then I guide us off the platform and walk back towards our tent. That’s not what we’re meant to be doing, either, but I don’t really care. They can come and complain all they like after Hanna feels better.
The moment we get inside, she takes a big breath, and sits down on one of the chairs. Her arms come up around herself and she gives a small shiver before looking up at me and laughing softly.
“Well, I screwed that up, huh?” She shakes her head.
“They screwed that up. That wasn’t meant to happen.” I come kneel beside her, taking her face in my hand and kissing her gently. “I’m sorry, Hanna. But you did great—”
“I’m pretty sure they’re going to take my response as ‘umm, nope, don’t like your country’, Derek.” She gives a slight shrug, still trying to breathe evenly again. “But thanks, I appreciate the support. And they loved you - that speech must have been amazing, Derek. Maybe that’ll make up for—”
“Hush.” I frown. “There’s nothing to make up for. And anyway - are you okay? That’s all I really care about.”
She smiles slightly at that, and some of the warmth returns to her expression as she leans forward and puts her arms around me.
“I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. I just…I’ve never been good with…”
“I know - you said. You warned us, and that was all we needed, baby.”
I kiss her forehead and I’m about to pull her up and try to relax her in my arms when the tent flutters behind us. No one comes in, but that’s pretty much the universal signal we’ve developed for a knock.
“Derek.” Nicolas’s voice from outside, sounding almost reluctant.
“You should go.” Hanna says, looking up at me. “Do you mind if I stay here for a little bit? Just…get my bearings again?”
“Of course. You don’t need to go out there unless you’re ready.” I say immediately. “But I want to stay with you - help you relax—”
“Derek?” Nicolas’s voice comes again, but at least he doesn’t enter. “We really do need you out here—”
“Go.” Hanna urges me again, and I give into the inevitability of it all.
