by Lara Swann
“If you need anything, just get anyone to come find me, okay? I won’t be far.”
She nods, obviously thinking I’m being overprotective. Maybe I am. I don’t care about that either.
But at least as I turn to leave, I can see that some of the color has returned to her cheeks, and the shaking has subsided a little.
Why the hell is she even doing this?
I don’t really understand it. There’s no reason to put herself through something she obviously finds so difficult—
“Is Hanna okay?” Nicolas asks when I leave the tent, and I give a short nod.
“Yeah, she will be. She’s going to spend some time in the tent, I think. What the hell was that reporter doing, anyway?”
“I don’t know. We’ll make sure those instructions are a little more firm for the rest of the tour.” He says, shaking his head. Then he gives me a sidelong glance. “Maybe they were over-excited from your speech.”
I shrug, deliberately looking ahead as we walk towards where the tables laden with food are, for me to walk around and talk to everyone and anyone about my Princesca.
“It was a good speech.” Nicolas says, when it’s obvious I’m not going to elaborate any further.
“I’m glad you think so.”
We leave it at that - and then we get into the crowds of people and I spend the next hour or so doing what’s expected of me. I’m a little surprised at how overwhelmingly positive everyone is as I speak to them. They’re excited about Hanna and already asking about our marriage and plans and everything else. It feels a little like I’ve just stepped into some crazy parallel world where those things will actually happen, but I try to shrug off the feeling and mirror their enthusiasm.
If it were any other situation, it would be nice to have it, and I feel like I should be grateful. The Aldoran people aren’t always this supportive of the royal family’s choices.
After a while of talking and snacking lightly, I start wondering about taking a plate to Hanna. She hasn’t come out yet, and though I don’t mind if she doesn’t at all - even if my parents would definitely prefer her appearance - she’s probably getting hungry. And, I can’t deny it, I want to check and make sure she’s okay.
I make my excuses and start filling a plate, taking all the food amusingly labeled as ‘the Princesca-attenciano’s favorite’ in the hope that the castle chef actually has a clue what he’s talking about. I certainly don’t know what her favorites are, though I do remember her enthusing about one or another.
I flap the entrance to the tent before walking in, calling out to her as I step inside.
Only to see that she’s not there at all.
I pause, looking around, and try to ignore the sudden thumping in my chest.
I guess she came to find you at the same time.
Setting the plate down on the table, I duck out again and start looking around - asking people if they’ve seen her as I do. Except no one has.
That little niggle of concern starts growing, and by the time I find Nicolas and ask him, I’m having to fight to remain calm. He hasn’t seen her either, and then I’m darting through the large gathering actively looking for her.
It’s not like I really think anything has happened - very little of note ever happens at these events. And I trust my people too, especially after that reception. Not to mention we’re surrounded by so many people here…
Nothing has happened.
But I can’t find her.
After several minutes searching through far too many people - all of whom seem to want my attention - I figure this is stupid and head back to the tent. If she’s gone somewhere, it won’t be into the crowds of people that made her anxious in the first place - and if she was there, I’m pretty sure it would be obvious. There are enough people interested in talking to her for that to be true.
She’s still not in the tent when I get back, but I start to look around, and find myself glancing over at the little wooded path that leads back to one of the villages we’re just set apart from. There are a few people walking down it in this direction - probably to join the festivities - but generally, everyone is already here.
It’s secluded enough…
I turn in that direction and start walking through the groves of trees, looking for her. I don’t quite go as far as calling her name - but that little tremor of concern is growing in my chest, and I’m not far from it.
After I move a little away from the path, though, I hear noise - voices, I think - filtering through from further inside the little wooded strip of land. I glance around, and then walk towards it, wondering if whoever is hanging out here might have seen her.
A moment later, I see them.
I breathe an immediate sigh of relief when I spot Hanna in the center - of a group of kids. They’re all ages, and they’re asking her question after question in varying degrees of stilted English. She’s smiling and talking to them and not quite able to answer any of those questions, but they seem totally absorbed by her.
I stand back for a moment, and just watch, smiling to myself. She’s good with them - they’re hanging on her every word and she’s talking in large, exaggerated ways to make it interesting for them. The sort of thing you do with kids in America, I guess, but here…I doubt they’ve ever seen anyone quite so expressive before. And, being kids, they’re fascinated by it instead of disapproving.
After a few moments, I walk into the little clearing - and Hanna looks up.
“Oh.”
“I was looking for you.” I say, but I’m smiling. I don’t give her any indication of my near-panic.
“Sorry.” She glances around with a slightly bemused look. “I went for a walk to see if I could calm down a little - and got a little…distracted.”
One of the kids dancing around by her legs giggles, and she ruffles his hair.
“So I see.” I move up towards her and smile at the little audience she’s found. “Do you all feel like coming back for something to eat now? We should probably share the Princesca with everyone else, huh?”
Hanna rolls her eyes at me, but I take her hand anyway, and the kids seem excited by the thought of food.
Hanna takes one of the younger ones’ hand, and I do the same on the other side, then we walk out of the trees together.
“You’re amazing.” I murmur to her. “Have I told you that enough yet?”
She laughs at me, but I lean in for a kiss before she can say anything. I don’t know why, but the sight of her there with them does something strange to me. Hell, Hanna has been doing something strange to me - for weeks now.
When we get back, the kids convince Hanna to come with us to the table of food, and with them to distract her, she doesn’t seem quite as bothered by the crowds. We actually spend an hour or so together, talking to my people and answering excited questions, and it all goes smoothly.
Hanna tries to convince me that her not-so-enthusiastic response to the reporter will be the center of the coverage we get and has probably ruined the whole event. I roll my eyes at her and tell her that she’s totally wrong and has nothing to worry about.
And for once, I’m right about that.
When the press comes out for the event and we see the main response of Aldora’s media to Hanna…I’m momentarily stunned.
The front page and main picture featured over and over again…is of the two of us kissing, kids on either side of us as we come out of the woods. And the write-up is perfect. For Aldora, that counts as a picture that’s almost too sensual to print - but no one makes a single comment about modesty in the article at all.
There are more speculations about what our children will be like than I want to think about, but…I was right.
They fucking loved her.
As we go through a brief with the rest of my family on how the whole event went, and hear all the lovely, positive commentary that came out of it, I can’t help turning to Hanna and nudging her with my knee.
“What do you think?” I say, in a
voice low enough that no one else will hear. “Do you think you might be up for the rest of the tour, after all?”
Her eyes sparkle back at me, and I can’t help thinking she’s very pleased with herself.
“If all I have to do is run away from the main event and play with some kids - sure, why not.”
Chapter Nineteen
Hanna
We spend the next week touring Aldora - and to my complete surprise, it’s not awful.
I won’t lie - I was terrified for that first presentation. I’ve never been good when I’m the center of attention, and the idea of public speaking is just about my biggest nightmare, but I’ve never felt close to a full-blown panic attack either.
Shaking, and nauseous, and faint.
It was horrific. And I didn’t even have to do anything. Derek was the one that put all the effort in, but…nope…my mind was still not up for it. Not at all.
For a while there, I thought I was going to have to abandon the whole tour. The only thing worse than standing up there in front of all those people stammering and barely able to speak would have been to faint in front of all those people. Or throw up. That might be worse, actually.
But…after I’d had a little time to myself, I started recovering slowly. And I remember how the people had looked at Derek - how natural he was in front of them, how they were hanging onto his every word. I remember wishing so much that I could understand enough Aldoran to know what on earth he was saying to capture their attention like that. I was mesmerized even without understanding it.
I’d glanced around at his family while he was speaking, and for a brief moment…I actually thought they seemed impressed. Given what I know about his relations with them, well, that seemed like something special.
And I can’t help it - I want them to see that again. To see more of how truly impressive he can be.
I hated the idea that it might all be cut off because I couldn’t handle it. That’s what I was thinking about when I went out for a walk - surprisingly undisturbed by anyone as I left the tent. Then I started talking to those kids, and then…well, it slowly started seeming doable, at least. Still terrifying and horrific and awful, but…possible, maybe?
Which was enough for me to say ‘yes’, even if I fully expected the whole thing to be completely traumatic.
But…it isn’t. Not really. Or not as much as I expected, anyway.
I even start thinking I might be getting into it, as we go from place to place.
I don’t know whether it’s because these groups are a lot smaller, and we get a real chance to talk to them, instead of standing in front with all those eyes watching us and making speeches. I’m better at that, I think. Maybe Derek was right that this wouldn’t be so bad - or maybe it’s just the way he looks at me while we’re there together. The things I know will be waiting for me after every event…his touch, his kisses, that warm, protective embrace that I find myself melting into again and again. There’s less crazy hot sex - too many thin hotel room walls and people around us all the time - but there’s a lot more of…something else. I’m not quite sure what that something else is, but it’s enough that even without all the explosive pleasure…I still feel warm and content around him.
But whatever it is that’s enabling me to walk out in front of a group of people and not get nervous sweats, it’s starting to feel like I’m adjusting to being on tour like this. The routine becomes more familiar as we stop at place after place, and I slowly get more comfortable.
There are even moments when I find myself completely forgetting what we’re really doing and the whole Princess thing seems real. And not in a terrible, hating-it kind of way either. In a maybe-this-isn’t-so-bad kind of way. That scares me even more than the thought of passing out in front of all the people - but I can’t deny it’s useful. It’s making me good at playing the part, right? Even if I’m worried I’m starting to get confused.
But the tour is only for another week…and a week after that, I leave for Europe. With Carly.
It’s almost impossible to think about that. It feels like another life - so different from the one I’m living right now, with Derek. And right now, this is the only one I can think about.
I’ve barely responded to Carly’s messages since the tour started. I mean, it doesn’t help that various parts of Aldora’s countryside have very limited mobile reception, but…I don’t think that’s the main reason. I’ve told her what I’m doing, she’s expressed the expected disbelief that I am doing this, but we haven’t had a proper conversation for…over a week, I guess. She keeps asking my opinion on hotels and restaurants and monuments for our trip, but I’m struggling to think about any of that now. I tell her that I’m happy with whatever she chooses, and if we don’t like something and want to change it partway through then we can - we have an unlimited budget, after all. That seems to satisfy her, and she goes ahead and books them.
Apart from that, and a few courtesy notes to my parents to inform them that I’m alive and safe and well, I’m completely absorbed in Aldora. In the people, and the places we’re visiting, and this whole Princesca thing.
And Derek, of course.
I might be a little absorbed in him, too.
Which is why I start to get the feeling that something is kind of different, with him. I’m not quite sure what, but I catch him looking at me strangely sometimes - and for once I can’t work out what he’s thinking about at all. There are moments when it feels like we can’t stop touching each other, and everything we say is some innuendo or sensual promise…others where he holds me close and kisses me softly without even hinting at it going anywhere…and then times where he’s far more distant.
He doesn’t seem to talk to me about what’s going on with him as much, and while we’re obviously busy and have less time for anything, it still makes me a little sad to realize. But even as I wonder whether part of him is a little more closed off, he seems more concerned about how I’m managing with this whole trip than he has been before - going out of his way to make me comfortable with little gestures and thoughtful ideas. It’s sweet, and endearing, and even though I’m pretty sure it’s because of how hard I found the start of the tour, it’s still utterly confusing.
Sometimes I tell myself I’m just being stupid and imagining it all, too.
When it comes to everything we’re trying to achieve together, with the Aldoran people, we couldn’t be more in sync. We develop a really nice rhythm, to the point that we start telling half the people advising us when they’re wrong about something, and work it out for ourselves. Maybe it’s not the official way of the Aldoran royalty, but it’s something that becomes our way, and I get a little thrill from how well received we are.
I get to see more of Aldora, too.
We stop at villages and towns, and even make our way up into some of the mountainous regions where the Aldoran people live quite differently. It’s almost like a new culture entirely, and I get totally distracted asking questions and learning more about it from the people that we meet.
We see vineyards and olive groves and a lot of the farming that Aldora still makes most of its income from. Derek tries to tell me a lot more about it as we travel around, but I find myself kind of wishing I had the library in Salda to go and bury myself in again. We also visit some of the towns that are starting to appear, and Aldora’s slightly misguided foray into manufacturing enterprises. They quickly ended up out-competed by the Asian countries that were also adopting it at the same time, and it largely fell into disrepair. According to Derek, they’re still trying to find new income sources that might stick a little bit better - but it’s hard, and the Aldoran people are highly skeptical of anything that changes the way they’ve lived for centuries.
Aldora isn’t large, and within the week we manage to work our way around most of the country. The tour makes a particular point of stopping at important historical locations, which thrills me - and Derek is attentive enough to have deliberately carved out time in our schedule f
or me to actually be able to visit some of those momentous places we pass. I wish once again that Carly could be here, because as indulgent as he is - Derek is clearly just humoring me when I start talking at a mile-a-minute about everything I’m discovering.
One of the places that makes it onto the list is the village Adele comes from - famous purely for that reason - and when we get to the remote, mountainous area, I find it hard to believe I’m actually there. Adele has told me enough about it that I don’t feel nervous at all, and instead I deliberately seek out people she’s mentioned - and their children. They seem just as thrilled to talk to me about her and her remarkable transition from village girl to Queen of Aldora. I show them her ring, too, since I have to wear it at all of these events anyway, and add that she’s got a slightly more suitable one now.
The rest of our retinue seems entirely bemused, but I don’t care. Adele is an amazing woman, and I’ve loved everything she’s told me about her life. I figure if one day I’m half as impressive, I will have had a pretty good life.
I end up talking for far too long and we get stuck in the mountains overnight, but I don’t mind in the slightest. If we’re going to stay longer anywhere, this is exactly the place I’d pick. Besides, it gives me the chance to take all the little messages they ask me to pass onto Adele, and I know she’ll be thrilled. She’s said that she feels too old to make it back here now and it’s been a long time since she’s seen the people she grew up with - but I know she still thinks about them a lot.
The week goes quicker - and better - than I think it will, and by the time we get to the final event to close the tour, I actually don’t seem to mind the large group it attracts again. All the people I’ve met throughout the week have been nothing but friendly and welcoming, and suddenly those anonymous faces don’t seem so bad after all. I just imagine the people that I did meet and talk to and put their faces into the crowd instead.
The end of the Princesca-attenciano tour is another another over-the-top ceremony, but it’s at least a bit more fun than the ceremonies with the Aldoran court. For me, anyway.
