Afire (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Grace Jameson

  Chapter 4

  Jenny raced out of the house before the sun rose the next morning, hoping to avoid a confrontation with Cal. She was determined to ride it out, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how hurt and upset she was. She stayed to herself for the morning and was relieved she didn’t have to face anyone. At noon, she headed into the house to cool off and grab a bite. She tensed when she heard the screen door open and the men pile into the house, looking for lunch. Tony looked at the empty table and asked if Jenny had made lunch yet. She was about to blast him about making his own lunch when Cal jumped in.

  “You better get used to making your own lunch. Jenny’s leaving soon. She’s just visiting.”

  The room fell into stunned silence. Jenny forced a brittle smile before turning to Tony and offering to make him a sandwich, too. He just nodded, knowing his best course of action was to stay silent. Jenny quickly made some sandwiches and put the platter of food on the table for the men before sitting by herself, eating her lunch in silence. She ate quickly and immediately headed back outside.

  Tony and Eddie sat in uncomfortable silence, trying to ignore the tension in the room. Eddie glared at Cal and followed after Jenny. Cal glowered at the table, feeling like shit that he’d hurt her yet again. Christ, what the hell was the matter with him? Could he be clearer that he thought she’d been a convenient lay but now he wanted her to go? He wasn’t sure he could hate himself more than he did yesterday, but he surprised himself by hitting an all new low. He couldn’t even really explain his behavior to himself.

  He snapped out of his reverie when he heard hoof beats on the laneway. He stood to see Caliente loping down the road, Jenny leaned over his neck, egging him to run faster. Cal headed for the door in alarm and ran to find Eddie. He knew Jenny loved that horse, but he could be awfully temperamental. He snorted in disgust at himself. Like he was one to talk about temperamental.

  “Where’s she headed?” Cal demanded quietly and saw Eddie stiffen.

  “Why do you want to know?” he asked brusquely.

  Cal growled in frustration. “She was upset when she saddled Caliente.”

  “And whose fault is that?” Eddie snorted, glaring at Cal, his arms folded over his chest.

  “Mine,” Cal said tightly. “But above everything else, you know I want her to be safe. Now, she’s upset. Yes, because of me. But I want to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid or careless because of it.”

  Some of the anger left Eddie’s body as he watched his old friend struggle with his conflicting emotions. “You love her,” he stated.

  Cal ran a hand through his hair. “Probably. Yes. Maybe. I think so.” He looked so dejected.

  “Help an old farm boy understand this. You love her, she quite clearly worships you, but I’ve never seen you so unhappy. That includes when I met you. What the hell is going on?”

  Eddie was surprised to see Cal’s eyes shining. “She got a call from her parents last night. She was accepted into equine studies at the university. She starts in the fall. You should see her, she’s so excited. She can’t stay here. It’s too far, and I don’t want to stop her from doing the program. She told her mom she’s bored with me. This is exactly what I thought would happen. She has an opportunity to pursue her dreams and meet new people. She’d feel trapped if she stayed here. It’s better to end it cleanly rather than drag it out. I want her to have a fresh start.”

  Eddie’s heart ached for his friend, and he was pretty sure there was some kind of misunderstanding, but he didn’t argue. “She went toward the road. I’m guessing she’s headed for Will’s.”

  Cal nodded and pulled out his battered cell phone from his rear jean’s pocket. Waiting for the phone to ring, he asked Eddie, “She wearing a helmet?”

  Eddie gave him a disgusted look. “She always wears a helmet when she rides.”

  Cal abruptly turned from him and walked towards the corral. “Hi, Will, Cal here. Any chance you have company right now? No? Um, I think Jenny is headed your way. We’ve had a fight, and she’s upset. I just want to make sure she got to your place okay. Her horse has a little more personality than I like.” He spoke with Will for a few minutes and made plans for the older man to visit Cal the next afternoon. Will promised to call if Jenny came over, and the men hung up.

  * * * *

  Will frowned at the dispirited sound in Cal’s voice. He’d known Cal for years and had never known him to be moody. If he and Jenny had argued, it was serious, and Cal was obviously unhappy. And worried about Jenny. Will liked Jenny, but his first concern was for Cal. Neither Will nor Cal had any family, and over time they’d tacitly adopted each other. Both had been welcomed in the boisterous Busch home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays.

  He saw Jenny ride up his lane a few minutes later and gave a small sigh of relief. She dismounted, ground-tied the horse, and slowly headed to where Will stood waiting. She had been crying, and her eyes looked red and swollen. . Will opened his arms. “Come here, honey.”

  She walked into his sturdy embrace and dropped her head on his chest. He rubbed her back while she gathered her strength, and then invited her in.

  Will looked at her and said, “I need to call Cal, Jenny. I’m glad you came here, but I won’t lie to him.” She nodded glumly and listened to Will’s side of the conversation. “Hey son, your filly’s here...Yup, she got here safely....Okay, talk to you later.”

  Jenny accepted a tissue from Will and inelegantly blew her nose. “I’m surprised he cared.”

  She jumped a second later when Will slapped the table and leaned in, clearly annoyed. “That’s not fair. You know better than that. You know what you mean to him. I don’t know what happened, but I do know Cal, and he’s miserable right now.”

  Jenny wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or miffed at his tone. She rubbed her hands on her jeans nervously and said, “I guess I should go.”

  Will rolled his eyes and shook his head at her. “Is that what you do, Jenny? You run a lot? You gonna take off whenever the going gets rough? Cal needs a fighter. You up to it?” he challenged.

  Jenny felt her temper flare. “Yeah, I’m up to it. I’m not the one who’s been running for the past two years. I’ve stuck this out a lot longer than most women would have, but there’s a point when there’s no point. He said he doesn’t want me. I could’ve left that night, but I didn’t. I’ll fight, but there has to be something to fight for.”

  Will considered her for a moment. “You know he’s interested in you, so why do you think he’s pushing you away?” he asked.

  “He says it’s the age difference, but I don’t know,” she said, unsure.

  “The clues are in what’s absent, not what’s there.”

  She looked at him puzzled. “I don’t understand. What do you mean, in what’s absent?”

  “What do you know about him, about his family?” Will asked her.

  Jenny shrugged again. “Nothing, really. He doesn’t mention them.”

  “You ever think to ask?” he asked gruffly

  Jenny’s face flushed, and her eyes filled. “I seem to be making men angry this week. I thought you liked me, but I’ve upset you, too.”

  Will got up, poured two lemonades, and put one in front of her. “I like you fine, Jenny,” he explained, “but I love Cal. I consider him family. I get the feeling that because you’re friendly and outgoing, people don’t challenge you much. Well, to my way of thinking, you have a lot of family to protect you and care about you. Cal has no one. His parents are gone, Cara took off, and his sister died in an accident about five years ago. Cal’s used to people leaving. With Cal, it’s what’s missing...parents, a sibling, a woman. After the mess with Cara, I never saw him with another woman. You’re the first girl he’s introduced to me.”

  “I want that. I want to be his family. He knows that,” she said earnestly.

  “And did you push and push?” He nodded when he saw her face flush. “Cal is the most reasonable person I kn
ow. If he’s concerned about your age, then maybe you should respect that and figure out how to address his fears.”

  “I’ve tried, and at this point, I’m not sure he wants me to keep trying. He told me we’re having an affair, and that I’m just an itch to scratch. You clearly think I’m flighty and self-absorbed, but that’s not fair. I’m very clear in my own mind about what I want. I told him I don’t care about the age difference, and I don’t. My parents know my feelings and don’t have any concerns about that, either. They know Cal might not want children, and they accept that.” She nibbled her lip, before looking at Will defiantly. “Maybe I need some reassurance, too, that he’s interested in more than a few convenient rolls in the hay.”

  “Of course he is,” Will scoffed. “I heard you tell Cal once that your favorite color was green. You remember that? Yeah? You notice all the green around the farm? That he bought a horse blanket in green? Cal only rides when you’re here. I helped him paint ‘Jenny’s bedroom’ in ‘celery green,’ whatever the hell that is. He bought matching sheets for his room in case one day…”

  “A few months ago, Eddie called me asking if I knew why Cal was looking into buying a registered pure Arabian mare. I checked the horse out. It was the mare you were checking out at that horse show you guys went to the weekend before. Cal was trying to buy a mate for your Caliente. Jenny, do you not think it’s weird that I know your horse’s name, or that you broke your wrist when you were ten, or that your real name is Scarlett Rose Busch? Cal can’t stop talking about you. I can see for myself that he’s really hurt you, but I can tell you, he’s hurt himself more. Give him a chance to apologize.”

  She nodded slowly. “Okay, but just for you,” she agreed with a watery smile.

  His meaty hand patted hers, and he smiled encouragingly. “Hang in there. It’ll be worth it. Now give an old man some sugar and head back before Cal sends out a search party.”

  When he saw Jenny safely mounted on Caliente and trotting down his drive, he called Cal and let him know she was on her way home. Atta girl, he thought with satisfaction.

  * * * *

  The sun was blistering the next afternoon as Will stood on Cal’s porch, wiping his brow. Cal came to the door, and Will tried to marshal his expression. He’d called Eddie yesterday after speaking with Cal and asked just how bad things were. He wasn’t reassured by Eddie’s report, and Cal’s appearance now solidified the knot in his stomach.

  “Invite an old man in,” he ordered gruffly. “I’m about to have a stroke out here.”

  Cal held the door open and waved at a seat at the kitchen table. Getting two glasses and a pitcher of iced tea, he joined Will at the table. Will looked at the tea and raised an eyebrow at Cal. “Are we old women now? Give me a beer, dammit.” Cal flashed the first real smile in days and grabbed a couple of beers.

  “No point beating around the bush. You look like shit, son. Pretty sure you slept in those clothes, and you look ridden hard put away wet. This has to be about Jenny. What happened?”

  “I fucked up,” Cal mumbled, unable to meet Will’s eyes.

  “Ya think?!” Will roared. “An itch to scratch? What the fuck is the matter with you? That little filly is going to give me grandchildren, and you’re pissing around about this being an affair. She’s perfect for you, you stubborn bastard. If I thought it would help, I’d smack you upside the head. As it is, I may hose you down instead. You’re a little ripe there, son.”

  Cal just nodded in acknowledgement and took a long draw on his beer.

  “What happened?” Will asked again, easing up.

  Flood gates flew open, and Cal’s words tumbled over themselves. “I love her. I want her to stay. I fought it, I swear I did. She’s so young. She hasn’t done stuff yet...travel, school, going to bars. She said she doesn’t want that stuff, but I heard her tell her mom she’s bored here. Bored with me. I knew it. I knew it would happen. And she got accepted to university yesterday. It’s too far for her to stay here, even if she wanted to. She’s going to meet new people and realize she wants different things. I can’t compete with that. She’s going to leave. They always leave.” Cal dropped his head in his hands as sobs wracked his body.

  Will pulled Cal’s head to his chest and held him tightly, murmuring nonsense. He’d never seen Cal like this and frankly thought it was long overdue. “You’ve lost a lot of people, Cal. But only Cara left you on purpose. Your parents and Kim didn’t leave willingly, Cal, they died. You’ve played it safe because of that, but you’ve missed out on a lot of stuff, too. That girl loves you. She’s all but tattooed it on her forehead. She’s steady and consistent. She hasn’t lied to you, manipulated you, or played games. She’s been honest from the beginning that she wants to be with you. She’s put herself out there even though she knows she’ll look like a fool if you reject her. I know you’re worried about the age thing, but she’s not. She really doesn’t care. She knows you may not want kids, and she’s okay with that. Maybe you should give her credit for knowing her own mind. As for school, I’m betting Jenny wants you more. There has to be some middle ground. Part-time program, working with a local vet, whatever. Give her the courtesy of discussing it with her.”

  Cal nodded but said little. Will knew he needed time to process things. “It’s possible that I love that girl more than you. If I were younger...But you’ve been cruel, and you need to apologize. No matter what, you’re my family Cal, and I love you. I’ll back whatever decision you make.” He slapped Cal on the shoulder and headed to his truck.

  * * * *

  Was it possible to live a lifetime of regret in a single day? Cal could hardly believe what he’d done yesterday. He adored Jenny, and for reasons he didn’t understand, she wanted to be with him. It was all there, in his grasp, and he blew it. He heard himself saying the words, unable to stop himself. And wished he could stuff them back in his mouth the instant they came out. Cal would give almost anything to erase that wounded look off her face. God, what had he done?

  He sat on her bed, watching her sleep. He itched to wake her, to apologize for everything he said, to wipe away that look of sadness. He admitted to himself that he was conflicted. He wanted her. He wanted her in his life forever. He just wasn’t sure he deserved her. Or that marrying him wasn’t robbing her of another life, a better life. But he couldn’t resist being close to her while she was here. He settled into a chair under the window and watched her sleep. He could pretend she belonged to him here. Even if it was just in the shadow of night.

  * * * *

  Long and unpleasant. Cal was glad the miserable day was finally over. He hadn’t had the energy to give more than grunted answers, and the day passed in unnatural quiet. Eddie ensured that Tony, Scott, and Steve completed their chores with minimal conversation and gave Cal the space he clearly wanted. Jenny was no more communicative and her eyes seemed redder with each hour. She looked spent. No doubt Tony and Eddie would race off the farm at day’s end, relieved to get away from the heavy tension.

  Just when Cal thought the day couldn’t possibly get worse, the milk truck trundled down the laneway. He groaned, knowing what was coming. There was a new guy on the milk route, and he’d made his interest in Jenny very clear. His constant flirtation made slutty Tony look like a sexual slacker. If Brandon pulled this shit today, Cal was going to kill him. Perhaps literally.

  His fears were realized when Brandon hopped out of the truck and immediately asked, “Where is that gorgeous woman?” Cal came out of the barn just in time to hear the man, and Eddie saw Cal’s jaw clench briefly. “Got to see my girl,” he said, winking at the men.

  No sooner were the words out of his mouth than Jenny ran out of the barn chasing a rebellious Napoleon. Jenny was so busy trying to avoid his tiny kicking hooves that she didn’t notice Brandon watching her with open admiration. When she finally caught the little demon, she blew the hair out of her face, turned to head back to the barn, and stopped dead when she realized they were all staring at her.

  �
�You get more beautiful ever day. Can’t wait to see what you’ll look like tomorrow,” Brandon said smoothly.

  Jenny unconsciously cringed, then tried to move past them with her squirming bundle, but Brandon’s arm wrapped around her waist to stop her. She froze, not wanting to make a scene, but not wanting to encourage him.

  “What?” she said licking her lips nervously. “What’s going on?”

  “I think it’s time we got to know each other better. A lot better,” he said suggestively. “You up for O’Malley’s on Wednesday?”

  * * * *

  Maybe she should have anticipated this, but she hadn’t. She was stunned. She looked past Brandon to Cal, hopeful he’d intervene. Instead, she flinched when she saw the man she loved glaring back at her, rigid with anger.

  “Sounds fun, Jenny,” Cal bit out.

  And with one sentence, he shattered Jenny’s heart. She just stared at him—mortified, hurt, and embarrassed. He wasn’t just giving her up, he was giving her away. To anyone. Just so long as she wasn’t his problem anymore.

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  “Great. I’ll pick you up at eight,” she heard him call after her as she fled into the barn.

  When she was sure she was alone, Jenny let Napoleon slip from her grasp, slid to the floor, and keened into her sweatshirt.

  * * * *

  Eddie wouldn’t talk to him for most of the afternoon. Cal knew he should try to smooth it over, but frankly he was grateful for the quiet to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. The words were out of his mouth before he even thought about them. And when he saw the devastated look on her face, he knew he’d crossed a line she wouldn’t forgive. He banged his head off the barn wall and heard Eddie’s angry voice encourage him.