Daisy on the Outer Line

by Ross Sayers

  Daniel appeared with Jack and Yvette Green, Elouise’s mum and dad, in multiple viral appeal videos following her disappearance last month. Daniel was home at the couple’s flat on the night of March 4th when Elouise disappeared.

  However, sources close to the family say police are once again questioning Daniel, in relation to an unknown woman who visited the couple’s flat three weeks prior to Elouise’s disappearance. Neighbours reported hearing shouts and a heated argument, although the police were not called at the time. We do not know currently how this relates to Elouise’s disappearance.

  Daniel was not available for comment at the time of publication.

  The light fae the telly flickers on Jill’s face.

  ‘Jill,’ ah say. ‘Since we’re pals noo, ah wondered if ah could ask ye… and if ye don’t want tae answer, nae bother… but ye know when ye first went back, whit happened? Cause, lit, ah’m no sure if ah believe whit ye telt me at Hard Rock.’

  She side-eyes me withoot turnin her body ma way. Then her eyes go back tae the telly. But she starts talkin.

  ‘Ah obviously didnae realise whit hud happened tae me,’ she says. ‘Ah went hame lit normal. Ma key didnae work in the lock so ah chapped the door. Thur wurnae any spare keys and ah didnae wake up tae find masel starin back at me. That wis a lie, ah’ll admit that. Ah jist wisnae sure if ah shid tell ye the full truth. It’s no lit ah wis expectin tae meet ye that day, it wis quite a shock tae me as well.

  ‘Anyway, ma boyfriend answered the door and he widnae let me in, obviously. Ah thought he wis jokin but he kept pushin me away and ah got really angry. Ah started cryin and that and he jist shut the door on me. Ah—Elouise—wisnae in that mornin. Ah’d been stayin at ma pal’s flat. Dan niver telt me aboot this lassie that turnt up at oor door. He obviously didnae want tae scare me.

  ‘So ah walked back oot, ragin, hinkin aboot how that wis me and him done and ah’d need tae move oot. Ah wis ready tae go tae ma parents, and that’s when ah saw ma face. Jill’s face. That wis the moment Elouise died and Jill wis born.’

  She speaks wi nae real emotion in her voice. The way she told her story the first time roond, at the Hard Rock, it seemed practised, and this disnae, but ah dunno whit tae believe. Ah suppose she’s tried tae separate hersel fae that time. Tae disconnect fae anyhin that she left behind. No tae huv tae worry that her boyfriend wis a suspect in her disappearance.

  ‘Whit happened when ye went tae yer parents?’

  Again, she stares at the telly. Her fing’rs run through her hair, occasionally raisin a split end tae the light fae the telly fur inspection.

  ‘Ah wisnae lyin aboot that,’ she says. ‘When we first met. Ah telt ye no tae go and see yer mum, and trust me on that. Don’t go and see her. The way she looked right through me. Don’t pit yersel through that, Daisy. She’ll no know ye. And it’ll break yer heart. It’ll break yer heart.’

  Jill stands up and moves tae the door. She chucks the telly remote at me and it lands softly somewhaur in the duvet. She disnae want me meetin ma mum and she disnae want me tellin Steven the truth.

  ‘Ah’m away tae bed,’ she says. ‘Sorry if ah’m no tellin ye mair. But that time in ma life, the hings ah hud tae dae… ah’d rather leave it in the past. We’ll get ye back hame. Don’t worry aboot that. Ye’ll no huv tae go through whit ah went through, ah promise. Night.’

  She leaves the room and closes the door ower. That leaves me tae ma ain thoughts. Leaves me tae hinkin aboot Mum cryin on an appeal video, beggin me tae come hame. Her goin through the rest ae her life niver knowin whit happened tae her daughter. Mibbe other folk widnae miss me, but she wid.

  Probably not going to be that sad though is she?

  Ah’ve spent ma hale life tryin tae get away fae ma mum but if ah’m bein honest, ah wish ah could see her right noo.

  Ah wish ah could make hings right.

  43

  Ah huvnae been back tae East Kilbride library in years. No that ah don’t read. Ah’ve got ma price alerts set on Amazon so ah know when new books go doon under a fiver on Kindle. Ah cannae stand hardbacks like, how am ah meant tae lug them aboot? And ah know ah’m no meant tae use Amazon cause thur bastarts, but naebdy needs tae know.

  Jill started at six this mornin so ah didnae huv the chance tae tell her whaur ah wis goin. It’s no lit ah can see Steven again since she’s deleted his number fae ma phone. Either he messages me or ah’ll no see him til the game on Saturday. Ah envy him in some ways, no bein on any social media sites. Ah’ve let Squeaker loose in the flat but ah shid be back afore Jill anyway. It’s only two days til D-Day.

  It’s a Thursday so Mum shid be here. Thursday, that’s Mum’s day at the library. Thursday’s wur ma da’s day tae pick me up fae school. Ah iways hated Thursdays.

  He was late on purpose, he didn’t want people to see you were his.

  Ah push through the heavy doors. A waft ae book smell greets me. Auld, crisp pages that huvnae been turnt fur years. Aw these stories urr jist sleepin until someone wakes them up, Mum wid say. Sharp winter light ducks through the windaes and lands softly on the shelves. Shiny, new computers line one wall, barely any wires tae be seen danglin below the clean, plastic desks.

  A wee gurl nearly takes me aff ma feet as she dashes across the flair in front ae me, graspin a Peppa Pig book so tight she’s nearly pulped the hing.

  ‘Daaaaad,’ she shouts. ‘They’ve got it! They’ve got it!’

  The da comes roond the corner, white t-shirt tucked intae his Springsteen blue jeans. He pats her on the heid.

  ‘Well goan gie it tae the lady then,’ he says, noddin towards the counter. ‘You can dae it.’

  She scrunches up her face and loosens her grip on the book.

  ‘Come on, Finny,’ the da says. ‘Ye’re a big gurl noo; it’s nuhin tae be scared ae.’

  The scrunch on her face turns intae a pout and we’re aboot five seconds away fae a full-blown greet fest. Then ma mum appears.

  ‘Hullo there, darlin,’ she says tae the gurl. ‘Ooh, that’s a really gid book ye’ve picked oot. That’s wan ae ma favourites.’

  The wee gurl freezes and stares at her feet.

  ‘D’ye want tae come wi me up tae the desk so ah can check it oot fur ye?’

  The gurl twiddles a metal button on the front ae her dungarees. Mum raises her hawn flat tae the side ae her mooth and whispers.

  ‘And thur might be some sweeties up there tae.’

  The gurl follows close tae ma mum’s heels and they make the short trip tae the desk. The gurl passes ower the book and Mum and the gurl’s da huv a chat above her heid. The gurl looks lit she might keel ower if she disnae get the book back immediately. So it’s lucky Mum passes the book back sharpish and the lassie drops tae the flair and starts readin on the carpet.

  The gurl disnae want tae leave but eventually the da prises her away and takes her oot the door. Mum catches me watchin.

  ‘Ye awright there, hen?’

  Ah approach the desk slowly.

  ‘Aye, ta,’ ah say. ‘That wis nice ae ye. The wee gurl wis feart til you turnt up.’

  She shrugs aff the compliment.

  ‘Aw, that’s nuhin. That’s the best part ae the job. And ye can niver tell. Wan wee gesture ae kindness can huv big consequences. A few seconds oot ma day tae make hers. Ah’ve a daughter masel so ah know whit it’s like. No that she listens tae me anymair. Anyway, can ah help ye wi anyhin?’

  Her and Steven fair drop me intae conversation at a moment’s notice.

  Only to make fun of you. Poor excuse for a daughter.

  ‘Eh, aye. Ah wis lookin fur a book.’

  She smiles and nods and looks intae ma eyes. Thur’s nuhin there. Nae recognition. Nae supernatural ability tae know who her daughter is, nae matter whit she looks lit on the ootside. She disnae know me. And thur’s part ae me that’s glad.

  ‘Wan aboot
,’ ah say, ‘this lassie… and thur’s time travel.’

  ‘Is that aw ye know aboot it?’

  ‘It wis… blue.’

  She swirls her mooth aroond and rolls her eyes in thought.

  ‘Might be The Time Traveller’s Wife?’

  Ah click ma fing’rs.

  ‘Aye, that’s the yin. Well done, Mum.’

  Ma heart catches in the back ae ma throat. We stare at each other, neither ae us knowin whit tae say next. Wid she believe it? Wid she believe ah’m her daughter? Is the universe aboot tae explode?

  ‘Did ye jist call me Mum?’ she asks.

  Ah laugh.

  ‘Aye… huv ye no heard that afore? It’s jist the patter these days. Ah call everybody “Mum”. Lit, if ah say tae ma pal, geez a fag, and they gie me yin, ah’ll say “cheers, Mum”.’

  This hus tickled her and she smiles as she looks up the book on her computer. Ah wish ah could make her smile lit this mair. Ah will. Ah’ll dae it mair when ah’m masel again.

  ‘Ye aw sorted fur Christmas?’ ah ask. ‘Bet yer daughter’s hard tae buy fur.’

  Ah’ve no hud a shift in Boots in a while so ah need tae practise the checkoot patter tae keep masel sharp.

  ‘Eh, maistly,’ she says. ‘Jist need tae get the last wee bits and bobs.’

  Ah suppose it wis unlikely she wis gonnae tell me whit she’s gettin me fur Christmas. Her fing’rs move quickly ower the keyboard. Ah niver knew she could type so well.

  ‘Whit’s yer name?’ she asks.

  ‘D… Rose,’ ah say.

  ‘D’ye want a minute tae hink aboot it?’

  ‘Naw, sorry, it’s Rose.’

  ‘And dae ye huv a library caird, Rose?’

  Ah dunno why ah’m still here. Mibbe ah jist enjoy bein aroond her and no arguin. It’s lit bein able tae wipe the slate clean, fur real. Nae past between us, nae reason fur us tae start shoutin at each other.

  You shout at her and she doesn’t deserve it.

  ‘Ye know whit,’ ah say. ‘Ah’ve left it in the car. Jist wait here and ah’ll away and get it.’

  ‘Awright, hen. Ah’ll get yer book and meet ye back here. Sound gid?’

  ‘Sounds gid… Mum.’

  She laughs again, loud and warm, and ah walk away. Ah look back ower ma shooder as ah get tae the door. She’s still chucklin tae hersel. We’ve niver been wan ae they families that say “ah love you”. That’s other families, the wans on telly. Ah dunno if ah’ve ever said it oot loud tae her. Ah’m sure she knows.

  44

  The train back tae Glasgow Central rattles on. We pass through Thorntonhall, Busby, Crossmyloof, basically aw the stops wi daft names, and ah hink aboot whit ma mum said. Wan wee gesture ae kindness can huv big consequences. Except ah cannae seem tae change anyhin as Rose. Ah’m stuck repeatin history insteid ae bein able tae change hings. This isnae lit Back to the Future at aw. They got it totally wrong.

  Ah get aff the train and wander in nae direction in particular. How dae ye know who needs a gesture ae kindness though? It wid be a lot easier if folk hud big red flags above their heids that needed help. If folk wid jist shout out. If folk stopped bein so selfish and jist demanded it. No that ah wid ask fur anybody’s help, mind you.

  Ah find masel haufway up Buchanan Street. Ah take a seat on a bench and feel the cauld wood against ma erse through ma jeans.

  People pass by. A street sweeper pushes his cart. On the side ae the cart, a holographic sticker ae a Santa hat reflects purple and green. A young lad on a BMX comes flyin past and ma hale body tenses as he sails ower a frosty patch ae pavement withoot slowin doon.

  ‘Christmas in Glasgow eh? Nae better place tae be fur it.’

  Ah turn tae find Yotta next tae me, appeared oot ae thin air. She’s eatin a mint Cornetto. Her hair’s been dyed again, bright green and red streaks.

  ‘Is it no a bit cauld fur an ice cream?’ ah ask.

  ‘Daisy, the flavour ae ice cream disnae change dependin on it bein summer or winter. If it’s tasty at wan time ae year it’s gonnae be tasty at another. Don’t let the weather decide whit ye eat.’

  ‘Ah’ll take that on board. Anyway, whaur huv ye been? Ah’ve been stumblin aboot clueless.’

  ‘Ah’ve been aboot. Don’t worry, ah’m iways keepin an eye on ye. Well, no when ye go tae the toilet and that.’

  ‘And urr ye here fur a reason? Ah can only assume ah’m daein awright otherwise ye’d huv jumped oot and stopped me?’

  Yotta wears bright red suede boots. Ah dunno how she walks in them in this weather but ah suppose the weather disnae mean a hing when ye can appear and disappear whenever ye like.

  ‘Ah didnae say ye’ve no made mistakes. Ah’ll jump oot if ye’re gonnae get hit by a bus, that kind ae hing. Otherwise ah go fur the hawns aff method. Oh, and tae remind ye tae niver tae trust Velcro. It’s a total rip aff.’

  Ah reach oot and touch her arm. She’s real. Well, ah can touch her anyway. No quite sure whit senses ah trust these days.

  ‘Huv ye managed tae find oot any mair aboot this gurl ah’m livin wi? Jill O’Brien slash Elouise Green? She got stuck in her other body. Is that gonnae happen tae me?’

  Yotta disnae seem fussed at ma predicament. She’s people watchin while she licks a drip ae mint chocolate that’s escaped ower the side ae the cone.

  ‘Ah’m still lookin intae it,’ Yotta says. ‘Ye ken whit it’s like at this time ae year. Folk windin doon fur Christmas. Can barely get a response fae the higher ups at the best ae times. Ah widnae worry though.’

  ‘Ye widnae?’

  ‘Naw.’

  ‘Cause ah’d really prefer if ye said it properly.’

  Her tongue leaps oot ae her mooth and sweeps away a splotch ae chocolate fae the corner ae her lips.

  ‘Say whit?’

  ‘That ah’m no gonnae get stuck here. That ah’m no stuck as Rose forever. Please jist promise me that.’

  ‘Daisy,’ she says, ‘or Rose, whichever ye like best. Ah can tell ye, withoot a shadow ae a doot… that everyhin’s gonnae turn oot jist fine. Mind ah telt ye, thur’s order tae the universe. Ye shid huv noticed by noo.’

  She reaches ower and holds ma hawn in hers.

  ‘Dae ye really hink ah’d let anyhin bad happen tae ye?’

  ‘Well, aye,’ ah scrunch ma face up. ‘Ah mean, ye’ve awready sent me back in time and gave me a stranger’s face. And then ye’ve offered me pretty much nae guidance. If this is yer job, Yotta, ah honestly hink ye’re gonnae get demoted.’

  ‘That’s fair. Ah suppose ah could gie ye a wee suhin, tae keep yer spirits up. Right,’ she says, and does another sweep ae the street. ‘See that wife there?’

  Ma eyes follow tae whaur she’s pointin. A woman in a red anorak leans against the ootside ae the Apple shop.

  ‘She’s hinkin aboot daein suhin silly,’ Yotta tells me. ‘Ye might want tae huv a wee chat wi her, see whit gid it does. Remember, Daisy, it’s no chaos that’s brought ye tae this point. Oh, and can ah ask ye a favour?’

  ‘Whit?’

  ‘Pit that in the bin fur me?’

  She disappears afore ma eyes. Ah unclench ma fist tae find a Cornetto wrapper tucked tightly intae ma palm.

  Ah make ma way towards the woman in the red anorak.

  45

  Ah lean against the wall beside her, tryin tae look lit ah’m mindin ma ain business and ah didnae walk ower here on purpose.

  Her hawns jiggle inside her pockets. She watches the people passin by, her lips partin every few seconds, lit she wants tae ask wan ae them a question. She’s pale but who isnae at this time ae year.

  Ah clear ma throat. ‘Cauld the day.’

  She disnae turn her heid or respond.

  ‘Ah suppose that’s a stupit hing tae say, eh? It’s December, course it’s gonnae be cauld.’

 
She keeps lookin straight aheid but says, ‘Aye, it’s cauld. It’s iways cauld.’

  It’s no much ae an icebreaker but at least it’s suhin. Mibbe Yotta’s on the wind up and this lassie’s wan ae her colleagues at the time travel… agency or whitever it is.

  ‘Ah dunno aboot you, but see when it’s this cauld?’ ah say. ‘Ah cannae be bothered wi anyhin. Don’t feel lit daein anyhin apart fae sittin aboot and watchin fulms. Jist in wan ae they moods, aw the time.’

  The gurl pulls her hat further doon ower her ears.

  ‘Mibbe’s it’s sad,’ she tells me.

  ‘Aye, ah’m definitely sad awright.’

  ‘Naw… SAD. S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. Ye might huv it.’

  ‘Aw. Mibbe it’s that as well then.’

  A couple come oot the Apple shop. The guy takes a new iPhone oot a carrier bag and the lassie takes a photie ae him holdin it tae his face lit a prize.

  ‘Ye know whit a symptom ae SAD is?’ the gurl asks me. ‘Cravin carbs. Can ye believe that? How is that fair? On top ae everyhin else, feelin lit ye’re worthless, feelin lit thur’s nae point tae gettin dressed in the mornin, on top ae aw that, cravin carbs. The only hing ye can be bothered actually daein is stuffin yer face wi cinnamon swirls and brownie bites.’

  ‘Here, ah love they brownie bites,’ ah say. ‘Mibbe ah dae huv SAD.’

  ‘Ye don’t,’ she says, finally lookin me in the eye. ‘Believe me, ye’d ken.’

  ‘Fair point.’

  She takes a packet ae chewin gum oot her pocket and offers me a bit. Ah take it and crunch it between ma teeth. Ah sook in air and it burns ice cauld at the back ae ma throat.

  ‘Ah huv a light,’ she says, ‘in ma room. It’s meant tae help.’

  ‘Help how?’

  ‘It’s meant tae simulate daylight. So nae matter whit time ye wake up in the mornin, the sun’s awready up.’